A Holiday Proposal (14 page)

Holly grasped her mom’s hand and blinked back tears of her own. It pained her to see her mother hurting, but she was ashamed to realize she’d never considered that Mom had faced disappointment. “We love you, Mom. Is there anything we can do to help you this time of year? To ease the pain.”

Mom gave a dry laugh and squeezed her hand gently. “No. But thank you, both of you, for caring enough to ask.” She released their hands and dabbed the corners of her eyes. “I’m so blessed to have raised such wonderful daughters.”

For the second time that night, Holly’s soul felt a healing balm. She couldn’t wait to tell Matthew.

Chapter 16

M
onday afternoon Holly slipped her time card back into its slot. Her lips tilted in a smile. Another day without mishap. At this rate, she might even fall off Nurse Ratched’s radar. She approached the main entrance as the sliding glass doors glided open about twenty feet ahead of her. “Jessica?” She rushed toward her sister. “What’s wrong?”

“Does something need to be wrong for me to visit my sister at work?”

“Uh—yes, considering you’re supposed to be at work in another town. Now, what’s wrong?” She assessed her sister’s eyes. Bloodshot. “Have you been crying?”

“No. Relax. I had a couple of patients cancel this afternoon and was able to shift the rest around so I got off work early. I’m meeting April and her daughter at the ice rink a little later and thought I’d pop in to say hi. It looks like my timing is perfect. You heading home?”

“I am.” Holly exited the hospital with her sister. “Did something happen?”

“Why are you insisting something is wrong?” Annoyance clouded Jessica’s voice.

“You have
never
shown up unexpectedly and your eyes are bloodshot.”

“Oh. Allergy eyes—you know how I get this time of year with the mold spores and whatnot. Sorry that I’ve never surprised you before.”

“Don’t be. So, everything is fine?”

“Absolutely.” Jessica strolled beside Holly as they crossed the street now completely devoid of snow. “Have you talked with Matthew since we got home last night?”

Holly whipped her head toward her sister. “No. Why?”

“A little birdie mentioned you were planning to go skiing this weekend, but since the weather has warmed I was wondering if that was still on.”

“Planning to join us?” Holly quipped and unlocked her apartment. “Let me change and we can go grab dinner together.” She stopped midstride. “Unless you have other plans.”

“Dinner sounds great. Nothing big, though.”

Holly shed her work clothes, took a speedy shower and slipped on a new pair of jeans and a teal sweater that she’d picked up over the weekend. Refreshed and ready for whatever her sister wasn’t telling her, she scurried into the main room. Jessica stood looking out the window onto Front Street. “Can you believe this place is going to be wall-to-wall people by Friday for the Christmas Lighting Festival?”

“I know.” Jessica whirled to face her. “Do you think we could talk?”

Holly’s pulse hammered at the intensity in her sister’s voice. She nodded. Whatever Jessie had to say, it must be serious. She perched on the edge of the sofa.

“April called this morning and asked me if I knew of anything that happened to you in high school that would make you shy away from relationships.” Brows raised, Jessica sank onto the opposite end of the couch.

So, there
was
a reason for Jessica’s unexpected visit. “What did you tell her?”

“I’d think about it.”

“And?”

“And I’ve thought about it, but the only thing I can come up with is Sean.”

Holly’s throat thickened. She hated hearing that name. Even avoided friendships with people who had the same name as the baby who died on her watch.

Jessica lowered her voice. “Sweetie, his death wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” Holly blinked rapidly. “But I still feel responsible. What if I could have done something differently?”

“Stop. You’ll drive yourself nuts playing the what-if game.” Jessica laughed drily. “Believe me, I know. What if I’d taken a higher-quality prenatal vitamin? What if I’d watched my diet better? What if—” Her voice caught.

Holly rested her hand on her sister’s arm. “Miscarriages happen. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“And neither did you. SIDS happens. As a nurse, you should know that. Don’t you see? Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome of that day.”

“But my boyfriend was there. I wasn’t listening to the baby monitor. Maybe I would’ve noticed the silence. Maybe I would’ve thought to check on him, and he would’ve awakened if I’d gone in there sooner.”

“So what? Your boyfriend was there—sure, he wasn’t supposed to be. Big deal.”

“A baby died!”

“And so did a little bit of my sister. Holly, do you really think Sean’s parents hovered over him day and night to make sure he was always breathing? Of course they didn’t. That’s unreasonable.”

“But they blamed me—and I guess that’s one of the reasons I can’t forgive myself,” Holly whispered. A tear splashed onto her hand.

“They needed someone to blame. You were an easy target.”

Holly shook her head and tapped her temple. “I know in here that you’re correct.” She touched her palm to her chest. “But in here I feel so guilty.”

“You must forgive yourself and move on.”

Holly buried her face in her hands, and her shoulders shook as tears streamed down and wet her hands. Jessica didn’t understand. She wasn’t the one Sean’s parents had lashed out at and said hateful things to. She wasn’t there.

Jessica rubbed her back.

Holly forced herself to take deep, even breaths. Tears did not change the past and only served to make her feel worse. After a minute she composed herself, then wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “I’m okay now. You still want to grab a bite?”

“Sure.”

“Just let me fix my face. We can’t both have bloodshot eyes. I can only imagine what people would think.”

Jessica’s mouth opened but she quickly snapped it shut.

Holly fled the room. She splashed water on her face and reapplied a light coat of makeup. Now for food. The Gingerbread House made good sandwiches, and it was on the way to the outdoor ice rink. Maybe she’d get lucky and Matthew would be there. A surge of excitement leaped through her at the thought. Suddenly the idea of dividing her attention wasn’t quite so scary.

Five minutes later Holly looped her arm through Jessica’s as they strolled along Commercial Street. “Are you sure April won’t mind if I tag along?”

“Why would she care?” Jessica shook her head. “You worry too much. Loosen up and have a little fun.”

“I had fun in Seattle.”

“Me, too.” Jessica pulled a cookie out of her purse. “I can’t believe I’ve never eaten at The Gingerbread House before. It was fabulous. Thanks for suggesting we go there.”

“Sure. It’s Matthew’s favorite spot, and it’s close to work, so I seem to be going there a lot lately.” Too bad he hadn’t been there today. She couldn’t help feeling disappointed but shook off the melancholy thoughts.

Jessica raised a brow. “Matthew, huh?”

Holly realized her slip, and her cheeks heated. “Not a word.” She wagged a finger. Her heart raced at just the mention of Matthew. When had she fallen for him?

“My lips are sealed. Is there something going on between the two of you?”

“Not really, but...”

Jessica grasped her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Don’t hold out on me. You know how I love romance.”

Holly giggled. “There’s not much to tell, except I’m positive he has feelings for me. Actually, he’s said so.”

“And...?”

“And—” Her heart was definitely becoming entangled with the man. Shouting drew her attention toward the ice rink. She turned to find the source. “I wonder what’s going on.”

Jessica looked, too, and pointed. “Look! There they are, and Matthew is with them.”

Holly found his familiar form alongside his sister. Matthew and April stood on the outside of the rink, waving their arms and shouting, but she couldn’t decipher their words over the music blasting from the speakers.

Her soaring heart slowed and she reached for her sister, tugging her forward. “Come on. Something isn’t right. Matthew and April look upset.” Holly released her hold on Jessica’s arm and sprinted toward the ice rink. Where had Matthew and April disappeared to? One minute they were there and the next they were out of sight. She pushed through the small crowd until she spotted them.

“Help! Something’s wrong with my daughter. I think she’s choking,” April shouted.

Ava lay on the ground between them, her head resting in April’s lap.

“What happened?” Holly knelt in front of the child. Ava’s lips had taken on a blue tinge. She opened the little girl’s mouth and swept her finger, hoping to remove whatever she was choking on.

“We were eating hot dogs and—”

Holly lifted the child up, got behind her, wrapped her arms around her chest, fisted her hands together and pulled them in an upward motion.

A piece of meat shot from Ava’s mouth. The little girl’s eyes widened, and she burst into a coughing fit.

April gathered her daughter close, their tears mingling. She lifted her head and locked eyes with Holly. “Thank you! I panicked and didn’t know what to do.” She planted a kiss on Ava’s head, then stood cuddling her child in her arms. “You saved my daughter’s life. I will never be able to thank you enough.”

Holly’s voice caught. “I’m glad I was here at the right time.” She glanced at Matthew. Pride shimmered in his eyes. A warm glow coursed through her heart. So this is what it felt like to do something right—really right. She hadn’t been a nurse long enough to have actually saved a life on the job. There was something to be said for the euphoria saving a life brought. She couldn’t quit smiling.

Holly rested a finger on Ava’s carotid artery and took her pulse. The child’s breathing and coloring had returned to normal. “You are a tough girl, but next time, chew your food before swallowing.”

Ava nodded with big round eyes.

Jessica nudged her. “Anyone still up for ice skating?”

April shook her head. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I think Ava should go home and take a nap.”

“I not tired!” Ava frowned at her mother. “I want to skate.”

April hesitated, then a slow smile tilted her lips. “You heard her. Let’s skate.”

Holly found an empty bench and parked herself on it. Her hands shook, thanks to the adrenaline rushing through her body. She tucked them under her legs. The bench shifted, and a shadow blocked the sunlight.

Matthew slid close and nudged her shoulder. “I think I understand why you like your job so much.”

She cast a glance his way and caught his soft grin. “Nothing like it.” Her heart pitter-pattered at his close proximity. “I’ve never actually saved anyone’s life before. I’ve assisted, but what just happened was a first for me.”

He tugged her arm until her hand slipped from under her leg, then he grasped her fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze. “I’m grateful you were here. Are we still on for skiing this weekend?” He cleared his throat. “We left things kind of up in the air the last time we spoke.”

“I’d love to go, but the snow has melted.”

“Stephens Pass has plenty.”

Her stomach flip-flopped, and she couldn’t stop the smile that covered her face. “That sounds like fun. Speaking of fun, I wanted to tell you about my weekend. Jessica and I had a really good talk with our mom.”

“That’s great. So things are all better between the two of you?”

Holly started to nod, then realized the root of her problem with her mother hadn’t even been touched. The real issue wasn’t that her mom was extra crabby around the holidays, but that no matter what Holly did, she could never measure up to Mom’s expectations. Somehow in the excitement of the weekend, their constant discord slipped to the back of her mind. “I think things have improved because I understand my mom better.”

“But...”

“But we have a ways to go.” However, at this moment, she didn’t care to think about anything negative. She only wanted to think about the handsome man beside her and spending as much time with him as she could.

Jessica and April glided past with Ava between them, each holding one of her hands, a huge smile on the little girl’s face. Holly stole a glance Matthew’s way again. His steady character and good looks gave her pause. Her heart skipped. Why couldn’t she have it all? What was stopping her? Matthew was here and clearly interested. He’d been so patient—even being nice about her kissing him then running off. He was the gentleman of gentlemen.

Matthew stood. “Care to take a few spins around the ice?”

Holly stared at the hand he held out to her. “Love to.” She placed her fingers in his palm and allowed him to pull her up. His warm breath tickled her cheek. She closed her eyes and breathed in the warm, musky scent of his aftershave.

“Holly?”

Her eyes shot open and slammed into his questioning gaze. She took a quick step back. “Let’s skate. I haven’t had a chance to try out this rink yet.”

“Understandable, since it’s in its first season.”

They rented skates and joined the growing crowd on the rink, gliding slowly around the ice.

Matthew glanced at her. “I hope you don’t mind, but I was hoping to revisit our conversation from the other day. You were going to tell me about why you haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. I was concerned by the few statements you made and did a little digging on my own.”

She stifled a groan. “I know. Jessica told me you asked your sister about me.” Holly’s pulse raced. Why did that day have to keep coming up? She wished she’d never mentioned anything to Matthew, especially now that she was ready to move past it.

He took a quick breath and let it out in a puff. “I hope she also told you no one should’ve made you feel responsible for what happened. It wasn’t your fault, and even though I was unaware of it at the time, I wish I had known. I would’ve been there for you. That’s not the kind of thing a person should face alone.”

Holly’s mouth hung open. Her face heated. “Thanks, I’ve decided to leave the past in the past, but it’s really hard to talk about, even now, all these years later.”

* * *

Matthew studied the shamed look on Holly’s face and regretted bringing it up. He didn’t want to embarrass her, but had meant to offer support. He’d only been trying to help—to be there for her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure any minute I’ll be relieved my secret is out.” She shot him a half grin. “Let’s go. It’s too crowded here.” She zipped across the ice toward the exit.

He swerved around a group of kids and followed. His heart hammered. “Holly, wait up!” The girl could move when she wanted to and he didn’t want to let her get away. He cared too much to allow her to suffer in solitude. No—he needed her to understand how much he wanted to be there for her.