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Authors: Howard Whitehouse

Zombie Elementary

BOOK: Zombie Elementary
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Text copyright © 2014 by Howard Whitehouse

Published in Canada by Tundra Books, a division of Random House of Canada Limited, One Toronto Street, Suite 300, Toronto, Ontario M5C 2V6

Published in the United States by Tundra Books of Northern New York, P.O. Box 1030, Plattsburgh, New York 12901

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013953682

All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher—or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency—is an infringement of the copyright law.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Whitehouse, Howard, 1958–, author
     Zombie Elementary: The Real Story / by Howard Whitehouse.

ISBN 978-1-77049-608-8 (bound).—ISBN 978-1-77049-610-1 (epub)

     I. Title.

PZ7.W5376Zom 2014     j813’.6     C2013-906920-8


Edited by Samantha Swenson
Designed by Andrew Roberts.


I’d like to dedicate this fine piece of literature to my dad, George Whitehouse, for all the stories he made up while we walked to school—this was years ago, as you’ll understand—and to my father in law, Lee H. Knight, for his support and care over the years.


Larry, just tell us how it all began. For
Zombie Elementary: The Real Story
You know, all the trouble we had with zombies last school year. This will be our true account of what happened.
Right from the beginning?
Right from the start.
We won’t get in trouble for telling, will we?
Don’t worry about that. Just tell us about being a zombie hunter.
Like it was all happening today.
But it was, like, weeks ago.
Work with me, Larry.


Okay, here we go.

I go to Brooks Elementary School here in Acorn Falls. I just finished fifth grade. There was a zombie outbreak at my school a while ago. I’m pretty sure it was the first time we ever had zombies.

Last year I was in the fourth grade, and we didn’t have zombies. Mrs. Wimberley wouldn’t stand for zombies in her class. She’d have sent them to the office.

Third grade, no. That was the year Michael Murphy wet his pants in assembly and had to sit for nearly an hour in those same wet pants. Not a zombie to be seen.

There might have been some in second grade, but I don’t know. We only moved here that summer.

Anyhow, my school got zombies, and it was a real problem.

My name’s Larry Mullet, and I’m a zombie hunter. So’s my best friend, Jermaine Holden, and so’s Francine Brabansky, when her mom lets her out of the house. Her folks are pretty strict. Plus she has cheerleading practice after school most days. Or she did, before all the cheerleaders turned into flesh-eating ghouls. Tell you about that later.

I’m ten-and-a-half years old.

My sister Honor wants to be a zombie hunter too, but I think she’s too young. She’s in third grade. We have a dog called Mr. Snuffles. He wants to be a zombie hunter as well. I think it’s something to do with the bones.

I sorta hope the whole zombie thing is over, after what happened.

My mom and dad didn’t know about it. My zombie hunting, I mean. They thought I was going to the library, or to Little League practice. Acorn Falls is a small town, so kids can walk or ride their bikes to the ballpark, or anywhere around town. That’s one of the reasons my mom says we moved here, ’cause it’s what she calls “a safe environment to raise children.”

I guess that doesn’t include having a zombie outbreak at the elementary school. (I think “outbreak” is the right word. I looked it up on Wikipedia.)

(by Kyle, editor, aged ten)

“Outbreak” is the correct technical term for the first sighting of zombies in an area. “Infestation” is used when the zombies take over a whole zone or region. Not that that will ever happen. Please remain calm.

Actually, my mom and dad didn’t seem to understand about the zombies at all. Or maybe they did, but just didn’t talk about it to us kids. It’s like the time I asked my dad how much he weighs. I never got a straight answer, but I could tell it was something I wasn’t supposed to be talking about. Same as when I asked my mom how much money she makes at her
job. Heck, how am I supposed to know what I should do when I grow up if she won’t tell me stuff like that? Does a certified accountant make as much as a shortstop for the New York Mets? I need to know these things if I am to choose a career. Aside from the whole zombie fighting thing, I mean.

So I think maybe the grown-ups knew about the zombies but didn’t wanna talk about it around us kids. You know, like we’d be scared. I don’t know, though. Having the walking dead staggering around the hallways was pretty darn scary whether we talked about it or not.


If the living dead are in your hallway, do not try and squeeze past them. They are not like regular kids. They will detect your presence and attempt to bite you. I mean it.

I mean, they bite people and turn kids you know from gym class into drooling mindless creatures. (Although some of them are pretty much that way to begin with.)

BOOK: Zombie Elementary
8.42Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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