A Family of Their Own (9 page)

Kelsey motioned for him to begin, and he cleared his throat, hoping his voice would sound firm and in control. “As you already know, I’m Ross. My daughter, Peyton, who just turned twelve, has cardiomyopathy.”

A gasp sizzled around the room. Ross dug his nails into the base of the chair. He knew what they were thinking, and he
didn’t want to hear their thoughts or face them. He gathered his wits. “Peyton has done quite well. I spotted the symptoms, because my wife…” He didn’t want to go there. Fifteen women stared at him, their faces filled with question. “Because my wife had died from cardiomyopathy a few years earlier.”

Shock registered on their faces, and this time their oohs reached him. They were empathizing. He knew that, but he’d never allowed people to share his grief—not until Kelsey came along. He glanced at her and saw her caring expression. He could see that she wanted to touch him, to give him a pat of confidence, but it was impossible in the room full of women.

Ross decided to barrel along. He told them about her symptoms, her tests and now his sadness at having to up her meds. “She has a difficult time with other kids. You know how they are. She misses school when she’s not doing well, and she feels out of it. Instead of going back to classes and joining in, she pulls away.”

“And that causes the others to pull away.”

He guessed that the comment came from the woman who’d introduced herself as Shirley. He nodded. “So that’s where I’m at now. Praying that her arrhythmia lessens, and we can decrease the coumadin.”

“I’ll add that to my prayer list,” Shirley said, compassion filling her face. “I’ll also pray for her ability to make friends.”

“Thanks, Shirley.”

A few other women joined in with comments on prayer, and Ross’s spirit lifted. He’d shared his story, and he received offers for prayer. He could do this, and maybe next time, he wouldn’t be so tense. He had so much more he could tell them, and he needed answers.

Chairs were shifted back and a short meeting followed. Women offered new ideas for sharing, films they’d seen, programs at hospitals for parents. It ended more quickly than
he’d expected. He hung around, wanting to know more about Kelsey’s plans with Lucy, and when the last woman left the room, he rose from the chair. “What are you planning to do now that Lucy knows? Does she want to see him?”

Kelsey leaned her hip against the desk. “Yes, but I knew she would.”

“So what will you do?”

“He lives in Grand Rapids. I’ll take her there on Saturday, make sure she’s inside and then find something to do while they visit. They can call me on my cell phone when she’s ready to be picked up.”

“Saturday.” He tossed the idea around in his head. “Do you want company?”

“Company?” She eyed him and her eyes brightened. “You’re willing to come along?”

“Very willing. I’ll see if I can get a sitter for Peyton.” His comment fluttered across her face.

“You could bring her if you want.”

“I could.” He pictured the sober occasion, but Peyton had never been to Grand Rapids that he could remember and bringing her might be a good distraction for Lucy.

“It’s up to you, but I’d love your company.”

Something registered in her eyes that he didn’t comprehend. Maybe she had the same thoughts. Peyton would not only be a distraction, but the sad occasion might offer Peyton a chance to show sympathy and heighten their friendship.

A deep sigh rolled from Kelsey. “This will be hard for me.”

“I’m sure it will.” He couldn’t imagine Ruthie having an affair. Trust, confidence, everything defiled by lust and betrayal.

Kelsey dragged her fingers through her hair, forcing her part to vanish for a moment. “I’ve only seen Karen a couple of times since I learned about the affair and that was always from a distance. I dealt with Doug.”

“I’ll be with you. I can’t work wonders, but maybe having a friend there will help.”

“It will, and I can’t thank you enough.”

He walked to her side, longing to hold her in his arms. The almost-kiss still hung in his memory, waiting to happen. He’d monitored his emotions so long now he feared taking the step. He gazed at her lips, her soft cheeks and her long, silken hair. His pulse escalated. He looked around the empty room but stopped himself. This wasn’t the right time. Another opportunity would come, and hopefully her sitter wouldn’t turn on the porch light next time.

K
elsey steered Lucy through the doorway while Ross waited on the porch. He’d worn a suede jacket and beneath it, a pullover in beige and camel, the same color as the suede. He looked so good to her—a stalwart, caring friend—who put her needs first, first after Peyton. Nearing his minivan, she saw it was empty.

“Where’s Peyton?”

He glanced at Lucy and closed the distance between them. “The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t like the idea. Peyton would be bored with the waiting, and Mrs. Withers was available. It made more sense.” He slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze. “And we can use the alone time.”

Grateful, she pressed his hand to affirm his decision. Her emotions had been tied in knots since she’d made plans for the trip, and she’d been concerned about Peyton’s presence, but telling Ross she wasn’t welcome didn’t seem right. He’d made a good choice.

Though Lucy sat in the back seat, a novel in her hand, Kelsey could see she was apprehensive, not only facing her father after so long, but knowing he was very ill. Kelsey grimaced at her decision to hold back the truth from her daugh
ter. She didn’t have it in her heart to tell Lucy that her father was dying. It seemed like too much at one time.

Now she wondered how Doug would react to seeing Lucy. She’d grown up a little—she was more a young lady than a child. Ten was that in-between age when young girls floundered with one foot in childhood and another stretching for adulthood. They wanted to be treated as adults, having their own freedom and independence, while clinging to the security and easy life of their youth. And then came attitude. Sometimes Lucy rolled her eyes as if mothers were the most stupid people in the world. At times, Kelsey believed it.

“You’re thoughtful.”

Her stomach lurched. “Thinking.” She felt empty. “So many memories and concerns.”

“I can’t even imagine.” He snapped on the radio and turned down the volume. “You don’t have to talk now. I know you have a lot to think about.” He glanced into the rearview mirror. “Lucy’s sleeping, I think.”

She turned around and saw her daughter’s eyes closed, the book resting on the seat beside her. “I don’t think she slept well.” She stretched her neck to relieve the tension. “Neither did I.”

He slipped his hand to hers. “Take a nap, too. You need a clear mind for this.”

The warmth traveled to her heart. “I do.” She closed her eyes and relaxed to the lilt of the music and the rhythm of the highway.

“Kelsey, I think we’re close.”

She opened her eyes, startled that she’d fallen asleep. Ross’s hand rested on her arm. She scooted up in the seat and tried to wrap her mind around where she was and why. The answer hit her, and her stomach knotted. Eyeing the surroundings, she got her bearings. “I’ve only been here a couple of times. At first, Doug came to Clawson.” A building came into sight that she recognized. “Turn right up here.”

Ross followed her directions and as they rolled down Doug’s street, she leaned over her seat and tapped Lucy. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Lucy’s eyes flew open, and she looked around, her dazed eyes widening. “Are we there already?”

“Almost.”

She straightened in the seat and ran her hand over her hair. “Mom, do you have a comb?”

Kelsey grinned and dug into her purse. “Here you go.” She handed her the comb and Lucy ran it through her curls. She handed it back, mumbling a thanks.

“We should have brought him something.” Kelsey looked at Ross for validation. “Lucy, you should take a gift for your dad since he’s ill. Flowers or candy. Maybe a magazine. Anything.”

Hindered by the seat belt, Lucy scooted as close as she could get. “Mom, aren’t flowers for girls?”

Kelsey eyed Ross. “What do you say?”

“Some men like flowers, but all men like candy.”

“See, Mom. Let’s buy him a box of chocolates.”

Kelsey stretched her mind and recalled a drugstore not far away. She gave Ross directions and soon they were back where they’d started. When they pulled in front of Doug’s house, she drew in a calming breath. “I’ll walk you to the door, Lucy, but I’m not going to stay.” She dug into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. “Here’s my cell-phone number in case you’ve forgotten it, and—”

“Mom.” She rolled her eyes. “I know your number.”

“Okay.” She dropped the scrap into her purse. “I hope that’s all right.”

Lucy shrugged. “I’d rather you were there, too.”

Air emptied from Kelsey’s lungs. “I know, but it’s better for you and your dad to spend time together without me there. I’d just be in the way. You know that your dad and I—”

“But he’s sick now.”

Guilt shriveled her argument. “Ross drove us here, because he knew we were upset. I don’t want to leave him alone while—”

“Kelsey, don’t worry—”

She flashed him a scowl. “You’d be waiting a long time alone, Ross. I can’t do that to you.”

“It’s okay.” Lucy’s voice slid into the conversation. “I understand.”

Relief swilled over her cowardice. Where was her spunk? She’d never hurt Doug or Karen. They’d hurt her, and why couldn’t she let it die? The word stabbed her.
Die.
Doug. She peered at the house and noticed the front door open.

“They’ve seen us.” She faced Lucy. “Ready?”

She nodded and unlatched her seat belt. As she did, an unexpected prayer slipped into Kelsey’s thoughts. A prayer for her attitude and a prayer for Lucy’s day. God would protect her.

Ross opened his door, and she grasped his arm. “Not this time.”

He seemed to understand and closed the door.

She clutched the door handle and stepped out, hoping her legs would hold her steady. Lucy waited on the sidewalk, clutching the box of chocolates. She looked too young to bear this difficult visit alone, but Kelsey sensed it would be for the best. Her scars were still raw after so many years, and she feared that hiding her bitterness would be impossible. This wasn’t a time for resentment, but compassion—and she didn’t have it.

Ahead she saw Karen standing behind the storm door. When they were friends, she would have waved and smiled, but today her arm clung to her side, her lips straight as a razor and just as sharp.

Karen pushed open the door. “Lucy.” She crouched and gave her a hug. “Your daddy is so anxious to see you.”

Lucy lost her voice and only gave a nod, staring ahead as
if she wanted to get inside and see her father. Karen stood back and waved her in. “It’s good to see you, Kelsey. You look well.”

“Thank you.” She took a step back.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“No. This should be time for Lucy and her father.” She motioned to the car. “I have a friend who drove us here.”

Karen’s head jerked toward the minivan, and she squinted. “That was nice of him.”

“He’s a wonderful man. Very thoughtful and caring.” She wanted to add
trustworthy
to the list, but she stopped herself.

“I’m glad for you.” Karen’s eyes searched hers. “I really am.”

“When Lucy’s ready to leave, would you let her call my cell phone?” She should have said thank you or acknowledged her
glad-for-you
comment, but the words wouldn’t come. Animosity proved to be a horrible emotion, and letting it go hadn’t happened.

“She’ll have lunch with us, if that’s okay.”

Kelsey took another step back. “It’s fine. Just have her call when she’s about ready and we’ll come back to pick her up.” She turned and took a step.

“Kelsey.”

She spun around.

“Thanks for bringing her today. It means a lot to Doug.”

Deep in her core, she seethed with the violence of a volcano ready to erupt. The burning smoke filled her chest and scorched her throat, waiting to spew her frustration into Karen’s face, but she lifted her eyes to Ross, and did what she had to do. Keep the festering fire inside. As she strode away, she sent up a prayer of thanks that God had given her a friend like him, and she prayed for her heart’s healing. She’d licked her wounds long enough.

“How was it?” Ross opened the passenger door and she slid inside.

“Rough, and I’m ashamed of myself.”

His brows lifted. “What did you say?”

As he pulled away, she told him what she’d done and the thoughts she’d been able to squelch. “Ripping her with my feelings would have accomplished nothing. Do you know what I did?”

He shook his head.

“I looked at you, and thanked God for the gift.”

He dropped one hand from the steering wheel and covered hers. “I’m happy you feel that way. Sometimes I question the wisdom of our relationship. I know people have said things to you, and I’ve heard a few comments myself. Nothing terrible, but asking how we manage with two sick children. I don’t like to think of it that way, but their words make it a reality.”

She lifted her shoulders. “I’m not crazy about reality, either. And as far as we are concerned, so far so good.”

He gave her hand a pat and grasped the steering wheel. “What should we do while we wait? How about lunch?”

She eyed her watch. “It’s a little early yet. Let’s check out the art museum. I hear it’s terrific.” And hopefully it would give her time to cool down.

“Sounds good. We can find a place to have lunch downtown.”

“What is it with men and thoughts of food?” She smiled and it felt good.

He grinned back and patted his trim belly. “Food’s good, but being with you is better.”

Sometimes she thought her life had become too good to be true. And that worried her.

“It is terrific. You were right.” Ross stood near the reflecting pool at Rosa Park Circle, admiring the cantilevered concrete portico that thrust outward from the museum. “An
amazing sight. Being a contractor, all I can say is one word.
Powerful.
”

“It is. I know someone who comes here and mentioned it. I can use a relaxing distraction.”

“Thinking of Lucy, aren’t you?” He didn’t need to hear her response. Kelsey had been quiet since they’d left Doug’s house.

She nodded. “But this is nice. The museum couldn’t have a nicer setting than this park.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “If it was warmer, we could sit outside and enjoy the view.”

She leaned into him with a chuckle. “So let’s check it out.” She motioned to the museum.

He lowered his arm and grasped her hand, weaving his fingers through hers. When the girls were around, he tried to be more discreet and sometimes it killed him. Today they had time alone, but, as always, Lucy and Peyton hung in their minds.

They wandered inside, and he stopped again to admire another reflecting pool glinting in the winter sun. April was on their doorstep, and he longed for those warmer days when they could sit in the park and enjoy a picnic or a bike ride with the girls. His chest constricted. Would Peyton be able to ride a bike? He could only pray and wait for the blessing.

“Nice.” Kelsey motioned to the wide hallways with shining oak flooring and white walls that set off the masterpieces of art.

He sensed her distraction, and when he spotted a bench, he motioned for them to sit. She followed his suggestion and sank onto the concrete. He joined her, wishing he had words to make things better. “Lucy will do okay, and I’m sure her dad is thrilled to see her. If he’s facing death, Kelsey, maybe he’ll want to make up for the years of negligence.”

“Can anyone make up for those years, Ross?” She shook her head in answer to her own question.

He couldn’t blame her, but he wished he understood more fully. “You’ve been single a long time now, Kelsey. You’re a kind, loving person, and it doesn’t suit you to carry the anger so long.” From her expression, he’d struck a nerve.

“Maybe I’m angry at myself for not wanting to face the affair. I always explained it away.”

Emotions caught Ross off guard. The tender feeling filled him. “How long did it go on before you found out?”

“A year or more.”

He shook his head, startled at how long she’d been deceived, but it showed how trusting Kelsey had been. That’s what a marriage should be.

“Doug traveled for his job, and now that I look back, I have no idea when he was really on a business trip or somewhere with Karen. Sometimes when he was going out of town, I’d try to make plans with her. You know, a girls’ night out. Once in a while, we’d go to a movie or out to dinner, but more and more she had excuses. She had an out-of-town wedding or a sick aunt or something. It was easy to think coincidence.”

“I suppose you can be grateful they went out of town. No gossip that way.”

Her face twisted with emotion. “He wasn’t that bright. Once in a while someone would mention seeing him with Karen. When I asked, he’d make a joke about how good it was that I was trusting.” She dragged in a breath. “I tossed it off, and then I’d ask. He’d make up some excuse. They happened to be in the same restaurant and decided to sit together.”

“It happens.” No matter what he said, it sounded trivial. “A husband and wife should be trusting. If they’re not, the marriage isn’t healthy. Yours was.”

“One-sided.” He watched a kaleidoscope of emotion sweep over her eyes.

“Ross, I know you’re right. Why can’t I let it go? I could have at least walked inside and showed some compassion. The Bible says to love our enemies. I’ve failed.”

“But you’re sorry for it, and God forgives you.”

She lifted her gaze to his. “Then why can’t I forgive?”

Forgiveness always seemed like such an ordeal. He’d blamed God for Ruthie’s death and Peyton’s struggle with the same disease, and yet he’d faced the reality that God allowed things to happen for reasons that he would never know. He trusted the Lord, and that’s what she needed to do. “You’ll never forget what they did, Kelsey.” He slipped his arm around her back. “But you can forgive.”

She scanned the surroundings in silence until she finally turned to face him. “I’ll work on it, Ross. That’s all I can promise.”

He drew her closer to his side. “That’s all I want to hear.” He glanced at his watch, surprised at the time. “We’d better head for lunch, or Lucy will call and we won’t have eaten.” He rose and took her hand. But from her expression, lunch was the last thing on her mind.