A Lesson in Forgiveness (16 page)

Colin felt her wetness, knew she was prepared. He surprised himself by using his mouth on her. It was more than he wanted to give her, more than she deserved. Although he wanted her wet, he hadn't considered giving her too much pleasure. He found he couldn't resist the urge to taste her, to know every part of her body.

Kissing his way up her body, Ginny felt hypersensitive to his touch. The urge to have him inside her, born from the earliest time and bred over thousands of years, was making her beg him to come to her. She opened herself up, both physically and emotionally, letting him join with her, become one.

Lifting her hips, he slid inside slowly, deliberately. Meeting her resistance, he pushed through as quickly as possible, embedding himself in her. Her walls were tightly clinging to him and he had to fight the urge to move. Instead, he waited for her to make the first move, to let him know she was ready. It was killing him. She was so hot and wet and willing. Colin had plenty of willing women before,

but never someone so innocent, untrained. It was more than he could handle.

Panting over his invasion, reveling in the pleasure, fighting against the pain, Ginny soon felt as if she couldn't take it anymore. She pulled her hips away, then pushed them back. Colin joined her in the tempo of lovemaking. He would pull out, then come rushing back in to fill her. Despite the soreness of her torn flesh, the pain was forgotten to the building thrill his erection was creating in her. The new orgasm that was being beckoned. Ginny wrapped her legs tightly around Colin's waist, anticipating the rushing feelings.

The faster he rocked, the more desperate the feeling. It was a burning, a longing. The female orgasm is hard to describe, and harder to achieve. Ginny relished how easily she achieved such bliss in this world, the romance novel world. All at once, her release was found, exploding through her body. She gripped his shoulders, digging her nails into his skin. A moment later, Colin found his release, spilling his seed deep inside her. He grunted and scrunched his face, enjoying the waves that were washing over him.

Opening her eyes, she stared at his face until he looked down at her. Ginny reached up and brushed his cheek, hoping he would lower himself and kiss her as he had done those few times before. Instead, he moved off her and rolled onto his back, leaving her cold and exposed. As she turned to snuggle to his side, he quickly rose and walked to the wash basin in the corner.

Once there, he went about pouring water into the basin, grabbing a cloth and removing the proof of her virginity. Lying on her side, she watched him go about the task. When clean, he grabbed his robe, put in on, tied it in place and walked to their adjoining door.

When the door closed, Ginny realized that the entire time Colin had been in her room, before, during and after their lovemaking, he had not spoken a word. No words of tenderness. No words asking if she was alright or if she had been pleased. No words of anger either. For that matter, he had not once kissed her on the lips. It was as if he had made the whole affair as impersonal as possible. She was simply a means to an end, nothing savored, nothing risked.

Ginny wanted so much to walk through that door, scream at him over his callousness, but the thought scared her too much. Some people say that the opposite of love is hate. They're wrong. The opposite of love is apathy. And Ginny was too scared to think he was now apathetic to her. That was a tall hurdle to overcome. Not that she loved him, she didn't. But she did have to live with him until whoever saw fit to send her either to the next novel or home.

Rising from the bed, Ginny walked over and washed herself up. Then, she picked up her new satin nightgown off the floor and put it back on. Without thinking, without feeling, she climbed back into bed and pulled up the covers. Sinking deep into the mattress, Ginny felt herself slipping into the oblivion that only sleep could provide. Before she could surrender completely, a thought occurred to her. Why would he have even bothered having sex with her if he didn't care? The answer was so simple, and so disturbing, that it brought tears to her eyes. Once consummated, the marriage could not be annulled. Ginny was stuck until death did one of them part.

Ginny had a strange dream. Colin was standing over her, presumably staring at her, she couldn't quite tell in the dark. Then he was gone. It seemed the perfect metaphor for their relationship so far. She woke up at her usual time, but didn't have the energy or spirit to get up. Many of the guests were leaving early this morning and she should get up with Colin to bid them farewell, but couldn't face all the knowing smiles and jeers. Instead, she would let Colin do it, since it looked as if his life wouldn't change in the least.

Late in the morning, Ginny could no longer ignore her screaming bladder. She got up, rang for her maid, and then went about taking care of business. By the time she left the water closet, Tabby was entering her room from the side door.

“I have a bath being made ready for you, my lady.”

“Thank you, Tabby. Do you think you can call me Bethany?”

Tabby walked back through the same door, with only her laughter left behind. As Ginny rounded the bed, heading for the door, she noticed something on the side table. It looked like a letter. She was almost certain it hadn't been there yesterday. Walking over tentatively, she picked it up as if it contained some incendiary device. Turning it in her hands, she saw it had her name on it.

She opened the letter. Inside was only one thing:  a banknote for fifty pounds. Ginny stared at the piece of paper for a long time. At first she didn't quite know what to make of it. Then she realized it was Colin giving her the winnings from the bet. He was paying her for services rendered.

Before she could stop herself, Ginny flew through the side door. Tabby watched her pass as she slammed open the next door that led to Colin's dressing room. Then once more through the door that would lead to his bedroom. Knowing that he wasn't likely still there, she checked anyway, still clutching the banknote in her hand.

Coming back into her own dressing room, Tabby stared at her with wide eyes. Ginny's look was murderous and there was only one person who deserved her anger. Muttering to herself, she re-entered her own bedroom and threw the banknote back on the side table. Ginny was no longer thinking clearly, she only wanted to hurt someone. Tears were streaming down her face and she was pacing like a caged animal.

“My lady. Are you alright?” Tabby stood in the doorway, ready to bolt if necessary.

“NO! That bastard!” Ginny crumpled to the floor and Tabby ran over to put her arms around her.

“What happened?” asked the little maid, trying to offer comfort.

Looking at her maid, speaking in a deceptively calm voice, Ginny said, “I'll tell you what happened. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I married a man I thought was honorable and it turns out he's just a huge prick.”

“But, my lady, you have only been married one day.”

“Sometimes that's all it takes.” Ginny picked herself up and then helped her maid. “Come on, Tabby. I need to get dressed and hunt down my husband. If he's at all smart, he'll be armed.”

Chapter 14

After a quick bath, Tabby dressed her simply. Even simply dressed took time and Ginny was itching to find her husband by the time she left her bedchamber. Walking down the staircase, careful to avoid any lingering guests, Ginny went first to Colin's study. Finding it empty, she decided she would be better off asking Pearce where he was rather than wandering the grounds and potentially running into her parents.

She pulled the bell in the study and Pearce arrived as if he'd been waiting behind the door for someone to ring. Entering the study, his face the mask of serene, he asked, “Yes, my lady. What may I assist you with?”
“Pearce, where is my husband?” Ginny tried to keep her voice even, but she was only human.

Pearce's face took on a confused look. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He seemed to be struggling with what words to use.

“Spit it out, Pearce,” Ginny was not able to keep the annoyed sound from her voice. She felt badly, it wasn't Pearce's fault she was so angry, so more gently she said, “Just tell me, Pearce.”

“Lord Whitmore left this morning, my lady. He said you were aware of it.”

She could now add lying bastard to his list of growing attributes. Ginny heard people walking toward the study and she didn't want this to be overheard. “Pearce, please close the door.”

Pearce walked over and closed the door. When he turned back to her, she offered him a seat, then took the second armchair, “her armchair” as she was coming to call it. “Please start at the beginning.”

“His lordship called his valet up to his rooms late last night, after the two of you retired. From what I learned from Charles, his valet, he was told to pack for an extended journey. His lordship had already planned his trip to the Continent, but I assumed that was postponed due to his marriage. He called me up last night and asked that I have his carriage ready first thing in the morning. Just after dawn this morning, the footman packed up the carriage and his lordship and Charles left. I asked him if he had any instructions for me to give you, my lady. He said you were aware of his plans, sanctioned his leaving and would be in charge in his absence.”

Ginny dropped her eyes to her lap. Taking a deep breath, she released it slowly and tried to figure out how she should handle this. Her husband had abandoned her, with no word of when he planned to return, and she was saddled with running an entire estate by herself.
Great, just great
, she thought to herself as the butler waited patiently for instructions.

“Pearce, you are to tell no one of this. If anyone asks where Lord Whitmore is, you tell them he was called away on urgent business. You are not to tell any of the staff that he left here without my knowing. Please try to quash any rumors among the staff as well. I know it will be difficult, but I have a great deal of faith in your abilities.”

“Of course, my lady.” Pearce was back to being his usual robot self.

“I have never run an estate before, so I will rely on you quite a bit. If I ask silly questions, please bear with me. If I keep asking the same question, again, keep in mind I'm learning. Now, when do the last of the guests leave?”

“All but your parents, Lady Whitmore and Lord and Lady Collingsford leave tomorrow, my lady.”

“Good. We can keep up the pretense up for another day. Now, what do I do first?” Ginny looked imploringly at her butler, clueless and not wanting to screw everything up.

“You may want to visit with the housekeeper, my lady. She can explain the workings of the staff and household. Perhaps you should meet with the estate manager, Mr. Stevens, as well. He can give you information on the estate and tenants. I shall order a carriage for you this afternoon.”

“Thank you, Pearce. When this is all over, you will be in for a big raise.”

It was a grueling session with the housekeeper. Mrs. Simmons took her on a tour of the entire house, kitchens and even the root cellar. She showed Ginny the kitchen garden where they grew all the vegetables and herbs used in the house. Mrs. Simmons sat down and showed her all the accounts, receivables and payables. All in all, Ginny was confident that she wouldn't have to do much with Mrs. Simmons around.

After a private luncheon, as Ginny was still trying to avoid her parents and in-laws, Ginny was driven on a curricle by one of the groomsmen. It reminded Ginny to ask her parents to send Lyle the groomsmen to Wellesley so Tabby could have her sweetheart near. At least one of them should be happy. The trip was pleasant, even though the hot sun was making her sweat through her many layers.

They arrived at a small house, set back into a wooded part of the estate. It was white clapboard, with a few windows in the front and well maintained flower garden. The house was surrounded by a white picket fence with a cobblestone pathway to the door. Ginny made her way up the path and knocked on the door. She waited a few moments, but didn't hear anyone approaching, so she knocked again, this time harder.

After a few more moments of waiting, Ginny tried the knob. It was locked. So she went back to the curricle. The groomsman, who had been watching the entire episode, suggested she try around back. There was apparently a larger garden and a door to the estate manager's office. Ginny thanked him and took his suggestion. Walking around the house, within the fence, Ginny glanced in every window, but saw no movement.

There was no one in the backyard either, but Ginny saw another door. She promptly knocked, but again, no answer. Trying the knob, this time she found it open. Walking inside, she saw a neat office: a desk and chair, several shelves loaded with ledgers, and two extra chairs for guests.

“Hello, is anybody here?” Ginny had a moment of foreboding that she couldn't quite understand. Nothing was out of place, everything was neat and clean, with no dust or cobwebs. No papers strewn about, no furniture overturned. It looked as if the room's occupant had just stepped out. But something wasn't right and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Walking back to the front of the house, Ginny asked the groomsman, “Does Mr. Stevens have a housekeeper?”

“Indeed, 'e does. Good ole Mrs. Johnson. She lives in the village with 'er 'usband.”

“Why isn't she here?” Ginny wondered aloud. God knew there were always people at Wellesley Hall, but that certainly didn't mean that a housekeeper worked for Mr. Stevens everyday.

“Could be 'er day off, my lady. I could take you to see 'er, if you wish.”

Ginny had no reason to go and see the housekeeper. It probably was her day off, but something just kept nagging at her. Maybe it was from reading too many romance novel on her worst vacation ever. Something always went wrong, so why should her life in this romance novel be any different. Of course, wasn't it enough that her husband had abandoned her the day after her wedding? No, she didn't think so.