A Gathering of Memories (16 page)

“I used to feel that way, Mandy, that there must be something I could do that was good enough to get me to heaven. I obeyed my parents and usually did the things I knew to be right, honestly believing I didn’t sin. But then one day my mother read to me from the chapter before the one Silas read. Silas, read in chapter 3, verse 4.”

“ ‘Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath reasons for which he might trust in the flesh, I more.’ ”

“Now, Mandy,” Grandma Em went on. “The apostle Paul wrote this and he had done many things on his own, ‘in the flesh’ is how he put it, trying to win God’s approval. The next verses in chapter three tell some of the things he did. In fact, he did so many
good
things that he was willing to challenge anyone who thought they’d done more. But he goes on to say in verse 9, that it all means nothing, that without Jesus Christ, the things Paul did count for nothing in eternity. Silas, please read that verse.”

“ ‘And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the Law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith.’ ”

“We don’t have to be a murderer to be called a sinner. Next to God’s holiness we are
so
imperfect. We can’t possibly do anything good enough to be called a Christian and go to heaven some day. But the wonderful part of it is that we don’t
have
to do anything. Jesus Christ did it all, and we just need to admit our sin and believe in Him. He does the rest.”

Carrie and Mandy exchanged a look. “Mama believed that. Her pa was a preacher. She tried to explain it to us one time but
Levi got mad and said if God was so good why did we go hungry and cold? Mama didn’t say too much after that, but I know she prayed for us.”

Silas and Grandma Em were both surprised at this new insight into the children. Grandma Em asked, “Did you children ever know your grandfather, the one who was a preacher?”

“No,” Mandy answered. “Mama never talked much about her parents or where she grew up. I can’t think why she never showed us that photograph of her; it’s so pretty.”

Grandma Em looked to Silas in question. “When Mandy went back to her house to get some papers, she found an old daguerreotype of her mother and brought it back to the house.”

“It’s in my room and I look at it every night before I go to bed.”

“Has it been a comfort to have her picture and papers, Mandy?” Grandma Em asked gently.

“The picture, yes, but the papers, well, I haven’t looked at them yet. Somehow reading them seems like the most final act. I mean, no matter what I read, no matter what the papers say, I can’t ask her any questions. I have no way of finding out what anything may have meant. And I’m also realizing what a private person Mama was. Looking at the papers somehow feels like I’m intruding into a part of her she wanted left private.”

The adults at the table nodded with understanding. They could see it was time to close the conversation. The dishes had to be left or they would be late to church.

Silas walked into church with his three girls and Grandma Em and immediately noticed Aunt April sitting alone in a front pew. He directed the girls her way.

The first one in the pew was Carrie, so she ended up next to the pastor’s wife. Silas sat next to Carrie with Becca in his lap and Grandma Em and Mandy on his other side.

Silas had to speak to Becca only twice about squirming. Other than his mind taking occasional trips home to Amy and the boys, he was able to concentrate on the sermon.

Pastor Nolan was working his way through the book of Matthew and the sermon for that morning was out of chapter 27, where Christ was mocked and crucified. The message was sobering as verses were read describing the way Christ suffered for the sins of man. But as always Pastor Nolan ended his sermon with a word of encouragement. Everyone rose at the end and sang out on the final hymn before being dismissed.

It took Silas a few seconds to see that Carrie had not risen to follow him out of the pew but was in close conversation with Aunt April. He was standing in indecision when April looked up and caught his eye.

“Silas, would it be alright if Carrie comes to lunch today?”

“Sure.”

“We’ll bring her home later.”

“That’s fine. Maybe you could stay to supper.”

“We’ll plan on it unless Amy and the boys are worse.”

Silas gave her a wave, smiled at a very sober Carrie, and headed to the wagon.

Later Carrie sat at the small kitchen table in the parsonage suffering from a headache brought on by holding back her tears. She had barely touched her chicken and potato, partly because she’d asked so many questions but also because she was upset over what she’d heard that morning.

“Remember what I said, Carrie, about sin starting in the Garden of Eden? We read about it in the book of Genesis. It was not God’s perfect plan for us to sin, but He gave man a choice and since man chose to disobey, man then needed a Savior.”

“I understand all of that, Pastor Chad,” Carrie spoke and the tears finally spilled out. “But they hit Him and took His clothes off, and I just can’t stand it that He had to suffer for my sins.”

“Oh, Carrie.” April rose from her place and came over to hold the sobbing girl. She let her cry for a time and then since it was obvious she was not going to eat her food, the three of them moved into the parlor where April sat near Carrie holding her hand.

“We feel just like you do, Carrie,” April spoke now. “Our sins are the reason our Savior had to die, and we don’t deserve His love. But Carrie, His love makes us whole. When we trust in Him, He wipes the slate clean. Every sin and wrong is taken away and hung on the cross. And when we sin after we’re saved, the Bible says we are to confess it to know the full measure of forgiveness and fellowship with God.”

With wide eyes Carrie looked at Pastor Chad, and he smiled at her in confirmation of his wife’s words.

“And it’s for anyone, isn’t it?”

“Anyone at all,” April said with a smile.

“I’ve counseled many people in my years as a pastor, Carrie, but I’ve come across few who are as hungry and willing to know Christ as you.”

“Does that mean you’ll help me—tell me what to do?”

“With pleasure, Carrie.”

“Should we get on our knees?” She was very serious now and a little anxious, as if she feared they would change their minds and send her away.

“Of course we can get on our knees,” April said, and smiled at her husband who was looking a little doubtful of ever getting off the floor once he knelt down.

When all three were kneeling in front of the sofa, Pastor Chad opened his Bible to Romans 10:9,10. “Read these verses, Carrie.”

“ ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’ ”

“Do you understand what you read there, Carrie?”

“I think so. I need to pray and tell God I sin and also tell Him I believe He died for my sins.”

“That’s right, honey. You pray anytime you want and say what’s in your heart.”

April was glad that Chad had taken over because she was so choked with emotion that she couldn’t have uttered a word. She listened with her heart bursting as Carrie began hesitantly and then with confidence.

“God…Jesus…I’ve done sins. And well—I’m sorry You had to die because I’ve sinned. But even though I sin and I really don’t understand it all, I know I need You. I know that You love me and I want You to be with me from now on. I want to confess with my mouth and believe in my heart, and I do, God. Please save me today. And please, God, help Mandy and Clovis and Levi and Becca to believe too, and Pa too, wherever he is. Amen.”

There was no sound for a few moments. Finally Pastor Chad looked to find Carrie watching him with her heart in her eyes.

“Did I do it right?” she whispered. He couldn’t get any words past the lump in his throat so he just nodded and put his arms gently around her. She hugged him back, and the three of them stayed there and talked for a long time. Carrie’s new knowledge of salvation showed on her face as she asked questions with surprising insight.

She couldn’t quite stifle a giggle when they finally rose from the floor and Pastor Chad groaned and made faces on the way to his feet.

“Do you suppose, Aunt April, that I could finish my lunch? I’m hungry now.”

April was more than happy to see her eat some more. Carrie spent most of the day with them. They played games and not once, Carrie noticed, did they seem tired of her seemingly endless questions about God and the Bible. Both Chad and April were very blessed at how concerned she was over the unsaved state of her family. Before they left for Silas and Amy’s they prayed together. All three of them petitioned God on behalf of Carrie’s father and siblings.

Silas and Mandy fixed supper that night just to give Amy a break. The boys had not been sick again, but both were very weak. Amy insisted they have broth for supper.

Chad and April did stay for supper, and the meal was relaxed and plentiful. Both Silas and Amy noticed a kind of new rapport between Carrie, Chad, and April. They both assumed it was from spending the afternoon together getting to know each other better.

When Silas had come home without Carrie and described to Amy what had taken place, Amy was concerned. She now wanted very much to ask her if everything was okay, but there was never a private moment and bedtime was upon them before Amy could take a breath. Comforting herself with the fact that Carrie was as cheerful as ever, Amy realized she couldn’t have spent time with people more wonderful than Chad and April Nolan.

Amy was falling asleep on this reassuring thought when Carrie knocked on their bedroom door.

“Come in,” Silas called.

“Did I wake you?” Carrie’s voice sounded excited.

“No. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I wanted to tell you that I talked with Pastor Chad and Aunt April today, and I confessed my sins to God and believed on Jesus.”

Amy jumped out of bed and threw her arms around Carrie. As soon as she let go, Silas claimed her with a mighty hug that made her squeal and then laugh.

Amy pulled her over to the bed where they all sat and began to talk at once. The words were exuberant, and even though they tumbled out quickly and interrupted each other in excitement, the meaning of the words floated with clarity to Mandy, who stood on the stairway listening.

Mandy was relieved that Carrie wasn’t sick, as she had suspected when she heard her leave her room. But neither was she overjoyed at what she was overhearing. It was becoming more and more clear to her every day that Silas and Amy had a very special relationship with God, and now it seemed that Carrie would have it as well.

Mandy made her way silently back to her room. She lay awake for a long time, feeling very lonely and excluded. Somehow she knew that there was something she could do to alleviate the feeling of being left out, but at this moment the answer to the emptiness within eluded her.

Preston Culver was the wealthiest man in Baxter. Originally from Reedsburg, Preston, Peter’s uncle, had lived in Baxter some 20-odd years. He owned the bank building, the bakery, the largest livery, and three houses. Ross and Peter were moving into the smallest of his houses.