A Perfect Obsession (29 page)

His heart lifted when he came into the courtroom and saw Camilla sitting at the long table, leafing through documents. He sat down next to her, thought for a second, then said in a low voice, ‘The first thing I have to say is that I have been a complete bastard this past week, and I want to apologise.’ She lifted her head, which had been
resting on one hand, and looked at him. Her eyes seemed large and luminous, and he found her expression difficult to read. ‘The second thing—’ He put a hand to her neck and adjusted her collar, ‘—is that your bands are on crooked. There.’

‘Don’t,’ she said, raising her own hand in a defensive little gesture.

His smile, his touch, sent currents through her, as always. She had no idea what to say. His seductive charm should hold a new aspect now, in the light of what Sarah had told her, but it didn’t. It was just Leo, and her feelings about him remained as strong as before. The thing that had changed for ever was that she now no longer trusted him. She had a powerful intellect, and a strong instinct for self-preservation, and in that moment she told herself that she mustn’t let this go on, or she really would become another victim. Though she felt like one already.

Leo glanced round to make sure they weren’t overheard. ‘Look, please don’t sulk. I had some problems last week. I should have rung, or said something, I know. I’m sorry.’

‘It has nothing to do with that,’ she muttered, staring down at her papers.

‘What hasn’t anything to do with what?’ He was aware of Rachel, who was standing talking to Caradog-Browne a few feet away, staring at them. ‘Will you look at me? Please.’ Camilla turned her face to him again, and he saw instantly that something was wrong, something had changed. At that moment the court usher intoned, ‘Court rise,’ and Mr Justice Olby’s dignified figure bustled through the side door.

‘I’ll talk to you at lunchtime,’ said Leo.

‘I don’t want to.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ muttered Leo in exasperation.

Mr Justice Olby, now seated, glanced in Leo’s direction. ‘A number of housekeeping points, Mr Davies, if you could assist me, please. First of all, in the documents that emanate from Mr Rider, could you remind me in which bundle I can find Mrs Lacey-Cameron’s draft affidavit?’

Leo rose, hitching his gown. ‘I believe it is in Cz, my Lord.’ The last thing he needed, in the closing week of the case, was to have an emotional trauma going on behind the scenes. He would take her to lunch and try to soothe her ruffled feathers. It wouldn’t take any more than that, he was sure.

When the court adjourned for lunch, Leo said to Camilla, ‘Let’s go across the road to Cuder’s, just the two of us, and have a talk.’

‘I can’t, Leo,’ said Camilla, putting her papers together. ‘I’m expecting a call from Rob Shaw in New York on a new case.’

Leo let out a sigh. ‘Something’s obviously up. I need to talk to you.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Don’t say that! I don’t understand what’s wrong, but I want to see you. What about this evening?’

She shrugged. There wasn’t any point in putting it off.

She’d have to explain what had happened at some point. Better sooner rather than later. ‘If you like.’

‘Fine. I have a few things I’ve got to do in chambers after court, but I’ll come to your room around half-five.
And please,’ he added, ‘will you stop looking so damned miserable. You’ve nothing to be miserable about.’

Camilla didn’t even look at him, just picked her papers up and left.

In the clerks’ room, Henry slammed down the phone. ‘Why do you suppose listing officers are such officious bastards?’ he asked Felicity.

‘They go to a special camp at weekends and learn to behave that way. Here,’ Felicity handed him some papers, ‘that’s the fax from Holman’s.’

‘Ah,’ said Henry, ‘Mr Gibbon’s been waiting for that. I’ll take it up to him.’

Felicity looked at her watch and sighed. What a bugger of a morning. They hadn’t arranged to see one another today, but maybe Peter could make lunch at short notice. They could buy some sandwiches and sit in the sun somewhere. She’d ring and see.

‘I’m sorry,’ said the receptionist, when Felicity rang Peter’s chambers, ‘Mr Weir’s not here.’ Recognising Felicity as the clerk from 5 Caper Court, she added, ‘He was in earlier, but his little boy was taken into hospital, so he had to dash off.’

‘Oh, right,’ said Felicity faintly. She felt as though her stomach had just dropped through the floor. The bastard. Married. With a kid. She should have known. She put the phone down. She should have bleeding known.

At that moment Henry came back in. He glanced across at Felicity, who was sitting at her desk, very still. Felicity never sat still, always had to be doing ten things at once.

‘You all right?’ he asked.

‘Oh, fine,’ replied Felicity. ‘I’m just going to get some lunch.’ She picked up her handbag and went out.

Henry returned to the problem of a new clerk, which he’d been toying with all morning. The trouble with bringing in this new lot, Maurice Faber and other assorted egos, was that to handle the extra volume of work, they’d need someone who wasn’t wet behind the ears. What they wanted was someone middleweight, with maybe just a bit more experience than Felicity, but not someone who’d put her nose out of joint. Nor did Henry want someone who might regard himself as senior to Henry and start lording it about. A thought occurred to him. He hadn’t heard of barristers bringing their own clerk with them, but there was just a possibility … These new tenants would need a lot of looking after, and who better than someone who knew them already? Henry smiled to himself. No time like the present. If he called now, maybe they could settle something over lunch. It was always worth a try.

Camilla was working at her desk, window open to the warmth of the late afternoon, when Leo came by. Camilla glanced up. ‘I’ll just be a second.’

Just the sight of Leo, and the thought of what she had to tell him, made her heart start thudding horribly.

Simon, who was trying to sort out a shelf littered with briefs on the other side of the room, glanced over. ‘You two going for a drink?’ he asked. ‘I might join you in a bit. Where are you off to?’

Leo couldn’t exactly put him off. Naturally, Simon
assumed they were merely going for a friendly drink after work. ‘Middle Temple, probably.’

‘Right. Nice evening for sitting about outside. I’ll see you there.’

‘So,’ said Leo, once he and Camilla were beyond the doors of 5 Caper Court, ‘are you still in a bad mood?’

‘It isn’t anything to do with my mood.’

Leo thrust his hands into his trouser pockets. ‘Right, then you’re angry with me. Obviously, it’s something I’ve said or done.’

She shook her head.

‘Would you rather go somewhere else, other than Middle Temple? I get the impression we could do without Simon.’

‘No. What I have to say won’t take very long.’

With a sense of foreboding, Leo decided to say nothing more until they got to Middle Temple, where he would buy them both a drink and try to sort this out.

They took their drinks to a secluded bench at one end of the garden.

‘Now, no more prevarication, no sulking,’ said Leo firmly. ‘Just tell me what is upsetting you.’

He watched her closely as she sipped her drink. Whatever it was, she was finding some difficulty in saying it. At last Camilla said, ‘I found out a few things. Please don’t think I’m making judgements about you, Leo, but I really don’t want to go on seeing you.’

He felt an icy sliver of fear in his insides, and wondered what he was about to learn. What she had learnt. ‘Who exactly,’ he asked, ‘has been speaking to you?’

‘Sarah.’

Leo nodded, his calm outward exterior belying the cold fury he felt. Not for the first time, that girl was making mischief on a grand scale, with consequences she neither foresaw nor cared about. He wondered how big a damage-limitation exercise he would have to perform. She might be a year older than Sarah, but Camilla was far younger in every way, and, despite the inhibitions which he had managed to lower over the past few weeks, still capable of being shocked and upset by the big, wide world.

‘What did Sarah say?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does. Look, Camilla, you mean a great deal to me. I didn’t know it until this weekend, but I can’t let things Sarah has said damage our relationship.’

‘It’s not what she said that’s done the damage. It’s who and what you are. Things I never knew about you, that you were never going to tell me. For instance—’ She turned to him and held his gaze, ‘—you never told me that you sleep with Sarah on a regular basis. That you have done for years.’

‘That’s not true. Sarah and I go back some time, but she is absolutely nothing to me. I haven’t slept with her in—’

‘In what? A month?’

Leo said nothing. So far as he could see, what he did a month ago shouldn’t bloody well matter, but in Camilla’s eyes it clearly did.

‘And what about Anthony?’

‘What about him? He has nothing to do with anything. All I care about is—’

Her voice was soft, and deadly in its condemnation. ‘I know he’s been your lover. I know all about it.’

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake …’ Leo passed a hand over his face. How on earth had that bitch Sarah found out about Anthony? Was there nothing she didn’t know, nothing she wasn’t prepared to use against people? Gideon Smallwood could take lessons from that young woman any day. He took his hand away and met Camilla’s gaze. He could see no point in being anything but frank. ‘So what? So I’m bisexual. What difference does that make? Since I met you, I haven’t looked at anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. I’m forty-six, for God’s sake. You can rake through my past and dig up any number of lovers, male and female. What are they to you?’

Her expression faltered slightly at his directness, but then she replied, ‘I suppose it’s because you’re such a clever lawyer that you’re evading the point, Leo. I don’t care if you and Anthony were ever lovers. As you say, it’s in the past and it’s none of my business. But if what Sarah says is true, then you did something to him from which he’s never going to recover. You’ve damaged him. You can see for yourself how he’s been these past few weeks. But you don’t care. Sarah told me how you manipulate people, make them think they matter to you, then just cast them off.’

Leo said nothing. What could he say? What kind of protest could he make against the incontrovertible truth?

Camilla went on, ‘I’m not in a position to make any judgements about what you’ve done in the past. But as you said, you’re forty-six. You’re not going to change now. Why should you treat me differently? I just can’t bear to be used by you. I don’t know any other way to protect myself,
except by not seeing you any more.’

Leo swirled the ice in his whisky, then looked across the garden, squinting his eyes against the evening sun. ‘You’re right, of course. I didn’t want you to know the kind of person I am. Not to protect myself, but to protect you. But may I say something in mitigation?’

‘What?’ Camilla met his gaze, wishing he didn’t have this effect on her.

He leant towards her and put his finger lightly against her cheek. ‘I love you. I didn’t know it till this weekend. Certain things happened. Things I don’t want to go into. But from the moment I realised how much you mean to me, I’ve hardly been able to think about anything other than telling you that I love you. And here we are, in this mess. I imagine it doesn’t really count for much now.’

‘I wish it did.’

‘Do you?’

‘Of course,’ said Camilla. She looked at him with large, miserable eyes. ‘Don’t you think I’d like to be able to believe you? For weeks I’ve wanted just to be able to look at you, and tell you how much I love you, and hear you say it back.’

Without thinking about it, Leo kissed her. Kissing in the formal surroundings of Middle Temple rose garden, so far as he knew, was not exactly protocol, but at that moment he didn’t care which of his worthy fellow barristers happened to be looking on. The look in her eyes made it impossible for him not to, and he kissed her for several long, gentle seconds. ‘How can I make you believe me?’ he asked.

She was silent for a moment. ‘If you really mean it,’ said Camilla, ‘marry me.’

Leo looked at her in mild astonishment and perplexity.

‘You don’t want to, do you?’ said Camilla.

‘No, it’s not that. It’s … it’s …’ He had no idea what he was meant to say.

‘Of course you don’t. It’s not part of the plan. I said it partly to see how you’d react. The reason you won’t is because you actually don’t intend this to last. You can’t make anything last. I’m not saying that you don’t mean what you say. I didn’t believe it when Sarah said that you were never capable of being sincere. I think you were sincere last weekend. But it would all have to end in the long run, and I love you so much, I don’t think I can bear that’

For once, Leo felt entirely flummoxed. ‘Can’t we – can’t we just enjoy the here and now?’

‘I don’t think so, no.’

A voice called across the garden, ‘Hello, you two!’ and they looked up to see Simon approaching, holding a very full pint of beer.

Camilla drew away from Leo, and swallowed the remains of her drink.

‘Simon,’ said Leo, in tones of dismal enthusiasm, ‘come and join us.’

‘I could see you two were deep in conversation about that Lloyd’s case,’ said Simon, settling himself on the grass with his beer and stretching out his legs. ‘I’ll bet you never talk about anything else.’ He held up his drink. ‘Cheers.’

Camilla stood up. ‘I have to be going,’ she said.

Simon glanced at her in surprise. ‘Oh. Right. I was just about to buy you both another drink. Oh, well.’

Camilla murmured goodbye to Leo, then picked up her
jacket and walked away across the lawn.

‘Is it me, d’you think?’ asked Simon, watching as she went.

‘I doubt it,’ said Leo.

‘I hope not. I’m beginning to get rather a thing about her, actually.’

Leo sighed and said, ‘Simon, why don’t you go and buy me that drink?’

Gideon, who had returned from Tokyo the day before, had been to check on the progress of his new house and was gratified to discover that he would be able to move in at the end of a fortnight. He told his mother the news that evening.