A Deal With the Devil (31 page)

“I only want it if he can really commit. And I don’t know that he can. And even more, I’m not sure I have it in me to try again.”

Kate regarded her for a long moment and then said, “Remember what you said to me when I was going through all my stuff with Sam?”

“This is not the same.”

Kate continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “You asked if I wanted my life to be ordinary or extraordinary.”

“This is not the same,” Amanda repeated.

“It
is
the same. You love Jake. You can’t live your life cowering in the corner and hiding behind your brother’s problems and your own fears about putting yourself out there. You had something extraordinary with Jake. And if you want to get it back, you’re going to have to step out in faith and believe; in yourself and in him.”

Amanda speared a huge forkful of her omelet and shoved it in her mouth. She took her time chewing. Just as she swallowed, her cell phone buzzed. Grateful for the distraction, she picked it up, frowning as she glanced at the display.

Rob. She didn’t feel like talking to him, so she let the call roll to voicemail.

“Jake?” Kate winked, her eyes dancing.

Amanda shook her head. “It’s Rob.”

Kate stared at her expectantly and her eyes grew round as Amanda dropped the phone back in her purse. “Aren’t you going to answer?”

“No. Why do you look so surprised?”

“You always drop everything when Rob calls. The house could be burning down around you and you’d still stop to take his call.” Kate pushed back in her chair and tilted her head as she regarded Amanda with interest. “Well, this is a new one.”

“It’s no big deal. I’ll just call him back later. I can’t be at his beck and call all the time.”

Kate’s mouth dropped open and then she arched a brow as she said, “Wow. This is like something straight out of
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
.” She leaned forward and made a silly face, waggling her finger as she said, “What have you done with Amanda?”

Amanda picked up her napkin and dabbed at her mouth. “Are you ready for shopping?”

Kate shot her a look. “I was born ready.”

The girls stopped at the front to pay and then strolled out into the mall, chatting and window shopping until they got to Nordstrom, where they headed straight for the make-up section, as usual.

Kate grabbed Amanda’s arm and pulled her toward the Chanel counter. “I saw this new foundation advertised in this month’s Elle. Supposedly it contains these little silicone spheres that let the makeup sit on top of your wrinkles.” She looked at Amanda expectantly.

Amanda’s mouth twisted. “Are you saying I have wrinkles?”

“No. But look at that photo of Sharon Stone.” She pointed at the countertop display in front of them. “She’s in her mid-50’s and if it makes her skin look that good just imagine what it’ll do for ours. We’ll look twenty one again.” She elbowed Amanda in the side. “Not bad for someone who’s two weeks from their thirtieth.”

“Don’t remind me.” Amanda rolled her eyes. “And Sharon Stone only looks that good because some world class air brush artist doctored that ad.”

The saleswoman appeared and Kate said, “We’re interested in this foundation. Can you help us find our color?”

Amanda waved a hand. “I’ll pass.”

Kate shot her a strange look as she allowed the saleswoman to test several shades on the back of her hand. After she paid, she flounced over and pressed her palm against Amanda’s forehead. “Are you feeling okay?” She pretended to reach for her phone. “Do I need to call a doctor?”

“Stop,” Amanda said as she playfully pushed her hand away. “I feel fine.”

“Since when do you avoid your brother’s calls and resist buying the latest wonder makeup?”

Amanda shrugged.

They shopped for awhile longer and then headed to the benches outside Nordstrom.

“Do you mind if we sit a minute?” Kate placed a hand on the small of her back and eased down onto the bench. “I have to head home soon, but I wanted to go back to what we were talking about earlier.” She cast a sideways glance at Amanda. “I know you’re scared to try again with Jake and like I said, I don’t blame you. But I think it’s more than that.” She turned to face Amanda. “Ever since your parents died, you’ve lived your life expecting the worst. What if you let yourself expect—to actually believe—that it’s possible for things to work out the way you want?”

“I honestly don’t know what I want.” Amanda said, looking out at the crowd and pretending to people watch. But the people just looked like blurry blobs as her eyes welled with tears. She blinked them away. “It’s safer not to try. I’ve been through it once, remember? I don’t think I could bear it if I let him in only to have him bolt again, which you know he’ll do.” She hated feeling this way, so vulnerable and exposed. She lifted her chin and shoved her emotions back into the dark little recesses of her heart where they had lived for the past year; where she didn’t have to deal with them. “If I don’t let him in, I won’t get hurt.”

“You’re wrong. If he runs again, disappoints you again, it’ll hurt whether you allow yourself to believe in the possibilities or not. You’ve already let him in.” Kate chided her gently. “The only question is whether you’ll let yourself experience the joy and happiness that comes with allowing yourself to hope; to believe. Or if you’ll play it safe.” Kate put an arm around her shoulder. “I don’t think playing it safe is your style. Not really.”

“Why? I think I’d be great at that.” Amanda was only half joking, trying to lighten the mood.

Clearly Kate wasn’t buying it.

“Just because your parents died, just because Jake left you last year, it doesn’t mean everything in your life will unfold in the same way.”

Leave it to Kate to cut right to the heart of the matter. Amanda’s voice sounded shaky as she said, “I know.”

“Yes, but are you ready to do something about it.”

She sniffled and reached into her purse for a tissue “Like what?” She blew her nose.

Kate eyed her sternly. “Like turn off that Negative Nellie soundtrack in your head and let yourself go for once. Throw yourself into this relationship with Jake if it’s truly what you want. And I think it is.” She smiled. “I
know
it is.”

Amanda laughed through her watery eyes. “Negative Nellie, huh?”

“You’ve got the routine down pat. But let’s see if we can’t tune the dial to a different station for a while. You know, learn some new moves.”

“Trusting Jake Lowell again would probably not be the wisest decision I’ve ever made. Maybe I need to just find someone safe.”

Kate shot her a
get real
look. “Everyone makes mistakes, Amanda. Maybe the break-up was his. Forgive him. Believe in him. Believe in yourself. It’s the only way to live.” Kate gave Amanda’s shoulders a last little squeeze and then stood. “I have to run—or more accurately waddle—back home. See you later.”

Despite her melancholy mood, Amanda laughed and waved as Kate made her way slowly through the mall. She sat there for a long while until her cell buzzed again. She pulled it out of her purse. Rob again. He was nothing if not persistent.

This time she answered. “Hey.”

“How’d the party go last night?”

“Great. Sorry I missed your call earlier; I was having brunch with Kate.”

“No problem,” he said. “Listen, can you stop by the restaurant tomorrow morning at ten?”

“I can’t. I have to go to a meeting with Jake at ten thirty.”

“Oh. Will this afternoon work?”

She sighed. She didn’t feel like dealing with Rob’s stuff right now. “No. I’m sorry Rob. It’ll have to be later in the week.”

A long silence followed. “Is everything all right?”

Good question. She wished she had a clue. Only time would tell, she supposed. “It’s fine. I just have a lot going on. I have to help Jake tomorrow and I have to finish writing his presentation today and I just can’t deal with anything else. Call me tomorrow and we’ll figure out when we can meet later in the week.”

“But—”

She hung up. This saying no thing was getting much easier.

Chapter Seventeen

manda looked up from the computer when the house phone rang. After working on revisions for the last three hours, she needed a break. She sat up straight and stretched. Then she checked her email to see if George had sent the brand video through as he’d promised. He hadn’t.

Just as she was about to dive back into the presentation, Jake walked in and sat in the chair across from her. Judging from his expression and tense posture, something was wrong.

She frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“My Uncle Leonard just called,” he said, his expression grim. “Max got admitted to the hospital a few hours ago.”

Amanda leaned forward. “What? Is it serious?”

“They thought he had a heart attack so they rushed him to the emergency room.”

Amanda gasped, her hand covering her mouth.

“It wasn’t, or if so, it was very mild. He’s okay, but they’re still running tests and plan to keep him overnight for observation.”

Amanda leapt from the chair and swung into action. “I’ll be ready in a flash. Just give me a minute to—”

“I’m not going to the hospital—not tonight, anyway.” He looked down and away. “I’ll go tomorrow after the pitch. I don’t want to be distracted right now.”

Amanda frowned and sank slowly into the chair. “Distracted? What are you talking about? We’re going to the hospital right this minute. And if we need to reschedule the pitch tomorrow, then we’ll do that to.”

He looked at her; the expression in his eyes was one of pure steel. “No.”

She stared at him, incredulous. He must be in shock. He wasn’t thinking straight. She decided on the rational approach. “Jake, you
have
to go to the hospital. Max is your only family now, except for an uncle you never see.”

He scoffed. “Whatever that means.”

She stood and walked around the desk and, perching on the edge, she leaned over and touched his knee. “Jake, he
needs
you.”

Jake shot out of the chair and her hand fell to her side. He strode across the room and then turned and his tone was icy as he said, “My father and I needed him too. But he wasn’t there for either of us. So I’ll do exactly as he would’ve done back in the day. I’ll handle my business matters first and then I’ll pay him a visit. When you’re a Lowell, it’s called having your priorities straight.”

Her mouth fell open. “Jake—”

He turned away. “I’m going upstairs. Email the presentation when you’re done. I want to run through it a few times before tomorrow morning.”

She rushed after him and grabbed his arm. “Jake, wait!” He turned to look at her and the expression in his eyes chilled her to the bone. “What’s
wrong
with you?”

“You don’t get it,” he said, his voice flat and completely devoid of emotion. “I can’t pretend to have a relationship with Max that doesn’t exist. I’m not going to rush to his side just because of a little health episode.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a little episode if they’re keeping him overnight.” She folded her arms and decided that, if ever a time called for the direct approach, this was it. “You know, you’re the one who doesn’t get it. You’ve had plenty to say about my selfish brother. But from where I’m standing, the only selfish one in the vicinity is you.”