Authors: K.S. Adkins
“No, I really don’t” she growls at me.
“He
likes
fucking
me
.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, in her haughtiest voice. “I’m still not signing the papers.”
“Is that right? You love him so much that you’re cool with him fucking me? Woman, we need more like you in the world. You know why? Because if he were my husband and I found out he was a cheating bastard, I’d kill him and her. So let’s rip off the band aid, let’s get down to what’s important. That’s why you’re here right? It’s not for Loyal it’s for what he’s worth. What if he gives you the house? Say you can have it, free and clear does that sweeten the pot?”
“You’d give me the house?” she asks, looking at Loyal who looks so murderous it’s funny.
“I’d give you just about anything to get the fuck out of my life.”
“I’ll take the house,” she says in a victorious voice.
“Done,” I offer, “Loyal write that down, sign and date it. My friend is a realtor; she’ll get the deed transferred. I’ll handle the rest and bill your ex-wife for it. What else, Jill?”
“I still can’t sign the papers,” she says, looking at her stiletto clad feet.
“And why’s that?” I ask.
Staring at the floor she isn’t quick to answer. Honestly, it looks like she’s going to pass out. But when she whispers the words we both heard it loud and clear. “Because…we aren’t technically married.”
Loyal roars and charges forward, but I put myself between him and her. Pushing him back with my ass, I order him to stand down but he isn’t listening. “You lying fucking whore!” he screams reaching for her throat.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, plastering herself against the door. “I didn’t mean to take it this far.”
When Loyal was safely in the kitchen breaking things, I approach her remembering the promise I made if I ever met the woman who hurt him. “That’s low,” I tell her.
“He owed me!” she screams thinking I’m no threat to her. “You don’t know what he’s like!”
“I know exactly what he’s like,” I growl leaning in. Taking the hint she backs the hell up. “You don’t get to fuck with him like that.”
“What do you care? He doesn’t love you either. He doesn’t love anyone because he’s fucking broken!”
“Speaking of broken,” I say, balling my fist. Letting it fly, I swing upward catching her square in her perfect nose. The crack was loud, bloody and beautiful. She crashes into the door grabbing her nose to staunch the flow.
“You broke my nose!” she wails. “Loyal, she hit me! She broke my nose!”
“Who gives a fuck about you? I don’t.” he shrugs from the safety of the kitchen.
“Get out Jill,” I warn her. “Or your wrists are next. You’ll have the paperwork when it’s ready.”
“I hate you,” she screams at him.
“No shit,” he says, rolling his eyes at her. Slamming the door you can hear her scream all the way down 8 Mile. Jesus Christ, that really just happened. In that moment, I needed not only a vacation but at least a dozen more therapy sessions to get my head right. That’s the big secret? Fuck, what a letdown.
“Rion---”
“You lied to me,” I tell him heading for the door. “I need to cool off. I’m heading to Senior’s.”
“It’s not safe---”
“I’m heading to Senior’s,” I whisper. “I can’t deal with you right now. Honestly Loyal, I don’t know how you deal with you.”
“You promised you wouldn’t quit when it got hard.”
Letting out a heart breaking laugh I tell him straight. “That was before I knew you thought you were married. At least I tried; you just bitched out by lying. Had your darling fake wife not showed up you wouldn’t have ever come clean. Loyal Hart, you’re the dirtiest person I know.”
Then slamming the door behind me, I bypass my dad’s place in favor of
My Dad’s Place
. I needed alcohol and I needed it now. As for Loyal, I didn’t give a fuck what he did as long as I wasn’t around for it.
‘When it's all finished, guess that depends on how you live. Just pray that all of your wrongs don't overshadow all that you did.’
~Big Sean
She didn’t go to his apartment she went to the garage. Grabbing my keys, I start my truck attempting to back out when Jill stands in front of my grill preventing me from leaving. Christ, what I wouldn’t give to run the bitch over. Honking at her didn’t work, swearing didn’t work either. Standing there with blood all over her face and clothes, I actually felt a little sorry for the whore. Not enough to help her out, but her face was pretty jacked up. Rio wasn’t kidding when he said Rion could throw a punch.
Getting out and slamming my door shut, I cross my arms over my chest to show her I still hate her. Because of this bitch, Rion has a head start and I don’t know where she fucking went. Because of this bitch, I lied to cover my own ass and look where that got me. “Now what?” I ask her.
“You love her, don’t you?” she asks with a nasally tone.
“You’re standing out here with a busted face to ask me about shit that don’t concern you?”
“I’m standing out here with a busted nose to tell you not to make the same mistake twice, Loyal.”
“Fuck you, whore.”
“We both messed up,” she says. “I lied to you about the baby and you punished me for it for years. Maybe I wanted to punish you in return, who knows. But she actually loves you. Damned if I get it, since you’ve never even been
nice
to me. I’m not proud of the way I treated you, but you shouldn’t be proud of the way you treated me either.”
“I gave you everything and you used me for more,” I growl. “What the fuck else do you want from me, Jill? An apology?”
“No, I know better than to wish for things I’m not going to get. I did use you and I am sorry but, you used me too.”
“The fuck I did!” Remembering my therapy sessions and the progress I made, I had to make the effort if I wanted to get rid of this anger. Second chances, Rion said everyone deserved one, even whores. “Dammit Jill,” I groan pulling at my shirt. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you, fuck.”
“That was almost genuine, Loyal. She made a left on the second street up there,” she says, attempting to walk away. Fuck, she can’t walk around alone out here it ain’t safe. Especially in her condition, she was asking for it. Rion would never forgive me if I knowingly put someone, even a whore, in harm’s way.
“Take my truck,” I tell her. “Get home safe. Do what you want with it once you’re home. Sell it, burn it, whatever.”
“I like her, Loyal,” she says quietly. “Granted she’s crazy, but I think she’s good for you.”
Climbing back in my truck, I leave her with my parting shot before flooring it. “I don’t care what you think, Jill. Never have.”
Its two hours before I find her. Like all things Rion, the last place I looked should have been my first. Rio said she went there when she’s upset, this sure as hell qualifies. Walking in, I see her in a one-sided booth alone in the back. Grabbing a beer and sitting across from her she doesn’t even look up. I wait for her to chew me out, but she doesn’t. Ripping the label off my bottle, I try to form the words but I can’t think up a good enough speech to keep her around.
I opt for simple instead. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she mumbles never meeting my eyes. “I’m sorry too.”
“You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for,” I tell her. “This is on me.”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you,” she says throwing back a shot. “The day you came scowling into the office I wanted you even then. You told me I was temporary but I pushed anyway. You told me you couldn’t love me and part of me thought I could change your mind. So I’m sorry, for pushing you and for wanting you to feel the love I feel. I had no right to do that and in that, I’m no better than Jill. Bending you to my will isn’t love and it isn’t my style either.”
“I chose you, Rion,” I remind her. “You said you chose me too. This is the hard shit I was talking about. Don’t fucking quit on me.”
“Quit on you? When did you ever even try? Oh that’s right, you didn’t have to. I did all the work for both of us. You told me you weren’t taken. Is it so easy to lie to me? To yourself? I gave you all of me, Loyal. You threw that in my face. When she asked you if you loved me the look on your face said it all. You don’t love me now and you never will. I feel sorry for you, though. I would have spent my life making you happy if you’d have just let me.”
As the server drops her off two more shots, I watch her throw them both back and get pissed. She’s going to be on the damn floor if she doesn’t stop. “Knock off the liquor,” I order her. “It ain’t gonna make this better.”
“Maybe not, but if I do enough of them maybe I’ll forget ever meeting you.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Wanna bet?” she says glaring at me. She’s dead fucking serious and that’s when I panic. “I don’t make bets I’ll lose my ass on. Hello, bookie in the house! You don’t bet against the house ‘cause you will fucking lose. That’s basic physics. You should leave now; I’m gearing up to do math problems next. No one wants to be here for that.”
Switching tactics was all I had left. I saw it for myself she can’t lie for shit when she’s smashed and I fucking pray this works. “I ain’t perfect, and neither are you, princess. I ain’t the only fucking up here. One minute you’re done with me then you’re giving me chances, asking me to choose you. Which is it? I told you I chose you, you chose me too or you waiting on him to show back up?”
I see her eyes fill up and her lip quiver, but I can’t turn back now. Leaning forward I rest my elbows on the table and dig deeper. “You’re pissed you can’t fix me and tell me what to do. I ain’t him, princess. I ain’t your boy Rio. You heard from him yet? Guessing no. He left you and if you don’t knock it the fuck off, I’ll leave you too. A man can only take so much bullshit. I want you, but if you don’t lower that bar you got raised to the fucking sky, ain’t no man ever gonna compare and ain’t no man foolish enough to try.”
She was speechless and that wasn’t the outcome I was hoping for. I wanted her to stand up and fight for me, for us because she knew I was worth it. Putting her head in her hand she just stares me down. No blinking, just eye to eye. Underneath my shirt I had sweat pouring down my back but she didn’t need to know that. Closing her eyes she turns her head away and reaches for her bag next to her so she could bolt. I would carry her out kicking and screaming before I let her walk away from me again, but she doesn’t know that.
“Can’t take the truth princess?” Ignoring me, she throws money on the table in hopes of bolting. “Make a move toward that door and I’ll make it so you can’t walk straight for a week.” I warn her.
“You get up from that chair and make a move toward
her
you won’t walk period.” Turning toward the voice I see Tank ready to kill me with his wife ready to hide the body. “Let’s go, Junior. Shayla, take her out to my truck now.”
“Leave the way you came my man, this don’t concern you.”
“Junior concerns me,” he says stepping forward. “This is the second time I’ve seen you mistreat her, won’t be a third.”
Two things came to mind quickly. First, I may have met my equal with this guy and second, if she left, I’d never see her again. Squaring off with Tank, I also tell his wife, “Don’t lock the doors, I’ll be there getting her back in three minutes.”
“You lay a hand on my husband, she’ll kill you,” she says sweetly while looking over at Rion. “Think about that while she walks away from you this time.”
Rion gives me a look that I can’t read. But I understood her words just fine.
“What’s funny is that I was known to bet on the long shot, until I met you. This bullshit with you hurts worse than losing Senior. Death is pretty final right? Loving you was too, until about oh, two hours ago. Congratulations Loyal, you win. I’m officially broken.” Then she turns and I watch as Shayla escorts her out. The second she clears the door, my ass hits the chair hard.
Fuck.
‘Even though you’re fed up, you gotta keep your head up.’
~Tupac
Sitting in Tank’s pickup, I can feel Shayla watching me. She’s a quiet presence and I realize how, at that moment, it’s exactly what I need. Yes, I am smashed, but it doesn’t help me to forget him, in fact it did the opposite. Hopping in and sitting beside me, the silence is crushing. I feel the need to defend him when I shouldn’t. Then my nerves kick in because if those two end up brawling on my behalf, I’d feel guilty about that for the rest of my life.