A Mind at Peace (12 page)

For Adile, these very thoughts abruptly tainted Nuran’s gleeful laughter, Mümtaz’s blind admiration, and the way they gazed at each other. These two fools had gotten to this point by having known about each other beforehand. They’d fall in love. What was it to her whether this or that was public knowledge? She’d known from the scandal on the second floor and from the anguish of Sabih’s repeatedly squandering his money how ignorant they all were of the scuttlebutt.

Nuran’s beatific smile turned toward Adile. But it no longer carried the same sparkle. She only wanted to convince her of the sincerity of what she’d said. “İclâl’s different. She studied piano for fourteen years. She continued at the conservatory. She truly understands and loves music.”

Nuran wasn’t exaggerating for her relative’s sake. İclâl could even at this young age be considered a
musique savant.
She’d forgotten about everything down to her college education; all that remained was music. Her world was made of melody.

“Truth be told, I know little about either. I never studied it. But I do like it. Everything I listen to overwhelms me. I have my favorites, some I find are trivial, some I don’t like at all.”

Mümtaz eyed Nuran as if to say,
Can one like a piece of music without understanding it? Somebody say something.

“Were you able to find a lot?”

“More so at the Bedesten and mostly older works ... But I do find them. Just three days ago I bought two Hafız Osman records.”
Why is it that she laughs when I speak? I’m not just an innocent boy ... But your laughter’s so sublime that instead of being annoyed, I’m simply pleased.
Something within him pivoted toward the golden fruit suspended in the offing by Nuran’s astounding laughter. Involuntarily, one responded to it; the laughter grew within him like a tree that verged on bursting into bloom.

From then on, at home, without being able to help himself, he’d hear Ferahfezâ, Acemaşiran, and Nühüft
makam
s amid, and accompanied by, laughter that gilded his records and everything he happened upon, subsuming them in the redolence of springtime and transferring the heat of his own arousal to them.

Amid such thoughts, he raised his head and came eye to eye with Nuran, looking at her serenely, with a glance that emanated from depths and withheld nothing.

It was a glance, as a poet he admired had written, that dressed one in garments shorn of sunlight and yearning. Like those fortress keys of yore that were given to a conqueror on a gold platter or velvet pillow, Nuran presented her entirety through grin and gaze.

Adile fell silent. She quite fully knew the meaning of such smiles and furtive glances that fluttered about only to alight upon lover and beloved again. She was no longer contemplating the dolt from the second floor with two wives and two children who weren’t his own. That affair suddenly lost all its meaning.
I won’t even make a greeting. Why should I greet such a fool? In the end, he’s a man who gads about with the neighborhood help ... He’s the type that would involve himself in all manner of disgrace.
And he was now the spouse of the laundress in the basement of the neighboring apartment building. Why should she concern herself with them? And through this decree, Adile shut her personal file on her neighbor, Sabit. In fact, Mümtaz and Nuran’s impropriety bothered her. Mümtaz had been a frequent guest to the apartment for years. Granted, she hadn’t been able to entice him to spend the night on the divan in the parlor, but he was still a family friend. She would have wanted a better future for him, rather than one with this veritable “widow.” But Adile had just such luck. Because of her admiration for others, she also suffered their betrayals. Her entire life had passed this way. Her own relatives had a penchant for marrying away members of her inner circle. Now it was Mümtaz’s turn. She wanted to shrug it off as if to say, “Let them do as they please.” But she couldn’t bring herself to do so.

One tends, more often than not, to bear one’s thoughts on one’s shoulders. Thus, the difficulty of moving our shoulders grows in proportion to the burden of these thoughts. Adile’s shoulders were laden with Mümtaz and the full weight of his future. But this was her own foolishness; what was Mümtaz to her? Who was she to enter another’s affairs, anyway? Her face recoiled before this last betrayal of fate.
Stupid fool of a man. Besides, which of them wasn’t a fool? All men were buffoons. A little flattery, an aloof smile, a few words of inscrutable intent, and then the gaze of an egg-laying hen . . . time to harness the yoke.
Adile wasn’t one to meddle in the lives of others. Anyway, she had no plans for anyone. She was afraid of loneliness, and because she feared being abandoned, she grew frantic when her acquaintances were no longer bound to her.

Meanwhile, Mümtaz and Nuran apparently got along swimmingly without having to rely on her at all. Unforgivable. For quite some time now, she’d accepted being a catalyst of sorts between the sexes. This natural inclination ruled her home life and her days. Men and women were welcome to come, give each other the once-over, and even fall madly in love, but only under the rays of her golden orb, only if they depended on her mediation. After such an introduction, she might make mention of Nuran to Mümtaz, exciting his curiosity with subtle strokes, almost as if needling him, and on the next day, during another visit, she might do the same to Nuran, thus bestirring thoughts in both, before one night inviting them for an evening meal; thereby, she’d make the couple something like fixtures of the house, of dinnertime, and of the evening hours that she could not fill by herself! How she loved when a couple of her design sparked and caught fire. But she was not amused in the least by relationships so intense that they established an insular, independent life – under which circumstances she’d be forgotten whether she liked it or not. She took all necessary precautions to avoid such an outcome. She did, however, love to watch an incipient friendship develop step-by-step toward full-fledged love, to hear all the petite intimacies as confidant to each party, and to resolve any potential misunderstandings. Though if the matter grew and the relationship became truly serious, she would exert all of the efforts within her means to distance the lovers from one another, and because these efforts rested on well nigh ten or twelve years’ experience, more often than not, she succeeded. This much was certain: Adile could douse the flames of love as well as ignite them. Regardless, she held the institution of marriage in high esteem. She’d be much more content, however, if the women she knew married outside of her own milieu. She wanted to keep her friends to herself. They were available for limited dalliances only. Adile wasn’t so unrefined as to speak openly about this. Even if in the end the couple were to marry, Adile’s assistance should be sought in establishing the conjugal nest. Were the hardships of this life something worth enduring without such moments of satisfaction? Meanwhile, Mümtaz and Nuran had begun this flirtation through their own acquaintance. Adile, coincidently, had long felt the urge to initiate something between them. However, when she now saw the way Mümtaz gazed at the young lady, she quickly changed her mind about inviting them to her dinner table three days hence.

Adile made as many mistakes as the next person, but she was possessed of a virtue: When she understood her error, she didn’t hesitate to take appropriate action.

No, she wouldn’t be extending any invitations. Now she only desired one thing: to inform Sabih at the earliest convenience that she’d had a change of heart. It was nothing short of annoyance for a thought to remain in the good lady’s head without being expressed to Sabih, especially such a vital decision, without being conveyed in the most direct and concise manner. Not to mention that the gravity of this decision was on par with a death sentence. Mümtaz would later think that this verdict really had more to do with Nuran; Adile had a soft spot for men. They weren’t as devious as women; even the ugliest among them possessed such sweetness and tameness that ...

He was convinced that Adile wouldn’t make a sacrifice of him, that she’d even invite him over this very week; yet, he was also certain that Nuran would only be allowed to pay a visit alone.

Next to Adile’s fixations, Sabih’s were much more elementary. He was overcome with great hopes upon seeing the attraction between Mümtaz and Nuran. Since the last fiasco, having to do with bath fixtures – a Polish friend of his had circumvented that – Adile had taken out all her sorrows on her husband’s treatment for uritis. For months now he’d been eating boiled carrots and buttered vegetables. Especially after Nuri’s wedding, his diet had become exceptionally strict. For weeks he hadn’t seen a drop of
rakı.
Would that an unexpected guest stop in for a visit! As fortune would have it, not a soul stepped foot into their neighborhood. If these two fools managed this matter well enough, tomorrow evening even ... No, tomorrow night Sabih saw himself with a plate of boiled carrots and fresh zucchini before him again, as on the previous night and the night before. He sighed. People were cruel indeed. Life was unbearable; what difference was there between eating carrots and eating one of your own legs like a hungry spider? Eating one of its own legs ... He’d read about it in the French newspaper spread before him that morning.

From where she sat, Adile resembled one such spider, and her thoughts – with an appetite of that voracity – were consuming her. Directly, she noticed Fatma growing increasingly more impatient at the other end of the table. The girl was rather pretty, but this beauty was undercut by an astounding brattiness. Apparently she was jealous of her mother’s attentions. A glint of hope sparkled within Adile, her heart opened up like a Japanese paper flower unfolding in water, and she was overcome by eternal compassion and affection. An entire horizon opened before her. As she looked at the girl, she realized that this budding dalliance would never come to pass.
The poor little thing . . .
Adile immediately began to fawn over her. With affection that would make daemons of torment weep, she asked the girl how she was. Fatma, realizing she was being pitied, furrowed her brows, and Nuran, stunned in the anticipation of the imminent downpour, glanced at her as if to say, “Please don’t.” Without returning the glance, Adile pranced down a path of compassion and consideration: “Tell me then, do you still dance as well as you used to? Like on the night you came and played at our house, you remember ... Whatever happened to your train set?” How her voice glided like velvet. How it knew to slip deep into one’s inner recesses. The train set and dancing had been a part of the previous New Year’s Eve celebration that they’d all spent together, her papa included. Adile’s sympathy had selected this memory carefully ... as if picking a dagger from an attic full of forgotten objects.

This alone provoked the most poignant reaction from Fatma, catapulting her out of the introversion she’d sunken into, out of the anguish of having been forgotten. That day Mümtaz learned the precise degree to which the mind of a jealous child could be an intrument of mischief. During the entire ferry crossing, Fatma didn’t allow Nuran a free moment. The young mother had been all but subdued by an afreet. Only with her smile was Nuran present among them. By the beacon of this remote smile, Mümtaz listened to Sabih’s insights into the present state of world affairs. Due to the deprivations he was forced to suffer, the Great Carrotivore was exacting his revenge from mankind. As though indicating, “Here’s my evidence,” the palm of one hand pressed down on the French newspapers before him, he denounced one and all.

Had Mümtaz not been able to see Nuran’s countenance in the arcane depths where it had withdrawn in faraway conversation with Adile, had he not been able to see her graceful smile illuminating her face, he’d have been forced to conclude that the end of the world was upon them – presently a rather welcome eventuality – and that this procession of fools known as mankind deserved such a fate as Armageddon. Nuran’s smile, however, her sandy hair gathered atop her head like a season complete, convinced him that life had its horizons, aside from and surpassing politics and causes, more beautiful and more apt to transport one to realms of tranquility; her presence convinced him that contentment came within an arm’s length at times, and that mortal existence was configured more soundly than he’d assumed. As the ferry approached the island, this optimism within Mümtaz met with strains of agony. Once there, he’d have to separate from Nuran and her daughter.

II

Mümtaz regretted hurrying away as soon as he’d left them. He shouldn’t have abandoned Nuran like that.
Perhaps I can catch sight of her,
he thought, and waited at some remove from the ferry landing. The crowd flowed ceaselessly. As the passengers and those who’d come to greet them thinned, he first noticed Sabih and Adile – Adile could walk only a short distance on the street without leaning on her husband. For her, in all probability, one of the sound ways of fully exploiting the resource known as a husband was to have him carry her, if only partially, while they were out and about; presently they were locked arm in arm. Sabih, as if wanting to create a ballast of world affairs to counter Adile’s heft, which dragged down his starboard side, carried a roll of newspapers in the opposite arm, his forehead furrowed in aggravation; doubtless, he forged ahead with a litany of ideas and comparisons about the ordered regulations of ferry docking and departure in the countries of the West.

Mümtaz shielded himself behind another group to avoid being drawn into further conversation with the couple. Soon Nuran and her daughter appeared. Evidently, so she could walk with greater ease, Nuran had chosen to remain onboard until the very last. With her face lowered toward her daughter, wearing a sweet and simple grin, she walked on, explaining something or another.

But neither the smile nor talk lasted long. As soon as they exited the station building, Fatma shouted, “Papa! Mother, Papa’s coming,” and bolted forward. What Mümtaz witnessed then, he’d scarcely ever forget. Nuran’s face turned ashen white. Mümtaz looked about; twenty or twenty-five paces before him approached a blond woman, thick-boned and full-breasted, if not stunningly beautiful – when he thought of this scene later, he decided,
At least beautiful for some men
– accompanied by a swarthy man of about thirty-five with black hair, whose arms and face were bronzed by the sun and whose bearing gave the impression that he enjoyed water sports. Nuran’s entire body trembled. As the thick-boned woman passed, Mümtaz heard her whisper softly, half in Turkish, half in French: “But
c’est scandaleux!
Fâhir, for God’s sake, shut her up!” Fâhir and his mistress finally neared Nuran. In a flurry of “God bless” and “Oh, what a pretty child,” Emma took Fatma into her arms. Fâhir, meanwhile, stood as if he were made of ice. He’d only managed to bring himself to caress the girl’s cheek. A strange, awkward exchange ensued. From where she stood, Nuran continued to tremble; Emma, stressing each syllable she uttered to the breaking point, fawned, “Oh, what a beautiful girl!” and Fatma, distraught by this stranger’s affections, and especially by her father’s cool distance, clung to her mother’s skirts and wept. An onlooker might have concluded that the episode had been orchestrated by Nuran, or that Fâhir hadn’t missed his chance at a snub of indifference toward his ex-wife in front of Emma. Nuran put an end to the bitter episode, which could have lasted hours, with a gesture that revealed much of her character: Taking her daughter into her arms, she walked between the two of them and a short distance ahead boarded a phaeton-for-hire. As they passed, Mümtaz noticed that Fatma was convulsing in tears. He felt a twinge of distress. At the head of the road, his friends were awaiting him. He approached them: