Zombie Fever: Outbreak (18 page)

We stood up and half-heartedly walked over to Gemma on the beach who was motioning us with her hand to join her. Lydia spit on the ground in front of the rolling camera … classy. Meng and Esther must have had quite the talking to about Esther’s erratic behavior. Someone put them in line because they were acting all excited and ready, stretching out and flexing like this was a weightlifting event. Quaid and Norris were standing behind Gemma and staring at her behind. Jamie and I were still in it to win it, of course, and we did care about the camera time, so we held hands, made doe eyes and stood close to Gemma as she gave short interviews to a few team members.

“So Norris, how to you feel after the afternoon meal?”

“Never better, Gemma. I grew up in the Western U.S. and hunted during my teens. Wild game is nothing to me. Gee, after I shot my first deer, my uncle made me drink a cup of its blood and I had to gut the beast. Nah, I’m just fine. Feel great!”

“And what about you, Abigail? Feeling up to some physically challenging competitions?”

“I’m ready for anything, Gemma. Bring it on!” And we high-fived again for the camera.

“Derrik, are you still angry at your partner over your forced feeding today?”

“No, lah! Lydia’s specialty is forcefulness. It’s in her character. She can be heartless and cruel one, lor.”

“Whoa! Didn’t mean to open up that can of worms. Okay Teams, enough chit-chat please head over to the grassy area but first, take a clue!”

She handed out the clue envelopes and I took one. We separated from the pack to a quieter area with the sea behind us as a backdrop. Felix was with us at this point, he gave the sign for action. I opened the clue, handed the envelope to Jamie to show to the camera and read basically a repeat of what Gemma said a few minutes earlier, “Selamat Datang, Teams! Have you ever wondered how coconuts are harvested? Well here’s your chance to find out. One team member must take a bamboo pole with attached knife and harvest three ripe coconuts from the trees. The other team member will then de-husk the coconuts by striking and twisting on a steel spike. Take care not to puncture the interior of the coconut or you’re team member will need to harvest another. When you’re finished husking, take the coconuts down to the beach where you will be dragged across the sand to the finish line marked with Cera flags. Go, Go, time’s a wasting!”

Did Sheldon intend to make tasks where Jamie and I were destined to fail since we’d done so well at the other events? Maybe Sheldon decided to create this segment with skewing it to the two body builders in mind. They were asking us to do everything that we sucked at and people with brute strength would excel in. We weren’t strong enough to lift those poles, husk coconuts or pull the other across wet sand. We were screwed.

“I’ll try to get the coconuts down,” Jamie offered. “Come with me and gather them when they fall.”

Quaid and Norris were already at one of the trees. Norris had a pole with its attached knife and was trying to cut down one of the riper coconuts in the cluster about twelve meters overhead. You could tell that the bamboo pole was solid and still green, retaining all its water weight. Norris’s face was red from the strain. I saw a thinner pole that looked a bit lighter on the ground and pointed it out to Jamie but as she was leaning down to grab it, Derrik pushed her aside and snatched it away. Jamie fell to the ground. Apparently, he didn’t care how kiasu he looked to the audience so long as he won. Meng was a gentleman, though. He reached down and helped Jamie back to her feet then took the lighter of the two remaining poles and handed it to her. It didn’t matter though, the weight and imbalance of the long flexible bamboo made it impossible for Jamie to lift the knife tip up into the cluster of coconuts on closest tree. She ended up leaning the pole against the tree trunk and sliding the knife edge up the side until it was resting on a leaf of the coconut palm above. I watched holding my breath. We could come in last for all I cared, but I didn’t want us to fail any of the events. It wouldn’t be good for Jamie’s morale.

I looked over at Meng, who quickly sheared off three coconuts before Jamie came close to even touching one. He ran them over to Esther who was squatting beside one of the steel spikes. She smacked one of the coconuts down and began to remove the tough hairy husk.

Norris was also finished but one of his coconuts was rejected by the crewman posing as a Malaysian coconut farmer in linen shirt and wide brimmed grass hat. He had to go back and cut down one more before Quaid could start de-husking. Quaid cursed, “Bloody Hell, Norris! Avoid the green ones!”

I saw Derrik hitting at the cluster of coconuts above him trying to shake them out instead of take the time to cut them down. Smack, smack, and five fell down at once making him drop the pole and cover his head as they rained down on him. He picked up three of the darker brown variety and took them to Lydia who was screaming for him to, “Run, damn it, run!”

Jamie lifted the base of the pole high into the air, balancing the end on her palm. She leaned the curved knife onto the stalk behind one of the coconuts above her and began to gingerly saw away.

Since we were the last ones trying to cut them down, the ‘coconut farmer’ came up and stood beside me to wait for Jamie.

Felix had our camera pointed at Jamie as she tried to saw at the stalk.

I leaned up against the coconut farmer. He was one of the Malaysian crewmen who’d been with us since Danga Bay. He was one of the better looking men in the production team. He looked to be in his late twenties and had a thick black mane of a hard rocker, “Can we use those two coconuts there?” I whispered and nodded towards the discarded coconuts that had fallen around Derrik. I rubbed up against him gently, letting his arm ‘accidentally’ brush against my six-pack abs.

“Don’t see why not,” he said in a gruff voice. “The clue says harvest not cut them down.”

So Jamie just had to cut down one ripe coconut and we’d be golden.

I wanted to tell her, so that she’d be more confident as she daintily sawed away at the stalk seven meters above. It took an additional five minutes before the coconut finally fell. She dropped the pole and it clattered on the ground. She rubbed her hands against her jean shorts in noticeable discomfort as she slowly opened and closed her hands, a look of failure in her eyes as she silently spoke to me that it would be impossible to continue. I pointed to the fallen coconuts and saw her perk up as she realized what I was hinting at. She ran to the fallen coconuts and brought all three to the ‘coconut farmer’ who gave them a pass even though the one she’d cut down was a bit green.

Now it was my turn to struggle. I struck one of the coconuts onto the spike again and again but couldn’t get the steel spike to pierce the thick husk. I looked up at the farmer, he winked at me and I knew he was hinting at a romantic encounter after the event if he provided additional assistance.

I nodded.

He took his hands and made a rolling motion pointing to the top of an imaginary coconut in his hand. He was indicating that the best place to pierce the husk was at the pointy top. I turned the coconut and thrust it onto the spike and pierced the husk. I used the spike to peel the hard fibrous shell until there was nothing left but the inner seed. I made short work of the other two now that I had the technique down. I could see the other teams dragging their mates across the sand on the burlap sacks, Quaid trying to be funny as usual as Norris dragged him across the wet sand, having put two of his coconuts under his shirt so they looked he had a pair of woman’s breasts.

Meng made it across first, of course, then Norris, then Derrik.

We were stuck with the humiliation of finishing the race while the other teams cheered for us in sarcastic support. Jamie pulled me across the wet sand, pausing every few inches to take a breath. We took an extra ten minutes before we were finished. It was humiliating and I felt as if we lost a lot of face. The worst part was, our failure would be televised and uploaded forever on the web for all to see.

We slunk over to the winner’s circle where Gemma handed out the prizes.

Even the prizes were a joke.

For first place, Meng and Esther received a gift certificate for a set of rims and tires from a cosponsor. For second place, Norris and Quaid won a gift certificate for car speakers and an amplifier. For third, Derrik and Lydia won a gift certificate for window tint film service for a sedan only.

And none of the team members even owned a car.

Cheap, cheap, cheap, I thought.

There was a million dollar prize at stake and Sheldon couldn’t even be bothered digging up some decent consolation prizes for today’s events. We may have been humiliated but at least we didn’t lose out on a fabulous reward.

We backed away from the post competition interviews, hoping they didn’t want to hear from the losers. Once we were out of earshot, I couldn’t help but voice my disgust at the prizes.

“Hah, even if they try to sell those gift certificates, can you imagine the uphill battle it will be to get even fifty percent of the value?” I asked Jamie. Singaporeans were notoriously cheap when it came to the resale market. If they hear you won what you’re trying to sell in a contest, they won’t even offer thirty percent of its total worth.

“Well, at least Sheldon didn’t lie to us, those events were just filler and they gave Meng and Esther a moment in the spotlight, which I thought was rather nice. Think about Ted and Ahmed. See, I bet you forgot all about them. Those two nobodies won’t be remembered for anything. Look at Meng and Esther over there flexing and posing,” Jamie pointed at them as they stood next to Gemma wearing first place sashes like race horses, “this is a television show, there needs to be characters and these events have given those two a chance to shine. As for who’s going to win this thing, I’m banking on us, the ultimate characters.”

We waited until the shooting was wrapped up then walked back to congratulate the other teams.

“Better luck next time,” Norris said but not really meaning it though as the next time we’d be competing would be for the grand prize.

I saw the crewman who’d pretended to be the coconut farmer watching us from the shadows of the tents. He’d taken off the farmer costume and had slicked back his hair. He was holding a purple lily he’d pulled from the flowerbed surrounding the fountain. He winked at me.

Crap. I’d almost forgotten what I’d agreed to. I’d promised a romantic encounter and all for nothing as we’d still lost. I told Jamie what I’d done. She was momentarily surprised, but when she looked over at the crewman and saw his bouffant and deep penetrating eyes she knew why I did it, but then she took over in typical Jamie fashion, “You can’t do this. I know you. You’ll back out at the last minute and he’ll sabotage our chances to win. You can’t get us into these types of situations that could jeopardize our chances, Abigail. Who knows what kind of clout he has with Sheldon.” She paused but I could see she’d already made up her mind, “Argh! Okay, I’ll take care of him. Wait here. If anyone asks, say I got a splinter from the bamboo pole and I’m in the ladies room trying to dig it out.” She put on her sexy face and sauntered over to him, and they disappeared into the group of tents for the crew.

I think I knew she would do it all along.

Five minutes later and she was back, all smiles and giggles.

She wouldn’t tell me what happened, but I saw the crewman later and he looked quite satisfied.

Eventually, the rest of the cast and production team drifted over to the courtyard in front of the fountain where we were waiting for further instructions. Suriana opened the front gates, letting in a refrigerated lorry. Two men got out, unloaded plastic dinner trays that looked exactly like airplane meals and took some of them into the lift to the two floors above. The rest were wheeled over to the entrance of the tennis court and left there in the fading sun for the crew, instantly drawing long trails of ants from the nearby brush.

“Okay, Folks. Thanks for everything today. We made some great television, but we need to keep in mind that there’s still an epidemic out there. We can’t have our stars wandering around in the open after dusk. We’ve received reports while you were running around enjoying yourselves that Port Dickson is no longer a safe haven. The situation is still developing and I’ll keep you informed when I hear any news. But there will be a general lockdown tonight. Once we’re inside, there will be no one up or down the lift until I give the order. The tap water is generally safe but I recommend using the kettle to boil it before you drink or brush your teeth. Your dinners have been delivered to your rooms. Lock your doors and don’t open them under any circumstances, unless you hear from me first.”

He addressed the crew. I could make out some Malay words like ‘guards’ and ‘guns’ and ‘Berjalan penyakit’ and ‘extreme danger’.

We’d be fine in our fortress in the sky, wouldn’t we?

“Esther and Meng, your time’s up. Follow Suriana up to your room, get your stuff packed and get out of my sight, losers. You’re to go south and join Ted and Ahmed in Johor. Make it snappy your ride is leaving in five.”

Esther, Meng and Suriana took the first lift up, along with two armed crewmen to ‘help’ them retrieve their belongings and get the heck out. Need I remind you that these two fools gave up their chance at a million dollars just because Esther had the jitter over eating squirrel? Anyway, they were now disqualified and that left only three teams to fight for the prize.

The teams and Gemma crowded into the next available lift, all of us feeling an urgency to get off the ground and into the safety of the rooms above.

We ascended into the sky and didn’t speak to one another until Quaid pinched Gemma’s behind. She jumped and we all laughed, it was a lighthearted moment that released some of the pent-up tension from endlessly competing with one another, trying to put a good face on for the camera and worry about being eaten.

I think it was the last time we were truly civil to one another.

I think we should have turned back that night when we still had a chance.