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Authors: Robert Burns

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Castalia's burn an' a' that,

But there it streams an' richly reams,

My H
ELICON
I ca' that.

For a' that, &c.

Great love I bear to all the F
AIR
,

Their humble slave and a' that;

But lordly W
ILL
, I hold it still

A mortal sin to thraw that.

For a' that, &c.

In raptures sweet this hour we meet,

Wi' mutual love an' a' that;

But for how lang the
FLIE MAY STANG
,

L
ET
I
NCLINATION
law that.

For a' that, &c.

Their tricks an' craft hae put me daft,

They've ta'en me in, an' a' that,

But clear your decks an' here's the
SEX
!

I like the jads for a' that.

For a' that an' a' that

An' twice as muckle's a' that,

My
DEAREST BLUID
to do them guid,

They're welcome till't for a' that.

R
ECITATIVO

So sang the B
ARD
—and Nansie's waws

Shook with a thunder of applause

Re-echo'd from each mouth!

They toom'd their pocks, they pawn'd their duds,

They scarcely left to coor their fuds

To quench their lowan drouth:

Then owre again the jovial thrang

The Poet did request

To lowse his pack an' wale a sang,

A
BALLAD
o' the best.

He, rising, rejoicing,

Between his
TWA
D
EBORAHS
,

Looks round him an' found them

Impatient for the Chorus.

A
IR

See the smoking bowl before us,

Mark our jovial, ragged ring!

Round and round take up the Chorus,

And in raptures let us sing—

C
HORUS

A fig for those by law protected!

L
IBERTY
's a glorious feast!

Courts for Cowards were erected,

Churches built to please the P
RIEST
.

What is
TITLE
, what is
TREASURE
,

What is
REPUTATION
's care?

If we lead a life of pleasure,

'Tis no matter
HOW
or
WHERE
.

A fig, &c.

With the ready trick and fable

Round we wander all the day;

And at night, in barn or stable,

Hug our doxies on the hay.

A fig, &c.

Does the train-attended C
ARRIAGE

Thro' the country lighter rove?

Does the sober bed of M
ARRIAGE

Witness brighter scenes of love?

A fig, &c.

Life is al a
VARIORUM
,

We regard not how it goes;

Let them cant about
DECORUM
,

Who have character to lose.

A fig, &c.

Here's to B
UDGETS
, B
AGS
and W
ALLETS
!

Here's to all the wandering train!

Here's our ragged B
RATS
and C
ALLETS
!

One and all cry out, A
MEN
!

A fig for those by Law protected,

L
IBERTY
's a glorious feast!

C
OURTS
for Cowards were erected,

C
HURCHES
built to please the Priest.

O
ur poet suffered many insults to his freedom as a writer, perhaps none so exhausting as having to supplement the farm income by working for the Excise. The best of his biographers, Catherine Carswell, writes beautifully of Burns at the moment of capture: ‘Pledged to subserviency as a petty official, like a man in a nightmare, helpless but exquisitely sentient, he watched the Muses waving their mocking farewell from a far distance.' Burns's health was ruined by his labours for the Tax: long days and comfortless journeys on horseback, soaked to the skin as he checked the contents of old women's barrels, he hated a job so meanly rigged against his best instincts, drawing an annual percentage from the joys of life.

The Deil's Awa wi' the Exciseman

The deil cam fiddlin thro' the town,

And danc'd awa wi' th' Exciseman;

And ilka wife cries, auld Mahoun,

I wish you luck o' the prize, man.

C
HORUS

The deil's awa, the deil's awa,

The deil's awa wi' th' Exciseman,

He's danc'd awa, he's danc'd awa,

He's danc'd awa wi' th' Exciseman.

We'll mak our maut and we'll brew our drink,

We'll laugh, sing, and rejoice, man;

And mony braw thanks to the meikle black deil,

That danc'd awa wi' th' Exciseman.

The deil's awa, &c.

There's threesome reels, there's foursome reels,

There's hornpipes and strathspeys, man,

But the ae best dance e'er cam to the Land

Was, the deil's awa wi' th' Exciseman.

The deil's awa, &c.

Y
ou'll never find a better song to be sung by a trio of drunks than ‘Willie Brew'd a Peck o' Maut'. The song can actually make you thirsty for a drink, and even more for a blind night in the company of the like-minded. The moon sits blinking in the ‘lift', a right good word for the sky, and a word well used more than a hundred years later in the lyrics of Hugh MacDiarmid, whose drunk man looking at the thistle might have fallen through the years to bump down with the sort of hangover brewed by Willie's malt.

Willie Brew'd a Peck o' Maut

O Willie brew'd a peck o' maut,

And Rob and Allan cam to see;

Three blyther hearts, that lee lang night,

Ye wad na found in Christendie.

C
HORUS

We are na fou, we're nae that fou,

But just a drappie in our e'e;

The cock may craw, the day may daw,

And ay we'll taste the barley bree.

Here are we met, three merry boys,

Three merry boys I trow are we;

And mony a night we've merry been,

And mony mae we hope to be!

We are na fou, &c.

It is the moon, I ken her horn,

That's blinkin in the lift sae hie;

She shines sae bright to wyle us hame,

But by my sooth she'll wait a wee!

We are na fou, &c.

Wha first shall rise to gang awa,

A cuckold, coward loun is he!

Wha first beside his chair shall fa',

He is the king amang us three!

We are na fou, &c.

T
he last three minutes of the old year and the first two minutes of the new one provide a caesura of pure sentiment in the average Scots household: a perfectly encapsulated delirium of happy sadness and lost time. When I think back over nearly forty of those five-minute intervals, I see a procession of departed relatives and rosy-cheeked First Foots – coal in hand, whisky bottle under the arm, tears forming in the corners of eyes – waiting at the front door to grasp a hand and take a cup of kindness. One year, an old gentleman called Robbie Proudfoot came to the house. A recovering alcoholic from a village near Stranraer, he stood in our living-room with a glass of dandelion-and-burdock and toasted all the handsome drinks – ‘the right gude-willie-waught' – of former days and we drove through the snow to a hall in Irvine. In that Drill Hall stood all the recovering alcoholics of Ayrshire, passing those dangerous hours after the Bells in the company of one another, and they danced and sang in an absence of drink. It happened a long time ago, as did everything in its turn, and ‘Auld Lang Syne' brings the colour of those nights back to life, a song with a precise gift for mellowing our regrets and putting out a hand to all that is human and passing.

Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne!

C
HORUS

For auld lang syne, my jo,

For auld lang syne,

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!

And surely I'll be mine!

And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae run about the braes,

And pou'd the gowans fine;

But we've wander'd mony a weary fitt,

Sin auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,

Frae morning sun till dine;

But seas between us braid hae roar'd,

Sin auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere!

And gie's a hand o' thine!

And we'll tak a right gude-willie-waught,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

I
f nobody restrains us, we will drink ourselves to destruction. Apart from the Russians and Scandinavians, I know of no people so dedicated as the British to stupefying themselves with alcohol.

Hogarth's biting depiction of Gin Lane and Cruickshank's great anti-alcohol paintings are there to remind us of the hoggish, violent and self-destructive state we get into when we can, and the trail of wreckage we leave in broken marriages, neglected children and destroyed lives.

Peter Hitchins,
Daily Mail
, April 2004

Address to the Unco Guid, or the Rigidly Righteous

My Son, these maxims make a rule
,

And lump them ay thegither;

The
Rigid Righteous
is a fool
,

The
Rigid Wise
anither
:

The cleanest corn that e'er was dight

May hae some pyles o' caff in;

So ne'er a fellow-creature slight

For random fits o' daffin.

Solomon—Eccles., vii:16

O ye wha are sae guid yoursel,

Sae pious and sae holy,

Ye've nought to do but mark and tell

Your Neebours' fauts and folly!

Whase life is like a weel-gaun mill,

Supply'd wi' store o' water,

The heaped happer's ebbing still,

And still the clap plays clatter.

Hear me, ye venerable Core,

As counsel for poor mortals,

That frequent pass douce Wisdom's door

For glaikit Folly's portals;

I, for their thoughtless, careless sakes

Would here propone defences,

Their donsie tricks, their black mistakes,

Their failings and mischances.

Ye see your state wi' theirs compar'd,

And shudder at the niffer,

But cast a moment's fair regard

What maks the mighty differ;

Discount what scant occasion gave,

That purity ye pride in,

And (what's aft mair than a' the lave)

Your better art o' hiding.

Think, when your castigated pulse

Gies now and then a wallop,

What ragings must his veins convulse,

That still eternal gallop:

Wi' wind and tide fair i' your tail,

Right on ye scud your sea-way;

But, in the teeth o' baith to sail,

It maks an unco leeway.

See Social-life and Glee sit down,

All joyous and unthinking,

Till, quite transmugrify'd, they're grown

Debauchery and Drinking:

O would they stay to calculate

Th' eternal consequences;

Or your more dreaded hell to state,

Damnation of expences!

Ye high, exalted, virtuous Dames,

Ty'd up in godly laces,

Before ye gie poor
Frailty
names,

Suppose a change o' cases;

A dear-lov'd lad, convenience snug,

A treacherous inclination—

But, let me whisper i' your lug,

Ye're aiblins nae temptation.

Then gently scan your brother Man,

Still gentler sister Woman;

Tho' they may gang a kennin wrang,

To step aside is human:

One point must still be greatly dark,

The moving
Why
they do it;

And just as lamely can ye mark,

How far perhaps they rue it.

Who made the heart,' tis
He
alone

Decidedly can try us,

He knows each chord its various tone,

Each spring its various bias:

Then at the balance let's be mute,

We never can adjust it;

What's
done
we partly may compute,

But know not what's
resisted
.

1
It is a well known fact that witches, or any evil spirits, have no power to follow a poor wight any farther than the middle of the next running stream.—It may be proper likewise to mention to the benighted traveller, that when he falls in with
bogles
, whatever danger may be in his going forward, there is much more hazard in turning back.

1
This was wrote before the Act anent the Scotch Distilleries, of session 1786; for which Scotland and the Author return their most grateful thanks.

2
A worthy old Hostess of the Author's in
Mauchline
, where he sometimes studies Politics over a glass of guid auld
Scotch Drink
.

1
The old Scotch name for the Bat.

2
The Hostess of a noted Caravansary in Mauchline, well known to and much frequented by the lowest orders of Travellers and Pilgrims.

3
A peculiar sort of Whiskie so called: a great favourite with Poosie Nansie's Clubs.

4
Homer is allowed to be the eldest Ballad singer on record.

BOOK: A Night Out with Burns
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