10 Weeks (20 page)

Jody rips her towel off the dock, and tries to hide herself in a flurry of movement, and then I catch sight of hot bartender, Liam, who is practically drooling over her, lucky girl. Liam looks like a badass, but my guess is he’s a pretty decent guy. Even if he’s not, every girl needs at least one asshole. God knows I’ve found a few.

Paloma sits next to me, her skinny b
rown legs stretch out in the coa
rse sand.

“Why aren’t you playing with everyone else?” I gesture to the chaos that is the lake.

She shrugs.

“So…” I have no idea how to talk to this girl. “Both sessions, huh?”

“My dad’s busy.”

“And your mom?”

“Busie
r.” Paloma doesn’t look at me, only
stares out at the lake.

We sit in silence for a minute, and I half wish that she’d back away and leave me alone.

“Brothers and sisters?” I ask.

“Nope.”

“I have a brother.” One that I hope will be better about keeping secrets than he has been in the past.

“You two get along?” she asks.

“Most of the time. My parents won’t talk to him because he’s gay.”

Paloma scowls. “That’s bullshit.”

“Watch your mouth,” I say without thinking.

She scoffs. “Yes. Because your pure ears couldn’t take it.”

“Listen.” I sit up and sigh. “I don’t need any attitude from you, okay?”

“Fine.” Only she says it like
I
say it, w
hich basically means “screw you”.

“You are
full of attitude, aren’t you?” I ask. And now that I think about it, maybe that
’s
why I didn’t tell her to take off when she first sat down—it’s something we have in common.

She shrugs.

“Got a boyfriend?” I ask.

Her eyes flash toward mine, and now she’s got a real smile. “Yes, and he’s great.”

“That’s go
od.” Only no fifteen- or sixteen-
year old boys are great.

“You don’t believe me.” She folds her arms.

“Does it matter?” I ask.

“He’s a nice guy,” she insists.

“Sorry. My experience with high school boys isn’t all that great.” I shift my body to get a slightly different angle from the sun.

“He’s just graduated.”

I chuckle. “And you’re fif
teen? That’s even worse.”

“Oh. So you have experience dating some older guy when you were in high school?” Her voice is tinged with disbelief.

“Yes. I did. I was going to graduate early, and we were going to get an apartment, only I ended up pregnant instead.” That was maybe the beginning of who I am now. That and my parents not allowing me out of the house without minute by minute details of where I was going and who I would be with.

I glance over at Paloma to see her jaw slack.

“He was so nice about it. Even paid for his half of the abortion. My parents found out when I came home with meds and a list of instructions in my jeans, at which point I left Wisconsin, and moved in with my brother who was a freshman in college.” I’m wondering if any of this is sinking in.

Paloma’s silent. Still listening. Fuck, at this point I might as well finish the story off. Maybe she’ll ditch the older guy.

“So he came over a few times and thought it was going to be so great that I didn’t have parents anymore. What he didn’t plan on was my brother keeping a more careful eye on me than my parents ever bothered to do, and when he realized I wasn’t supposed to have sex with him for six weeks
after the abortion
, he found someone else to have sex with.”

“Wow. So
that’s why you’re so messed up?
” Paloma’s so relaxed in how she says it.

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know the whole story about what’s going on, but I overheard your conversation with the guy this morning, and with your brother a couple days ago. Messed up.” She relaxes back in the sand like I’d want her anywhere near me.

“Find somewhere else to sit.” I roll onto my stomach.

“What?” Now she sounds surprised.

“Go. Somewhere. Else.” I don’t move.

After a few more seconds there’s shuffling and Paloma walks off.

Dammit. Now I feel like shit for chasing her away. Why am I suddenly caring about everything? It shouldn’t matter. She’s one girl in a camp full of girls, and she plopped down next to me uninvited.

What did she expect?

Chapter Thirty-two

I’m at the Little Minnow with Jody because
Kay-Kay
bailed on us tonight. It’s still too damn hot to think.

When we step in, Jody half freezes as she sees Liam behind the bar. I have to practically shove her on him when I catch Travis out of the corner of my eye.

Wow. That’s a boy’s name I wouldn’t forget. Travis is definitely worth remembering.

“Sam.” He gives me a wave. Travis is still a bit pale, but he’ll darken up quick chasing the boys around. And if I remember right, Travis has very nice hands.

“Hey, you.” I sit close enough that our sides touch, even though it’s too hot in here to want to be close.

“You look…
” He shakes his head, and a lock of his hair falls over his forehead.

Travis definitely has locks. Thick, wavy, brown, touchable locks.

“
…d
amn good. But you probably already know that, don’t you?”

I smirk and lean in a little closer. Travis is definitely a good contender for huge amounts of distraction.

“This is Trey and Freckle.” He nods toward the two guys he’s sharing a table with.

“Freckle?” I ask.

“You don’t want to know.” They say at the same time.

I laugh because whatever I’m imagining, is probably worse than it is.

“It’s hot in here.” Travis’
s
eyes are on me. “Step outside?”

“Sure.” I stand up
,
trying not to look too eager, but right now anyone’s hands on me would be better than no one’s hands on me, and there has to be something that can make me not think about Nate.

“How you been?” Travis asks
as we step into the humid night air
.

“I don’t know.” I
shrug. “Same, I guess.” I sit
on the picnic table where I sat next to Jerry a week or so ago.

Travis slides
next to me.

He smells like sweat and cheap beer, but it’s not his fault. I probably smell the same. We’re not the only people out back, but no one else matters right now.

“Actually.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “It’s been a little rough.” Maybe on a guy like Travis
,
the sympathy thing might help me get closer to him, faster.

He rests his arm around me and pulls me closer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Nothing feels okay, but sitting with him is good. My chest aches a little less. I press my nose into his cheek.

“Careful there.” He chuckles. “I’ve got a very nice buzz going, and I might think you’re coming on to me.”

“I might be coming on to you.” I kiss under his ear. The simple kiss twists around in my insides, pressing into the guilt at leaving Nate. At sitting on a bench with Travis. At wanting to do all the things with Travis that I’m thinking about.

His smooth hands slide across my collarbone and up the back of my neck, bringing our lips together.

Right. Swimmer. That’s why his hands are nice. Not calloused. I deepen our kiss, but Nate’s s
t
ill pressing in making it hard to breathe. I was supposed to leave all that behind.

Travis hand slides across my chest, his thumb pausing over my nipple for a second too long.

Fucking guilt wins.

“I gotta go. Because of Jody.” And that’s all I manage before stumbling off the picnic table, oblivious to the other people standing outside talking, and running inside.

Liam’s drooling over the counter as he hands Jody a drink.

“Sorry.” I grab Jody from the side. “We gotta get out of here.”

I mouth ‘sorry’ to Liam before dragging Jody out the door. I suck. I suck as a frie
nd. As a hook-up. And as a girl
friend. I already knew all of these things, but as Jody stares wistfully at the front door of the Minnow just before Travis pokes his head out
,
staring at me with confusion, and my phone buzzes in another text, me being a huge fuck-up pretty much turned to truth.

Jody and I have ridden in silence for too long. I haven’t looked at my phone. I’m afraid to.

“So…” Jody starts. “Sounds like the dance thing is working out well.”

“I have a new partner,” I blurt out before thinking.

“Yeah?” I’m not sure if Jody’s interested or not, but talking about how I met Nate seems safe enough.

Or really, really far from safe.

“Mable set me up with a new partner.”

Jody’s silent, and I feel this strange need to fill the silence after dragging her out of the bar.

“His name is Nate. So, you know, she checks builds, and ways of moving and all that. I’m crazy pale, and he’s not just a little bit black, but really black and sort of gorgeous.” I clear my throat, and wonder if I can continue. But I remember and I want someone to know. Even if it’s only part of the picture. “I swear we were like four steps into the fox-trot, and I just knew he’d be perfect.”

“That’s great.” Jody smiles politely.

She doesn’t get how great it is. I’ve gone through so many dance partners, that I never understood how any one person could be perfect.

Watching our hands come together the first time and feeling how sure of himself he was. I should have known with the way he danced against me that he wasn’t gay. I probably just wanted him to be. Spending so much time with my brother and his group of friends, as well as all my dancing friends, has warped my perception of the perc
entage of gay males there are. In my mind, g
uys are gay, or total douche-bags. Sometimes both.

“We could probably go all the way if we kept working hard.” Which we won’t because I’m at camp instead of teaching and rehearsing.

“I would have never put you and ballroom dancing together.” Jody smiles a little
more
.

I want to be mad at her observation, but it’s true, really. I fell into it because Mom used to forget to pick me up after ballet, and they taught adult
ballroom dancing right after my
class.

Austin made me stick with it when I moved in with him. Our parents are far too conservative to have a daughter dancing anything but ballet, and even then, Dad was always asking if I could add extra fabric to my costumes.

I’m such a pathetic stereotype of the rebellious child.

When we stop I remember my phone buzzed, and pull it out.

I think I mumble thanks to Jody as I head toward the kitchen. I haven’t had a real meal in days and am suddenly starving.

I hold in a breath as I check my phone, and it’s Austin, not Nate. I feel a pang of disappointment, but I need to get used to that because I can’t be running away from Nate and also be hoping he’s still writing me.

I stopped to water your solitary plant, get your mail and check your apartment. You’re welcome. Ran into Nate. Please just call that poor man. For me. It’s just…sad.

What Austin doesn’t know is that I
literally
can’t
make myself do it
.

Chapter Thirty-three

I’m once again smoking behind the shed. Sometimes I think nothing has changed since high school.

Paloma steps around the corner and freezes.

I’m still buzzed from the two beers I snuck
out of Alex’s stash
in the kitchen after dinner, so I wave her over. “You’re already here. Tell anyone, and I’ll kill you.”

She doesn’t move for a second longer, but then takes another step, putting us on the forest side of the shed, and out of view.

I hand her a cigarette and she lights up immediately, letting out the kind of sigh that I used to when I thought I was so fucking cool for smoking. Now I picture my lungs turning black and the shitty voice I’ll have at forty, but the need to
do
something is too strong for me to stop.

I scroll through my Nate texts again. Special torture for the tortured soul. And I’m officially being ridiculous.

“What’cha doin’?” she asks.

“Checking texts.” I scroll down further.

She glances over. “That’s a lot.”

“Nate,” I say before I stop myself.

“So.” Paloma flicks her cigarette. “What’s wrong with the guy?”