Zoolarious Animal Jokes for Kids
© 2012 by Robert E. Teigen
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
Ebook edition created 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansâfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingâwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-3827-6
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version
®
(ESV
®
), copyright
©
 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2007
The poem “Ode to a Cricket” is used by permission.
The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
I'd like to dedicate this book to my three older brothers, Tim, Scott, and Mark. They are really great brothers and friends, and it was a lot of fun growing up with them (most of the time!).
I'd also like to thank all of the kids who pick up and read
Zoolarious Animal Jokes for Kids
. Your smiles and laughter mean so much to the people who care about you, so keep up the good work!
This book combines two of my favorite things: laughter and God's creation. I hope you enjoy reading the book as much as I enjoyed putting it together!
And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures according to their kindsâlivestock and creeping things and beasts of the earth according to their kinds.” And it was so. And God made the beasts of the earth according to their kinds and the livestock according to their kinds, and everything that creeps on the ground according to its kind. And God saw that it was good.
Genesis 1:24-25
Q: Where do ants like to eat?
A: At a restaur-ant.
Q: What do alligators drink after they work out?
A: Gator-ade.
Q: What do a mouse and a wheel have in common?
A: They both squeak.
Q: What do frogs use so they can see better?
A: Frog-lights.
Q: Why can't you trust a pig?
A: It will always squeal on you.
Q: What kind of dog cries the most?
A: A Chi-wah-wah (Chihuahua).
Q: Where do birds invest their money?
A: In the stork market (stock market).
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a canary?
A: Because they're so cheep (cheap).
Q: What happened to the bee after he had four cups of coffee?
A: He got a buzz.
Q: Why was the bird nervous after lunch?
A: He had butterflies in his stomach.
Q: What did the father buffalo say to his son as he left for school?
A: “Bison (Bye, Son).”
Q: Where did the bat go to get some money?
A: The blood bank.
Q: What kind of bear doesn't have any teeth?
A: A gummy bear.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: A cowboy arrives at the ranch on a Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is that possible?
A: His horse's name is Friday.
Q: How did the cow make some extra money?
A: By mooooo-nlighting at another farm.
Q: Why did the cow become an astronaut?
A: So it could walk on the moooo-n.
Q: What do cows like to eat?
A: Smoooothies.
Q: Why were the chickens so tired?
A: They were working around the cluck.
Q: What animals do you find in a monastery?
A: Chip-monks!
A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, so the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says, “NO, we don't sell grapes,” so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says, “NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I'LL GLUE YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR!” The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager, “Excuse me, do you sell glue at this store?” The manager says, “No, we don't sell glue.” The duck replies, “That's good. Do you sell grapes?”
Joe: Did that dolphin splash you by accident?
Bill: No, it was on porpoise!
Q: Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
A: If they lifted the other leg, they'd fall over.
Q: Where did the toy giraffe go when it was broken?
A: To get plastic surgery.
Q: What do you give a pig that has a cold?
A: Trough syrup!
Q: Why did the porcupine get sent home from the party?
A: He was popping all the balloons!
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a Christmas tree?
A: A pork-u-pine.
Q: What is a reptile's favorite movie?
A: The Lizard of Oz.
Q: What did the spider do with its new car?
A: It took it for a spin.
Q: Where do shrimp go if they need money?
A: The prawn shop.
Q: Why did the snake lose his case in court?
A: He didn't have a leg to stand on.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and a kitten?
A: A purr-anha.
Q: What kind of bull doesn't have horns?
A: A bullfrog.
Q: How are fish and music the same?
A: They both have scales.
Q: Why did the skunk have to stay in bed and take its medicine?
A: It was the doctor's odors.
Q: What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner?
A: “Shall we prey?”
Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxi cabs.
Q: Why are pigs so bad at football?
A: They're always hogging the ball.
Q: What is a whale's favorite game?
A: Swallow the leader.
Q: Why are fish so bad at basketball?
A: They don't like getting close to the net.
Q: Where do dogs go if they lose their tails?
A: The re-tail store.
Q: What do you call a bear with no ears?
A: B.
Q: Why can't you trust what a baby chick says?
A: Talk is cheep.
Q: What are the funniest fish at the aquarium?
A: The clown fish.
Q: What is as big as an elephant but weighs zero pounds?
A: An elephant's shadow.
Q: Why are horses always so negative?
A: They say “neigh” (nay) to everything.
Q: What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, splash?
A: A penguin rolling down an iceberg into the water.
Q: What is the smartest animal?
A: A snake, because no one can pull its leg.
Two men went deer hunting. One man asked the other, “Did you ever hunt bear?” The other hunter said, “No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts.”
Q: What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!
Q: Why couldn't the elephants go swimming at the pool?
A: They were always losing their trunks.
Q: Why did the robin go to the library?
A: It was looking for bookworms.
Q: What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail?
A: “Ruff, ruff!”
Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A penguin that's embarrassed.
Q: What do you call a pig that is no fun to be around?
A: A boar.
Q: What kind of fish can perform surgery?
A: Sturgeons.
Q: What kind of sea creature hates all the others?
A: A hermit crab.
Q: Where can you go to see mummies of cows?
A: The moo-seum of history.
Q: What kind of seafood tastes great with peanut butter?
A: Jellyfish.
Q: What do cats like to put in their milk?
A: Mice cubes.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What do you do if your dog steals your spelling homework?
A: Take the words right out of his mouth.
Q: Why did the cat get detention at school?
A: Because he was a cheetah (cheater).
Q: Where do bees come from?
A: Sting-apore and Bee-livia.
Q: Why couldn't the polar bear get along with the penguin?
A: They were polar opposites.
Q: What did the rooster say to the hen?
A: “Don't count your chickens before they hatch.”
Q: What did the whale say to the dolphin?
A: “Long time no sea (see).”
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: What happened when the frog's car broke down?
A: It had to be toad away (towed).
Q: What happens when a cat eats a lemon?
A: You get a sour-puss.
Q: How do you communicate with a pig?
A: Use swine language (sign).
Q: What do cars and elephants have in common?
A: They both have trunks.
Q: What is a whale's favorite candy?
A: Blubber gum.
Q: What is a bat's motto?