A Bit of Heaven on Earth (20 page)

So he must go. He would tell her. Tonight.

Three days passed before Gavin’s chance came. Elizabeth rushed to deliver a child the night he intended to make her aware of his decision to leave with the Kentwood men bound for the war in France. The second night she nursed Nelia’s nephew. The child came down with a sudden fever, and she spent all day and night with him before it broke.

By the third day, he despaired when told Elizabeth met with the ladies of Kentwood in preparation for the next day’s Mayday celebration. Nelia scolded him as he tried to interrupt their planning.

“You must know, Lord Gavin, that there are sashes being sewn and wreaths created to wear in the women’s hair. Lady Elizabeth must approve the final list for the games to be played and arrange the dyeing of the trenchers. All foods must be green, you know, in honor of Mayday.”

The old servant’s eyes gleamed. “The feast will be wonderful, of course. Lady Elizabeth outdoes herself each year. The people cannot imagine what new, creative idea she will come up with for tomorrow’s play.”

He glumly retreated to the barracks, where Homer curled up and fell asleep on his bed. His burden lay heavily upon him. He wished the ships sailed for France tonight. He would choose to be a coward and not even tell Elizabeth goodbye. The idea of parting from her caused him a physical pain. He’d teased other men countless times when they spoke of being in love. Now he knew what suffering they had endured.

A clear day full of sunshine and few clouds marked the Mayday celebration at Kentwood the next morn. Gavin partook in wearing a green sash across his chest and dancing around the Maypole counterclockwise, singing as loudly as the next man. He’d determined to enjoy this celebration. No regrets.

All day, though, his eyes never strayed far from his love. Her eyes sparkled at the fun, and the green from her tunic and sash made her emerald eyes sparkle even greener. She helped judge the May Queen contest alongside Cedd and himself. Gavin thought Elizabeth the most beautiful woman there, but Cedd told him she refused to be considered for the title each year. Instead, they awarded it to a young girl of six and ten, with roses blooming on her cheeks and long, fair hair unbound to her waist. Despite her youth and beauty, he thought Elizabeth’s face far more comely than the new May Queen’s.

The afternoon saw a bevy of games and contests held. He watched from the sidelines, amused by the exuberance the residents of Kentwood expressed. He helped in collecting greenery to make wreaths to adorn the Great Hall and then joined in the stamping dance that completed the outdoor activities.

Feasting in the Great Hall went on for hours. The mistress of Kentwood also provided entertainment while the meal progressed, as strolling musicians and jugglers performed. Even a man with a small dog who did tricks caused great cheers to go up every minute or two. The merry atmosphere became louder as keg after keg of ale was consumed.

Gavin knew his men would be exhausted tomorrow and decided to tell Rufus to let them sleep in an extra hour or two. Training exercises would be light, as he knew more than a few heads would be heavy. He rose to find Rufus and pass the word along when he saw Robert enter the Great Hall at the far side of the room. He didn’t know if Elizabeth had invited him to the festivities, but he had no need of idle conversation with his friend.

He looked for a way to avoid Robert and skirted the edges of the room. As he passed Rufus, a wench on his lap, he paused, placing a hand on the soldier’s shoulder.

“Rufus, I think it would do the men good to sleep in a bit tomorrow.” He had to bark out his words, so great was the noise in the hall.

“Aye, Gavin, ‘twill be much appreciated. Figure in time to soak a few heads in the cold trough, too. Mine included.”

He nodded and continued to edge about the room. He reached the doors to the Great Hall and almost slipped out when a hand brushed his sleeve. Turning, he saw Robert standing there.

“A fine Mayday to you, Gavin.”

He nodded curtly. “The same to you, my friend. Excuse me, I have business to attend. Please, go and enjoy yourself. And try to sample some of the pear tarts. I know what a sweet tooth you have.”

He smiled, hoping his small talk would satisfy Robert, and left the noisy room. He walked briskly down the corridor, thinking he would return to the barracks. As he stepped out from the castle, however, the cool spring air tempted him. He decided to head to the stables. He hadn’t been riding at night for ages. It would be just the thing to clear his head.

He cut across the bailey and stepped inside the stables. All was quiet. Every man, down to the smallest stable hand, must be celebrating tonight. It made him feel old and alone. He lit a lantern and took but a few steps when he heard his name.

“Gavin!” The urgent whisper carried through the stable. It could be but one person. His heart beat rapidly as he turned.

“Elizabeth.” She stood in the doorway, a silhouette against the night sky behind her. The ache that seemed a part of his every waking minute pushed heavily against his heart.

“I saw you leave,” she said and walked toward him. “I have had no chance to speak to you in days.” She came to stand before him, a vision of loveliness.

She placed a hand upon his arm. “I’ve missed you.” He heard the wistfulness in her voice.

“And I, you,” he replied. “We must talk. I’ve come to a decision.”

She placed a finger against his lips. “No talk tonight. I see something in your eyes, Gavin. I know I will not like what you have to say.”

He wrapped a hand about hers and brushed his lips against its velvet softness. “No, Elizabeth. We might not have another moment like this one again.”

A glowing smile lit her face. “I know. ‘Tis why I forbid any further talk. Save that for later. This is what I have wanted to do for days.”

She touched a hand to his face and held it there. Just her simple caress caused him to burn with desire. He bent and covered her mouth with his. His arms came about her and drew her near.

Oh, how she fit so well against him, as if God made her just for him. He loved this woman more than life itself. But this could go on no longer. He had to give her her freedom. In doing so, he must push her away.

Gavin broke the kiss. He swallowed hard and forced the words out.

“I am leaving, Elizabeth. I shall accompany the men who depart for France in ten days’ time.”

“No!” she gasped, gripping her hands round his arms, her nails digging in. “’Tis impossible. I cannot let you go.”

“You must,” he told her. “’Tis best for all. Soon the king will give his orders. We both know you will be expected to marry Robert. Uniting Kentwood and Fondren is a perfect plan, one Edward will favor. And I cannot watch from a distance, my love. I still love Robert like a brother, but I cannot see you by his side. Knowing the liberties he will take with you is more than I can bear. I would sooner kill him than see him intimate with you, and where would that leave us? You, a widow, and I, hanging from the gibbet, for murdering a nobleman.”

Tears swam in her eyes and she shook her head. “No.”

Gavin cupped her face in his hands. “’Tis goodbye we must say, Elizabeth. I must leave your life. Robert is a prince among men. He will care for you and protect you. You will have a good life with him.”

He pressed his lips to hers. This kiss would be what he remembered over a lifetime. He swore he would make the most of it.

“Bravo, Gavin.” A voice laced with steel interrupted him.

CHAPTER 22

Elizabeth went rigid. Gavin tore his lips from hers and wheeled around. Robert stood in the opening, his shadow lit by the moon behind him. Her nails dug into her palms. This was a nightmare, one she must awaken from. She had to.

“A very touching goodbye, Gavin,” Robert added. “I had a feeling you and Elizabeth had grown close.”

He turned and gazed at her, a look of pity in his eyes. Robert then focused his glance back upon Gavin.

“You are correct, though, my friend. Kentwood and Fondren are destined to merge. Together, they will make a formidable property. And with Elizabeth by my side, ‘twill be the premier estate in all of southern England.”

“’Twill never happen, Robert,” Elizabeth hissed. “I’ll not allow it.”

“You’ll not
allow
it?”

She raised her chin a notch. “I shall write to the king myself. I will put an end to this nonsense once and for all.”

Robert cocked his head and studied her. Amusement sparkled in his eyes. “And say what, my lady? You are but a mere woman and at our king’s mercy. If he denies my suit and Lord Aldred’s request, he will simply marry you off to whomever he chooses. It will be a different life than the one you have grown used to. The one you have led at Kentwood.”

He moved a step closer to her. “Be reasonable, Elizabeth. I can give you the world, the lifestyle you desire. Everything you dream of. Gavin can give you nothing. He will hire out as a mercenary or once the war concludes, he can go out on the tournament circuit. Either way, ‘tis no life for you.”

“Why do you think he can give me nothing? What gives you that idea?”

Robert smiled sadly at her. “Because he would not choose to go to France otherwise. If he truly loved you, he would petition Edward for your hand in marriage and take you home to live at Ashgrove.”

Robert looked over at Gavin. “No, something’s amiss with our Lord Gavin. ‘Tis obvious some estrangement has occurred betwixt him and Berwyn. Ashgrove is no longer his to possess for some reason. Why else would he have settled for being head of Aldred’s guard? Any common soldier would suit in that role.”

She looked to Gavin. He remained silent, staring coldly at Robert. She knew he could not deny Robert’s words. Her heart rebelled at everything Robert said, but her mind agreed with him.

How could she give up Kentwood? Her people needed her, and she needed them, in return. At least Robert was known to her. If he did not seek her hand, Edward might send her to anywhere in the kingdom. A total stranger would rule every aspect of her life. It would be worse than having lived with her father all those years, for now she knew what true independence was.

She assumed Robert would allow her to maintain the same type of control she had possessed under Aldred.

Or would he?

And far worse, Elizabeth realized, her body would no longer be her own. A stranger would have control of her. After she’d experienced making love with Gavin, how could she even think of another invading her body? Gavin had touched her very soul. She thought of Edward forcing her to wed a man years her senior, with few teeth left and a protruding belly or a man closer to her own age who had a cruel streak. She shivered at the thought of dancing to a new husband’s tune.

If she couldn’t have Gavin, she might as well take Robert in his stead. Robert was known to her. She could not think him ever being unkind to her. And she would be able to continue her work at Kentwood, she was sure of it.

Gavin sensed the change in Elizabeth. She withdrew into herself, away from him. He had no doubt that given a choice, Elizabeth would cast her lot with Robert, rather than allow Edward to foist her onto a stranger. Though it cut him to the quick, he knew it best for her.

She turned toward him. Her decision was written plainly across her face. Although he knew it impractical that she would still wish to run away with him, he found it was a bitter thought to swallow.

“No words are necessary, my lady. You do what you must. Women are often forced into situations by the men around them. I hold no animosity toward you.”

He swept Elizabeth’s hands into his. “I beseech you to know this is right for all involved, my lady.” He lifted her hands to his lips and brushed a quick kiss upon them. “I bid you a good night and a fond farewell.”

He exited the stables, his gait quick. He crossed the bailey, seeing no one.

“Gavin!”

He turned and saw Robert hurrying after him. Robert, the man who would become Elizabeth’s husband and lover. ‘Twould be better if a knife plunged into his heart than to think of his longtime friend wrapped around Elizabeth’s naked curves.

Yet if he could not have what he most desired in this life, Gavin knew he could trust Robert to protect Elizabeth.

He looked at the man who had once been like a brother to him. “I know you care for her. I would hope you would continue to give her the independence she is accustomed to. Aldred trusted her judgment. You should do the same.”

He took a step toward Robert and thrust out a hand. Robert grasped it in his.

“Love her well, my friend.”

It pained him to say these words, but Elizabeth deserved to be loved. He must place her happiness above his own.

Their eyes locked, and Gavin sensed that the camaraderie between them, still a slender thread, survived.

“I will. Trust me on that.” Robert tightened the hold on his hand. They gazed into one another’s eyes a moment longer before Gavin stepped away.

“’Twould be most uncomfortable if I stay till the men ship out. I will venture to the coast to find a ship bound for France. I will leave on the morrow.”

He turned and strode away, cursing under his breath. The moment he’d heard Robert’s voice in the stables, he knew the choice Elizabeth would make. Yet his heart cried out in agony as he walked in solitude to the guardhouse. Didn’t she love him for himself alone? Or was it just a castle and the power she wielded within it that she now chose?

Yet he couldn’t blame her. He had no land and an unnamed father. What blood coursed through his veins was any man’s guess. She couldn’t choose him, for he had nothing to offer a lady of her stature. At any rate, the king never would allow their union. Elizabeth was simply being strong for them both. At least this way, one of them would go on. She would continue to rule Kentwood with a firm but just hand.

And he would pray for death to meet him in France. Without Elizabeth at his side, what good would living be?

Elizabeth rose early the next morning. Sleep evaded her throughout the night. Images of Gavin flooded her memory—his smile, his rich laugh, the fire that burned in his eyes when he looked at her. She slammed a fist into her pillow, rage pouring through every pore in her body.