A Reason to Love (18 page)

•   •   •

Spence forced his attention back to the pile of machine parts spread out on the counter. He’d been worried about Melanie ever since she accidentally walked in on her employees’ bitch session a couple of hours ago. From the uneasy silence that had fallen over the group, she had to have realized she’d been the topic of conversation. Spence had gotten there right before she came in, but there was no way for her to know he hadn’t really been part of the conversation. He’d only stopped in the hope he could figure out some way to convince them to give her a chance.

Mel wasn’t stupid. She had to guess there was growing unrest among the workers. It made him angry on her behalf, but there wasn’t anything he could do to fix the situation. For one thing, he was only a temporary employee, and everyone knew it. He didn’t have the same stake in the game that they all did. Even so, they should give the woman a chance to prove herself. After all, no one had been let go other than the secretary, and technically she’d retired.

Melanie hadn’t said a single negative word about the woman, which was probably a good idea. However, it pissed Spence off to know that Mrs. Cuthbert’s mistake might have cost Melanie the one chance to save the company. Certainly, her actions had resulted in a lot more work for Mel. It was tempting to let the other workers know the truth of the situation, but Melanie had shared the information in private. He wouldn’t betray her trust, especially since he seemed to be the only person she could vent her frustrations with.

Will slammed a big wrench down on the counter and laughed when Spence jumped about a foot. He turned to growl at his friend. “Damn it, Will, don’t sneak up on a man like that, especially one who’s just back from fighting in a war. I could have decked you or worse.”

The old man didn’t seem the least bit worried about the possible danger. He shouldered Spence out of the way to study the array of parts in front of him. After muttering something under his breath, he picked up two pieces and began fitting them together. “Boy, I don’t know where your head is tonight, but it’s definitely not on what you’re doing. It shouldn’t take more than half an hour to reassemble this mess.”

Spence didn’t much like hearing that, but the old man wasn’t wrong. Rather than lash out, he picked up the next gear and handed it to Will. “Sorry. Guess it’s a good thing this is our last night together.”

Will paused to spit into his soup can. “Nothing good about it, Spence. Can’t remember the last time I’ve actually looked forward to coming to work.”

He took a long, slow look around their surroundings. “Near as I could tell, old man Wolfe didn’t give a damn about the nuts and bolts of running this place. He and that wife of his spent all kinds of money on fancy clothes to wear to that country club while this place was slowly falling down around our ears.”

Will pointed up toward the office that now belonged to Melanie. “Some folks aren’t happy about his daughter taking over. They figure she’ll be just like him and milk the company of every last penny and then close the doors.”

This time it was Spence who picked up a hammer and took his frustration out on the defenseless table. “Melanie isn’t like him at all, Will. She could have taken the easy way out and either sold the company or shut it down. Instead, she works here all day and then spends her evenings and weekends trying to make ends meet. She’s damn near killing herself trying to save this place.”

Will gave him a suspicious look. “And how would you know so much about how the boss lady spends her time, boy?”

Well, shit, he’d obviously revealed more than he meant to. Spence tried to forestall any more questions by saying, “I’ve got eyes, Will. She’s here long after everyone else leaves, and she’s one of the first ones through the door in the morning.”

Will went back to work reassembling the pieces, but there was an odd glint in his eyes that said he wasn’t totally buying Spence’s explanation. At least he didn’t call him on it.

When they had the motor put back together, Spence carried it back over to the lathe to reinstall it. Between the two of them, they got it bolted back in place in just a few minutes. After plugging the machine back in, Will flipped the switch and listened to it run. “Purring like a kitten. It’s a damn shame that people aren’t as easy to fix.”

Where was Will going with this? Had he somehow sensed how shattered Spence was on the inside? The worst of the physical scars he’d brought home from the war were covered by his clothes. Outside of the medics who’d treated his injuries, few people had even seen them. He had to work far harder to hide all the cracks and crevices inside his heart and his head. The only time he felt close to whole was when he was in Melanie’s arms.

Meanwhile, Will had kept right on talking. “. . . especially when they’re scared. Folks here at the factory are nervous about the change at the top and how it will affect those at the bottom. Anyone with half a brain can see that lady is working hard to learn the job in a matter of months, one her father had decades to learn, but that’s why they are scared.”

He spit in his can again. “Me, I’ve seen too much in my life to be afraid of a little change. Shaking things up now and again can be good for the soul.”

He paused to look over at Spence. “I’m thinking you have the opposite problem. The stuff you’ve seen and done, not to mention what was done to you, has left you raw and hurting from the inside out. If you and the boss lady are finding some comfort in each other’s company, I say good for you both.”

Spence glanced upward to where he knew Melanie was still working. “She deserves better.”

Will’s kindly expression turned to anger. “Better than what, boy? Better than a man who believed his country was worth dying for? Who sacrificed everything he had for that belief? If that’s the kind of woman she is, why would you want her anyway?”

“She’s not, but I’m—”

“Stop right there. Nobody bad-mouths you to me, boy, not even you.” To his surprise, his old friend shook his big-knuckled fist right at Spence’s nose. “Especially not you.”

An instant later, Will backed away. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for the night to end with hard feelings. I’ve enjoyed working with you again, Spence. I think you should talk to Ms. Wolfe about taking over for me so I can finally retire.”

Spence was well aware of the compliment Will had just paid him. “Maybe I will. After I get a few things figured out and decide if I’m going to stay in Snowberry Creek, I’ll give some thought to that idea.”

Will bristled again. “What the hell is there to figure out? Snowberry Creek is your home. You’ve got friends here. Family, too, for that matter. Where else would you go?”

Will walked away, shaking his head as if he thought he’d been talking to an idiot. Spence found himself grinning. All things considered, maybe he had been.

“A
re you sure you want to go alone?”

While waiting for him to answer, Melanie topped off her coffee and then Spence’s. He hadn’t said more than a handful of words all morning. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was having some issues with this planned trip to his family home. When he didn’t answer, she tried again.

“Spence?”

He frowned and looked up from staring at the empty plate sitting in front of him. “Sorry. Did you say something?”

She bit back her exasperation. “I asked if you were sure that you wanted to go alone.”

He didn’t hesitate. “I’m sure. You’ve already got enough going on without having to deal with my problems, too. It’s enough that you’re going to let Mooch out if I’m not back by early afternoon.”

Okay, maybe he did think he was doing her a favor by not asking her to go, but it felt more like he was shutting her out. Had he drawn some line in his head that marked off the boundaries of their relationship? If so, he hadn’t shared it with her. She’d make one more try and then give up.

“You’ve been there for me, Spence. How many times have you let me rant and rave over what’s going on in my life? Seems only fair that I do the same for you.”

He shoved back from the table and picked up his dishes. “Troy offered to go with me, too, but this is something I need to do by myself. Speaking of which, I’d better head out if I’m going to have time to get through the whole house.”

Her heart hurt to hear the pain echoing in his words when she couldn’t do anything to ease it. Who knows, maybe he was right that he had to face this particular hurdle on his own. After all, a lot of his past was tied up in that house. Now that she thought about it, she had the same kinds of issues with her family home. Wolfe House was her heritage as well as her burden. There were times she hated everything about it from the roof all the way down to the foundation.

She hurried to catch up with Spence before he reached the front door. “I’ll be here when you get back, but I realize that you might need time alone to process everything. Just text me to let me know that you’re all right.”

“I will.” He stopped long enough to give her a quick kiss. “And I’m probably blowing this all out of proportion.”

But he wasn’t, and they both knew it. His decision to visit his family house, to actually go through it for the first time since he came back, was a huge step. She could only pray it was a move in the right direction for him, something that would help him heal the wounds that were gradually tearing him apart inside. Instead of settling into his new life, he was growing more restless by the day. She wasn’t sure when he actually slept or if he did at all. He spent way too many hours prowling outside in the yard between her house and the cottage with Mooch tagging along at his heels. And often in the middle of the night he’d leave her bed without a word. A few minutes later she’d hear the distant rumble of his Harley, and she’d lie awake listening for his return, needing to know he was safe. She hated all of it for his sake. Hers, too.

“What is it you said your counselor told you? One small step at a time? That’s all this is, Spence. If it gets to be too much, leave and try again on another day. Eventually, it has to get easier.”

Spence tightened his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. “That might be true, but I can’t keep asking Callie and the others to disappear for hours at a time.”

Why not? The bottom line was that she wanted Spence to be happy, no matter what it took or who it inconvenienced, because maybe that meant there was hope for her, too.

She broke off the hug and took a step back. “I’m going to the store this morning. Want to grill some steaks tonight?”

He turned so that he was no longer looking directly at her. “Better not count on me for dinner, Mel. I’m not sure where I’ll be this evening.”

With that chilling statement, he walked away.

•   •   •

Spence made it all the way to the curb without turning around. At the last minute, he gave in and braced himself to apologize to Melanie for shutting her out, but the porch was empty and the front door firmly closed. Rather than hike his ass all the way back into the house, he pulled out his cell phone and sent her a quick text. It wasn’t a full-out apology, but it was a start.

He got in the car and turned the key. Melanie had insisted on him taking the station wagon rather than his motorcycle, the thought being he might want to bring a few things back to the cottage from the house. He figured the chances of that happening to be somewhere in the vicinity of a cold day in hell, but he could be wrong. Besides, it seemed to have been important to Melanie that she do something to help him out.

Before the car had rolled forward more than a few feet, he cursed and slammed on the brakes. How the hell had Mooch gotten out? The stubborn mutt planted his furry butt right in front of the car as if daring Spence to leave without him. Rather than waste time, Spence twisted around to open the rear passenger door. Mooch trotted around to hop in and then jumped over the back of the seat to land beside Spence, giving him a reproachful look as he settled in for the ride.

“Damn it, dog, this isn’t some fun-filled outing we’re going on.”

That was true, but it didn’t keep Spence from reaching over to scratch his buddy’s back. “You can come, but don’t complain if you get bored.”

He put the car back into park and pulled out his cell phone to text Melanie a second time.
Not sure how he managed it, but Mooch escaped and is insisting on going with me. No use in arguing with him when he gets like this. :-)

She answered immediately.
Glad you’ll have him with you. Let me know how it goes.

Will do. I promise.

After the brief exchange, the drive to his house was blessedly short. It was a relief to find the driveway empty and the place looking deserted. Troy had asked everyone living there to be gone for the day. That didn’t mean that one of the current residents might not have taken exception to the temporary eviction notice and stuck around anyway. Hell, it had taken calling the cops the last time he’d wanted squatters thrown out of his house. Granted, Nick, Callie, and Leif weren’t anything like his uncle Vince. He wasn’t so sure about his cousin, Austin.

Either way, Spence planned to be in and out by midafternoon to further ensure that their paths didn’t cross, which gave him about five hours to accomplish his mission and then retreat to safe ground. Funny to think about visiting his own home in military terms, but damned if they didn’t fit. The gut-churning and hyperawareness of his surroundings as he got out of the car were all too familiar. He’d experienced the same exact feelings every time he prepared to go out on patrol, including the dry mouth that tasted of fear, the slight tremor in hands he hoped none of his buddies would notice, and the quiet prayers he murmured under this breath. Not knowing what the next few hours would hold for him made it all come rushing back. How many times had he, Nick, and Leif driven out of camp not knowing if any of them would be returning? Hell, look how that last mission had turned out, leaving all of their lives in shreds.

This couldn’t be that bad. No one would die. No one would almost lose a limb. It wasn’t that kind of mission. He was there to reconnoiter, study the lay of the land, and then assess what his next objective should be. Piece of cake. No problemo.

Yeah, right.

There was no getting around the fact that this visit was going to be a flat-out bitch. He hated that his hands were shaky and his palms sweaty.

Shit, get it under control. You’ve been through worse.

Telling himself that Mooch needed a few minutes to make his rounds, Spence leaned against the front fender of the car and studied the changes in the exterior of the house. Nick and Callie had definitely left their mark on the place, including a few splashes of different colors of paint on the side of the house. Maybe Callie was trying to decide what color she wanted to paint the place. He’d vote for the blue. For sure, the new door he’d delivered looked good. Welcoming, even.

His pulse pounded in his head until he couldn’t hear anything else. Maybe he’d start with a quick walk around the property. After all, there was nothing threatening about bushes that had been trimmed and grass that had been mowed. He noticed his mother’s roses were staging a comeback. Good.

Having made note of the highlights of the front yard, he wandered around to the back of the house and saw more of the same. Another new door. Neat flower beds. A couple of lawn chairs he didn’t recognize.

But what the hell was that thing sitting in the far back corner of the yard? His gut reaction was that the lacy white structure was something Nick had done for Callie. Chances were he’d even built the damn thing. If so, he hoped Leif had given Sarge some serious shit about it. He studied the octagonal structure. The right word didn’t come to him immediately, but a few others came to mind: god-awful, sissified, silly, and completely unnecessary.

Mooch finally caught up with him. “Dog, why did you let them park that monstrosity there?”

The dog woofed softly, his tongue hanging out in a doggy smirk. He headed straight for the . . . gazebo. Yeah, that’s what it was called. If Mooch could stand it, he could manage a quick peek inside. After that, he’d head on into the house and get started. Mooch’s inspection of the gazebo lasted less than ten seconds, and then he was off to chase the squirrels back up the tree, leaving Spence to check it out for himself.

Okay, he could see why Callie would like it. The benches looked comfortable, making it the kind of place where she could curl up with a book. Definitely not his kind of place, though. He was about to walk away when he spotted something written on the back wall. It was too neatly done to be graffiti, but it seemed odd to think Nick would actually sign his work.

Spence took another step toward the small sign and then another one. Even from that distance he recognized Nick’s scrawl of a signature. Leif’s, too. What the hell? As soon as he got close enough to read the entire thing, he wished he hadn’t. The words punched him right in the gut, knocking the breath out of him in a painful rush. He staggered backward to collapse on the bench behind him. They’d dedicated this . . . this damn frilly thing to him? What in the world had they been thinking? He’d rather have had them designate one of the barstools at Liam’s place as the official Spencer Lang Memorial.

He stared at the words, still trying to make sense of the reasoning behind them. Nick and Leif had been his best friends. Brothers, really, a family forged in the fucked-up hell America’s warriors faced day after day. But brothers or not, the bastards had come home without him. Started new lives without him. He’d been so sure they’d forgotten him, taking all their memories of him and burying them under that glossy granite stone in the cemetery.

Yet here he sat with those words staring down at him:
In celebration and remembrance of the life of Corporal Spencer Lang. Wheelman, we miss you. Sergeant Nick Jenkins, Corporal Leif Brevik, Callie Redding.

Okay, so maybe moving on without him hadn’t been easy for them. And what kind of selfish bastard was he to like the idea that they were torn up over the thought of him dying? He might not be happy with Nick and Leif, but right now he wasn’t liking himself much, either. His eyes burned as he pounded his fists on the bench as hard as he could, the thick padding the only reason he wasn’t doing serious damage to his hands.

He bit back the urge to howl as the shattered pieces of his life shifted yet again. The broken bits were mere fragments of memories: riding in the M-ATV with Nick and Leif; the vehicle flying through the air; waking up in pain and in chains; the long days spent in fear and darkness, knowing he’d driven over the bomb that had gotten his friends killed. How many times had he prayed for their forgiveness and then prayed for death?

Other images had been tossed into the mix now. Callie marrying Nick. Leif walking with a cane. Mooch chasing squirrels instead of dodging bullets. And Melanie with her gentle touch, bright red hair, and clear gray eyes that saw too much.

How the hell was he ever going to fit the pieces back together again? And what did he want the final picture to look like?

Finally, exhausted by the emotional turmoil, he leaned back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. This was getting him nowhere. It was past time to get off his ass and move on, just as his friends had done, which meant going through the house. He forced himself to read the words one more time in the hope their meaning would give him the strength to walk out of the gazebo and head right into the house. Like the man said, one step at a time. Opening the front door, crossing that threshold, and finally realizing this would never be home again was one hell of a step.

•   •   •

Leif eased his truck into a spot at the far end of the parking lot, trying not to kick up any rocks that could chip the paint on his truck. Nick was busying looking around, probably trying to spot Spence’s motorcycle. No dice.

“His bike’s not here.”

Yeah, as if Leif couldn’t see that for himself. “He said he’d be here.”

Nick laid his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. “I don’t get it. The attorney went to great lengths to make it clear that Spence didn’t want us anywhere around him today while he went through the house. That we weren’t welcome.”

He held up his wrist so that Leif could see the time. “We were supposed to stay gone for another two hours, but then out of nowhere a text message asking us to meet him here. No explanations, not to mention that it had to be just us, not Callie. If she’d heard from Spence again, she would’ve said something.

“He’d better not be screwing with us.” Nick slashed his hand across his throat. “I’ve had it up to here with this shit.”

Leif wasn’t much happier about the situation, but he wasn’t ready to write Wheelman off completely. Maybe it was easier for him to be patient because for Callie and Nick, the old Victorian she’d inherited from Spence had been the foundation for all of their future plans. Now they were floundering.