A Flicker of Light (12 page)

“Tell me more about your Hans,”
Siegland
asked as she began dicing the green peppers.

“Oh, Hans.
Wonderful Hans.
It was so romantic. Wh
en he first marched into Norway
with the rest of his unit, wearing the
Wehrmacht
uniform, he looked so proud and brave.”

“You sa
w the troops march in to your village
?”

“Oh yes, my girlfriends and I stood out on the street with the rest of the town as they marched in. At first, I experienced some apprehension, but once my eyes locked with Han’s eyes, well, then I forgot to be afraid, I guess.”

“Yes, love can be like that. It can make you do things you would not normally do.”

“Oh that is so true. Of course, at that time I knew nothing of the Nazis or what they could be capable of. I saw only a young, attractive man, tall and proud in his uniform.”

“Hans was a Nazi?”

“Oh, no,” she laughed. “His brother belonged to the SS. I never met him, and at that time I had no idea what SS meant. But Hans really had no interest in such things. He’d been drafted and planned to leave the army as soon as possible. It’s funny, but Hans considered himself to be a farmer at heart. His parents owned land and we decided that we would live on his parents’ farm after the war. I
knew nothing of country life, but he told me that he would teach me. Isn’t it odd that I have found my way here? He would be so proud to see me making bread and cheese. He used to tease me and say that I would have to learn these things if I planned to make him a proper wife.”

Laughing,
Siegland
brought over a handful of bell pepper chunks to add to the sauté. “You’ve been doing a very good job learning to live on a farm. So, how did he ever know where to find you again after the march through your village?”

“After they walked through town, I thought that I would never see him again, but I did. Two days later, after I had almost forgotten about those deep blue eyes, he walked into my father’s place of business and took a seat at a table away from the bar. I waited on the tables that night, so I had to go over and ask him what he wanted. He had plenty of money. I saw the large wad of bills that he pulled out of his pocket. Without any hesitation, he ordered lots of food and beer. Then he asked me to join him. My father had rules about sitting with the customers and - him being a German and all - I knew that it would not be a good idea. So I told Hans that I could not join him. But he insisted. So I sat down. My father glowered at me from behind the bar with a terrible and threatening look on his face. I
stayed at the table with Hans for only a moment, and then I got up with the excuse that I had to take care of the other tables. But Hans refused to give up that easily. He came again the following night, and then the one after that, until he finally understood that I could not talk to him with my father standing watch. So he slipped me a note with a very large tip that asked if I would meet him at the seashore that night after work. I don’t know where I got the courage. I had never done anything like that before, but those eyes held me captive, you know?”

“Yes, child, I do.”

“After work I went home with my father, and told my parents that I suffered from a bad headache and needed to go to bed. I went up to my room and changed clothes. Then I waited quietly until I had no doubt that they had fallen asleep. Once the house was quiet, I climbed out my bedroom window. I walked to the shore. When I got there, Hans had not arrived. I was so sure he had made a fool of me. I felt hurt and rejected. So I turned to go back home, and then I saw him in the distance walking toward me. I will never forget how his broad shoulders and thin waist looked in the shadow of the moonlight. We talked for hours that night. I finally left as the sun rose. Before my family got out of bed for the day, I quietly slipped into my own
room, changed into my night dress, and hid under the covers pretending to be asleep. The following night I did the same thing.  We met at the seashore; then he took me out for a very expensive dinner. You must understand that money had become scarce in our little village, and he seemed to have so much to spare. He bought me a dancing dress and a comb inlaid with real emeralds for my hair. His generosity left me speechless. My cousin had a baby and her breast milk never came in, so she could not nurse. Try as she might, she could not find milk in the store, but Hans had access to everything I asked for, and he brought it without question. For weeks we met like that, in secret. Then one night when the moon looked like a glowing silver ball as we lay on our backs gazing up at the stars, Hans told me about his family, his dreams of farming, and how the Nazi Party had forced him to leave it all behind to join the army.

“Without warning, he turned and kissed me. I had never been kissed before, and it seemed like a dream. Then we kissed again, and again, and before I knew it things had gone too far. I can’t say that I am sorry, or that I would not do it again. I have a beautiful child, whom I love with all of my heart, but Hans is gone now and I am not sure what would happen if I went home. I like to believe that my
parents would be happy to see me, especially with their only grandson, but I cannot say for sure. My father, like me, I guess, is very stubborn. He might not ever accept me back, but then again, he might. It is so hard to say. Until I found you and Klaus, I’d hoped to find my way home. I had no other place to go. But now I feel like this is home and you are my family.”

Siegland
embraced Petra, “We are your family and you are ours - you and little Hans - and we hope that you will stay here forever.”

“I will stay, but someday I must return to my home, even if it is only for a visit. I must see my family again and let my parents know that they have a grandchild.”

“Of course, I understand, and if you decide to move back, I will understand that too. But I would miss you, and you must promise to come always and visit.”

“Of course, but I’m not leaving right now. Besides,” she smiled, “I made a promise to help Klaus bring in the harvest this year.”

“Oh child, that will be very hard work. The Nazis will bring us some of the prisoners to help out. They don’t take money, just some of the cr
ops. Lots of the crops, usually -
for the soldiers, I think.”

“Prisoners?”

“Yeah, they came from the camp for the last few years - Jews mostly - very skinny and sickly looking. Some were little children. I can’t help but feel sorry for them. I had to go in the house when they were here. It made me sick to look. When the guards would beat them, I could not stand it. One time it was so hot and I brought out water to them because they all looked so miserable in the heat. The guard told me that it was not my problem; that I shouldn’t try to take care of them. But I told him that I wanted to give them the water. Finally, he let me. You should’ve seen them; the poor people were so thirsty. They drank so fast; some of them threw it right back up. Anyway, this is a sad story, and we don’t want to be sad now, do we?”

“No, we don’t.” Petra said but she could not get the picture of the Jews out of her mind. She thought of little starving children clearing the fields of crops, and she thought of her own child. What would she do if little Hans had been one of those children? The thought sickened her.

“This year, the other farmers are saying that they will be bringing Poles. Maybe it will be better.” 
Siegland
lowered her voice, although there was no one else around to hear, “I will tell you a very big secret. We must not let the Nazis take all of the food. So I will tell you what we will do, but if
you say anything, even by accident, we could be in big trouble - arrested, maybe put in one of those camps, even.”

“I understand.” Petra wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, sat down and faced
Siegland
, “Go on.”

Chapter 14

P

etra and
Siegland
sat on the porch outside the house. Against the side of the barn, several bushels of newly-picked crops stood in a row.

Siegland
confided in a near-whisper, “We must be sure to hide these foods in the cellar in the barn. The Nazis better not find them because they forbid hoarding, but if it were up to them we would starve. If they had their way, they would take almost everything we have. Come, we will hide some of the onions and as much of the rest as we can. I will teach you to preserve these vegetables like we did the strawberries. It is the same with the vegetables as it was with the fruit. It is our way to keep this food fresh until we need it. You and I will do it at night when the SS won’t come, and then we will hide it away for when we need it. I know, sometimes I get so careless over the winter that I forget it is a crime to have this stuff, and I find I am using the onions every day instead of just for special occasions. But if the Gestapo found the cellar, it would be terrible. I’ve heard they kill people in those camps for crimes just like this. So we must do this very fast.”

“Yes, you’re right. It should be done as soon as possible to avoid any trouble,” agreed Petra.  The two women walked arm-in-arm across the yard to inspect the bushels of vegetables.

“My knees are hurting me something awful, but we will get this done tonight,”
Siegland
vowed.

“Don’t worry, Mama. I will take all of it down to the cellar while you watch Hans. Then later tonight, after the sun sets, I will bring the vegetables up one bushel at a time so that we can preserve them. Will that be all right?”

“Yes, Petra.
Sweet child - you called me Mama. Nothing could make happier. It will be a lot for you to carry. I will help you.”

“No, please, I insist. I’ll do it. It’s not too heavy,” Petra smiled as she lifted a bushel and began to walk toward the secret cellar in the barn.

Chapter 15

Berlin,
Germany,
1938

W

hen Aaron Gold walked the streets of his lower-income neighborhood, whispers trailed behind him. He had a reputation for being tough, and no one dared challenge him. Instead of attending school, he put on boxing gloves and went to the gym to blow off steam. His father, a tailor by trade, beat him mercilessly until Aaron grew bigger and stronger than
he was
.
His father was a
bully and a
coward, so he only used his fists on those smaller and weaker than himself
.
T
he family spent their lives in debt
because
his father drank away what little cash he earned.

Two days after Aaron’s fifth birthday, his mother passed away from a rare blood disease. He couldn’t remember much about her, only that she had loved and nurtured him more than anyone else ever had. In an anti-Semitic world, Aaron was a Jew, which meant that, with his temperament, he fought constantly. A loner, he had few friends and trusted no one. Keeping to himself, Aaron often paced like a panther through the streets late at night when
he couldn’t sleep. As a child
,
he learned to pick pockets and steal to meet his needs.

His first sexual encounter occurred with a prostitute fifteen years his senior. He sat on a bench on the outskirts of the park watching people on their way home from their daily ta
sks when she approached him. He found her quite attractive
, so he agreed to go to her apartment. She took off her clothes, and for the first time he saw a naked female body. He watched, intrigued, as she moved, drawn by the very sight of her. He sat motionless on the bed. Her wide hips swayed as she slowly sauntered over to him. Without warning, she threw her long red hair back away from her face and straddled him. His manhood began to stir and she mounted him in seconds, taking him deep into the wonderful
,
mystical world of female sexuality. The feelings that shot through his body to his nerve endings overpowered him with shock and inconceivable pleasure.
Passion raged within him as he surrendered to the wild feelings
.

After he’d finished, she demanded most of the money he’d brought with him. Aaron didn’t care; he would not argue, but he knew he’d never return to partake of her serv
ices again. However, that night
he’d reached a milestone in his life; he ha
d
become a man in his own
eyes. Now he knew what it meant to lie with a woman. Over the next year he spread his wings
,
exploring everything in his path
.
H
e took up a life of debauchery.  Drinking to excess many nights, mornings often found him awake in strange surroundings. He engaged in sexual encounters with women whose faces and names he could not recall as his youth slipped away like sand through a fist. His intense emerald eyes and dark, shiny hair drove women to madness, and they found him irresistible.

The parade of meaningless females became daunting. Unaware of how little his sexual escapades meant to him, the women continued in wishful pursuit of his love. They dressed in their prettiest clothes and went to the local tavern in search of him. With expensive gifts and sexual ploys, they attempted to lure him into marriage. But the alcohol and late nights deadened his senses so much that nothing moved him. One evening, when he was fifteen years old, as he wandered through the shadowy
,
less-
affluent section of Berlin
,
smoking and avoiding the whores who beckoned to him from
their windows, a group of four g
entile boys approached him. They surrounded him, taunting and teasing, finding strength and courage in their numbers. One of the boys kicked his calf, and at the same time another tripped him.