A Flicker of Light (22 page)

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured.

“Do you really think so?”

“I do. I saw it right away, the first time I looked at you.”

“I fear
ed you the first time I saw you,
” Pet
r
a smiled as she remembered.

“I know. I knew it then. You looked ter
rified,
”
Aaron said.

“I am sure I did. At the time, I didn’t know anything about you. And when you told me abo
ut being a Jew, I thought Jews we
re dangerous. I had never met a Jew before.”

“And now you know that the only
difference is the circumcision,
”
h
e laughed.

“Did it hurt?”

“I don’t remember. It happens when one is an infant.”

“Oh
,
my God.
They cut your penis when you were a baby?”

“Yes. There is this man who does it.” She lay with her head on his chest wrapped in his arms as he spoke. “He’s called a
mohel
, and he comes to the house and snips the baby. It’s not the penis, really, it’s just the foreskin. Then after everyone watches the ordeal, the parents have a party. All the guests eat and drink while the poor little tyke is suffering.”

“Oh, that’s so awful.”

“No, not really, I’m just kidding you. Actually it’s good for the child. It’s cleaner, and there are fewer possibilities
of medical problems in later life. Besides, they give the kid a little red wine to make the cutting easier, less painful.”

“It sounds barbaric.”

“I know it does, but it really isn’t.”

“Well, in my mind it is.”

“Very well,
”
he laughed.
“You have the right to your own opinion.”

“I would never let them do that to my baby.”

He smiled at her and stroked her hair.

Petra spent the night in Aaron’s arms, leaving just before the workers arrived the following morning. Just as the light of the sun began to
brighten
the night sky she crept quietly back to her room. Aaron’s mind scuttled about. All of his emotions and desires waltzed through his psyche like dancers in a ballroom. This love could prove more painful than the relationship he’d had with Greta. His feelings for Petra were far stronger than his love for Greta had been. If he had any sense, he would walk away now. Yet thoughts of her consumed him with hunger: the way her hair fell across her shoulder and the sound of her voice. He thought of the silky texture of her skin and her sweet, innocent smile. She could be stubborn. He knew
that, but he found it en
dearing.
H
e could hardly wait until she came to him again.

U

pstairs in the main house, Petra found herself caught in a flood of emotions. Confused, she went about her daily activities, distracted and lost in thought. The emptiness she felt at the loss of baby Hans followed her, but the captivating love she felt for Aaron left her amazed. Blissful one moment and brokenhearted the next, Petra’s odd behavior had captured
Siegland’s
attention. The older woman watched, and she knew what had happened. Petra had fallen in love.

That night as they lay together, Petra told Aaron about the
Lebensborn
.

“I’ve heard something about those places, but you’re the first person I have ever met who has been in one.”

“They are crazy - mad with this idea of the perfect Aryan race. They are manufacturing children like they manufacture tools or machines. The worst part of it is if one of the babies is born deformed in any way at all, it is quietly done away with. I ran away because I feared for little Hans, and now he’s dead anyway.” For a few
moments she remained silent, fighting the tears of guilt that threatened to surface. “Aaron?”

“Yes, love?”

“Do you think that God is punishing me for my sins? I mean for having a child with a man I knew my family would never approve of, and out of wedlock too? And for being stubborn and running away from home, leaving my parents worried?”

“No, S
weetheart, I don’t think that God is punishing you. I think sometimes things just happen.” He stroked her hair and raised her head to look into her eyes. She found strength in his reassuring gaze.

“I hope you’re right. I feel so guilty sometimes, like I brought so much misery to my family and then to the baby. I mean, I brought him into the word without a father, you know.”

“Yes, I understand, but it’s not your fault. You got caught up. You were young and scared.” Aaron held her a little tighter. “And, well, how your folks felt about your relationship with a German didn’t help much, so you did the best you could in the situation. Then
,
when you realized he might be in danger, you put yourself in
jeopardy for your chil
d. That’s a noble thing to do, S
weetheart. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“You make me feel protected, like somehow everything will be all right.”

“I’ll try to always make you feel that way, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure everything
is
all right.” Aaron said as he kissed the top of Petra’s blond
e
hair.

Two weeks later,
Siegland
cut her hand as she trimmed the stems off of a bunch of strawberries. Blood spurted from her palm, and Petra hurried to her side with a clean rag to stop it.

“Should I go and get Aaron?”

“Oh, I don’t know what I should do. Maybe this will need stitches. The workers and those guards are all outside. Maybe I should go to him in the barn. I would go down to the cellar, but it’s so hard for me at my size to get down the stairs. And since I’m
so slow, they might see me,”
Sie
gland
said.

“I know, Mama. Let me go and see what
he will need to stitch this up;
then I will come and get you. Perhaps he can do it the barn.”

Petra looked around, her eyes darting in all directions before going into the cellar. Betraying the hiding place could be the end of them all, and therefore she knew it was imperative that she did not get caught.

When he saw her enter, a light came into Aarons deep emerald eyes. The danger temporarily forgotten, he rushed to her and took her into his arms. The rapture of love overtook them both, and Petra momentarily forgot why she had come. The heat of his embrace and the manly smell of his skin sent flames of passion through her. Lost in the moment, the two lovers held tight as the SS guards stood watch over the prisoners upstairs, just feet away. Coming to
her senses, Petra remembered
Sie
gland
.

“Mama’s cut her hand, and it’s bleeding badly. I don’t know if you think it’s too much of a risk to try to stitch it up.”

“Well, it certainly is risky, but we can’t have
Siegland
bleeding all day. So be very careful and bring her down here. Bring a needle and thread, as well as a clean cloth and the alcoho
l. And please, love, be careful
.
” He smiled at her. Something about this man could mak
e her feel such a sense of well-
being
, even
when she kn
ew it to be reckless to feel that
way.

So Petra gathered the supplies in a basket and wrapped
Siegland’s
hand in a towel. Then, with both of their hearts thumping in fear, they headed down into the
cellar. It was difficult for
Sie
gland
to squeeze through the trap door
,
but she managed.  No one even took notice of them, and they arrived safely down in the cellar. Aaron quickly began his work. Pouring alcohol over the open wound, he blew on it to help with the sting. He realized the sharp, burning tingle she must be feeling, but he had no other method of cleaning the
wound and could not risk
the wound
getting
infected.

“I’m sorry, Mama, but I have
to do this to prevent infection,
” Aaron
told
Sie
gland
.

Siegland
beamed now, despite her pain. Both the boy and the girl called her Mama. She felt needed and loved, despite the deep sorrow she still felt at losing Hans.

Aaron wished that he had a local anesthetic to dull the pain as he skillfully
sewed the wound.
Sie
gland
bit the inside of her lip, and bravely kept silent. Aware of the danger from the guards just outside, she shoved the bottom of her skirt into her mouth and bit down, stifling any sounds that
might escape her lips. Once he
finished sewing, Aaron tore a piece of the cloth they’d b
rought and carefully wrapped
Sie
gland’s
hand.

“It should be all right now, but keep it clean.”

As the women left the cellar and walked back outside, Petra felt her stomach lurch as she saw a young Nazi guard watching carefully. Their eyes connected and he looked her up and down, smiling a crooked, one-sided smile. He ran his tongue slowly over his open mouth and brushed his crotch with his hand. She wondered what he had seen and how much he knew. Aaron’s life could be in peril; the entire family could, for that matter. In spite of the warm weather, she felt a chill, as if her blood had turned to ice water. When they returned to the house, she mentioned what she had seen to
Siegland
.

“Mama when we left the barn, one of the guards stood just a few feet away as we walked back to the house. I don’t know if I am just being overly suspicious, but I am afraid he might have seen where we went. He looked at me with such a wicked smile.”

“They always do, it seems. We
ll, we must hope that he
didn’t see anything,”
Siegland
said.

F

or the remainder of the day Petra could not forget what had happened. She played the scene of the soldier eyeing her over and over in her mind. When evening arrived at last, she sighed with relief as the truck carrying the pathetic prisoners and their frightening guards pulled out of the
Bruchmeier
farm. She watched the crowded faces of the prisoners as the Nazis carried them away and wondered if she and her newfound family would soon join t
hem. Her heart felt like a
boulder weighing down her chest. If the Nazis came to arrest them, she believed that it would be her fault. If she had never come, then Hans would never have been sick, and then there would have been the need for a doctor, and so on and so forth.
Her mind spun; g
uilt and worry consumed her. Unsure what the future would bring, she buried her head in her hands and wept.
Siegland
heard her and came to her room to see what had caused Petra’s tears.

“What is it, child?”

“Oh, Mama, these Nazis have made our lives into a living hell. I am so afraid that I have put you and Papa in danger.
I am also afraid for Aaron. At this point, I’m not even concerned about myself. I’m afraid for those I have come to love. It is consuming my mind with such unbelievable dread. I watch the prisoners and listen to the terrible things that Aaron tells me about what is going on, and I am afraid for all of you, so afraid. All of my life I felt capable, like I could manage anything that came my way. But I know I cannot protect you. I have no control at all, and that is driving me mad.”

“Child, child, don’t cry. We cannot worry about what might happen. We can only hope for the best and live for right now. That’s all we’ve got. If I should die, I would die a happy woman for having had you as a part of my life. I know Klaus feels the same way, so don’t you worry. Promise me, and sho
w me that pretty smile. Come on,
”
Siegland
said and she took a handkerchief from her apron pocket and wiped the tears from Petra’s face. “It will be all right; you will see.”

Down in the cellar, Aaron thought about the vow he had once made to himself. He had sworn he would never love again, yet this sweet, strong girl had captured his heart and held it in her hands. He felt that he understood the depths of her despair as she had lost her child. But then she’d amazed him as he watched her pull herself back up
and find the strength to go on. Her mesmerizing beauty staggered him, but his love came from a much deeper place. In fact, he knew he would have loved her even if she had not been so striking. This woman and this family had come to him like the answer to a prayer. All of his life as a Jew, he would never have dared to dream that non-Jews would have put themselves in such danger for him. In fact the idea made him uncomfortable; Aaron did not want anyone endangered for his sake. And it would be nice if an opportunity arose where he could make himself useful to Klaus.