A Daughter's Choice (19 page)

Eileen shrieked and her hands clutched at a tablecloth, dragging it several inches before she collapsed on to the floor. Everything on it would have gone with her if the man sitting at the table had not rammed his hands down hard. As it was, his dinner ended up in his lap and his wife's wine glass went over, turning a patch of tablecloth purplish-red. ‘Someone, help!' he yelled, as Eileen went rigid.

John was there in seconds and bent over her.

‘Not her!' snarled the man. ‘My legs are bloody burning. This plate and these potatoes are damn hot!'

‘Here!' Ben appeared at his side with a large cotton napkin and scooped the food up. ‘We'll pay to have your trousers cleaned, of course.'

‘I should damn well think so! And something off the bill as well.' He snatched his own napkin off the floor, dabbing at his trousers as he stalked out.

‘The girl! How's the girl?' asked his wife, eyes darting from her departing husband to the figure on the floor. ‘She looks like she's having some kind of fit.'

Eileen had begun to thrash about. ‘She certainly does,' said John, who did not need to pretend to be surprised at the sight. It was only the fourth time it had happened but this was the worst. Suddenly the girl went limp and he scooped her up in his arms and carried her swiftly out of the dining room, followed by a buzz of excited chatter.

Ben reappeared and set about bringing order out of chaos. It was years since he had waited at table, but as adolescents all the Ryan boys had been expected to help where needed. Earlier in the day one of the part-timers had phoned in saying her daughter was sick so she wouldn't be able to put in extra hours today, and tired as he was Ben had volunteered to help out. He apologised to the woman, flirting with her a little, fetched a fresh wineglass and filled it, leaving the bottle with the compliments of the house. The woman responded with thanks and a smile but he guessed they would probably still have trouble with her husband. Ben intended leaving him to Kitty, who had just entered the dining room in a hurry.

‘Eileen's not going to be able to wait on any more, Ma,' he murmured as he passed her. ‘You can't chance this happening again.'

‘I'll think about it in the morning,' she said, weary eyes darting round the room. ‘Let's get this evening over with. If it's not one thing, it's another. Now where's that man Pops mentioned?' Ben told her he had gone up to his room and left her to it. He headed for the kitchen where he found Mick, still in uniform, making coffee.

‘You've been roped in, too, I see?'

‘Looks like it. Exciting life we lead,' drawled Mick. ‘As soon as I can, I'm getting out. This isn't how I envisaged my evenings when I left the navy.'

‘Come home, Katie, all is forgiven,' said Ben sotto voce.

Mick nodded. ‘Maybe I'll go out looking for her at the weekend. Right now, it's supper and bed for me. I've got to be up extra early in the morning.'

Only John was up when Mick let himself out to catch a bus in Ranelagh Street for the Pierhead the next day. The sky was pale grey and it was raining. Passengers were spilling off the Irish boat as he made his way to the Customs shed with a message for one of the other officers. He had just dealt with the matter when he was brought up short by the sight of Jack and Sarah, looking dishevelled and droopy-eyed.

‘What the hell are you doing here?' he said to his brother, ignoring Sarah.

Jack said pugnaciously, ‘I've come home. What does it look like?'

‘Off the Irish boat! Shouldn't you have come here first?' said Mick, his expression hardening. ‘I don't know what you're playing at but you've really upset Pops after all he's done for you.'

‘Done for
me
!' exclaimed Jack wrathfully. ‘Me being a doctor was what
he
wanted. I never had the freedom of choice you Ryans had.'

‘You've had more money spent on you.'

‘That's not my fault!'

‘I suppose not. But it's not Katie's fault she was born a girl and you hated her for that.'

Jack reddened. ‘I don't hate her! Besides, what's that got to do with what we're talking about?'

‘Plenty, I'd say! So get off and see Ma and Pops and say you're sorry, then go back to Scotland and work to pass those exams.' Without even a glance at Sarah, Mick strode off and did not look back.

‘I know where I stand with him all right,' she said in a tight voice as she watched his tall upright figure go through a doorway.

‘Ducks and drakes,' said Jack grimly, picking up their suitcases. ‘You'll definitely have to make up to our Ben now if you want to marry into the family. Let's get a taxi and you can drop me at the Arcadia.'

‘OK. Tell Aunt Kitty I'll call round later. I'm going to ask her for a job.'

Jack raised his eyebrows but made no comment as he headed for the floating roadway which had been built in 1874 to accommodate heavy horse and cart traffic. He was feeling angry after what Mick had said and did not need a crystal ball to guess what his father would have to say, but as it happened it was Kitty he had to speak to first.

‘Where've you been?' Kitty frowned at her youngest son. ‘You didn't answer my letter. I've been worried, and you've really upset your father failing your exams – as if we didn't have enough worry!'

‘I never received your letter,' said Jack, experiencing a familiar hurt that she had not bothered even to make the effort to hug him. ‘I've been in Ireland with the O'Neills.' His tone was sullen.

‘What! You went there instead of coming here? That's hurtful, Jack,' she said, voice quivering.

He looked away. ‘They make me welcome and I needed space to think, which I wouldn't have got here,' he muttered.

‘Well, I hope it's done you some good! Your father wants you to resit your exams. It's nonsense your saying you want to be a farmer. What do you know about farming? It's because you failed, that's what it is. But doctoring's in your blood, son.'

‘So is music,' he said, changing his mind about telling her the truth. ‘Pops made sure I learnt to play the piano and the violin and I've been teaching myself the guitar.'

‘Say no more!' She held up a hand as if to ward him off. ‘You're not thinking you're going to become a pop star? That would be stupid.'

He shrugged. ‘Someone has to do it. Look at Cliff Richard and Tommy Steele! I bet they're rich. Anyway, I haven't made up my mind. I might farm. The O'Neills would have me working on their place like a shot.'

The blood seemed to rush to Kitty's head. Her hand shot out and she grabbed his arm and pushed him into a chair, sitting down close beside him. ‘This is all about Katie, isn't it, Jack? But it's not me you're hurting by what you're saying, it's your father. I don't care what you do –'

‘That doesn't surprise me,' he said, trying to control his voice. ‘You never
have
cared.'

‘Shut up! That's a lie.'

‘Like the one you've lived all these years, pretending Katie was the girl I wasn't!'

‘You don't know what you're talking about! So I wanted a daughter and I pretended? I did it mainly for Katie – I didn't want her to feel unwanted or ashamed because she was illegitimate. We didn't know if she was Mick's child then. We still don't know for sure.'

‘You didn't want
me
! You dressed me in a bonnet and made me wear pink!'

‘I was ill. I got to love you eventually.'

‘You didn't want another boy,' he droned, as if his mind was stuck in a rut. ‘You didn't want
me
!'

‘You're not listening!' She shook him. ‘Becky O'Neill desperately wanted Siobhan to be a boy, but would you say she's unloved?'

Jack stared at his mother and shook his head. ‘But she wasn't sent away from home at five years old, and she didn't come back and find someone else had taken her place in the family and was getting all the attention.'

‘There was going to be a war!' Kitty's blue eyes pleaded desperately for his understanding. ‘It broke our hearts sending you away but we wanted you to be safe. Everything we've ever done for you has been because we wanted what's best for you.'

‘Sending me to Edinburgh wasn't best for me.'

‘I didn't want you to go! But you loved Scotland and seemed to want to get away!'

‘Because of Katie, that's why, and to please Pops. It was where he'd gone for his training.'

‘I wish I'd known, but you never said anything or showed in any way that you didn't want to go.'

‘No,' he said in a low voice. ‘That's because I wanted your approval, but in the end it made no difference. You were still wrapped up in Katie because you wanted her, not just because she was a girl but for the Arcadia. That's the reason you've been living a lie all these years. You and Pops with your oh-so-strong principles! You lied to Mick. You lied to me. You lied to Katie. I almost feel sorry for her. Well, you're reaping what you've sown, Ma, and I hope you're satisfied!'

‘Don't talk to your mother like that!'

Jack's head turned and he saw his father standing in the doorway with such a stony expression on his face that Jack got to his feet, fists clenching. ‘It's true,' he said. ‘I was never wanted here. I don't know why I came. Anyway I'm going back to the O'Neills.'

‘So that's where you've been? But you're
not
going back there. You'll go back to Scotland to resit your exams, laddie.'

‘See?' yelled Jack, exasperated. ‘That's all that matters to you! You and Ma are both trying to fulfil your own dreams through me and Katie. You brainwashed her into accepting it was her duty to take over the Arcadia. Duty! I bet she's had as little fun as I have, really.'

John growled, ‘Keep your voice down. I know it's come as a shock to you about Katie but you never liked her anyway, did you laddie? You'll no doubt be glad she's gone.'

Jack stared at him and hesitated before saying, ‘I'm not answering that. I'm leaving. I'll be a farmer, I –'

He got no further. John brought a large hand across his son's face. The slap resounded round the kitchen. ‘Then get out, you ungrateful wee sod!' he shouted. ‘But you won't be able to go running to the O'Neills. After what I've got to say to them, they won't allow you near the farm.'

Jack could scarcely believe what had just happened. His father's handprint was a burning painful red on his cheek. ‘You wouldn't!'

‘Try me,' said John, eyes glinting. ‘He owes me his life. Do you think he's going to go against me? Without money, a farm labourer is all you'll end up as. So think, laddie, what's it going to be?'

‘Perhaps I'll be happy as a farm labourer,' said Jack in a hard voice, and stormed out.

Kitty stared at her husband and said in a trembling voice, ‘You shouldn't have done that!' Then she hurried after her son but Jack was too quick for her. He had already left the building and was running down the Mount. She tried to catch up with him but suddenly collapsed in a heap outside the post office.

Sarah turned up at the Arcadia later that day expecting to find Kitty in the kitchen. Instead she found John peeling potatoes. ‘Hi!' she said tentatively. ‘Is Aunt Kitty around?'

‘She's lying down. What is it you want, Sarah? If it's Ben or Mick, neither of them is home yet.'

‘No, I didn't want either of them. I-I –' She toyed with the handle of a saucepan. ‘I've just come to offer my help.'

‘You've what?' He stared at her, his surprise obvious.

She flushed. ‘I mean it.'

John made an effort and smiled. ‘How are you at making something simple?'

‘Like what?' she said cautiously. ‘I'm not much of a cook. I was thinking more like being in Reception and welcoming people.'

‘Reception can look after itself. People can press the bell if they want us. I was thinking of you making a big rice pudding. I can tell you what to do. Eileen's gone to her grandmother's and we're short-handed.'

Rice pudding didn't sound too bad. ‘OK,' Sarah said, taking off her swagger coat and hanging it on the back of a chair. John handed her an apron and began to tell her exactly what to do.

She was washing dishes when Ben entered the kitchen later that day. He thought he was hallucinating because he had pictured this kind of scene so often in his dreams: Sarah, domesticated and living in their own little house, cooking his tea and carrying his baby. Was it really her? He put his arms round her and cupped her breasts with his hands and nuzzled her neck, giving it little bites.

She yelped. ‘What did you do that for?'

‘You're real!' he said.

‘Of course I'm real, stupid!' She gazed up at him from her great dark eyes. ‘Are you nuts?' Her hair was untidy and wisps of it hung about her flushed face. He thought she looked lovelier than he had ever seen her before.

‘What are you doing here?' he said as casually as he could.

She smiled. ‘What does it look like I'm doing? I'm working. I thought your mum needed a bit of help so I volunteered.'

He could hardly believe it. ‘There has to be a catch,' he murmured. ‘You haven't given up on our Mick and this is your way of getting round him to forget Celia and his Katie girl?'

Sarah stuck her nose in the air. ‘You're so suspicious, Ben. But I'm only doing what you said and thinking about your mother. I'm here because I genuinely care about Aunt Kitty.'

‘So you say,' he said dryly, having come down to earth with a bump. Taking his dinner out of the oven, he added, ‘Where've you been for the last few weeks? Ma could have done with you before now. Eileen had a fit right in the dining room last night and so Ma had to stop her waiting on. Eileen burst into tears and left. It's been pretty dire here.'