A Heart's Endeavor (11 page)

Mel’s hips rose up and down in a frenzy as she tried desperately to lock her legs around his arm, but he kept himself out of reach. He continued to tease her by gliding the banana over and over the spot between her legs that was thumping like a drum. She bit her lip in frustration.

“Let go, baby,” he whispered in a husky voice and thumbed her clit back and forth. “Jesus, your pussy’s so hot and wet for me.”

His touch and dirty talk sent Mel sailing over the edge. Soon she was screaming her release. Breathing heavy, she opened her eyes and saw Jack’s stare fixed on her pussy. Her face grew hot. Moisture slid down her inner thighs. She must look a sight with her body displayed in such a vulgar manner. She tried to cover herself with her hand, but her wrist was caught in a much larger one.

“Don’t ever hide yourself from me, Melanie.”

Melanie opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her with a glare. “No arguments or I’ll paddle your ass. Is that understood?”

Mel nodded and watched him grab a tissue from the box on the nightstand. He wrapped the banana and set it aside. His attention once again zeroed in on her cunt.

“I had planned to lick your cream off of that piece of fruit, but why settle for a little taste when I can gorge myself right at the source.”

Before Mel could utter a word he moved to the bottom of the bed. He grabbed her by the ankles and pulled her toward him. He positioned her legs so that they hung over his shoulders and buried his face between her thighs. He sucked and lapped her pussy until she came as fast and hard as the last time.

Jack continued to feast on her flesh long after her legs ceased shaking and her breathing had returned to normal. Dazed, Mel remained in her splayed position and watched as he licked his lips. She felt like a limp dishrag and barely moved when he got up and went into the bathroom. Soon he was back with a warm washcloth and tenderly wiped her sex. She was too weak to summon the strength to be embarrassed. He had seen everything she had to offer.

With the look of a wild man, he donned a condom and joined her on the bed. Without a word, he spread her legs and plunged his cock home. Only after she whimpered and clutched at his forearms did he seek his own release.

Jack rolled onto his side and gathered Mel’s still trembling body into his arms. He rested his chin on the top of her head and whispered. “I’ll always be here for you, Mel.”

Mel closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. The fact that he had witnessed her moment of weakness still weighed heavily on her mind. He appeared to be fine with the fact that she suffered with panic attacks, but he didn’t know about her depression.

The mattress creaked and Mel slowly opened her eyes to see Jack looming above her. He waggled his brows. “Are you going to hand over your vibrator or am I going to have to handcuff you?”

Without hesitation, Mel opened the drawer to her nightstand and dropped the vibrator on the bed. Jack took hold of her thighs and opened her wide. He sure as hell accomplished things with the vibrator she never could.

Chapter 10

Mel sat in the small box-like room at the doctor’s office with a disposable thermometer in her mouth and a blood pressure cuff wrapped around her arm.

“Your blood pressure is normal,” the attending nurse said in a cheerful tone. She removed the thermometer, glanced at it, then tossed it in the wastecan. “Temperature also normal.”

Mel held back a snort. She’d bet her last dollar both had been way off the charts two hours earlier. Finding Jack gone and a note in his place had thrown her for a loop.

“Any changes since the last time you were here?”

Mel shifted on her perch. “Well, I’m driving again and I have a job.”

The nurse smiled at her. “That’s wonderful news. I’ll note that on your chart.” After she finished writing she looked up. “Is there anything else?”

Mel shook her head. She’d wait for Doctor Evans to come in then she’d mention the panic attack.

“Okay, the doctor will be with you shortly.”

Left alone, Mel went over everything she wanted to tell Doctor Evans. She didn’t consider driving and working again to be a big milestone, but maybe she should. Three months ago she had been sitting in the house feeling sorry for herself. But like always, she dwelled on the negative and the panic attack was utmost in her thoughts. Last night Jack’s intense lovemaking had shoved the fear of another attack to the back of her mind, but now it was back in full force.

One thing was for sure—Jack certainly knew his way around a woman’s body. And the things he could do with a vibrator had blown her mind. Not to mention a banana, for God’s sake. The night had been so perfect, but when she awoke this morning he was gone and a note was lying on the pillow beside her head.

Mel,

The next few days are going to be hectic. I’ll try to call, but there’s some shit going down. If you need me and can’t get a hold of me, call the barracks. One of the guys will take care of you.

All my heart, Jack

Sounded to Mel like a brush-off. No matter how many times she read the note, it still had the ring of a brush-off.

Okay, maybe it was paranoia, but maybe it wasn’t.

A soft knock jerked Mel from her troubled thoughts. She perked up as Doctor Evans shuffled inside. He was a nice man, about sixty, and always managed to make her feel good about herself. Jack did too, but now she wasn’t so sure where their relationship was headed.

Doctor Evans shook Mel’s hand and settled himself on a stool. He thumbed through some papers on a clipboard. He took off his glasses and stuffed them in the pocket of his white overcoat. His eyes shone with obvious approval. “I see that you’re driving and working. That’s good. How are you otherwise?”

Mel took a deep breath. “I’m okay. I had a panic attack last night. It was the first one in a long time.” Her voice came out in a rush and she willed herself to calm down.

Doctor Evans nodded and flipped through the pile of papers once again. He found the one he was obviously looking for and said, “The date on your chart indicates that the last attack you suffered happened well over a year ago. Did something occur lately to trigger it? Is there something on your mind?”

Yes, admitting to a certain trooper about my depression.
If she revealed her fears the doctor would just tell her there was nothing wrong with having depression. She had heard that song before.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Mel sighed. The man had a knack for knowing when she was hiding something. “I met someone and I’m afraid…” Her voice trailed off.

“You’re afraid to tell him that you suffer with depression.”

“Yes.” She waited for the inevitable lecture that was sure to follow her admission of guilt.

“Mel, not all people are as ignorant as your husband was.”

She shot him a look of surprise.

“I’m the one who diagnosed you with depression four years ago. I remember the way the man reacted to the news. He wasn’t happy. And not once did he accompany you to any of your appointments after the initial diagnosis.”

The misery of that day came back to her in a rush. “I thought I was the only one who noticed how indifferent he had become.”

Doctor Evans waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Forget about Mike. You need to focus on how far you’ve come since then. It must feel good to get out of the house for a while.”

“Oh, it does,” Mel replied enthusiastically. “As you know, I experienced my first panic attack while driving. After that, I couldn’t get in the car without shaking. Mike didn’t want me to drive, and the fear of having another attack in the car scared me to death. For some reason I kept my driver’s license even though Mike told me to throw it away.”

“Good for you. Your husband didn’t do you any favor by hiding you away. When you were ready to get behind the wheel of that car, he should have supported you. The only one who knows when you’re ready is you.” He paused a moment as if to allow those words to sink in. “It’s possible we might have to up your dose or change it altogether. You’ve been on the same medication for over four years. In other words, the honeymoon’s over. Your body may have become immune to that certain drug. Did you want to switch now, or do you feel comfortable enough to wait and see what happens?”

Mel didn’t know what to do. “Will I have to wait another two to three weeks for the meds to take affect like I had to the first time this happened?” Now she was really nervous. Waiting for some kind of relief from the crying and the panic had been hell.

“I can’t answer that. The other medication is still in your system, so that could be a big help to you. We can wait. I’m not saying a panic attack is a piece of cake to experience, but you know what to expect. You know it’s not going to last.”

True, but panic overrode any rational thinking during an attack. She’d break out in a sweat and be cold at the same time. Her heart would pound in her chest as if she had run a marathon. “I wanted you to lower my dose so I could stop taking pills, but after last night I’m not so sure.”

Doctor Evans shook his head. “The fact that you’re embarrassed is a very foolish reason to want to stop your meds. Plus, you’d be compromising your health. Depression doesn’t label you a mental case. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many patients I treat for depression. They range from senators to housewives to husbands, sometimes children. You could have a chemical imbalance in the brain. Sometimes it’s hereditary. We just don’t know for sure. Half the battle is admitting that there is a problem. The other half is finding the right medication to control it. Some people are too ashamed and refuse to seek help. They hide it so well that even the closest members of their family don’t know what’s wrong until it’s too late.”

Mel lowered her head in shame. He was referring to suicide. Suicide had crossed her mind a time or two when she felt it was the only way to end the attacks. Now she knew different. So, she had to keep taking the pills.

“You did the right thing by coming to me. So many other lives could be turned around if everyone who suffered with this illness came forward. Just because it affects the emotional side of your make-up doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Now, tell me about this job.”

As Mel talked, he rolled his eyes at some of the stories she related.

“It appears you’re dealing quite well with the public.” He laughed. “The public can be tough at times. A person may have had a bad day at work and a cashier looks like the perfect person to take it out on.”

Mel nodded. “But that doesn’t excuse me from being so grouchy the other day.”

Doctor Evans patted her hand in a fatherly fashion. “You’re beating yourself up over nothing. Losing one’s temper is a normal human emotion. We all lose our temper at times. The main thing is you didn’t react with violence. If we all did what we thought about doing while angry, there’d be a whole lot of people sitting in jail.”

Mel still had her doubts.

Doctor Evans stood and offered Mel his hand. He escorted her out of the room and down the hall to the nurses’ desk. He handed the woman Mel’s chart. “Mel, how did you get to your appointment today?”

Distracted, she blinked. “I drove, why?”

His expression softened. “You’ve been coming to me for over ten years. You know darn well that I don’t sugarcoat things. Believe me, you’ve made remarkable progress. You’re not the same woman who came crying into my office four years ago scared to death that you were on the brink of insanity. Stay on the meds for a little while longer. We’ll see how you are three months from now.” He nodded to the nurse. “Schedule a mammogram for Mrs. Manning.”

Mel grimaced and folded her arms across her chest.

* * * *

Okay. Playing phone tag was getting on Mel’s nerves. She’d call Jack and get his voice mail. He’d call back and leave a brief message. Two days had passed since her panic attack. Despite the note he had left, she was convinced that he was avoiding her.

She ducked behind the deli to check her cell for messages. Cellphones weren’t allowed to be turned on during work, but a quick look wouldn’t hurt. No new messages. Frustrated as well as disappointed, she decided to get aggravated some more and check the lottery money. In no time at all she was ready to fling the instant lottery tickets out the window.

Stacy moved away from her position at the window and looked at her register. “Isn’t that guy getting into his car at pump two the same one you had just waited on? If it is he didn’t tell you he had gotten fuel.”

Mel spotted the twenty dollar charge still on the screen. “Son-of-a-bitch.” She raced to the window. “When he paid for his soda I asked him if that twenty in gas was his and he told me it wasn’t. I took him at his word.” She wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“There were two cars. I got the one that was at pump three,” Stacy said.

Mel threw down the pencil and paper and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To get that money,” Mel shouted over her shoulder as she bolted out the door. She sprinted across the parking lot and stopped in the middle of the road.

Tires screeched. “You crazy bitch!” the driver yelled out the window. “Get outta the way.”

Mel folded her arms across her chest. “You owe for that gas you pumped.”

“Sir, please return to the parking lot.”

The deep voice that came from behind made her jump. Mel swung around and her eyes shot wide open in surprise.
Geez, when did that trooper show up?
She gathered her wits and saw that there was another trooper off to the side. No way was the thief skipping out again. She looked up and down the highway. Traffic was backed up in both lanes and here she was standing right smack in the middle of it all.

She turned back to the officer and smiled sheepishly.