Zombie Field Day (2 page)

“Fellow Students and Staff of Rotfield Middle School: You may be in serious danger. A zombie virus is likely spreading within our school walls. Do not panic! The source is yet to be known. In the meantime, protect yourself by following the Three-Point Zombie Code of Conduct.

“Rule #1: Do not touch anyone. No hugs, no high fives, no tagging, nothing.

“Rule #2: Do not make loud noises. This could trigger a zombie attack.

“Rule #3: Do not eat strange food. This includes school food.

“Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Stay tuned for updates from your zombie research team, Leo Wiley and Chad Romero.”

“Perfect!” Leo said. “Now comes the hard part.”

“No prob,” Chad said. He was already leading the way to the principal’s office. Leo could suddenly feel his intestines squeezing the ham sandwich he’d had for lunch.

Principal V’s door had a smoky white glass window. In an arc across the top of the window were gold capital letters that said, “EVIL GENIUS AT WORK.”

“Ooooh,” Leo groaned. He leaned against the wall and hugged his stomach.

“It’s just a joke,” Chad said. He stood on his toes to peek through the window. “He’s at his desk.” And before Leo could get more nervous, Chad was pounding on the glass.

The door creaked open slightly. “Who goes there?” The principal had clearly been in the middle of something. He glared down at them through tiny square glasses on the tip of his nose. A black rubber band kept the glasses on tight. It stretched around his fluffy ball of hair and dented the middle so his head looked like a fuzzy gray mushroom. He was wearing spotless white gloves. White cloths hung from his belt like a hula skirt.

“What do you want?” He spat a fine mist that sparkled on Chad’s curly brown hair.

Chad began, “Sir, we’re here because—”

“How dare you interrupt me when I am doing my
work?
” the principal said with a huffy breath. After a moment, he opened the door wide with one foot and waved them gruffly into his office.

“Whoa,” Leo said. Every wall was lined with narrow shelves from top to bottom. Each shelf held a long row of perfectly spaced pointy objects. And under each object was a number.

“What are
those?”
Chad whispered to Leo. He thought he could make out a white horse—a unicorn?—with the number 632 below it. Next to it was—another unicorn? This one had pink hooves. Leo’s eyes skipped across the room. Number 32 was, yes, a unicorn—a clear glass one. Next to it was another glass one with a purple horn.

“Obviously,” Principal V fake smiled down at them, flashing perfectly white teeth, “I’m far too busy to entertain right now. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of dusting the 700s shelf of my miniature unicorn collection?”

“Of course, sir. This will just take one minute.” Chad fluttered the paper he was holding. “We’d like to show you our important announcement—”

“What part of
busy
don’t you understand?” Principal V hissed, his pink tongue flicking behind his teeth.

“It’s just that, sir, it’s very important—”

Principal V leaned down and peered straight into Chad’s eyes. “What. Is. Your. Name.” It was a threat more than a question.

Chad coughed into one hand and took one tiny step backward. For the first time Leo could remember, he saw Chad unsure of what to say.

And just like that, anger swirled inside Leo. It scraped away his queasy fear. He pushed in front of Chad and looked straight into the principal’s small, mud-colored eyes.

“I’m Leo Wiley,” he shouted. “And we’re trying to save the school from a zombie attack!”

“Ahhh-haaa-haaa-ha-haaaa.” Principal V’s laugh came out in hot, sour blasts. Leo blinked as each one hit his face, but he did not step back.

“Yeah, that’s right, zombies!” Chad had recovered from his speechless moment and slung an arm around Leo’s shoulder as if for protection.

Principal V stood up to his full height. He smoothed the ring of cloths around his belt. “That’s ridiculous,” he snarled. “Now get out.” He whipped out a cloth and snapped it in the boys’ general direction. And with a blast of air, the door slammed in their faces.

"Good news.” Chad was sitting in Leo’s kitchen. He had tipped back his chair and was licking a Popsicle. Blue lines ran down his chin. He scribbled in a sketchbook. “I have a new idea for a merchandise item.” He held up a picture of a baby wearing a bib that said, “Zombie in Training.” “Awesome, huh?”

How did Chad do it? Leo wondered. It was like his best friend lived inside an invisible force field that bounced problems away into outer space.

“That’s great, Chad,” Leo sighed.

“I think it would work on those baby T-shirts that snap under the crotch too.”

“It’s good,” Leo admitted, but he was too worried to talk shop right now. “Chad?”

“Mmmmm-hmmmmm?”

“Backup Operation Zombie Code begins now.”

That night, Leo felt a little better. He and Chad had sneaked into the broken second-story window by Room 203. (Chad got in by climbing the dumpster. Then he opened a door for Leo.) They’d hung 175 copies of the Three-Point Zombie Code everywhere except the girls’ bathrooms. Leo fell asleep knowing he’d done his duty to protect his fellow students—at least until he could start working on a cure.

The next morning, Leo got to school on time. Or he tried to.

“Are you
kidding
me?!” Shelly screamed in Leo’s face before he’d even made it up the school steps. She was holding a bunch of crumpled fliers in her hand. “Did you even think of me before you pulled this stunt? How am I going to live this down?” Was she actually crying? “You’re coming with me right now to take these down, Leonard Francis!”

Leo cringed. “Shut up!” he hissed. How could she yell his middle name at school like that? “You should be thanking me for protecting you!”

Shelly grabbed Leo by the wrist. “Look at this!” She kicked the school doors open. “Look at what you’ve done!”

Leo searched his brain for the right word. What was it? Oh yeah.
Backfired.
Most of the kids were laughing. A lot of them were pretending to be zombies. This included loud moaning and falling on top of each other. Others were freaking out. This group was hugging and sharing lots of damp Kleenex.

“LEONARD FRANCIS WILEY!” Again with the middle name? Principal V’s voice boomed over the intercom. “Report to my office RIGHT THIS SECOND!”

Leo swallowed hard. He looked up at Shelly. Even she looked scared. “You’d better go,” she said. Then, maybe to be nice, “I won’t tell Dad.”

Leo knew a lot about dread. It still surprised him though. All the different ways it could take over his body. This dread felt like someone squeezing that dangly piece of skin in the back of his throat.

“Wiley!” Principal V was waiting outside the smoky glass door for him. Chad was next to him, wide-eyed and pale. He was wearing a green T-shirt with “You Say Mommy, I Say Zombie” stretched across the chest. “Walk faster!” Principal V barked. Leo quickened his pace and slid just behind Chad.

Principal V leaned down so the boys’ heads were within inches of his white teeth and flickery tongue. “Because of your incredible disrespect, your reckless behavior, your disastrously bad judgment . . .” With every word, the boys blinked back a spray of spittle. “I sentence you to one hundred hours of hard labor!” The mushroom-headed principal stood up and took in a shuddery breath. “To be performed in my office starting immediately!”

Principal V whipped two hula rags off his belt and presented one to each of the boys. He pushed them into his unicorned office. Then with one raised finger, he shouted, “DUST!”

“Um, excuse me?” Leo said. A fifth grader was standing in front of the 800s shelf. She was staring at a white unicorn in her open hand. “Um, are you dusting in this area?” Leo asked.

“Uuuuuuunnnnnh,” she said, curling up her top lip.

“No problemo. Lots of room for unicorn dusters!” Leo said, making a wide circle around her.

Mrs. Bird, Chad’s science teacher, was standing by the 200s shelf. She stared sadly at a green unicorn with red marble eyeballs.

“Mrs. Bird, are you okay?” Chad asked. “Shouldn’t you be, um, teaching your students or something?”

“P-p-p-p-p-p.” Mrs. Bird came at Chad, bubbles frothing on her lips.

“Ahhhh!” Chad yelled.

“QUIET!” Principal V’s voice boomed from the hallway.

Chad shot Leo a look. There must have been half a dozen zombies “dusting” unicorns in Principal V’s office. What was that about?

But Leo wasn’t looking. He was waving his arms in an attempt to reach something high above the 1200s shelf. Something bright green, and not at all pointy, in a corner behind a silver unicorn with black teeth. What was that? Were those leaves? It looked familiar. Leo checked for Principal V’s shadow outside the door. Nothing. He grabbed a stool from the corner and climbed up for a closer look. All of sudden, a hundred hours of hard labor seemed a lot more interesting.

"I have a theory,” Leo said. Six hours of dusting down, Chad and Leo were back in Leo’s lab with Roger. “Evil Principal V really
is
evil.”

“Like, make-zombie-slaves-to-dust-your-miniature-unicorns evil?” Chad asked.

“Exactly,” Leo said. “And I think he’s using this plant to do it.” Leo held out the sample of the bright green plant he’d taken from Principal V’s office. “It’s obviously some kind of cold-climate plant,” Leo said. “Notice the fine silky hairs on the leaves. That’s to trap heat. I
know
this plant,” Leo said. “I’ve read about it. But I don’t remember where or why.”

“If
you’ve
read about it, it definitely has something to do with zombies,” Chad said. “As in, it probably turns people into zombies.”

“That’s what I figured,” Leo said. “But I can’t find any record of it. Plus,” he added after a pause, “I took a bite of it.”

“You
what?”
Chad said.

“Many great scientists have been forced to use themselves as subjects,” Leo said. “Right, Roger?”

But Roger was looking even more zombie-like than usual as he stared at the plant. “Such an odd color,” he said slowly. “And notice the fine green powder at the base of the leaf.”

“What?” Leo held the plant up to the light. “I don’t see any powder.”

“Here.” Roger took the plant and turned it upside down to show him a small leaf near the stem. “It’s just a few grains on the underside of the leaf. Easy to miss under normal circumstances, and this specimen has been tampered with. As you can see, someone has carefully wiped off most of the powder.”

Leo jumped up and grabbed the plant from Roger.

“Don’t even
think
about eating that powder, Leo!” Chad shouted.

“I’m not going to
eat
it,” Leo said. He was so excited his voice squeaked a little. “I’m going to
examine
it.”

He dipped a long Q-tip into the powder and wiped a green smear on a small rectangle of glass. Then he carefully placed another piece of glass on top of that one. “Microscope sandwich!” he declared, sliding the glass under a microscope. “Yeeeessssssssss!” Leo hissed as he squinted into the eyepiece. He stepped aside to let Roger take a look.

“My word!” Roger exclaimed.

“What? What is it?” Chad asked, taking a turn. “All I see are a bunch of lumpy green blobs.”

“Exactly, m’boy,” Roger said. “The bacteria known as Z. coli.”

Leo added, “One of the most powerful zombifiers in the world.”