A Cry For Hope (28 page)

I got to the beach just as the sun was beginning to rise. I was doing an engagement shoot and the couple that I was photographing arrived just in time to allow me some great shots of them with the beautiful sunrise as a backdrop. Darren showed up just as I was finishing. “Thank goodness for you, Hope. I overslept!”

“Not a problem. I think I got some really great shots.” I handed him my camera and he scrolled through the pictures as the man and woman in the photographs stood over his shoulder to look at them, as well. I smiled to myself when I saw the giant smiles plastered across their faces. It made me so happy to know that I was creating happy memories for people.

“She really does fantastic work,” Darren said to them.

“I really don’t know how we are going to choose,” the woman said. “They all came out so perfect!” I could see the tears in her eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re happy with them,” I said.

“We’ll get them put on a CD. That way you can see them blown up on the computer. You can pick it up anytime on Monday,” Darren said.

They both nodded and turned their attention to me. “Thank you so much! You have exceeded our expectations. Have a great weekend!” the woman said.

“You are very welcome, and you, too.” I smiled.

“Well, Hope, you’ve outdone yourself again, kiddo. The lighting, the backdrop, everything about these photos is flawless.”

“Well, I did have a little help from Mother Nature. The sunrise was absolutely breathtaking this morning.”

“Thank you for coming through again. Now, would you allow me to buy you a cup of coffee for the great job that you did?”

“Sounds perfect!” I responded as I gathered up my stuff and we headed off the beach.

After Darren and I finished up with our coffee, I called Jamie’s mother. She assured me that she didn’t need me coming today and that Jamie’s brother, Will, promised that he would be there. But I could still sense apprehension in her voice. I was able to find out from her which hospital he was going to be at and what time the surgery was scheduled for, and before I knew it, I was walking into the double doors of the OR waiting room. I looked around at the handful of people, finally spotting Kate sitting all alone, reading a book. “Hey there!” I said.

She lifted her head and a huge smile appeared on her face. “Hope, honey, you didn’t have to drive all the way here!” she said, hugging me tightly.

“It’s fine. I didn’t have any plans for today.” We both sat down and she took my hand in hers.

“How have you been, sweetheart?”

“Okay.” She looked at me as if she didn’t believe it. “Really, I am. I got this great job working for a photographer and I absolutely love it!”

“Oh.” She raised her eyebrows, seeming somewhat disappointed. “Well, that’s kind of far away from home. What’s going to happen if….I mean,
when
you and Jamie finally get this all resolved?”

I hadn’t given  much thought to that because the truth was, even though it was what I wanted more than anything, I was losing faith that Jamie and I would ever get this resolved. He still loved me, or so he said, but until he could tell me that to my face and we could face our problems together, then it was pointless to even try.  I had to take this first step toward my own independence and see what would happen from there.

“Well, I guess I’ll have to figure that one out when the time comes. For right now, this is what’s making me happy.”

She squeezed my hand tighter. “And you deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I was so grateful when she finally switched topics and began to tell me about her husband’s surgery. She expressed her disdain over the fact that Jamie’s brother, Will, still was not there after promising her that he would be. Will was never on time and far from dependable. He was a great guy, but he was totally aloof to any familial commitments. He was a New York City firefighter and still very immature, even at thirty-two-years-old. I sometimes found it hard to believe that he and Jamie were even brothers. Their mother’s beautiful blue eyes seemed to be the only thing that they had in common. Will was so laid back that he lived for the moment, spent money like it was going out of style, and had no issues with telling anyone that would listen about his sexual escapades with the array of women in his life.

“Mrs. McAdams?” Both Kate and I looked up when the nurse came out of the OR holding a clipboard. Kate stood up as the nurse walked over to her.

“Mrs. McAdams, we’re having a hard time bringing your husband out of anesthesia.” I watched as all of the color drained from Kate’s face. I stood up and wrapped my arm around her. She was trembling and unable to speak.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“Well, his blood pressure has dropped quite a bit. Was he on any type of medications that he didn’t make us aware of?”

Kate shook her head. I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. The nurse placed her hand on her arm. “We will keep you updated as soon as we know more, Mrs. McAdams.”

I guided her back down into her chair and hugged her tightly. “This was supposed to be a simple in-and-out surgery,” she said as she began to cry. I was so glad that I had decided to come. I couldn’t imagine her trying to get through this alone.

“It’s going to be okay. You know Doug. He always has to do something to make you crazy. I’m sure this is no different.” I was trying my best to lighten the mood but, deep down inside, I was just as scared as she was. It was now an agonizing wait. I couldn’t even imagine having to make that phone call to Jamie if something were to happen to his dad.

“Mrs. McAdams.” We both lifted our heads. This time, it was another nurse who was standing beside us. “He’s awake and in recovery. We stabilized his blood pressure and you should be able to see him within the hour.” We both exhaled deeply and gave each other a hug.

“Oh, Hope, thank god you were here. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t.” She pushed my hair behind my ear and kissed me on the cheek.

“Mom.” We both looked up as Will approached. He looked totally disheveled, like he had just rolled out of bed. I was quite certain that he probably did, but something told me that it wasn’t his bed and he, most likely, wasn’t sleeping. “Hey, Hopester. How’s my favorite sister-in-law?” he asked, leaning down and kissing me on the cheek.

Kate shook her head in disgust. “You were supposed to have been here two hours ago!”

He held up his hands in defense. “Geez, calm down! Can’t a guy oversleep? You get so dramatic over knee surgery!”

I shook my head, hoping that he understood the signal that I was trying to send to him:
Shut up, now!

He gazed at me, then down at Kate, taking the empty seat on the other side of her. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

“They had a hard time waking him up, but he’s okay now.” Tears gushed from Kate’s eyes.

I quickly got up to get her a tissue, and immediately felt my knees giving out and the familiar ringing in my ears from another dizzy spell. I grabbed the chair and sat back down. I tried to not make it obvious, but it was too late. Kate and Will both looked at me with concern.  “Hope, are you okay?” Kate asked.

“Oh, yeah. Just got a little dizzy.”

She creased her forehead. “Well, that’s not good.”

“It just happens when I don’t eat. It’s not a big deal.” But I knew that was not the case right now, after eating that huge breakfast that my mother had cooked this morning. I wasn’t hungry at all.

“It’s happened before?” She raised her voice in alarm.

“Just a few times. I’m telling you, it’s my blood sugar going low. No need for panic,” I brushed it off.

“Hope, that’s not good. Promise me that if it happens again, you will have it checked out.” I nodded. “Hope?” She raised her eyebrows at me.

“I promise, I will.”

I was so happy when the nurse came out and said that she could go back to see her husband. I didn’t want to be grilled over my eating habits next. She got up to follow the nurse back. “Will, take Hope down to the cafeteria and get her something to eat,” she ordered before disappearing behind the double doors.

I shook my head and laughed. “I’m fine! I don’t need anything to eat.”

Will got up and took my hand, pulling me off the chair. “I must do as the queen says, or I will be beheaded,” he joked. “Hey, do you need a wheelchair?” he asked with a grin.

“Haha, so funny, Will,” I said. We both laughed as we headed down to the cafeteria.

Will and I took a seat. I ate my chicken noodle soup while he scarfed down a bacon cheeseburger and began to go on his usual rant about his parents. Will and Jamie’s dad never saw eye-to-eye. Every time they were together for too long, there would always be some type of disagreement that would cause one of them to end up shouting a little louder than they should and the other would storm away. It kind of became the norm to have a holiday or special occasion interrupted by one of their arguments.

“So how pissed was my mom at me for showing up late?”

“I don’t think she was pissed. She was just upset over the whole thing with your dad.”

“Oh, Hope, come on. You can tell me. I’m sure she was bashing me. It’s not like I haven’t heard it all before from her and my dad. I was the son that let them down.”

“What are you talking about?”

He rolled his eyes. “We all know who the ‘golden child’ is Hope. My dad still isn’t over the fact that I only chose to go to college just long enough to get my credits to take the firefighter exam, instead of following in Jamie’s footsteps and going to law school.”

“That’s not true, Will. You are very successful and your dad knows it.”

“Yeah, you of all people know that he doesn’t think that. Have you forgotten how every single Christmas has gone down since you joined our family? It doesn’t bother me anymore. In fact, I’m kinda use to it,” he said, taking another huge bite from his cheeseburger.

But I knew that it
was
still bothering him -- a lot. “Boy, someone was hungry,” I teased, trying to get off the current topic of conversation.

“I worked up an appetite with Delia this morning. Man, that girl is -.”

I held up my hand to stop him. “Filter, Will! I don’t need to hear the details. Really, I don’t.”

He laughed and took another bite. “So what’s going on with you, Hope? You know, I never hear from my bother anymore. What the fuck is his problem?”

I shrugged my shoulders. Obviously, he didn’t know. “Well, you talk to him every day. Is he pissed at me or something? I’ve called him a few times and he doesn’t return my phone calls.”

“Jamie and I have been separated since April. He’s in San Diego right now working on a case. Other than that, I really don’t know what’s going on with him. I wish I did.”

“Oh, fuck. Hope, I’m so sorry. I really had no idea,” he said as he picked up a napkin and wiped the ketchup off his face.

“It’s okay,” I said as I swirled my soup around in the bowl.

Will suddenly became more serious, which was a rarity for him. “I know how much Charlie’s death affected me. I can’t even begin to imagine what you guys are going through.”

“Yeah, it’s been really…” I shook my head and looked away. There were no words to express how it had affected me.

“Hey, do you remember how pissed off Jamie got when I bought Charlie that Red Sox hat?” Will asked.

“Yes, I do!” I replied, laughing.

“And Charlie would wear it just to annoy him,” Will laughed.

“Oh, that’s because you would egg him on to do it.”

“I actually bribed him with ice cream to do it once or twice.”

We both began to laugh. I was thinking about Charlie and actually laughing instead of crying. Yup, I was climbing out of the deep dark hole just a little bit more.

It was another early night for me. It had been a long and somewhat stressful day and I had a pounding headache, but I was happy that I had listened to that little voice inside of me and was there for Kate. Patty was picking me up bright and early. I had an appointment to get my hair cut while she was getting her nails done. I had just crawled into my bed when my phone rang. I quickly answered when I saw that it was Jamie.