5 Nights (Sinful Delights Romance - Boxed Set) (31 page)

Rolling her eyes, she guffawed.  "Keep telling yourself that, Chase, especially while you're eating crow apologizing to Jessie."  Smirking in superiority.

Joking aside, he wasn't sure Jessie would forgive him for the stupidity he'd shown in not understanding her feelings.  That thought sobered him immediately.  "How am I going to make this up to her?"

"From what you've told me, she's already got a wealth of issues outside of this, Chase. All I can suggest is you tell her how you truly feel and see how she responds." 

Jessie had needed someone to show her there was more to a relationship than heartbreak, and he'd failed miserably.  He wasn't even sure if he deserved her forgiveness, but that didn't mean he was willing to give up without trying.  "Well, if nothing else, I can at least let her know it was way more to me than just a booty call."  How he'd been so blind was beyond him.

"That's definitely a start," Carolyn agreed. 

They enjoyed the rest of their evening, catching up on what was going on at the club, and Chase explained his trials with managing the new company.  It was nice to have a female as a friend who expected nothing but friendship.  Before he'd met Carolyn, he hadn't even thought such a relationship was possible.  When he made it home that evening, he fell asleep thinking of ways that he could make up for what a complete ass he'd been to Jessie.

15 Baby Steps

Ignoring the calls from Chase over the next few days was much easier said than done.  She'd listened to his sexy voice asking for a chance to apologize several times, and had almost given in.  But knowing where any conversation with him would lead, she refused to let herself fall into that trap.  Seeing Greg, on the other hand, who’d called out of the blue and invited her to lunch, was something she felt she couldn't avoid.

She hadn't heard from him in so long, and it was amazing that the sense of pain she used to feel when they talked was no longer there.  She dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a comfortable t-shirt since they were just going to an outdoor cafe, but she did take the time to fix her hair and makeup, wanting to look her best.

He still looked as handsome as ever, she thought as she walked up on the sidewalk.  Smiling warmly, she said, "It's good to see you again, Greg."  She meant it. He'd been her friend more than her boyfriend.

"You look incredible, Jessie." He pulled her into a hug.

Hugging him back, she felt at this point in her life, she could finally be happy for him.  "I missed you, Greg," she said. It was the truth. She had missed the friend he
had once been, and it was sad they hadn't kept in touch.  But it had taken a while to deal with her pain.

"I missed you too, Jess," he said, laughing. He finally let her go and stood back looking into her eyes.  "Obviously, life has been treating you well."

She wasn't about to talk to him about her issues with Chase, so she nodded, trying not to spoil the mood. "You look like you've been basking in the sun."  She couldn't deny he was a sexy man, even if he did play for the other team.

"Barry and I just got back from a cruise to Jamaica."

"I am so jealous!" She punched him playfully in the arm, and they found a table. They used to talk about taking a cruise, but it had never panned out.  "So tell me all about the trip. Was it as beautiful as it looked in the brochures we use to get?"  It felt incredible to have a normal conversation with him, and she was smiling from ear to ear.

"The Falls were incredible, Jess. You would have loved them, but the poverty in the city was just heartbreaking, so it had its pros and cons."  When the server appeared, they both ordered lunch before he went into detail about the ship itself and the sumo karaoke.

"It sounds like you guys had a ball. I'm going to have to do a cruise one day."  The rest of their lunch they filled each other in on what was going on in their lives.  Jess left out Chase, but told him about her recent Florida trip and telecommuting job. 

Greg paid their bill and walked her back to her car.  "Listen, Jess, I hope we can do this again. I know I laid a lot of burdens at your feet with what I was going through, and I want you to know how sorry I am about that." 

"None of us can change who we are Greg." She smiled at him, feeling no remorse for what they'd shared for the first time in years.  "I miss hanging out with you, and I hope you won't be a stranger now."  It was so freeing to finally let go of some of the emotional baggage that had been weighing her down.

"No, we can't change, Jess, and believe me, if I were straight, there could never be another woman I’d love to give my heart to more. I hope you know that."  Pulling her into his arms again, he hugged her tightly, smiling.

"If you were straight, I would never let you out of my sight." She hugged him back. His comments meant more to her than she could ever express.

They exchanged phone numbers again before parting ways and promised to meet up again soon.  Heading back to her apartment, she felt lightness in her step that filled her heart with hope.  Tackling work for the next few hours kept her occupied until it was time to get dressed for the book club meeting.  She'd missed last week because of her trip and was interested in discussing the book she'd read while lounging at the beach.

She dressed in a strapless sundress, the hint of color from her trip accentuating the white garment, and she left off pantyhose, since her legs had a tan, for a change.  Tonight she was determined to get to know even more about the women she met with weekly. It was time for her to stop shutting out people in her life and make more friends. 

Amanda came over and hugged her as she walked into Dana's house and she returned the gesture.  "We haven't done our weekly lunch yet and I've got tons to tell you."  She wanted to share her experience with Greg, and just catch up. 

"Carolyn's invited me over tomorrow. If you don't mind doing it at her place, I'm sure she would be fine with you joining us." Amanda pulled her into the room as she talked.

Jessie thought about scheduling another day for lunch, but decided that was the old Jessie.  "If you don't mind asking Carolyn tonight, that sounds like a great idea."

Amanda told her she would ask her after the meeting, and they took their seats as refreshments were handed out.  When the conversations started, instead of hanging her head, Jessie contributed her thoughts, and when it came to the topic of BDSM, she decided she needed to speak her mind.

"I think some people construe this lifestyle in the wrong way." Jessie lifted her chin and glanced at Amanda then the ladies gathered.  "A person that calls himself a dominant but just gets his kicks hurting
women is an asshole, not a master."  She worried about bringing this up, knowing what Amanda had suffered, but she felt it needed to be addressed.

"We're all friends here so it's no secret I was attacked.  I admit at first I blamed the lifestyle for that prick, but the truth is you're right Jess.  There are abusive men out there; you hear stories that have nothing to do with BDSM. I just think no matter who your date, you need to be cautious."

"My mother's second husband was an alcoholic," Lauren confessed.  "I have to second what Amanda's saying," shaking her head she continued.  "A man either respects a woman or he doesn't.  He could be a preacher, a doctor, or a dominant; it's the mindset that truly matters."

"That may be true, but respect in my world doesn't involve spanking me like a naughty child." Tamara curled her lip.  "I assume people into sadomasochism were abused as children."

"That's because all the romances on this topic we've read have been about some man who has a screwed up past.  We don't ever get the viewpoint of the average person finding this just because it interests them.  There are people who enjoy this just because it turns them on."  That seemed like the case with Chase. He enjoyed being in control and as far as she knew, his childhood hadn't been that horrific.

"I don't know about the men, but how can any woman be willing to offer herself up in that context without going against everything we've fought for?" Tamela sneered at the thought of some man controlling her.

"Tamela, haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to not have to make all the decisions for a change, and just allow a man to pleasure you in ways he'd know would bring you over the edge?"  Jessie was really curious about her answer because she knew what a powerful woman Tamela was in the business world, and she wondered if anyone ever saw the emotional side of her.

"I have yet to meet a man I would trust in that capacity, but not having to make all the rules in the bedroom might be a nice change of pace." She laughed and the rest of the women joined in. 

"I don't think anyone would deny this isn't something you would try with a stranger." Carolyn said.  "With the right partner, this can be a beautiful way of expressing your sexuality, but again, you have to really trust the person you're playing with.”

Excusing herself, Jessie walked to the bathroom and fought her own emotions.  She hadn't thought this was something she wanted to pursue with anyone but Chase, but just talking about it tonight made her long to experience more.  The truth was she loved that she didn't have to decide what brought her pleasure and could just enjoy the sensations.  Maybe she could find that with another man.  Jessie also knew she couldn't allow herself to
get involved in a relationship where the lines weren't clearly drawn.  With Chase, she would always want more than just passion, but maybe this was something she should at least think about exploring with someone else.

After getting her emotions under control, she rejoined the group.  They discussed several other aspects of the BDSM relationship, but her own thoughts crowded her mind as she tried to decide what she really needed to make her happy.  She decided to talk with Carolyn about this after everyone else had left. 

She waited until the other ladies had left before walking over to Carolyn.  The woman had been so great to Amanda when she was dealing with the crazy man, as she and Amanda both called him; maybe they'd just gotten off on the wrong foot.  "Do you have a few minutes?"

"Absolutely," Carolyn said. With a smile, she led her over to the bar.  "What's on your mind?"

Accepting the wine Carolyn poured, Jessie tried to decide how to voice her thoughts.  "I think I understand what you were trying to warn me about with Chase now."  It had taken seeing both sides of his personality to truly get the man he really was.

"I probably spoke out of turn."

"Actually, I think you were right. I think I allowed my own perception of what I needed in a relationship to blind me to the person he truly is." 

Shaking her head, Carolyn stared at her.  "Maybe you'd better explain?"  Sitting down on the couch, she patted it, inviting Jessie to join her.

"All his baggage dealing with his father's illness left him vulnerable and he needed someone to distract him."  She was speaking more to herself than Carolyn at the moment.

"Is that what you think?" Sitting back on the couch, Carolyn raised a brow.

Nodding her head, she took a sip of liquid courage.  "The man he showed me in the dungeon was nothing like the person I fell in love with."

Gasping, Carolyn's eyes widened. "So what were the differences in him?" 

Jessie knew she probably shouldn't be discussing Chase with his friend, but if anyone knew him, Carolyn did. "He was almost cold and disconnected in his master role. That was the biggest one, I guess."  Not the entire time, she remembered. He'd been pretty hot when he loved her body.

"So you think he only made love to you because he was feeling sorry for himself?" 

"Why else would he do a complete 360?" She could only assume the person he'd been in the dungeon was the real man, not the tender lover that made her feel cherished.

Laughing softly, she tapped her finger to her lips for a few seconds.  "Have you talked with him about your feelings?"

"And have Chase pity me for falling in love with him?" Making a face, her frown deepened.  "I don't need his sympathy."

"The things I could teach you," Carolyn said, laughing softly, and then sighing.  "Did you stop to consider that maybe he felt something more for you?” 

Shooting her a look that said,
yeah right
she spoke. "The man is drop-dead gorgeous. Why would he feel anything more for me?"

"You really don't have a high opinion of yourself, do you?"

Jessie frowned again.  "I guess I don't."

"You're a beautiful woman, and if I had any indication that you liked other women, and I didn't know that Chase would skin me alive, I'd offer to help you overcome that."

Stunned at her words, Jessie’s eyes widened enormously.  "I guess I should be flattered?"

Laughing, Carolyn said, "Don't worry, you're safe with me.  But seriously, have you considered that being in a relationship with a master might really help you overcome those feelings of self-doubt?"