A Family to Be (Saddle Falls) (6 page)

“Be right out,” Em called, wiping her hands on her apron and swinging through the door.

“Heard the prettiest girl in town was back,” Jake Ryan, Josh’s oldest brother, said as he grabbed Em up and off her feet in a bear hug.

“Jake, oh Jake.” Laughing, she hugged him back. “I’m so glad to see you.”

While all the Ryans had hell-raising reputations growing up, none more so than Jake. Like his brothers, he had a fierce sense of pride, a strong sense of right and wrong, and an incredible right hook to back up his temper.

He’d given more than a few teachers and mothers a few moments of worry during his youth, but for all his hell-raising ways, Jake—like Josh—was one of the kindest, loving men she’d ever known.

And one of the most gorgeous, Em thought with a wicked grin, realizing that time had only added to Jake’s looks. He was a bit taller than Josh, but not by much. And he had the same sleek black hair as all the other Ryans, but Jake, always the renegade, wore his hair longer than Josh’s more conservative style. He also had the same incredibly gorgeous blue eyes, eyes that saw far more than anyone would ever believe.

Jake set her down, grinning at her as his gaze went over her. “You’re still pretty as ever, Em,” he said with a shake of his head. He studied her carefully. “And a little bird tells me you’re about to be a mother?”

“And I hear you’re about to become a father,” she retorted with a grin, watching as his face brightened and his eyes glowed. His joy over the expected birth of his child was so visible, so obvious it brought a pang of yearning to her heart.

“In just a few months,” he admitted, climbing onto one of the stools at the counter. He shook his head. “Hard to believe, isn’t it Em? We’re going to be parents.” He laughed. “Now that’s a scary thought,” he said with a shudder, eyeing the glass-covered plates behind the counter where the day’s homemade pies and cakes sat. “Got any of your famous pecan pie left?”

“Got a fresh one in the kitchen, Jake.” Still smiling, Em pushed through the door to the kitchen, cut Jake his pie and returned to pour him a fresh cup of coffee.

“How’s business?” he asked between bites.

“Fabulous.” Her eyes twinkled in amusement. “I think part is just curiosity about me being home.”

He grinned, finishing off his pie. “Yeah, that and these fabulous cakes and pies, Em.” He wiped his mouth on a napkin, then tossed it to the counter. “Listen, Em…” His voice trailed off and his face grew serious. “How you feeling?” he asked. “I mean, being pregnant and all, should you be on your feet all day? Working?” There was such concern in his voice, his eyes, she simply couldn’t get annoyed at him, not when she knew that someone had put him up to this.

Josh again, she thought with a sigh, trying to curb her annoyance. He’d sent for reinforcements. Now he was rallying his brothers to his cause. Lord, what on earth was she going to do with that man?

“Now why do I have a feeling your brother sent you in here to talk some sense into me?” she asked, crossing her arms across her chest and looking at Jake in challenge.

“Me?” Flustered at being caught, Jake lifted his hands in the air as if to feign innocence, then shook his head. “Not me, Em. I’m innocent. Honest. I just dropped by to see an old friend.”

Em knew how close the Ryan brothers were, knew how loyal they were to one another. She could stick needles in his nose and Jake would never admit Josh had sent him in to talk some sense into her, as Josh was fond of saying.

“Yeah, right,” she said with a grin, deciding to let it go. No sense arguing with Jake. It was Josh she had to contend with. “Well, for whatever reason, I am glad you stopped in. And I’m looking forward to meeting your wife.”

Jake wiggled his brow. “Yeah, you’ll like Rebecca, she’s a pistol.”

Em laughed, knowing the woman would have to be a pistol in order to catch the infamous Jake Ryan.

Jake slid off the stool, tossed some bills onto the counter before raising his gaze to hers. “Listen, Em, if you need anything, anything at all, just give a holler, hear? Rebecca and I have been doing some traveling, checking out some tips about Jesse—”

“Have you learned anything?” she asked quietly, knowing how painful this subject was. Twenty years ago, five-year-old Jesse Ryan, the youngest of the Ryan brothers had been kidnapped from the family’s ranch while in the care of his nanny. He’d never been found. Josh had told Em that Rebecca, a reporter, had written an in-depth article a few months ago about the Ryans and Jesse’s disappearance, and as a result, new tips and clues had been pouring in. Jake and his wife had been checking each and every lead out.

“No, nothing, at least nothing to speak of,” Jake admitted, rubbing a hand along his stubbled jaw. “But we’re not about to give up. Someone out there has to know something. And I’m determined to find him. But for the next few months, at least until Rebecca has the baby, we’re going to be home, so if you need anything, you just let us know.”

“I will, Jake.” Smiling, she cleared his plate and cup. “And thanks.”

“Any time.” He leaned across the counter to give her a big kiss on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, now, Em.”

“I will, Jake,” she said, watching as he walked toward the door whistling softly.

With a weary sigh, Em wiped off the counter, then went back into the kitchen to finish preparing the salads for the lunch rush. She was torn between annoyance and gratitude toward Josh for caring about her and her baby.

As she worked, Em thought about all those afternoons after school and weekends when she was in high school helping out her dad—resentfully at the time because she wanted to be with her friends instead. No, she mentally corrected as she placed the now full bowls of salad on the large round serving tray she’d been using to transfer food from the kitchen to the eating area—at the time what she’d wanted was to be with
Josh.

But that was a long time ago, Em reminded herself as she swung through the door separating the kitchen from the diner. A long time ago, when she was very young, and very foolish, she thought, as she skirted by Ernie and his pail, juggling the tray of salads. Long before she knew how dangerous it was to fall in love with a man.

“Josh says you shouldn’t be carrying heavy trays.”

Em almost dropped the tray when she realized Ernie had spoken. Ernie, her dad’s longtime maintenance man, rarely spoke to anyone.

“Well, I’ll be,” she muttered, still watching Ernie who continued mopping as if nothing unusual had happened.

Stunned, Em merely stood there for a moment, mouth open, staring after him, realizing whatever Josh had said to the man had to have been important enough for him to break his silence.

Josh again, Em thought with a scowl. Now he was talking about her to her employees beyond her back! Lord, what on earth was she going to do with that man?

“You’ll be, what, Em?”

Her head whipped around. “You!” Annoyed all over again, Em glared at Josh and for the second time bobbled the large tray. She tried not to notice the way the custom-tailored gray pinstriped suit he wore fit him like a glove, emphasizing the broad width of his shoulders, his chest; or the yellow-and-gray paisley tie that only made his eyes seem wider, bluer. The white shirt was a stark contrast to the deep bronze of his tan, only making him look sinfully handsome, only annoying her further for noticing.

“Whoa, there, Em,” he said, reaching out to steady her bobbling tray. “Here, let me take that for you.” He started to reach for it, but she held on tight.

“Thank you, but I don’t need any help,” she said stiffly, pride preventing her from letting him take it from her. She held the tray tighter, her hands on one side, his on the other.

“Em, don’t be silly. I’ll take it. You shouldn’t be carrying heavy things anyway.”

“I’m not being silly,” she snapped, unwilling to release her side of the tray and not caring that every eye in the diner was on her. This was a matter of pride. “And I’ll carry anything I want,” she said stubbornly, knowing she was being ridiculous.

He tightened his grip.

So did she.

“Joshua Ryan, I’m perfectly capable of carrying a tray, and doing anything else I feel like doing.” Taking a step closer to him until she bumped the toes of his Italian loafers with the toes of her tennis shoes, Em glared up at him. “And if you say one word, one little syllable about my
condition
…I’m going to bop you with this tray!” she whispered fiercely.

“Okay, Em, whatever you say.” Josh released the tray, overbalancing it on Em’s side. It tilted backward, salad bowls shifted, then slid off the back of the tray, tumbling end over end, spraying Ernie’s clean floor with lettuce, carrot sticks, radishes and assorted other vegetables and greens she’d just spent hours chopping.

Em merely stood there, mouth open gaping at the mess accumulating on the floor. She turned for a moment to glare at Josh, aware that everyone in the diner was staring at her.

“Damnation,” she muttered, sliding the tray onto the nearest empty table. She bent to begin cleaning up the mess before someone fell.

“Em, get up.” Josh reached for her elbow. “You shouldn’t be doing that. I’ll clean that up.”

Near tears, she shook his hand off, embarrassed that she’d let her emotions overrule her common sense. What on earth was wrong with her? She let her pride and her stubbornness get the best of her, and knew that the story of her tug-of-war with Josh would be all over town and then back by morning. Just what she needed, more gossip on top of everything else.

“I’ll do it,” she insisted firmly, waiting until the toes of Josh’s Italian shoes were out of sight before continuing her clean up.

She felt a hand on her back and turned to see Ernie standing over her. A large broom and dustpan had replaced his mop and pail. With a grateful smile, Em wiped her hands on her apron and took Ernie’s outstretched hand, standing up.

“Thanks, Ernie,” she said softly, giving him a grateful pat on the shoulder. She turned to Josh. It was time to put a stop to this nonsense right now. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Em wiped her hands on her apron again, wishing she could push on her back to work out a kink, but knowing if she did, Josh would probably be on the phone to the hospital.

“Sure.” Josh grabbed her hand. “Let’s go outside.” He frowned suddenly. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were blazing. “You can take a break can’t you?”

“Since I’m the boss, I imagine I can.” Still, she cast an eye out for Agnes, and saw the older woman nod her head in approval as she refilled a customer’s coffee cup. With her hand still in Josh’s, Em’s chin lifted in determination as she let him lead her out the front door into the warm noonday sun, determined once and for all to set Joshua Ryan straight!

E
m gave a quick glance up and down Main Street to make sure that she and Josh weren’t about to be seen or heard. She wasn’t up to dealing with any further gossip about them on top of everything else.

Her feet were hurting and her back ached, but she’d die before she admitted any such thing to him. With a soft sigh, Em carefully leaned against the building, hoping to take some weight off her feet, nearly sagging in relief as her body aches immediately eased a bit.

After a full week of working, she was tired and sore, but she felt absolutely wonderful knowing she was accomplishing her objective. She was making her own way, securing a future for herself and her baby, without anyone’s help. She was certain in the days and weeks and months ahead, things would only get better.

“How are you doing?” Josh finally asked, studying her face carefully.

“Fine, Josh, just fine.” Her words were clipped as she worked to get her temper under control.

Cocking his head, he watched her. A slow grin tilted his lips and he lifted a finger to rub his brow. “Ah, why do I have the feeling you’re not exactly happy with me?”

“Josh, you had no right to talk to Ernie,” she burst out. “No right at all. Nor should you have sent Jake in to try to ‘talk some sense’ into me,” she stated, repeating his own words to him and watching him flush a bit. Fists clenched, Em gave up trying to control her temper. “Look, I know you’re just trying to help, but you have to understand, I don’t need your help. What you did undermined my authority and made me look foolish. You also embarrassed me, Josh, and made it look like I’m not mature enough or sensible enough to take care of myself or my child.”

That was the crux of it, she decided, the real point that had upset her so. The realization hadn’t hit her until now, and now it had hot tears filling her eyes.

“Em, I’m sorry.” Alarmed by her tears, Josh took a step closer. “I never meant to… I didn’t intend to… I just thought—”

“Josh.” She laid a hand on his arm, intent on getting him to listen to her once and for all, to understand why she was doing what she was doing. “Listen to me. I didn’t come home merely to aggravate you—”

“I know that, Em—” She held up her hand, unwilling to let this go.

“Please, let me finish. If I thought for a minute that I was doing something that would hurt me or the baby, I simply wouldn’t do it. Honest,” she added. “I know that in the past I might have made some poor choices, and maybe my judgment wasn’t right on target, and yes I know you frequently had to come to my rescue, bail me out of situations or protect me from something—even if it was myself—but that was then, this is now. I’m not the same person. I’ve changed, Josh, I’ve grown up.

And he was going to have to recognize it whether he wanted to or not!

“I know,” he reluctantly admitted, dragging his hand through his hair with a sigh and wondering why he resented the fact that she had grown up. He really didn’t need a reminder, he thought with a scowl. He was more than aware of it, remembering the way his body had responded to her since she’d come home. And remembering, too, the way that heavenly scent of hers kept playing havoc with his senses, nagging at him like a melody.

His reactions to her had totally confounded him, causing him to lie awake most of the night.

He’d come to the conclusion that he probably was more comfortable when Em was a sassy twelve-year-old and needed—wanted—his help and protection.

Needed him.

Josh sighed, realizing his pride was wounded because Em apparently didn’t need him anymore, and he felt a bit useless to her. “But Em, I really don’t think—”

“Josh.” Her voice was stern as she took a step closer, her fists clenched in frustration. “I understand how you feel. But you’re going to have to respect my wishes here. Please?” The pleading tone of her voice swayed him much more than her anger. “You embarrassed me, Josh.”

He flushed guiltily. “Em, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Josh blew out a breath, then glanced down at the sidewalk absently kicking a pebble with the toe of his shoe. “I guess just knowing that you’re pregnant, knowing what you’ve gone through, well hell—” He broke off, unable to put into words what he was feeling, simply because he wasn’t certain he
understood
what he was feeling.

It had been so long since he’d seen her, so long since she’d been a part of his life, that now that she was home, he was having to deal with and face up to a whole host of unfamiliar emotions—emotions he wasn’t sure he understood.

And her pregnancy had only complicated things for him simply because she seemed so utterly vulnerable and alone, stirring up all the old protective instincts he’d always had where she was concerned.

He knew she was doing her best, struggling to take care of things on her own, and he admired her for it. Truly. It took a great deal of character, integrity and love to be able to do something so unselfish; to put your child’s health and welfare ahead of your own.

After what her husband had done to her, it took guts for her to keep her baby, and to make a conscious decision to do whatever was necessary in order to keep her baby safe and bring it into the world.

Josh couldn’t help it. He sighed, realizing how much courage and determination Em had. How much love she had to share, to give. Her actions touched him on a very deep level, a level that scared him in a way he hadn’t been scared since Melanie.

Josh tried hard not to compare Em’s actions with Melanie’s, but it was next to impossible. Every action, every decision Em had made regarding her child was in direct contrast to the actions and decision Melanie had taken with his child.

His child.

It still hurt, he realized, absently lifting a hand to his chest where he could feel an actual physical pain in his heart. Even after all this time he still grieved for the child he’d lost; a child he’d never even had a chance to know or love.

Em had nothing and no one; no family to turn to; no husband to lean on; no financial fortune to rely on. Melanie had all of that and more. If she hadn’t wanted him in the picture, Josh could have accepted that if it meant saving his child. Melanie would have had no trouble supporting or caring for a baby, not with the kind of familial and financial support she had. But what Mel
hadn’t
wanted was to be burdened with a child.

His
child.

“Josh.” Concerned by his quietness, Em reached out and laid a hand on his chest, fearing she’d hurt his feelings. “Are you all right?”

She looked at him curiously, wondering what had shadowed his beautiful blue eyes. He looked as if he’d gone off somewhere inside himself, and wherever he’d gone had created such sadness in his eyes, his face, she wanted to just hug him, to hold him and comfort him as he had done for her so many times.

Shaking his thoughts away, Josh forced a smile, placing his hand over hers, enjoying the warmth of her touch.

“I’m fine, Em. Really,” he added with a careless shrug when she looked like she didn’t believe him. “Just an old memory.” He shrugged again. “It’s not important,” he lied. “Not anymore.”

He’d never told anyone about the baby; he couldn’t. He was too ashamed. Ashamed that he’d believed himself to be in love with such a cold, heartless woman, ashamed that he’d been lied to and deceived, ashamed that he’d believed Melanie to be a woman of strength, character and integrity.

He’d been so wrong.

And his child had paid.

But he’d learned his lesson. Never again would he allow himself to let a woman slip past his defenses. Loving someone meant leaving yourself vulnerable to hurt, to devastation. He wouldn’t ever allow that to happen to him again. No matter what.

“Em, look, I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you or undermined your authority. That wasn’t my intention at all.” He shrugged. “I was just trying to help.”

“Oh, Josh.” His words successfully defused her anger and she felt a well of emotion for him. “Thank you,” she whispered, lifting a hand to his cheek. “I know you’re just trying to help, but—”

“Em, look,” he interrupted, dragging a hand through his hair in frustration before bringing his gaze back to hers. Their gazes met, held. “It’s just…I care about you,” he admitted softly, slipping his other hand around her waist, and smiling when he felt the slight bulge from the baby.

“I care about you, too, Josh, you know that, but caring doesn’t give either of us the right to try to control the other person’s life.”

“Is that what I was doing?” he asked with a smile.

“Yep,” she said with a smile of her own. “Afraid so.”

Absently, he slid his other arm around her waist, slowly drawing her close, needing to feel her warmth. “It’s the lawyer in me, Em, I can’t help myself.”

“Try,” she insisted, her voice light. “Otherwise I might need a lawyer to defend me for what I do to you.”

He laughed, realizing how much he’d missed her sense of humor over the years. Missed her friendship, her trust, missed
her.

“Em, I’ve missed you.”

She had no idea why her heart was thudding so fast or recklessly. This was Josh, her best friend, he’d hugged her a thousand, no, probably a million times in her life, this time was certainly no different.

So why was her pulse accelerating and her heart leaping as if it was about to take flight? She’d put away her love for him at age twelve, when he’d made it clear he thought of her only as a friend, and a kid at that.

“I’ve missed you, too, Josh.” In spite of her nerves, she forced herself to hold his gaze, telling herself she was being foolish, there was nothing to be nervous about. This was Josh. Must be her hormones acting up again. Relieved, Em forced herself to relax.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you, Em, or the baby, that’s all. You’re all alone, and I just want to make sure you know that I’m here—always—for both of you. No matter what you need, Em, I’m here.”

“Oh, Joshua,” she said, as tears filled her eyes and a warm rush of gratitude filled her heart. No one else had ever cared about her or the baby. Nothing he said could have softened her heart more, but she should have expected it. Josh was and always had been the kindest, gentlest, most loving, giving man she’d ever known.

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” she whispered, blinking away tears. “But nothing is going to happen to me or to my baby.” She smiled at him, wanting to reassure him, then added just for good measure, “But I’m not so certain
you’ll
be as safe if you keep interfering and running around town telling people to look after me like I was a wayward twelve-year-old.”

Realizing how she must have felt, he managed a laugh. “Yeah, I can see where that might have been a tad…embarrassing.” He looked sheepish. “So I went a bit overboard, I guess.”

“Just a tad,” she agreed with a smile. His hands felt so warm and comforting around her. Her feet hurt, her back ached, and more than anything else she just wanted to rest her head on his chest for a moment. Just for a moment. But it was a luxury she couldn’t allow. She couldn’t let her defenses down, not even with Josh.

Especially not with Josh.

“Will you promise me something, then?” Josh asked

“What?” she asked suspiciously, making him grin.

“That if you’re not feeling well, you’ll rest. Or go home. Or at least get off your feet?”

“I promise, Josh,” she said solemnly, resisting the urge to roll her eyes again.

His brows drew together. “How’s the morning sickness today? Any better?” He knew she’d been suffering terribly, which was why she was so thin. She couldn’t eat, and when she did, she rarely kept anything down.

With a grin, she reached in the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a wrapped saltine cracker, crumbled into pieces now.

“What’s that?” Josh asked with a frown.

“That,” she said, holding the cracker up like a prize between them. “Is a miracle. Doc Haggerty was in the diner recently. It was right about the time I was getting green around the gills.” She grinned at the alarm on Josh’s face. “He took one look at me, dug in the bread basket on his table, and pushed a cracker into my hand. Told me to eat it slowly with some warm ginger ale and it would eliminate the morning sickness.”

“Did it?” Josh asked in surprise.

“Every last moment of it.” Still amazed, Em shook her head. “I’ve got a whole pocketful of them. I’m never leaving home without them. They really work,” she said, grinning. “And to think I’ve been suffering all these months for nothing.” She put the cracker back in her pocket. “I made an appointment to go see him next week.”

Doc Haggerty was a general practitioner and the only doctor in town, so he treated everyone for everything, and had delivered just about all the babies in town for the past thirty years.

“Good, good.” Josh cocked his head to look at her. “So are we still on for tonight?”

“Tonight?” she repeated, frowning. All she wanted to do tonight was soak in a long, hot tub.

“A pizza from Angelo’s? Remember?”

“Angelo’s?” Her eyes glittered and she brightened suddenly. “Sausage and cheese. Extra large?” she asked hopefully, wondering if he’d remember their standard Friday evening dinner fare from their childhood.

They’d pick up a pizza on the way home from school on Fridays, then have a picnic on the Ryan ranch. They’d lay a blanket right in front of the little waterfall and creek that separated their houses.

“Absolutely.” She was standing so close, he could feel the warmth of her body heat warming him. He could feel the slight swell of her belly as well. It filled him with both reverence and awe. “What time do you think you’ll be through here?” he asked, trying to divert his attention from what he was feeling.

She frowned thoughtfully, trying to figure out everything she had to do. “I’m not sure. I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Okay. And you’ll take it easy this afternoon?”

“Yes, sir,” Em said with a laugh. “Promise.”

“Em.” Josh had no intention of kissing her. None. But something dangerous stirred his blood, making him move closer to her. “Em,” he whispered again as he lowered his mouth to hers. It seemed so natural, so instinctive, he didn’t have a chance to think about it.