A Beautiful Mess (4 page)

Again I just laughed. Derrick always knew how to cheer me up.

Poking my dimples he said, “That’s what I like to see. Now come on girlfriend, we are going to make Jason a really jealous man tonight! You with me?”

I peeked at Jason out of the corner of my eye and saw he was looking at me. I turned back to Derrick and wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. “Most definitely!”

Derrick and I touched and flirted for the remainder of dinner. I swear I could see smoke coming from Jason’s direction but I inwardly giggled and started becoming a little more courageous. Of course the alcohol was also helping with that little part.

After we got to the club and said congratulations and everything we ordered our drinks. As soon as I saw the waitress I wanted to rip her hair out. She was walking up to us and she was checking Jason out.

My stomach instantly tightened and I wanted to throw up but after Derrick and I ordered our drinks he pulled me out onto the dance floor. Derrick wrapped his arms around my waist and we started grinding into one another and just having a good time.

We danced for a few more songs and then Derrick whispered in my ear, “That boy is fuming Ash.” We both started to giggle and I expertly looked behind me and saw Jason was about to crack.

I looked back at Derrick and hugged him. “Thanks Derrick.”

He smiled at me and said, “Anytime chickee. Well, now that my evil plan is done I’m going to go find my man.”

I kissed him on the cheek and said, “I said I’ll see you later.”

Derrick’s back was to me as he was walking away but he cocked his head toward me and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” then blew an air kiss at me.

I stood there for all of two seconds when a cute guy asked me to dance with him. I just smiled and nodded my head because the plan was getting a lot better. I began to wrap my arms around his neck but he put his hands at my waist and spun me around so my back was to his front. I could feel his erection pressed up against me and I started to get a little nervous.

I figured I could dance with him for one song and then be done with it.
I mean it’s only three minutes right?
Well three minutes of pure torture.

He ground into me and it was really rough and uncomfortable. He started moving his hands to my lady area and I tried to get him to stop. I guess he took that as an invitation because he spun me around and pressed me to him and then he tried to kiss me. I tried to push him away but he held onto me tightly.

I managed to step down on his foot with my high heel and pushed him off me. He started fuming and I started to walk away from him saying, “I’m not interested.” As soon as the words left my mouth I turned around to walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist and yanked me back into him.

I was just about to start screaming but somebody got him to release me and then I heard a fist slamming into the asshole’s face. I turned around just in time to see Jason standing over the guy and yelling, “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

I looked around me to see if security was coming but nobody was. The club was so loud that you couldn’t hear it. I looked back to Jason and he looked like he was going to murder the guy.

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t form words.

I couldn’t believe that Jason actually felt something for me. I was just about to say something when Jason turned to me and walked over and wrapped me in his arms. A part of me was nervous about how he was going to act but the second he touched me everything else evaporated.

I felt safe.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and took a few breaths in and out. I could feel his erection pushing into my belly and I started to get butterflies. It turned me on and I was curious. I was about to kiss his neck when he put me at arm’s length and looked into my eyes.

“Are you ok?”

Keeping eye contact I nodded my head and managed to whisper, “Thanks.” My heart was beating so fast and I wasn’t breathing normally.

Jason dropped his hands and started to step away but I grabbed the hand that he used to punch the guy with and lifted it to my lips. I could see he was breathing really fast from the way his chest was heaving up and down.

Without taking my eyes off his, I pressed my lips to his hand. I figured it was now or never and I decided to go with now. I didn’t care about the consequences or any of that. It didn’t matter.

I was just getting ready to move my lips away when I heard him mumble under his breath, “Fuck it,” and then he pushed me up against the wall and his lips were on mine.

Everything else vanished. All I saw was Jason. All I heard was the heavy breathing and teeth clenching and the moaning and groaning. All I felt was Jason’s erection pushing against me and his hands roaming all over me.

He started to go on an exploration of my body. Fingers pushing into my hips, lips sucking my neck, and his tongue flicking my earlobes and sucking them into his mouth.

I wanted to explore him as well so I began to kiss along his jaw and trail kisses up to his ear. I whispered, “Jason,” in his ear and before I knew it he was pushing himself away from me. I thought he was going to drag me out of the club but I looked up into his eyes and he looked scared. Scared shitless.

I knew it was too good to be true, that Jason would ever have feelings for me. He looked into my eyes and said, “I can’t, Ash.”

The second he said my name I wanted to cry but I didn’t care anymore. I took a deep breath and then looked into his eyes. I pulled my hand back and slapped him so hard across his face while screaming, “FUCK YOU JASON.”

As soon as I slapped Jason I wanted to apologize but I was just so pissed off and hurt that he’d pushed me away like that. He treated me like garbage and I didn’t deserve that. Every step I took away from him I wanted to turn around but he didn’t want me and that was very obvious. I didn’t think this mess could get any worse but apparently I was wrong.

Jade told me our freshman year that Jason’s life growing up was pretty hard. Their dad was always putting Jason down and if Jason got a 3.9 in school or made varsity his sophomore year in baseball their dad would belittle him and say, “Well, why couldn’t you get a 4.0?” or “Why couldn’t you have made varsity your freshman year?”

Jade told me because she wanted me to get a sort of understanding why Jason acts the way he does. I understood it but I didn’t condone it. I was also not allowed to ever say anything because Jade said that if Jason ever found out I knew he would probably never talk to her again.

While the background information answered so many of the questions I had about Jason it also brought up so many more and they weren’t for Jason.

All of my questions were for Jade.

I wondered what living with someone like that would do to her. How would it affect her in life?

Love?

Relationships?

Friendships?

I ran out of the club and before I knew it Jade was behind me yelling my name. “Ashlynn!”

I turned around just in time for her to hug me and murmur sweet things in my ear. The second I wrapped my arms around her I just cried. We stood like that for a while, me crying and her trying to sooth me by rubbing her hands up and down my back.

Jade wanted me to go back into the club but I had had too much “excitement” for one night and decided to go back to the hotel. She told me I could sleep in her room but I thought some of us deserved to have some fun while in Vegas. I didn’t even change out of my outfit. I just cuddled under the covers and cried myself to sleep.

I couldn’t believe it!

The second I decided to move on with my life and push my crush on Jason into the deepest part of my soul he calls me, “His girl,” punches some asshole in the face defending me, creams my panties with just his lips on mine, his tongue on my neck licking and sucking and then breaks my heart all over again.

I just can’t believe this huge mess that I have created. I wish that I could have told Jason how I felt our freshman year of college and said, “Screw it.” But nooo! I have to have a secret crush on him and let it consume my life and then have a “fake” boyfriend.

I mean am I that desperate to try and attempt to get him to notice me?

… I guess so.

I was woken up later to someone yelling and others trying to calm the person down. I thought it was just another drunken idiot but then I heard the person say, “Ash,” and I automatically knew it was Jason.

I jumped out of bed and turned on the bedside light. I didn’t want to but I opened the door to our room and saw Gabe and Maddox trying to take Jason to Sarah and Gabe’s room, but the second he heard our door open he turned around and smiled at me.

I wanted to slap that smile right from his beautiful face. He must have been able to read my mind because his smile quickly disappeared and then he was wobbling over to me.

Before I could say anything he was cradling my face in his hands and wiping my face whispering over and over, “I’m so sorry Ash,” in a drunken slur.

I thought I had finished crying but I closed my eyes and more tears escaped.

I felt limp and numb because for the longest time this mess was mine to carry but now Jason knew. I mean I don’t think he knew exactly how deeply I felt about him, but now he knew something was going on.

Gabe and Maddox started to walk over to us but I put my hand up to let them know that everything was going to be ok. At least for tonight.

After they left the hall Jason pulled away and put his hand in mine and we walked back into our room together. I thought he was going to let go of my hand but he walked me into the bathroom and picked me up and sat me down on the counter. He walked out of the room for a minute and then walked back in with my make-up removal wipes.

Taking one out he cradled my face in his hand and my eyes instantly closed. He applied the wipe to my face and removed all of the mascara that I knew was all over my face. When he was satisfied with the job he threw the wipe away and picked me up. Without releasing me back onto the floor he walked us over to my bed and laid me down.

I thought he was going over to his bed but he turned the bedside lamp off and crawled in after me. He nestled up next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. After kissing my neck Jason whispered, “I’ll fix this mess Ash. I promise.”

The second Ash ran off I didn’t know what to do. I stood in the same position she left me in for a few seconds wondering how I was going to tell her why I couldn’t do this between us. I wanted to tell her how I would kick myself every single second, minute, hour of every day because I couldn’t be with her.

I started to run off in the direction of Ashlynn and Jade but Maddox walked up to me and placed a hand on my chest and said, “Not right now man.” I immediately stopped dead in my tracks and my head slumped over in defeat.

Up until Maddox met Isabelle he was a huge player. In fact I think he was getting more pussy than I was and that’s saying something. I swear he could have a different girl every day for four years of college and there would still be remaining girls for the rest of us pathetic fucks who hadn’t gotten all pussy whipped and fallen in love yet.

That’s just how easy it was for him. However, the second he met Isabelle everything changed. That motherfucker was pussy whipped from the get go and it was kind of hysterical. Anyone with eyes could see how he felt about her. I saw him watch her the entire time she first walked into the café with Sarah and I knew I just had to be a dick to him.

It was like perfect timing when Isabelle started choking. I immediately got up from my seat and started to pat her back because I just wanted to see what the dipshit would do. Of course I didn’t think about how Ash would react to it and I was surprised when I saw her flinch when I touched Iz.

While Iz was gorgeous, Ash was, well, she was something.

Maddox looked like he was going to turn into the Incredible Hulk and fuck my shit up so I just gave him this sly grin. Once Ash saw my face I saw her calm down so it was all good in the motherfuckin’ hood.

I also had to push his buttons when I spotted Maddox and Isabelle at the bar with Ash. I looked at her and she laughed and said, “Go get ‘em tiger.” We all knew Maddox had a major crush on Iz but that girl was fuckin’ blind because he practically was at her beck and call. Of course the secrets came out about how her mom was a huge bitch and secretly Jade and I could relate.

However as soon as I saw Madd carry her out of the bar like a fuckin’ caveman I knew that was it and that he was off the market. It just took a girl who wasn’t on her knees waiting to suck dick for that prick to fall in love. I knew he would do anything for that girl and that’s how I would feel about Ash for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, I could never put my thought into play. I mean, technically, I could but I wanted Ash to be happy and I knew she would not get that with me. In fact I was certain of it because up until Jade and I left for our freshman year of college my life had been a mess.
Oh, who the fuck am I trying to kid? It still is.

Maddox grabbed me by the shoulder. Looking up into his eyes he nodded in the direction of our table. Sitting down at the booth I picked up my bottle and took a good healthy gulp. Placing the bottle back down on the table I looked over at Maddox and waited for the interrogation to begin.

He took a sip of his beer and setting it down on the table in front of us he looked over at me and quirked an eyebrow. “You want to talk about what just happened between you and Ash?”

I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “I don’t really know what to say.”

In a more serious tone he said, “Well, let’s start with what exactly happened Jason.”

I was starting to get really pissed off with Maddox. It wasn’t really any of his business.

A little bit louder I said, “Like I said Maddox, I don’t really know what happened.” I wanted to try and explain it to him but he got his girl. I didn’t.

Getting up from his seat Maddox walked over to me and placed an arm around me and said, “Well, since you don’t know what just happened out there then I’ll tell you what happened. Some jackass who hasn’t seen what’s been right in front of him got jealous and made out with a girl who has had a crush on him since forever.”