A Portal to Leya (14 page)

Ben said we should rent our old cottage at White
Sands Beach. “He knows how much it means to you” Dorrie told me. She called it
a
nice gesture
. All that means is that I need to be gracious even if I’m
not that excited. I am sort of okay with it; but it won’t be the same as when
we used to go with my cousins and Francis was home, and Leya and Susanne would
come down for a stay.

I
think I’m evolving, entering a new phase, and I really don’t want to go back to
the past, when Leya was alive and Francis was home and I believed Dad was in
Europe painting the Eiffel Tower not living in a subsidized apartment in New
Haven, plotting to burn down the Lutheran church. Part of me wants to bury it,
bury the past; I feel myself becoming.

Lance

COMMENTS

Susanne
I
always loved the beach! The last time I came to visit was with Leya. Remember
the bonfire and smores and late night skinny dipping? LOL.

ELECTROMAGNETIC
WAVE THEORIES

I read today. I think my head is finally clearing. I
read that the President is going to reduce the proliferation of nuclear arms I
decided to ask Francis what he thinks about that. I also read how Edward
Leedskalnin moved his entire quarry of stones 10 miles, to Homestead. No one
knows how he did it or why. There was speculation that he got spooked when he
heard about a possible subdivision being built around his castle. Another
theory was that he made a mathematical error and needed to align the structure
in proportion to the North and South Pole convergence in order to produce a
harmonic state and possible manipulation of anti-gravity.

Then, I read about a guy named Dr. Professor
McFadden of the Surrey University in the UK. Dr. McFadden has a theory on
electromagnetic waves and our brains. McFadden says our thoughts are made up of
an electromagnetic field that can permeate space and carry the broadcast signal
to the TV or radio. The brain, according to McFadden, has an electromagnetic
(em) field so that when we stare at an image, the em field binds the image into
a whole. He uses an example of a tree: if we stare at the tree and see the
thousands of leaves on it, we don’t see the billions of scattered neurons.
Instead, we see it in one whole image bound together. Professor McFadden
suggests that each time we view an object, a nerve fires, and that electrical
activity sends a signal to the brain's em field. The information that reaches
the brain's em field is automatically bound together with all the other signals
in the brain. The brain's em field does the binding and that is what we know as
consciousness.

Lance

COMMENTS

Susanne
SO glad to hear, Lance!

Heather
omg.
That Ed Leedskalnin is so small and cute. I went to coral museum website. Check
out his piercing gaze! I think he was an alien. McFadden is confusing. I’ll
need to read more about it. Can you forward a link? Are we still meeting
tomorrow?

@heather
yes and yes

SECOND
LETTER TO FRANCIS

Today
was a semi-normal day, a 50 percent okay day. Heather is helping. Writing is
helping. I wrote Francis another letter.

Dear
Francis:

Could
you tell me about the reduction of nuclear arms? Do you think it will cause a
hyper-proliferation or not? I’m concerned. I know you are the expert in
weaponry so I thought you might know something about it. Please write back
soon. I worry that we are making a mistake and that are too relaxed about it
all. According to a few editorials, countries can attack us with biological and
chemical weapons and the US can no longer threaten to retaliate with nuclear
weapons. I do agree with Obama that we should be working towards a more
peaceful world, but I don’t think it’s so easy. What if teachers relied on nice
words to keep the class in line? Forget it. The annoying kids would never stop
and it would be chaotic. I suspect some would even burn down the school if they
had the chance. You must know soldiers that with no sense or moral conscience
that would be shooting fellow soldiers for the heck of it if they weren’t kept
in line, threatened with a dishonorable discharge. Francis. Let me know what
you think about the issue; the sooner the better!!! Also, how long does it take
for a murder trial?

Love
your brother Lance

COMMENTS

Anonymous
You are right to be worried. We need to get a handle on those arms or we are
all doomed. No amount of waves, no matter how positively charged, will save us
from the mushroom cloud.

2cents
bit dramatic eh?

Anonymous
NO!

THE
NIGHTMARE

Last
night I dreamt we were bombed. Leya and I were playing Hearts and then we heard
a loud bang. She said it was a dump truck or blown transformer. But when I
looked outside I saw fireballs and flames coming down from the sky. I screamed
for her to move, but she wouldn’t get off the couch. She called me ridiculous.
Neal was behind her, then, and he looked as if he were smiling. The air was
orange and reddish. I wanted to run because I didn’t want to be burned alive.
If you go outside you will get blown to pieces, Neal said to me. And then I
woke up. I don’t ever want to sleep again.

COMMENTS

Heather
OMG
so scary! Sorry to hear. : (I wish I could hug you right now!

@heather
that would be nice. Meet me after school. I need you.

THE
WORRIES

Strange,
how the air gets clogged. I never studied for Dorian’s math test. Don Banks
wouldn’t shut up about Viet Nam, his buddy getting his leg blown off “Flew
right up into the air about ten feet” he told me. He was so into it, I couldn’t
interrupt. I read some articles and wrote my blog and thought about my
problems. That’s the thing with worrying. You can worry about the worry and
then it becomes a constant and your energies are drained into this one negative
power. As far as I’m concerned, the negative waves are more important than any
math test. The world could be under attack and the best mathematician like
Einstein or Copernicus could never save us. It would be catastrophic.

Neal
Lourdes’s alibi fell through. He could have murdered Leya. I still don’t know
if he did or not. Only Leya knows the real truth. Even though I’m improving, I
miss her.

Lance

COMMENTS

2cents
time to lose that Banks dude, huh? I bet you parents are paying a fortune to
have him sit at your house and recount horror stories from Viet Nam.

Heather
worrying
gets you nowhere fast. I’m here. Call me!!

MAY
MEMORY

It’s
days like these…damn. I can’t explain…another vivid memory…Leya is humming,
riding her bike. I like that. I’m riding behind her. It’s early May, and we are
riding to the center. It’s approximately 1.5 miles. It is a clear sunny day and
warm for May. All the leaves on the oaks are rich colored like I could eat
them. I feel as if I’m in the middle of a poem. I don’t understand most poems,
but I like the way some of them feel in the same way I like a song without
knowing the lyrics. When we get to Gerry’s Parlor, I don’t even care about the
ice cream. It’s the process I like— the pedaling, the parking our bikes
outside, the kickstand, the opening of the door, the blast of cool air and ice
cream smells. It is so much more than I can write about. Only a great poet like
W. B. Yeats could describe it in words. Only a great artist like Emmet Bryce
could paint it. I am not great at all. I am Sir Lancelot, the great thinker who
has theories about the waves we emit into the air. I have no proof, only instincts.
I will never be a great artist. Leya orders her favorite chocolate chip mint on
a sugar cone. I order my favorite combo of chocolate and coffee in a cup. I am
short a dime and then she finds one on the floor and we laugh.

Lance

COMMENTS

Jabberwocky9
.,
it’s best to stay positive. Otherwise, you add to the negative flow. It must be
so hard to think about Leya being gone, but I do wonder why Neal would kill
her? Not enough of a motive.

Susanne
you
are a gifted thinker. Don’t be so hard on yourself. As always, love the
memories of Leya. But maybe you can start making new memories.

Heather
no
comment

NEW
TRIAL DATE

So there it is, finally:
New Trial Date Set for
Neal Lourdes Accused of the Murder of Leya Blackwater.
I asked Ben “Do you
think they have sufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that
Neal Lourdes committed the crime?”

“It’s hard to say right now” he said “but they did
find Neal Lourdes’s DNA on her undergarments and his alibi fell through. Let’s
just say it’s not looking so good for Neal.”

“Will he serve a life sentence?”

“Yes, if he is charged with first degree murder.”

“What does that mean?”

“First degree means it was premeditated murder and
committed with what’s referred to as aforementioned malice.”

“What about second degree murder?”

“Second degree murder is usually given to crimes of
passion. It’s not a planned murder but he could still get up to 40 years.”

“Will Neal’s lawyer use the insanity defense?”

“Doubtful but it’s not ruled out, yet.”

I started thinking more about it. I wondered how
Trudy could let Neal go to prison. She must have been lying. Otherwise, she
would have said something by now. It’s almost definite that he will be accused.

Lance

COMMENTS

2cents
not
looking very good for him

Anonymous
hard
to imagine someone you know committing such a heinous crime.

THE
VOICES

Lance.
I woke up to Leya’s voice in my head
.
Crazy people hear voices. She’s
been gone seven months. I watched a clip on ghost hunter and this guy created
some device to communicate with his dead daughter. The enhancement really
sounded like a female voice. This guy is an engineer. He’s no dolt. But I don’t
have an elaborate device so maybe it’s my voice. I can’t distinguish anymore.
Neal’s trial keeps getting delayed. I can’t take it anymore. I need to go to
the police. But, what if it was me? Could I have blacked out? Could I have had
some kind of psychotic break? I’m obviously disturbed. I could have done it and
not even know. I imagine it as if it were so real. How else could I do that
unless it was me that experienced it all?

June
is almost here. It is close to 80 degrees. I feel as if the earth is
overheating and we will explode. Dorrie has been trying to talk to me. She told
me that she had one more chapter left to her book. She better hurry if we are
going to explode. And anyway, why does she think I care about that? She has a
bunch of children’s books published about birds and stones and failed quests.
But this is her first older fiction:
The Trouble with Adley.
I asked her
why she was writing about a troubled boy and she just assured me it wasn’t
about me. I won’t read it. I’ve got enough troubles. And I hate the name Adley.
I didn’t tell her that, or that I keep thinking I might have murdered her. I
don’t think I really murdered Leya. But if I did, I deserve to be locked up. I
think the truth will be revealed. All in due time, my little pretty, all in due
time.

Lance

COMMENTS

Heather
sounds
like a cool book. And no, it’s not you. And, I will go with you. Call me. I
have something important to tell you.

2cents
just go already.

PURPLE CROCUSES

JUNE and school is almost over. Memories are
painful: we ride our bikes to the Farmer’s Market at Ridgwood Park. We stop at
a field. Leya insists on picking flowers; the purple flowers. I tell her that they
will be dead by the time we return. I’m wrong. They are only wilted, purple
crocuses. She puts them into water and they spring back to life. If only people
could too.

I see a FOR SALE sign outside in the Blackwater’s
front yard. Leya’s parents are finally moving. I think it is too painful for
them to stay without her. I can see why. I think they tried. Who could blame
them? I will go to the police on Monday.

Lance

COMMENTS

Heather
it
was so fun yesterday. I can’t wait to see you again! PM’d you pics and poem.

And
I meant what I said. I really can go with you to the police. Let me know.

THE
MANIPULATION

Leya would be devastated. I saw on the news that oil
is gushing from a deep well beneath the ocean, in the gulf. They can’t stop it.
Birds and turtles are soaked in oil. The air is heavy with sadness, greasy and
gushing with bad waves…and while the oil gushes illegal immigrants cross the
border in droves, unstoppable, looking for something better here in this
country. Just imagine what they’re coming from!!! We want to stop what can’t
always be controlled. Our world is beyond our grasp. Neal wanted to control Leya.
He would have done anything to make her his—even kill her. He was a like a
virus that crawled into her hard drive and spread.
You’re a neat kid
, Leya
said to me. I remember. It was two days before
she was murdered. Weird
how little things stick in your brain and keep repeating like a hiccup.