Zombie Pink (30 page)

“I’m not kidding!” he stated in a voice that definitely meant
he was not kidding
. “If you can’t act mature, you are going to have to go your own way!”

“Asshole,” Andrea mumbled.

Roger glared at
her. So much for electricity
.

“
No...not you!
I mean Nick!” she quickly added
. “
Shit.”

“Okay, get a grip on yourself,” Roger told her, sounding "fatherly."

“Yea, but he...”

“I don’t want to hear it!” Roger snapped, making Andrea feel like a little kid.

They continued trudging up the dark and d
eserted highway. There
was a large soybean farm on their
left.

At least if someone's coming towards us, we’ll see them,
Andrea thought, which was somewhat comforting....but only somewhat.

She glanced behind her once again to check on the progress of the creepy homeless woman.

It was easier to think of her as “The Creepy Homeless Woman” as opposed to “The Z
ombie.”

"What if she suddenly starts running after us?" Andrea asked Roger.

"She won’t,” he replied, as if he knew this for a fact
. “It’s not part of their game. They have to stay in character. Besides, I’ll hear her.”

"EW, GROSS!" Gina suddenly shouted.

They all turned to look at Gina.

"OVER THERE!" Gina shouted
, pointing across the soybean field.

In the distance, there was
a naked woman. She look
ed to be middle age,with
a big bloody hole in the middle of her face where her nose used to be.

The woman's skin was riddled with a monstrous pinkish purple rash that ran rampant
around her corpulent body. Her stomach
was hugely distended, and she was smiling blankly, displaying both top and bottom rows of blood-stained teeth. She moved slowly in the group's direction, her eyes completely vacant.

What the hell is she smiling about
?
Andrea wondered.
Did she recently consume her family and that's why she looks so damn happy
?

Does that explain why she has such an enormous stomach
?

No, wait,
Andrea chided herself
. I have to remember what Roger said. I
T'S ALL FAKE
!

Andrea concluded that the woman's distended stomach was probably made out of latex....just like the beginning of the movie Men in Black Part Two
. T
he evil alien woman (played by Lara Flynn Boyle) has just eaten a man in Central Park... and consequently, sports
the bulging latex stomach to prove it.

But what if Roger’s wrong
?
Andrea couldn't help but think.

What if this woman’s stomach isn’t made out of latex?

It sure looks like the real thing
...

"Okay, step it up!" Roger ordered
. "Don't look at her! Just keep going!"

“She’s taking pictures!” Gina tattled on Lisa.

"I don't want to look at her," Drew remarked
. “But for some reason, I can’t help it! Like a bad accident on the highway. You can’t help but stare.”

"Blast her head off, Roger!" Lisa commanded.

"Not necessary to waste the bullet," Roger replied, calmly.

"I wish I had a gun!" Gina whined.

Nick did a wolf whistle at the woman which caused the woman to slightly increase her slow trudge across the field.

"Sexy!" he added.

Gina exploded into a fit of giggles.

"Hey you two!" Roger growled
. "I warned you. If you're going to act like children, you can leave. I'm not a babysitter here!"

The group moved quickly through the rain, stopping only briefly when they stumbled upon some bloody finger tips and what looked like a discolored human nose laying in a pool of blood by the side of the road.

"Oh shit!" Nick said
.

"I THINK I’M GONNA BE SICK!" Gina screamed.

”
If this is fake, that's pretty extreme,” Andrea said.

"Not “
if
” it’s fake,” Roger corrected her
. “It
is
fake! But remember... you can buy this
stuff in a good costume store."

"Oh, like the Spirit store!" Gina chimed in, sounding inexplicably cheery
. "I love going in there at Halloween time! They have these pens that look like hypodermic needles filled with blood..."

"Yea, but this looks like real skin," Drew interrupted
. "We could probably pick it up and tell."

"I'm not touching that diseased shit!" Lisa shrieked.

"SHAAA!" the naked woman roared, smiling absently.

"Oh... sexy zombie farmer babe is closing in on us!" Nick joked.

"Shit!" Roger exclaim
ed
. "Come on! And nobody touch that stuff. God knows what germs or bacteria it might be harboring."

They moved on, passing a green minivan that appeared to have
veered off the highway and ended up in the middle of the soybean crops. Two doors on the van
were open, and no one appeared to be
inside.

"Looks like I'll probably be late for my job tomorrow anyway," Drew said, falling in step next to Andrea.

“Well,” Andrea said
. “At least you have a really good excuse
for being late
this time. Much better than over-sleeping.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

As the group moved past the vacant minivan, the rain began to let up.

"So...did you know your wife was involved in this zombie cult?" Lisa asked Roger in that annoyingly flirty voice she reserved for men only.

"No clue," Roger answered
. "I still can't believe it. I'm still in
total shock about the whole thing."

SHUT-UP, LISA
! Andrea's brain screamed
.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
!
STOP BEING SO DAMN CLUELESS
!

There were a ton of questions Andrea wanted
to ask Roger about his wife, too. But
she was
respectful enough to stay clear. If Roger wan
ted to talk about his wife, he would.

"It's like I'm walking to work in the middle of the night!" Lisa exclaimed
with a giggle. "
Oopsie
...I don't have my Maybelline’s clothes on. I hope I don't get fired!"

"Oh, fuck you, Lisa
,"
Andrea mumbled. "
Can't you ever take anything seriously?"

"You work at Maybelline’s?" Roger asked
.

Andrea assumed Roger was just being polite.

"You wouldn't happen to have a key to get into the place, would you?" he asked.

"HA!" Lisa barked
. "Like they'd trust me with a key!"

"I have to pee!" Gina whined.

"Go ahead, I'll hold you up," Nick offered.
"And then maybe I'll let you hold mine!"

"EW!" Andrea and Drew both said at once.

"Just hold it, period!" Roger ordered her.

"This would be a really bad time to get your period," Andrea heard Gina say.

Andrea had to go, too
. But
she didn't want
to admit it.

"I could just take my shorts off and go...."Gina suggested
. “I mean,
lickety quick!”

"Oh, baby!" Nick moaned
. “You’re making me hard. Seriously. You’re making me hard.”

"Hey you! The one who has to pee! What's your name again?" Roger bark
ed at Gina.

“Who me?” Gina asked, innocently.

“Yea, you!” Roger replied.

"Gina?" the girl said, like she wasn't sure what her own name was.

"Gina. Let's just get somewhere that’s semi safe at least,
okay?
" Roger said. "
Can you do that for me?"

"You don't have to sound so pissed, man," Nick grumbled
. "No pun intended..."

"What idiots,” Roger said to Andrea.

“Yea,” she agreed, thrilled that Roger included her in his cynical view of their annoying travel companions
.

Suddenly, Andrea felt it again...that mind-blowing electric chemistry
zipping through the moist humid air that hung between them
...

Idly, Andrea wondered what Roger did for a living. She thought he acted like a cop, but she had never seen a cop car in his driveway
. Plus, he was as clueless as she was
as to why there was no police presence in the neighborhood when all this shit started going down
.

And yet... he certainly had that
take charge
air about him...

If he did work in an office, he definitely held some sort of management position.

But he didn't seem like the cubicle type....

Maybe he was in the military?

Even though she was dying of curiosity, Andrea was not going to ask
. Th
is was definitely not the
time or place.

After all, she wasn't as clueless as Lisa.

Oh my God.
I
s this really the apocalypse
? Andrea asked herself.
Could Roger be wrong, and this really is REAL
?

My best friend Patty, from Kindergarten, is now a ZOMBIE
?

Andrea felt an icy cold chill run down her spine despite the fact it was probably eighty degrees out and humid as hell
.
She couldn't think about Patty right now. She just couldn't!

Yet her brain wouldn't
stop with the questions.

Is Roger's wife a real...zombie
?

Is Patty one of "them" now too?

Is Roger's wife a dead person who came back to life....or does she have a parasite like those beetles Drew was talking about...like maybe a long skinny worm will suddenly shoot out of her body and she'll be dead?

Or is this is all some sick underground zombie cult like Roger thinks?

The endless questions banging around inside her head reminded Andrea of lightning bugs trapped inside a jar.

Will we get to Maybelline’s and the police will be there, and then everything will be
back to normal by tomorrow?

Or will the police not be there but they'll all be acting like zombies?

Will I ever be able to go home again?

What about all my stuff...

And what about my parents?

How will I shave my legs and under my arms?

Oh, God. Did I just think that?
Andrea asked herself, incredulously
. I’m as shallow as Lisa
!

In Dead Heads, the women never have hairy legs or armpits.

But wait a minute! Dead Heads is just a dumb show!

Will I ever get to see the ocean?

Just then, Lisa slapped her upper arm and screamed
, “OW! DAMN MOSQUITO GOT ME!”

“OH NO!” Gina cried. "YOU'RE DOOMED!"

"DON'T SAY THAT, BITCH!" Lisa screamed back.

"CAT FIGHT!" Nick cried out, gleefully.

“Stop it, girls!” Roger warned
. “It’s just a mosquito bite. Nothing more. If you want to be worried about a mosquito bite, then worry about getting West Nile Virus, okay? Not the Pink Zombie Virus, because there’s no such thing!”

"Or you could worry about getting m
alaria," Drew put in.

"There's no malaria in this country, smart lady," Nick proclaimed.

"Uh...incorrect, idiot!" Drew shot back. "Local mosquitoes become infected by biting persons carrying malaria parasites...then t
hey transmit malaria to local residents, so there!"

"Okay, next time I have a question, I won't search Google, I'll search Drew's Brain!" Nick proclaimed. "And watch the name calling, smart lady."

"Hey, I'm smart too!" Gina whined.

"Yea, yea, we're all so smart," Lisa commented. "Being smart is over-rated."

Andrea stole
a quick look at Roger's sexy profile. Then
she quickly looked
away.

Roger was smart. He was also
incredibly
self-confident.

She
had to admit.
Both qualities were a huge turn-on.

Suddenly, Andrea felt a wave of guilt wash over her
.
She fantasized about this guy
knowing full well that he was married.

A decent person wouldn't do that sort of thing, would she
?