10 Weeks (17 page)

He rests his hands on my waist. “I think I need to re-phrase what your T-shirt says.”

“Oh.” Uncertainty creeps in until his hands tighten around my lower back, pulling us together.

“I think you might be someone I didn’t intend to fall for, but already have.”

“That’s better.”

“Definitely better,” he whispers as his lips brush against mine. “Does this mean you’ll be joining me this year?”

“For some of whatever you’re doing, or all of it, or whatever.” I take a small pinch of his shirt.

“I want to do it with you, too.” He smirks. “
All
of it.”

All of it. Everything. Mostly, everything we are right now is full of possibilities and maybes, and I love it.

“I’m so sorry, Jody. Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

“We can save that for later. We have time.”

His smile splits his face. “That sounds perfect.”

“So.
Kay-Kay
and Sam
gave me this box of condoms
in an attempt to totally humiliate me
, and I have a week before I’m due home for a few days, and it started to feel like a challenge. You know. To get to the bottom of the box.” I slide my hands around his waist, pulling our hips together. “I wondered if you’d want to help me with that.”

His rests his cheek on mine. “Where did all this bravery come from?”

“From realizing that I can enjoy each and every minute, or I can be afraid of what might happen. It seems like everything will be worth doing if I allow all the small moments to be a real part of me.”

“Very wise.” His lips brush mine as he speaks.

“This really hot guy taught me all of that. And one day he’s going to be a brilliant philosophy professor whose female students will swoon when he enters the room.”

“I
’m yours, Jody. And I accept your
challenge.” He lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder, both of us suddenly laughing.

“Now,” he asks. “Where’s that box?”

Chapter Twenty-seven

Another text. I know who it’s from before I check my phone. Which I shouldn’t do, but I do anyway.

Sam. I’m sorry. I’m not mad. But please let me know where you are. I just want to talk.

Guilt seizes me again. I have to stop checking my phone. Maybe changing my number would help.

As soon as that thought rolls through my head, I know I won’t. Because there’s a sick part of me that loves how Nate’s not giving up. This is why he needs to run as far from me as he can get.

I toss my bag on the floor of cabin nine, thankful I’m the first one here and can pick out my bed. Not that it’ll matter. All the cabins are stifling hot, and no one gets any privacy—well, except Alex.

There was no definite plan to come out here this year, but when Irene called me last minute to say their dance instructor bailed, I jumped at the chance to get out of town. Fast. Timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

So, it’s not that I’m thrilled to be teaching at camp for my second year. It’s that I’m thrilled to be anywhere but home. Any place that allows me to disappear for a while is a good thing.

The hoards of girls arrive in a few days, but
Kay-Kay
and Jody, my sanity in this mess, will be here tomorrow.

Tonight. The camp is mine.

I light up a cigarette and head out toward the docks. The smoke is as close to the city as I’m gong to get for a while. I won’t be gone for long enough, I’m sure. But maybe Nate’ll have given up on me by the time I go back.

If I go back.

There are too many fucking if’s in my life right now. I used to love that. It meant possibility, and that my future was wide open.

I suck in another drag. Even the gorgeousness of the unknown
has been
taken from me.

Why the hell did he have to do this? If he’d just have kept his mouth shut, we’d still be screwing around, and…

Fuck. I can’t think about this anymore. I toss my cigarette into the water.

“Those things will kill you, you know,” Alex says behind me.

So much for alone.

“Yeah. Well…” There’s nothing I could say to save myself from seeming too deep right now. I’m thinking too deeply, and there are no comebacks when
your brain isn’t in that place.

He pauses for a moment longer, but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, and don’t turn to face him. Polite chit-chat with someone I barely know is not why I showed up a day early. I’ll have to do that way too soon. Probably starting tomorrow with all of the
welcome back to being happy camp counselors
bullshit.

I hear Alex’s sigh and then his footsteps as he retreats. I stare at the lake a minute longer and breathe in. I’ll never get used to the loons. Even having been here before, the loons calling to each other still jars me, hits me in this weird way that sort of makes me want to cry.

I wipe the sweat off my brow, and realize a quick swim might be perfect. I strip down to my bra and panties, not really giving a shit who mi
ght
be lingering around and jump in the water.
I don’t really do lakes as the notion of minnows nipping at my girl parts freaks me out, but at this point, it’s the easiest way to get me out of my head.

My phone buzzes in another text as I come up for air, and guilt sears through me again. Maybe I will change my number.

Maybe.

I’m curled into Nate on my way too small twin bed. My fingers trace the scars on his knuckles.

“What happened here?”

“I got in a fight.”

I lift my head and look into his beautiful eyes. “Really? I wouldn’t figure that to be your style.”

He shrugs. “It was in junior high. A long time ago. You won’t believe this but black eighth grade boys who dance instead of play football are apparently asking to get the crap beat out of them.”

“And you fought back?”

My fingers continue figure-eighting over his knuckles. Nate. In a fight. Weird.

“Not the first time, but after the third time, I had to. My dad actually told me to. Said I was never going to hear the end of it unless I showed them they couldn’t mess with me.”

“Wow. How come you didn’t play other sports? Was it just because of your family all being dancers?”

“Partly. But really, I’ve always loved it. I’d probably have found it even without them. They just made it easier for me to keep doing it. So yeah, it’s harder. I don’t always fit in with everyone, and I’m shy so I didn’t talk a lot in class. But I’ve never really needed a ton of friends, you know?”

I nod. “Yeah. I get that.”

“Sometimes it only takes is one awesome person and that’s really all you need.”

The lump in my throat is too big to swallow. His arms wrap around me tighter and the ache in my heart threatens to overwhelm me.

“Just one awesome person,” he repeats and smoothes my hair behind my ear.

Kay-Kay
throws her arms around me the second she steps into the cabin
,
nearl
y suffocating me on my bed.

Jody appears in the doorway behind her and gives me a wave.

Kay-Kay
immediately flops on the bed next to mine, putting our heads close together.

“Who’s Sam’s
co-counselor
?”
Kay-Kay
asks. “Didn’t you help with all that?”

Jody doesn’t even have to pause to think about it. “Ray. She’s sweet, and pretty easygoing. Should be good.”

“Thanks.” I think. It’s weird that Jody is sort of “above” us this year.

When Jody sits carefully on the bed across from
me, I wonder again at what keeps
her so
good
at twenty-one.

“How’s things?”
Kay-Kay
props her chin on her hands and stares at me with wide eyes.

She has no idea what a loaded question that is.

I glance between the two girls and open my mouth to tell them everything. To tell them how my
job
teaching dance at Mable’s in Boston is the best thing I’ve ever been a part of. How I fit in there like I don’t fit in anywhere. How I might actually be able to make a career out of dancing—something no one thought I’d be able to do.

And then I could tell them about how Nate and I started dancing together, and how with him as a partner we’ve become unstoppable.  Headed to the big leagues in ballroom next year. How my relationship with him surprised the hell out of me. How I fucked it all up by running away…

“I’m back in this fucking mess for another summer.” I grin too wide. “Life is perfect.”

“Well, it’s about to get a lot better.”
Kay-Kay
jumps to standing. “Tonight will be the first night at the Little Minnow, and I plan on getting wasted.”

“Perfect.” I glance at Jody. “You still our driver?”

“Yep.” She pulls a knee up to look like she’s comfortable, but I don’t think she’d bother being friends with
Kay-Kay
and I outside of camp. Not because she thinks she’s too good for us, but because we shock the hell out of her with regularity.

It’s become a bit of a game for me, but I try not to push her too far. Usually.

They spend the next half hour telling me about their years while I unpack the rest of my crap. We have an all staff cook-out but then a free night for everyone before the campers arrive. The Little Minnow will be packed, but I don’t care because hopefully it’ll numb me from all the guilt. From the cyclone of questions pinging around my head.

Chapter Twenty-eight

The Little Minnow. Another shithole. A beer is a beer, but this place needs to be torn down so they can start over.
Kay-Kay
has friends everywhere, and if there’s
people to talk to
, she’s good. Sweet little Jody breathes it in as if she actually likes it here.

My gut seizes up when I recognize two guys I hooked up with last year—sitting at the same table and giving me eyes at the same time.

I guess if neither notices the other, I’m okay. Or, if they do, I might not have to worry about a repeat. If memory serves me well, I don’t think either was exceptional. No. Wait. Jerry… There was something about Jerry. It’ll come.

Nate
is exceptional. My chest caves in at his name.

Nope. Nate doesn’t get to be here tonight. I’ve known for years that I wouldn’t find my future at twenty, if ever, and it’s time that he knows it, too.

Kay-Kay
dashes to the bar, and I try a polite smile to the small table of girls she was chatting up.

Okay Jerry… It’s starting to come back to me. Maybe if I can get him to notice me without the guy next to him whose name I should probably remember since we hooked up last summer
…
Jerry. Now I remember—he generally has a small stash of weed in his pockets.

I lean against
Kay-Kay
who’s chatting up a few girls I don’t know. They’ve looked me up and down enough times that I don’t care to know them. I don’t come out here to be grungy and
“one with
nature
”
like they obviously do. I come out here to be away from my family and to get paid to dance.

I take a few long swallows of the beer
Kay-Kay
set in my hand, which lifts up the front of my shirt and hopefully shows enough stomach for Jerry to notice.

He does. His eyes are on me when I set my beer down. As I move toward the back door, I tilt my head and raise a brow, hoping he follows. This is good. I need distraction, and I need to move on so I don’t crumple a little every time I think about Nate.

Jerry follows. Guys are so fucking easy. A head nod and a strip of skin, and they’re toast.

“Long time, no see, Jerry.” I sit on the park bench out back and cross my legs. Thank
G
od I thought to wear short shorts—not that I brought much else.

“You know. I’ve imagined you a million times over the past year, and you still manage to be hotter than my fantasy.”

It takes all my willpower not to laugh at his cheesy line, but he is a bit of a dork, so I should probably cut him some slack.

“Thanks.”

He’s pale from probably spending a lot of time indoors. Wonder if his parents had to drag him out of the house to come here as a kid. He sits next to me on the park bench and immediately rests his arm on the inside of my thigh. Relaxed, casual, but I can see how nervous it makes him by how his other hand is twitching and how he won’t look at me. I wonde
r how many girls he’s been with.

Not many, I’d guess. Maybe only the ones who know what he’ll do for them.