A Family of Their Own (10 page)

Kelsey stood back from the door as Lucy came out carrying a large grocery bag. Trying to be subtle, she glanced inside only to catch a glimpse of something in a shade of pastel turquoise. Gifts. Her stomach knotted. She slipped her arm around Lucy’s shoulders, feeling protective, but her ire had subsided when she looked at Karen’s haggard face. It looked different than it had when she’d dropped Lucy there earlier. “I’ll pray for you, Karen.”

Karen’s head bolted upward, anxiety written on her face. “Thanks, but…” As her words dragged to a halt, gratefulness filled her face. “It’s nice to hear you say that.”

She’d surprised herself, but she would pray. Death and divorce were similar but different. Which was worse? No answer came, but the finality of death was a permanent emptiness.

Karen leaned down and hugged Lucy. “Your visit meant a lot to us, sweetie. I know your dad is grateful that your mom
brought you for a visit.” She lifted her head and faced Kelsey. “Hospice has been a great help. At least, he can be home.”

Hospice.
The word dug into her heart. “You think it will be…” She couldn’t say anything in front of Lucy. She gazed at Karen, wondering if she and Doug had told her the truth.

“Yes. He’s opted out of chemo or radiation. Quality of life is more important now.”

Karen’s bravery wriggled into Kelsey’s chest and filled the gash. “Quality of life is best.”

She nodded.

They faced each other a few moments, nothing spoken, but so much said.

Lucy tugged her arm, and she stepped back. “We’ll be going, Karen. I know you’ll keep us posted.”

“I will.” She gave a nod, along with a lingering look at Lucy. “We love you.”

“Love you, too,” she said, then turned and started down the porch steps.

Kelsey’s knees felt weak as she trudged back to the minivan. Once inside she caught her breath. Ross gave a brief turn of his head, but didn’t ask and she was relieved. She looked over the seat at Lucy. “What’s in the bag?”

“Presents.”

“Looks like a lot of presents.”

She nodded, but without a smile.

“Dad said he was sorry he missed Christmas last year, and he gave me birthday presents for this year.” She dug into the sack and then looked up. “Want to see?”

Kelsey nodded, and as Lucy pulled out the items, Ross rolled onto the highway. She’d forgotten that Doug hadn’t sent gifts for Christmas. It was so like him to forget special occasions that she’d given up expecting anything. Now he wanted to be a father.

She stifled her resentment. If she were dying, Kelsey suspected she would do the same thing, try to resolve mistakes,
lavish love on those important in her life and make amends for the hurts she’d caused. Ross’s words filled her mind. She’d never forget, but she could forgive. Her emotions vacillated between compassion and animosity.

Lucy delved into the bag and pulled out a turquoise outfit, a print skirt and a top to match—even the right size. “And he gave me Chinese checkers.” She grinned. “It’s so much fun. Daddy played it with me. Have you played it, Mom?”

“A long time ago.” Clothes, games. Kelsey wondered if she’d finally come to the end.

“And puzzles.” She brought out two jigsaw puzzles.

She almost rolled her eyes. Doug knew she loved them, even as a toddler. He’d certainly worked to impress his daughter.

“And there’s more.” Lucy dug into the grocery sack again, tugging out another blouse, this one with coral trim, and then she lifted out a picture frame.

Kelsey swallowed the rising emotion as Lucy put it in her hand. Tears slipped into her eyes, and she looked away before Lucy saw them.

Brushing her hands across the dampness, she looked down at the photograph of Lucy and Doug, cheeks together, smiling. It appeared to be an older photograph—maybe two years earlier—when Lucy had visited him. Though the picture rent her heart, a familiar stab of resentment pierced her. Sarcasm clung to her tongue until she was able to consume it and respond. “It’s a nice photograph, Lucy.” She lowered the frame into Lucy’s hands.

“Daddy said to put it on my nightstand.”

Her father’s suggestion grated her, but she turned her thoughts around, trying to hear Ross’s voice. Forgiveness.
Lord, I’m such a sinner.
Calm waved past her like a breeze. “That way you’ll see your father every morning when you wake up.”

Lucy nodded, a troubled look growing on her face. “Mom.”

Kelsey gazed at her. “They’re nice gifts. I like them.”

She slipped the photograph back into the paper bag. “Can I ask you a question?”

The sound of her voice aroused her concern. She didn’t want to answer a question, but seeing Lucy’s face, she had to. “Okay.”

“Why didn’t you go inside and see Daddy?”

Her heart skipped a beat. “I wanted you and your father to have this special time together.”

“But he talked about you.”

Her pulse heightened. “What do you mean?” Weight fell on her shoulders.

“He asked me if you were doing okay, and was your job real good.” Her eyes searched Kelsey’s. “Was it okay I told him you were fine and you had lots of work?”

“That was fine. You should always be honest.”

“Oh, and I forgot. He gave me something to give you.”

She delved back into the bottom of the sack and pulled out an envelope. “Maybe it’s a letter.” Lucy handed it to her. “Read it.”

It was the last thing she wanted to do, but how could she explain that to her eager daughter? She pulled open the tab and drew out the note. When she unfolded it, a check had been tucked inside. She gazed at the amount and cringed as she scanned the message. Her chest compressed against her lungs, and she fought for breath.

“It’s long, Lucy. I’ll read it later. Okay?”

Lucy shrugged.

Doug’s guilt for his neglect seemed obvious by the size of the check. But money wasn’t the issue now, although it had been. Giving love and attention to Lucy was vital. Yet if he had shown her all of that, Kelsey would have felt she and Doug were competing for Lucy’s attention.

“You should have talked with him.”

Lucy’s admonition startled her, and her heart softened. “Would that make you happy?”

She nodded. “He’s sick, and I don’t understand. He’s sad, but he tried to look happy.”

“Lucy, he was happy to see you, but it’s difficult when an adult is sick. It means he can’t work, and he can’t do the things he wants to do.”

Her eyes searched Kelsey’s. “Will he get better?” She tilted her head, determination growing on her face.

Tension twisted through her, and Kelsey rumpled the envelope in her hand. Lucy wanted the truth. “I don’t know. He’s very sick and the doctors don’t have much they can do.”

Her face pinched with thought. “But he’ll go to heaven.” She tilted her head again. “Right?”

Panic set in, and Kelsey eyed Ross. He glanced her way, letting her know she had to make the decision on how to answer. The word
forgiveness
struck her again. God forgives sin when the person atones. She had no idea if Doug was sorry for what he did, but she looked at Lucy’s distressed face and the answer came.

“Your dad loves you, Lucy, and when we were married, he loved Jesus. We know that when we believe in Jesus as God’s Son and love him—”

“We’ll go to heaven.” Relief filled her face.

Kelsey wanted to reach across the seat and draw Lucy into her arms. “That’s right. It’s God’s promise.”

“Good.” Lucy’s shoulders relaxed, and she gazed at the bag beside her. “But I hope he doesn’t die.”

“So do I.”

And she did, for Lucy’s sake. Kelsey longed to curl up in bed and weep. Instead she closed her eyes and prayed.

K
elsey eyed the caller ID and grabbed the headset. “Audrey, what a surprise.” She held her breath, fearing another problem.

“I know it’s been a while.” A hint of guilt edged into her sister’s voice. “How’s Lucy?”

“Pretty good. She’s been tumor-free for over a year. That’s a great victory for us.” Audrey called so rarely, concern settled in her mind. “How are the kids? Mom and Dad? Everyone okay?”

“We’re all well. Mom and Dad are busy, as always.”

“Wonderful.” Kelsey gripped the phone, the obvious question nudging her. “So what’s up?”

“Jeff has business in Detroit near the end of May, and I thought I’d come with him so we could visit.”

She knew she should be happy, but Kelsey had so much going on in her life—work, Lucy and now Ross. Common sense prodded her. “That would be great. Lucy and I would love to see you.”

“Great.” Her voice came to a dead stop.

Kelsey looked for a reason. Then it struck her. “Would you and Dave like to stay here? I have the extra room.”

“That would be wonderful…if you don’t mind.”

Mind. She drew up her shoulders, knowing what she had to say. “It’ll be more convenient for everyone, don’t you think?” She’d walked around her question without lying.

“It would. Thanks. Isn’t Lucy’s birthday around that time?”

Kelsey cringed. “It’s May 20.”

“We should be there then, so we’ll do something special to celebrate. Would Lucy like that?”

“Lucy would, I’m sure.” Her own plans ricocheted. She’d wanted to do something with Ross and Peyton.

“I’ll call you with a firm date, and thanks again. I’m looking forward to seeing you both.”

“That sounds fine, Audrey. We can make better plans when you call.”

The conversation died away, and when she hung up, she sank into a chair. Ross had been tied up with Peyton and his work, and they’d only been talking on the phone recently, except for one day when he dropped by for a minute. Peyton’s doctor’s visits and consultations had cut into their time to the point that their relationship, which had been blossoming into something deeper, seemed to be shriveling like a plant for lack of water and sunshine.

The almost-kiss crept into her mind so often. His lips had brushed hers before jerking away with the porch light’s glare, and though she still had no certainty where their friendship would go, hope lingered in her mind. They were compatible. They had fun and laughed sometimes when they weren’t concerned about the girls. Ross’s gentle nature, his caring heart, had touched her far beyond her dreams. She’d expected to spend her life alone, fearing another romantic encounter that led to deceit, but when Ross appeared in her life—at a wedding no less—her old expectation slipped further back in her mind.

She lowered her head as Doug filtered into her thoughts. Since she’d read his letter, flashes of their marriage came
to mind on occasion, a few special moments surprising her. Doug’s joy when Lucy was born. Their first home. A trip to London. She would never love him again. That was impossible, but he wasn’t the monster she’d created in her mind. He’d sinned and had broken his oath to God and to her. But who was she to weigh one sin over another? If the Lord could forgive Doug, why couldn’t she?

She rose, pulled a mug from the cabinet and turned on the burner to heat water for tea. While waiting, she wandered into the living room and pulled open the small antique secretary desk she rarely used. She drew out the letter and held it in her hand, her throat knotting with the memory of Doug’s words. Sinking into a chair, Kelsey unfolded the paper again.

Tears filled Kelsey’s eyes and dripped onto the paper.

A sob rent Kelsey’s throat. She dropped the letter into her lap and covered her face with her hands, allowing the hot tears to burn away her hatred.

When the kettle whistled, she wiped the tears from her eyes and returned the letter to the small desk. One day she would toss it away, but not now. The kettle persisted, and she returned to the kitchen. When her tea was ready, she wandered back to the living room, settled into the chair and rested her head against the cushion, thinking of Lucy’s recent visit with Doug.

The evening they’d arrived home from Grand Rapids after Ross left, she read the note and then shared what she could with Lucy. Doug’s words left her flailing with emotions that lashed one way and then another, but in time, she’d calmed and tried to make sense of it all.

Despite Doug’s exit from her life, she’d been blessed. Her good job, her friends and Lucy’s improved health reminded her that life was still good. And now Ross.

She lifted the mug and took a sip. It washed down her throat, warming her, yet an icy thought prevailed. Doug’s letter made his death so real that she trembled.

Things happened without warning. Accidents, death, even falling in love. She took another sip of tea to soothe her emptiness. She missed Ross. Peyton’s illness often came between them, and she understood, but it didn’t alleviate the lonely feeling. And sometimes she wondered if Lexie was right
when she said two people with sick children shouldn’t fall in love.

But that’s what she’d been doing.

Ross’s concern rose as he eyed Dr. Timmons’s face, his lips pressed together with a faint frown on his face. He shifted in his chair and studied Peyton’s file.

Trying to contain himself, Ross clasped his hands in his lap, using the pressure to steady them.

“I don’t want you to get excited.” Dr. Timmons looked over the top of his glasses, his gaze shifting from Peyton to Ross.

“What is it?” Panic surged in Ross’s voice.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Timmons rose and slipped two x-rays into the lighted slots. “This was Peyton’s X-ray from six months ago.” He pointed to the electrocardiogram. “You can see the size of her heart here. Now look at this x-ray.”

Rigid with worry, Ross squinted, not sure what to look for. His pulse rose, searching for something different, something that would show more growth or a flaw. Then Dr. Timmons’s words flashed into his mind.
I don’t want you to get excited.
What did he mean by that? He searched the physician’s face.

“I don’t see any difference.”

“That’s correct. For the past year, Peyton’s heart has remained stable. No enlargement at all. Her heart echo shows that her heart is working the same. Same size. Same shape. That’s excellent.”

Air shot from Ross’s lungs. “Then that means she’s doing well.”

“That part of her heart is. Yes.” He returned to the desk and shuffled through the file. “The greatest problem lies in the electrical system of her heart. Her arrhythmia.” He lifted his gaze to Ross before looking at Peyton. “Peyton, that’s why you take the blood thinner and medication for irregular heart rhythm.”

“I know, and that’s what restricts me.” Her expression showed her unhappiness.

“It does. You have to be careful playing so as not to get cut or bruised badly and the other medication makes you short of breath, tired and feel weak sometimes.”

She nodded. “I hate it.”

Ross flinched at her comment and captured her attention. “Peyton, the medicine keeps you from serious problems. You’ve been able to go to school—yes, with restrictions—but you can go, and when you take naps and rest, you can do lots of things.” He wanted to tell her she was alive, but he couldn’t do that. He felt desperate and looked at Dr. Timmons for help.

“And this is why I told you not to get too excited. Recently, a new medication has been approved that may work better on Peyton. It has been doing a good job of controlling arrhythmia for some patients. Once we can stabilize your heart rhythm, we may be able to take you off coumadin.”

“Really?” Peyton’s eyes widened, and she clutched her hands to her chest. “Can I take that instead of what I do now?”

“I want to study this a little more before we change, and you know…” He leaned closer and looked her in the eyes. “This doesn’t mean you’ll be well right away. It will take time, but we could see an improvement in a few months. That would be my hope.”

“It’s mine, too, doctor.” Ross drew in a breath, excited yet apprehensive about what he heard. He knew from other medications that they sometimes had side effects that might not work with Peyton. It was in God’s hands. “So what do we do now?”

“Follow the same procedures you’ve been following, and I’ll get back to you when I make a decision. I’ll consult with a couple specialists and that will help me weigh the pros and cons for Peyton.”

Ross slipped his arm around Peyton’s shoulders. “What do you think?”

“I guess we have to wait and see.”

Her excitement had died down with the doctor’s hesitation, and Ross hoped that as they talked she would see the big picture. Everything took time, but it could be worth it.

The doctor rose. “I’ll see you at her next appointment, if not before. I’ll give you a call.”

“I’ll be waiting, Dr. Timmons.”

The specialist walked to the door and opened it. “Hopefully I’ll have good news for you, Peyton.”

Ross rose and Peyton followed. They headed to the checkout desk in silence and then strode to the car. His mind reeled with the news. In all the excitement about the medication, he’d forgotten the other wonderful news. Peyton’s heart had shown no changes for months. His feet danced to the minivan.

Once they were settled inside, his mind ticked with an idea. “School’s out now so you don’t have to go back. I’m sure that makes you happy.”

She grinned. “It does, but I’d be happier if I knew I could have the new medication now.”

“Peyton, sometimes in life, we have to wait. But, you know what? Waiting gives you something to look forward to.” He patted her hand. “I believe that God’s going to bless us this time.”

“You mean He’ll help Dr. Timmons say yes?”

“Something like that. But if not, then something better will happen. And don’t forget what he said about your heart.”

“It’s the same as it was.” She shook her head.

He pulled up his shoulders. “I think we should celebrate.”

She gave him a questioning look.

“It’s Friday night, and how about if I call Kelsey and see if they’d like to join us. We can do something fun.” Her expression didn’t flicker, but he knew she was thinking.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” His mind emptied. “Let me call Kelsey, and see what she thinks.”

Peyton didn’t respond, but she didn’t say no. That was a major victory.

He hit Kelsey’s number and was disappointed when she didn’t answer. Instead, he checked his contact list and called her cell phone. When she answered, he couldn’t contain himself. “Want to celebrate tonight?”

“Celebrate?” Her voice was a mix of excitement and curiosity.

Along with her voice, he heard a buzz of noise. “Where are you?”

“Grocery shopping. But you haven’t told me what you want to celebrate.”

Her persistence didn’t sway him. “How about going out to dinner? Something with the girls.”

“Ross.” She chuckled. “Why are you avoiding my question?”

He gave up trying to surprise her later and offered a quick explanation of what Dr. Timmons had said.

“That’s wonderful. Something new to pray about.” Excitement brightened her voice.

“I keep reminding myself that the decision hasn’t been made yet, but I feel it in my heart that it will be good news.” He closed his eyes a moment, drawing in the reality. Peyton might be able to live a normal life. He fought back tears of joy. “So what about celebrating?”

“I’m at the checkout now.”

He heard the rustle of noise.

“Come to the house and we’ll figure out something.”

Ross pictured her rushing through her shopping and putting groceries away. “Let’s do this. You’ve never been to my house and it’s time you came over. Don’t rush. Come when you’re ready. I don’t live that far from you.”

She chuckled. “You heard my harried voice, didn’t you?” Another rustling sound. “Thanks.”

He gave her his address and when the call ended, he smiled and looked at Peyton. “They’ll come to our house and then decide.”

She gave a nod.

He turned on the ignition and pulled away from the hospital. Why hadn’t he ever invited Kelsey to his home? The only answer he could think of was he’d taken small steps in their relationship. He feared losing the friendship if she suspected he would like more than that. Dumb, now that he thought about it.

“Daddy?”

His pulse skipped hearing Peyton’s voice. His mind had been miles away. “What?”

“Will I get better if I can have the new medication?” Her voice filled with great hope.

He reached over and rested his hand on her arm. “Peyton, we can hope and pray. When the doctor told us about it, I was so excited, and yet I’m scared, too. But I feel right in here…” He shifted his hand to his heart. “That they’ll approve it for you.”

She rested her hand over his. “I love you, Daddy.”

His bursting heart compressed as he fought the tears brimming in his eyes. “I love you, too, Peyton. More than you’ll ever know.” He gave her arm a pat. “Now, let’s think of what we can do tonight.”