A Reason To Stay (24 page)

Jane got up, refused to look at Elise, and disappeared back to her room. Elise sat with the notion of feeling what a patient looked like right after a lobotomy. If that wasn’t her conscience speaking louder than the small voice in her brain, she didn’t know what was. How much did Darren hear?

“Come on, Elise. Let’s go to bed.”

She quietly got up and walked behind him. He dropped his crutches to the ground and hopped to the edge of the bed, lowering himself until he bounced from the springs of the mattress. Elise put her shoulder under him, pulling him higher to the headboard.

“I’m sorry about that. Are you going to be leaving in the morning and never returning?” Sympathy followed his rhetorical question.

“She’s just your mother asking, what I suppose, mothers ask.”

“Or maybe what the son is too chicken to ask. For real.”

Her lip should have had a hole in it by now, seeing how many times her teeth sunk down into it. She moved to her side of the bed, wanting nothing more than hours of unconsciousness to overtake her...and him.

“Elise, I heard what you told Mom.”

Was it too soon to fall over in bed and start snoring? Too unbelievable? She didn’t take the bait and ask what he had heard.

“Are you ever going to want to get married and have children? With me? I know you know how I feel about you, how that’s my plan for us, but I want you to commit to me. I need to hear you say that’s what you want. Before you left for Kentucky, I felt we were on our way toward matrimony, or at the very least, living together. You told me you loved me. Hell, you even hinted that we’d do something wild in Vegas. What’s changed? Did me getting hurt scare you?”

Turning around and looking at him was not something that was going to be easy. Sign language through a tinted glass wouldn’t have done, either. Whatever way she looked at it, the fact that she wasn’t ready to marry him would have to be conveyed. And children were not people she had ever imagined in the back seat of their car. Going home had changed her. It convinced her she was not in love with Darren. Not the love someone should feel when they say vows to one another.

“Darren, it did scare me when they called and said you were hurt. I never want anything bad to happen to you. You are someone very special to me.” She stood up from the bed. Flight was easier when the wings were in gear. “I don’t see children in my future. I guess it has something to do with how I was un-maternally raised, myself. Naturally, some might try to correct the mistake of feeling unwanted and have a child to smother with love. But I’m not one of them. I don’t want the responsibility of someone depending on me for life. I can’t even manage to make you dinner during your recovery.”

“Don’t let my mother’s comments get to you, Elise. You are a wonderful caregiver. A child would be lucky to have you for its mother.”

The smell of ammonia tickled her nose, signaling a melt-down. Was she PMS-ing? What was with all the tears? Couldn’t she just have a breakup moment without crying?

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that, Darren.” She went back around to his side and sat down next to him. “I think I need to leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave.” He held tight to her hand.

“I can’t keep dragging this out. I thought I was ready to commit to you, but I’m not. And you deserve to be with someone who sees forever with you. All I see is tomorrow. I’m genetically challenged to see any farther. And I won’t bring my dysfunction to your future. It’s not fair to you. Besides, I think Stacy’s waiting for me to dissolve with water.”

“What?” he asked, genuinely clueless.

“Darren, you must know she has the extreme hots for you. Why else would she volunteer to take care of you today? There was no mix-up. The girl’s crazy about you. More importantly, your mother seemed not to devour her today when they sat nestled together before I arrived.”

“Elise.” She knew he wanted to say more. But there was nothing more to say. He couldn’t make her change the fingerprint of non-committal printed inside her. It would never grow to be any more than what it was. And for him, it just wasn’t enough.

She kissed him on the lips and held back the sadness that was coming at warp speed to the surface. “I do love you, Darren Masterson. You’ve been too good to me. And it’s my wish that someone is better to you.”

He watched as she gathered her clothes and zipped her case. She went in the bathroom to change. Looking around for the last time, she touched his cologne on the vanity. He would have made a wonderful husband if her heart wasn’t already spoken for.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

A Mind Made Up

Christmas was only three weeks away. Elise had finished her shopping early. What with all the extra time she had these days, it was easy to do. She pulled into her driveway and walked to her mailbox. A large red envelope with the most beautiful gold cursive handwriting was addressed with her name. She opened it on the way to her front door.

‘Just a gift from your dad. I know he would have wanted you to have something to ease your adult life. Enjoy it, and visit when you come home.’

It was return addressed from Diane. Inside was a cashier’s check for five hundred thousand dollars. It turned out that her dad was a shrewd investor. Elise screamed with excitement. What would she do with all that money? She plopped down on her sofa and felt the urge to call someone with the news. Ben was the first person she thought of, but after not speaking with him for the last six months, she knew the next best would be her sister, Melanie.

Melanie would be happy for her. She had told her about her visit with Diane and all the calls they made to each other in the past months. It was nice having a mother figure to call, especially after her breakup with Darren. Diane was as supportive as her own mother should have been. It had been six months since she had last seen or talked to Lyla, too. In a couple moments of weakness, she almost rang her number. Thankfully, she worked through them and didn’t.

Melanie picked up on the second ring. “I can’t believe you called. I was just about to dial your number.” Her voice shook with excitement of its own.

“Why? What’s up?”

“You won’t believe it.
I
can’t believe it. I’m freaking out, completely.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense, Mel. Tell me.” She would have shaken it out of her if she was standing close enough to her.

“I’m pregnant!! Can you believe it?”

“Oh, shit. What? Are you kidding? How? When?”

“Well, I’m about three months and I think you know the how.”

Elise sat back, feeling a pang of jealousy. Her own biological clock was on strike. It hadn’t talked to her either, in the last six months. Her house was empty. No kids, no husband, not even dinner. She was too lazy to pick up something on the way home. Cereal and milk had become her companions for the night. And Melanie? Two children, one on the way, and a second chance, or first, at love. Elise was suddenly empty of good news. Money couldn’t buy any of what her sister had.

“That’s incredible news, Melanie. I’m so happy for you.”

“What about you? Why did you call? It must be something good. We just talked two days ago.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Somehow the news of currency paled in comparison to a newly discovered fetal heartbeat.

“Tell me, Elise,” her sister begged.

“It’s nothing. I just wanted to tell you that I’m mailing your presents tomorrow. Look for them in the mail. I want the kids to have them under the tree to taunt their little imaginations.”

“Aren’t you coming home?”

“No. I’m staying here for the holidays. I’d have no one to water my tree if I left.”

“
You
got a tree?” Her sister knew better. “Like a tree outside that can be watered with rain, or what?”

Elise looked at the half-dead fern on the plant stand by the kitchen window. “Yes, I got a tree, an inside tree of sorts. It’s a gorgeous lemon tree. I’ll send you a few when they’re done doing whatever it is they do.”

“Okay, But now that you’re not with Darren, I just figured you’d come home. At least to see the kids and not be lonely during the holidays.”

“Maybe next year. And then I can meet little what’s his or her name. Is Jacob excited?”

“Over the moon. I think he might ask me to marry him.”

That would be the icing everyone was talking about these days. Kelly was finally pregnant too, and even Janine’s fiancé had proposed to her over Thanksgiving. She would hide all the Bride magazine pictures when Elise walked past her desk. No one was lonelier than Elise Newton. Not even Lyla Newton. Melanie had told her that Frank was staying over more often than not these days.

“I’m so happy for you. Hey, I’ve got to go. The timer just went off on my dinner. I’ll get those gifts in the mail tomorrow.”

Wishing the dinner buzzer had gone off, Elise took a bowl from the cabinet and sat down at the table with her Lucky Charms cereal. She propped the check up on the milk container and looked at all the zeros on it. Nothing had changed in her life for a while. And she wanted to do something about it. Being the single lady with cats was not how she wanted to spend her golden years. Heck, her thirties weren’t even over yet.

The next morning, she felt a little more settled than usual. Janine tucked the latest styles of wedding cakes under her planner and went to get Elise a cup of coffee. Elise breezed by her and sauntered into her office. The computer screen lit in front of her eyes, and she waited to formulate the right words. With fingers poised, she typed the following message: ‘It is with extreme humility that I ask you to please accept my resignation...’

She finished it up and sent it to the printer. Janine grabbed it on her way in with coffee. Her eyes bulged as she silently read it.

“Miss Newton, is this yours?” Her other hand shook the coffee cup, the brown liquid nearly cascading down the sides.

“Yes, Janine. I’m moving.” Her tone was defiant with a little bit of ‘made-up-my-mind.’

“Ma’am, where are you moving to?” Janine set the coffee down and fell to one of the chairs parked in front of Elise’s desk.

“I’m not sure, but last night someone gave me the incentive to do something different with my life. I’m going to take them up on it and fly away. I have finished all the reports I was in charge of and with it being Christmas and everyone taking leave, it’s the best time to leave myself. My last day will be Friday, Janine.”

Janine looked down. “Yes, ma’am, I’ll deliver it to personnel right away.”

~*~

Elise got through the rest of the week with only two boxes of tissues for Janine and one for herself. She left Janine with her personal address, that was probably subject to change, for a wedding invitation. The one box of her things from the office sat in the backseat of her car for a week. With only two weeks to Christmas, Elise felt the cloud of abandonment follow her wherever she went. The city was packed with out-of-town visitors and rude last-minute shoppers. Where was the closest pasture with horses hanging around?

Pictures of hundreds of farms hung in her mind. It would be so nice to ride a horse again and feel the openness of land. So what if it didn’t come with a Ben Hudson. She could just enjoy the scenery and the memories in her mind, of days long ago and missed opportunities. Two to be precise.

The internet was a wonderful invention to shop for a future destination. Ever since she went home and was able to look up and see stars instead of building lights, she longed to own her own ranch. With the money she saved and Diane’s gift, she was going to buy a piece of heaven of her own.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Having to Return to the Scene of the Crime

Christmas morning was waiting for her, no matter how many times she pulled the covers over her head. She spent the night avoiding the thoughts in her mind about the message her mother had left on her phone, pleading for a truce and for Elise to come home. It seemed Melanie had kept their mother informed of Elise’s life. But no one knew she had quit her job and listed her house for sale. She wasn’t ready to share that announcement.

Ben’s face stayed in the front of her mind as she flipped through the television channels. They watched
The Christmas Story
every year they were together. It seemed to be airing on all the stations she tried to bypass. She imagined that he was probably opening gifts under the tree with his kids. Everything she would never have. And it was her fault. She had let it drop with him. It made sense he was tired of the leaving game by now. Her job now was to get past him as well as, she was certain, he had with her. She was young, attractive, and ready to embark on a new year. A page wasn’t enough to lay out all her resolutions. Next year would be better, she promised herself.

She jumped up from the sofa to grab her ringing phone. It was Melanie, the normal child of Lyla and Henry Newton. The one who escaped the fate of dysfunction because she was too young to know the world had collapsed around her when it did.

“Merry Christmas!” The joy in her voice failed in comparison to the one the Happy Elf used on this occasion.

“Merry Christmas, to you, sis.” Fake holiday cheer was what Elise lived for. She was just glad it was only the phone watching her real expression.

“You won’t believe it! Guess, Elise. Guess.”

“I can’t imagine. You got a new car and now you don’t have to say a prayer every time you turn your ignition on?”

“I told you I got that fixed. I’m engaged!!” She blurted it out.

It was impossible anything could get better for her sister. Maybe twins on the sonogram? Each one holding the cure for cancer and aging? 

“That’s absolutely the best news, Mel. I’m so happy for you.”

“What are you doing now? Please don’t tell me you’re alone, Elise.”

“Of course I am
righ
t now. But Janine invited me over and I’m getting ready. She’s having this super big party and who knows? Maybe I’ll be kissing my own hunk under the mistletoe tonight.”

Total lie. The truth was almost as pathetic as your ex-secretary taking pity on you. But she couldn’t have nothing to do all day. She looked around at her house. No tree, no lights, nothing. Just her one phone call from her personal jail cell.

“Well, I hope so. Then maybe you can help me plan my wedding. I want you to be my bride’s maid. Will you?”

No way.

Hmm, that knee jerk response
did
sound bad in her head. Maybe she shouldn’t say that aloud. Think about it. Give her false hope until you think of something better than ‘no way.’

“Of course.”

“I didn’t have a wedding before, and I’m so excited. I’m picking red and white. It’s going to be in February on Valentine’s Day. I’ll email you possible dresses. Shoot, I’ll be bigger by then with the baby and all. What do I do? I’ll look like King Kong in a tarp!” The helium in her sister’s giant-sized balloon was losing effectiveness. Why not ask Elise? She was fluent in all things shot-to-heck.

“I don’t know, Mel. You won’t be that big, will you? How much weight did you put on with Mason and Faith? Surely, they have dresses for occasions such as yours.”

“No, I’ve got it.” Ignoring the advice from Elise that she asked for, Melanie formulated her own solution. “I’ll have a New Year’s wedding. That way I still have my figure for the honeymoon. And the kids will be on break so Mom and Ben can help watch them. Yeah, Elise I’m having a wedding next week.” She screamed with excitement. “I’ll get a dress off the rack and you’ll come home. It will be a dream come true. I’ve got so much planning. Can you take off work and help me?”

“Melanie, you can’t plan a wedding in a week. Are you crazy?” Fear struck her at the thought she’d have to go home again. Not even she could come up with a lie not to fly home, that quickly. Especially during a major holiday, when everyone who didn’t work retail was off.

“The church isn’t booked, I’m sure. And Jilly’s Bakery can make my wedding cake. The flowers will be poinsettias and they can be done by Westwood Florist. Anything is possible, Elise. Now, when can you be here? I can’t walk down the aisle without you standing there for me.”

Sure she could. She’d have to. Elise could not, should not, would not return back home. It was an impossibility. Then she looked around at her dying fern and wondered why her house was empty. Because Elise made it that way. She had to get over her obsession with seclusion and go for her sister.

“Ben’s going to be there, Melanie. I’m not ready for that.”

“I won’t lie to you. He’s going to be Jacob’s best man. I know, weird, huh? But they’re best friends. It turns out that it works best for the kids. Jacob’s not going to try to be their daddy, and we’ll all continue to get along. You can’t get better than that.”

Elise stopped listening after the words best man and Ben were used. “Could I possibly be Skyped into the ceremony? Just have a large television screen where my body would be. That way no one has to feel uncomfortable.”

“Elise, you need to come home and deal with what you left. Mom is not the same. I think you really hurt her.”

“You’d have to have feelings to be hurt.” She fired back faster than a semi-automatic rifle.

“Elise, play nice. I’ll talk to Ben and tell him to play nice, as well. It’s just the weekend. Do it for me.”

“All right. Let me know the color you want me to wear and I’ll send you some pictures of dresses. I’ll just get one here and bring it with me.” She poked her index finger down her throat at the idea she was actually agreeing to attend this wedding.

“You are an angel. I’ll talk to you soon.”

It was a good thing Elise didn’t have close neighbors. They might wonder what all the screaming coming from her house was about on Christmas day. Why did she just agree to step back into the very sinking mud she managed to get out of? Did she have a death wish? She had exactly one week to either contact a twenty-four-hour disease rendering her unable to fly, or a good lie to get out of going to her sister’s wedding.