Zombie Pink (33 page)

Who started it? No one really kn
ows
.

The “homeless woman,” otherwise known as Daniella, had a mutated strain of rabies never before reported to the CDC
. She contracted the disease from a scratch she received from a stray cat in her
back
yard.
She died two weeks later.

Clarence Barnaby was not in on
the whole zombie farce. However,
he had been slipped some hallucinogens by his daughter, Nita, who was also in on the zombie prank and provided the old man with his very believable zombie make-up.

The octogenarian was currently a resident of Harvest Homes where he befriended a woman named Agnes who also enjoyed
old movies.
Clarence finally had his cataract surgery and could now actually see Abbott and Costello (and the mummy) on the screen.

There were some people at the CDC who were in on it, such as Dr. Jose Branos, who helped spread the "mosquito rumor" which was very believable since the mosquitoes were particularly vicious that August...

Although Roger was right about the mosquitoes
. The only disease the
y were spreading, at least in America, was West Nile Virus.

There were also many at the news stations who were in on it...

Mimi had been in on it...she figured that as long as she looked like a zombie she might as well become
one. At least then, her looks would suit her.

Only, something h
appened that she had not counted on. Mimi
contracted rabies from Daniella.

By the time anyone figured out what was wrong with Daniella... and consequently Mimi...
it was too late. Mimi died two months later.

Patty was in on it and also contracted rabies...dying one month after the other two rabies victims.

These women were added to the eye-opening statistics that cited over 50,000 people die of rabies annually, around the globe.

It is a statistic that many find difficult to believe.

Thirty-eight others from all corners of the country and everywhere in between (including two in Alaska and one in Hawaii) also died during that night of horror and mayhem; most of them from gunshot wounds.

Mrs. Nelson was in on it. But she survived, along with her Rottweiler.

There were numerous arrests.
The jury was
still out as to who was guilty and who was not.

Roger was not convicted for shooting Ray Sommers, the asshole who attacked Andrea
.
Ray
ended up living, by the way. During an interview, Ray
Sommers claimed that Living was the worst life sentence he could have been handed
.

Although, Ray Sommers had to admit, jail did have
advantages. No crappy job
; no
boss or wife to contend with. Just lo
ads and loads of time to fantasize about that girl in the poufy white dress - and what would have happened if that super-hero type jerk hadn’t busted into the barn and ruined it all.

Mark Fishman was even in on it, as was the naked middle-aged woman in the soybean field who was commended by some for her excellent make-up job...until the truth came out that her nose really had been bitten off by her husband, so her injuries were authentic, not fake
.

Grace has since received plastic surgery, claiming she always wanted a nose job anyway.

The mother and
daughter had a legitimate car accident. The mother had been
short on sleep due to financial difficulties (some say that operating a motor vehicle on inadequate amount of sleep is as bad as driving drunk)
and therefore had experienced the odd ballerina hallucination. Both suffered minor injuries.

Nick was very disappointed that there was no real apocalypse. But
at least he had a hot new girlfriend
. She
allowed
him take pictures of herself in the yard wearing no panties with her dress pulled way up.

Yes, it was
Lisa.

Turns out, Lisa and Nick get
along really well.
Actually, they can’t keep their hands off each other!
Lisa discovered she was right.
..Nick
wasn’t
lacking “down there.” To Lisa, Nick
was no longer a bald-headed creep, and in Nick’s eyes, Lisa was not the stuck-up bitch he thought she was.

Lisa was
still waiting to go on America’s Next Top Model. Meanwhile, she got a
new job at J.C.Pennys, which she feels is a step up from Maybelline’s.
Except for her bitchy boss; a
haggard woman named Lydia who sports a short butch haircut and the saggiest breasts Lisa had
ever seen.

Lydia wasn't too fond of Lisa, either
. T
hen again, Lisa never did get along with anyone in authority.

Some things never changed.

Gina's parents were okay, and the whole family decided to take a two week vacation to Universal Studios in Florida
to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Gina was actually looking forward to the trip, trading in her Pretending to Pick Weeds game out in the yard for a crash course in Harry
Potter. She immersed herself in a marathon of all of the movies, one after the other, and then over again
; peppering her parents with endless questions.

Because truthfully, there was a lot of stuff in the movies she didn’t understand.
Gina
wondered how little kids could understand what the heck a horcrux was if she couldn't.

Byron and Lucy were
still together, pleasuring each other out on the golf course until the weather turned too cold for golf.
Then they pleasured
themselves in front of the golf channel on TV.

Tippy and Brooklyn were just fine, although Brookie was
a little confused as to where her Mama went. It turns out, Lucy loves both cats and kids. How convenient...

Sandy and Martin never did make it over for that barbeque
. Byron didn't care any
more, though.
When he wasn't working, playing golf or having sex, he was busy turning his brand new fiance into the classy woman he knew
she could be.

Daniella's former husband spent a fortune buying his new leading lady Abercrombie and Fitch and Lacrosse polo shirts that fit her much better than the cheap knock-offs
she'd been wearing. Plus, he
fixed her buck tooth problem, even tossing in
some brand new veneers. She deserved it. The girl was a sex machine. Plus, she worship
ed
him.

Byron even swept his new lover away to his favorite five star resort in Key West where all three of them; him, Lucy, and Brooklyn, enjoyed one hell of sun-soaked good time
.

Lisa gave up hair extensions and was
spending more time with her dad. But she refuse
d
to watch the show Mountain Men. That’s where she dr
ew the line.

Drew was busy preparing for an upcoming cosplay event
. She
decided not to dress as Blakely from Dead Heads, though,
choosing instead to dress as
Poison Ivy from Batman.

Andrea was getting along better with her
dad.
She watched Bill O'Reilly on Fox news with him sometimes, e
ven though, secretly, she found most of it kind of boring.
T
hat was okay, though. She was bonding
with her dad
and it felt good. She was also learning how much the people on Fox
News sure seemed to dislike those Democrats!

Andrea's parents came up with a new name for their E-juice business:
Apocalypse Juice
!
Business was
booming. Their best seller? Zombie Blood, of course
.

Zombie Blood tasted
like dark cherry and mint combined.
Andrea's parents also created a brand new flavor of E-juice called Hazmat Suit, which was a combination of banana, cinnamon, and vanilla ice-cream flavors
.
That was Andrea's idea.

Her parents could finally afford to buy a brand new couch for the basement...
without
a big gross mysterious stain on it.

Andrea was going to school at NIU while working part time at PetSmart
. Drew finally
secured a job for her there. Along with her college courses, Andrea was learning a lot about parakeets and gerbils, which were two animals she never knew much about befor
e.

She wasn't allowed to have pets at home, but at least she had a whole bunch of critters at work that were totally crazy about her.
Andrea
refused to pick up any snakes, although she did like the baby Bearded Dragon lizard named Benny
.
She thought he was very cute...for a lizard.

Andrea hadn't seen Roger since that night, except on the news a few times right after it happened...back when they were all
being interviewed. He never
jogged by her house anymore. She was sure he must have changed his route on purpose so he didn't have to run into her and be reminded of it all.

She realized her fantasies about Roger had been incredibly
juvenile.

She felt ridiculous about the whole thing; believing that Roger felt all this chemistry for her just because she
felt it for him.
None of it was based in reality.

Andrea had since labeled her feelings for Roger "just a load of dumb teenage crap
."

She would always be grateful to Roger for what he had done
, though. That would never change. But her emotions
were much more serious and mature now after everything that had happened
.

No longer would she harbor such childish (and perverted) sexual fantasies about this amazing man who had saved her life.

CHAPTER THIRTY

It was that time of year, yet again.
Andrea was out in her yard trying to arrange a string of Christmas lights on the bushes in front of the house
.

The lights, however, were being very stubborn. Andrea's parents were currently at a store in Barrington trying to score a new account, and she wanted to have the lights up and looking perfect by the time they got home.

She
just loved the way Christmas lights looked at night when there was snow on the ground.

So wonderfully magical...

It was cold and windy, so Andrea was wearing a black and white checked short wool dress with a lace collar, white tights, and a brand new pair of Kohl’s fur-lined boots. She was also wearing her favorite red pea coat from Maybelline’s, along with a very classy
mustard colored infinity scarf.

Andrea didn't like winter clothes as much as summer clothes. However, she had to admit
, you could get a bit more creative with the layering in winter than you could in the summer, and that appealed to her artistic sensibilities.

Suddenly, she spotted
someone jogging up the street wearing a gray hoodie and blue sweatpants.
Andrea froze,tightly clutching the strand of stubborn multi-colored lights in her hands
. T
hen she loosened her grip for fear of breaking the glass
.

IT WAS HIM!

The whole scenario was starting to have the feel of an old Mr. Sexy Jogger fantasy
. E
verything felt so surreal; the dark gray sky, the empty streets...

Andrea blinked hard and shook her head. After "that night" she had been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome, which included spooking easily.....seeing things that weren't really there
and being cursed with the most vividly disturbing nightmares...nightmares that always involved
her being attacked by a zombie right in her own house, causing Andrea to wake up in a cold sweat screaming her head off.

The nightmares always seemed so real....

But this really
was real. This
was Roger, jogging by her house just like he used to.....like nothing bad had ever happened.

He slowed down, then stopped right in front of Andrea's yard, a big smile on his face.
Andrea waved,
just like old times. He wave
d back.

Play it cool, Andrea...play it cool,
she told herself.

But she couldn't play it cool. She was only human, after all.

Andrea dropped the string of lights onto the snow and rushed over to him. She was so happy to see him.

“Roger!” she cried.

“Andrea!” he exclaimed, sounding just as happy to see her as she was to see him.

“I thought you gave up jogging!” she exclaimed, her voice way more animated than it should be.

“Yea, I did for a while,” he admitted
. “Then I decided to take it up again so I’d have an excuse to go by your house. What are you doing,
decorating the snow?”

An excuse to go by my house?
Andrea thought, her excitement building
.
Did he really just say that
?

“Ha-ha. I’m trying to put up some lights so our house can look festive!” she gushed
. “So everyone can
just forget what happened.”