A Safe Surrender: A Donnelley Brother's Novel (Donnelley Brothers Book 2) (8 page)

Through the door, I called. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s all good.” Kyle answered. “I, uh, brought your car.”

“Really!” The excitement in my voice was unmistakable and I thought I heard him chuckle, but I couldn’t be certain through the heavy wood of the door. “Count to ten and come in. I’m going to go get changed.”

“One, two, three,” I didn’t catch the rest. I was already closing the door of my small bedroom.

Racing through the articles of clothes I had, I decided on a pair of leggings and a long, baggy gray sweater. My body was a little more sore today than it had been the night before and I wanted to wear comfortable clothes. Brushing my hair, I quickly blow-dried it before greeting Kyle in the living room for a second time.

“Good morning.” I breathed and Kyle turned around from where he’d started a fire for me for the second time in a matter of twelve hours. “Thanks for starting another fire.”

“No problem.” His eyes froze on my face and his hands curled into tight fists. One moment, the man was across the room from me, and the next, he was standing an inch away from me. My shoulder blades were pressed into the wall behind me, and as he picked up his hand, I cringed inward. It was habit - nothing more - but it set a flame of rage in his dark eyes. “Kami, the bruises on your face,” he swallowed, as though having a difficult time forcing them from his throat. “They’re not from the car accident.”

Shit, shit,
shit
! I’d completely forgotten, in my panic to get ready, to put makeup on. “Kyle,”

“Don’t lie to me.” He growled through a tense breath. “Was it your ex, Rhett?”

“They’re not from the accident.” I said. It was the only way I could admit this aloud to him. I felt so terribly ashamed and weak. Here I was in this strong man’s presence, and I was nothing more than a battered and bruised animal with trust issues and a low self-esteem. As much as I wanted to be worthy of his concern, I didn’t feel that I was. My eyes were moist with tears and my heart was breaking in my chest. Not only had Rhett hurt me physically and scarred me mentally - he’d wounded my pride. Even from a distance, Rhett and his abusive ways could damage me. “Please,” I whispered to the floor between our feet. “Stop looking at them, Kyle.”

Warm thick fingers slid beneath my chin, gently lifting my face, forcing my eyes to meet his. There was a storm of rage fighting with compassion for dominance in the depths of his ebony eyes. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Kami.” His words sounded like a declaration. “You left. Do you know how strong that makes you?”

I couldn’t help it, the sting of tears misting my eyes turned into a waterfall. Sobs wracked my body and Kyle sighed, pulling me tight against his chest. Pressing my face into his chest, I cried as he rubbed my back. There was nothing sexual about this comfort Kyle provided to me. In this moment, he was the strength I needed to stand on my feet and fight the demon of my wounded self-esteem. Kyle was right; I wasn’t weak and worthless for having been that woman. I was strong, because as hard as it had been, I’d left Rhett. And through the hardships that lay ahead, I would never return to Rhett - it was because of that, that I was strong.

Pulling away from Kyle, I sniffled. “Thank you, Kyle. You’re,” my voice croaked. “You’re a good man.”

He didn’t smile, but I could see through the storm in his eyes that my words affected him. Lifting his hands, he wiped my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I don’t like seeing you cry.”

I laughed, but it was a pathetically sad sound. “Any man that does like to see a woman cry isn’t a man at all.”

“You’re very right.” He nodded. “Kami, was it your ex?”

I nodded, but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Voicing those words aloud was so much harder than most people knew. Where many people longed for pity, those who have truly experienced abuse ache for someone to look at them with strength. Admitting that the abuse has happened can make a woman feel as though she’s weak and even deserving. Thinking back, I probably could have fought him and maybe even put up a good fight, but I hadn’t. Not once had I tried to stop a blow to the face, a pull of my hair, a squeeze of my throat, or even his body pushing inside mine - but maybe I could have. It’s that
maybe
that will haunt me till the end of my days. Maybe I could have stopped him, if only I’d tried. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so terribly worthless.

“Please, stop looking at me like that.” I pleaded.

“How?” Kyle stiffened, his hands still on my face, caressing the swollen skin beneath my eyes from my tears. “How am I looking at you?”

“Like you pity me,” I gasped on the word ‘pity’.

“I know I don’t know you, Kami, but I loathe your ex for what he’s done to you.” His eyes pierced mine and even though I ached to look away - to look anywhere else, really - I couldn’t. “He had a beautiful, strong, determined woman, and he broke her down with his fist so absent of strength.”

I snorted spitefully. “That’s where you’re wrong. He was actually very strong.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Kyle shook his head. “Strength isn’t measured by how hard you can beat a woman, Kami. He had advantages. I’d bet money he towered over you, like I do. I’d bet his fist was twice the size of yours, like mine. But the difference is that, unlike him, who undoubtedly used his height to overpower you, I tower over you and I feel the burning desire to shelter and protect you with my body. With my fist twice the size of yours, all I want to do is use it to shield you from pain. That’s how strength is measured, Kami. Your ex was just a little boy playing at being a man.”

Leaning my head back against the wall, I pulled in a deep breath of air. It tasted like Kyle’s scent - the perfect mixture of spicy and fresh. I didn’t open my eyes as I spoke. “You’re a good man, Kyle. Men like you don’t exist in the masses.”

“You’re wrong again.” He said gruffly. “There are good men all over the world. You’ve just gotta find them.”

“Harder said than done.” I opened my eyes to find Kyle looking down at me intensely. There was so much feeling in his eyes, I felt caught, ensnared in their chocolate pools. “Do you want some coffee?”

He smirked. “Changing the subject?”

I nodded, but I didn’t move away from the wall and Kyle hadn’t moved from in front of me, where, if he placed his arms around me, he could cage me against the wall. It was funny how very unafraid I was of Kyle caging me inside his embrace. It should terrify me after the horrors I experienced in the name of Rhett’s embrace, but it didn’t. I sensed something good in Kyle that I had never sensed in any other. The man was sturdy. He was solid. His beliefs held roots and his actions were their stems.

Kyle was, no doubt, a good man right down to the very soul of his being.

Shaking the thought from my mind, I nodded. “Uh, yeah.” My heart was beginning to pound at his nearness. “It was getting a little personal.”

Kyle didn’t move away, but he nodded. “Is personal bad?”

“No.” I said hesitantly.
I thought this man said he was shy?
“I would just prefer to get to know people slow from now on.”

His eyes held mine for what felt like hours, before he nodded. “I’d like a coffee.”

As Kyle moved away, I breathed a breath of release. “I’m going to have to make a pot.”

“At least your feet won’t get frost bite from the floors.” He stated matter of fact. “You should try to feed your fire throughout the night when its cold like this.”

“Really?” I asked over my shoulder. “There’s an actual heater, though.”

“Tends not to work quite as well when it’s below thirty-five degrees Celsius.” He shrugged. “These cabins aren’t exactly new.”

I nodded. “Well, I happen to think it’s perfect the way it is.”

“Where did you live before?” Kyle lowered his large body into one of the tiny wooden chairs around the table.

“I lived in a lot of places growing up, but I settled with Rhett in a little town outside Edmonton.”

“How long were you with him?” He asked, his tone tense.

Turning around, I leaned my back against the counter as I listened to the coffee maker brewing behind me. “I started seeing him when I was fifteen.”

“How old are you now?”

“Twenty-two.”

“You were with him for seven years?”

I nodded, glancing at my toes. Damn, I really needed to paint my toenails. The purple paint was beginning to chip. “Yes. And before you start wondering how - he wasn’t always a bad guy.”

“But he turned into a bad guy?” Kyle asked darkly. He looked so angry and that shocked me. Kyle didn’t really know me, and he had no reason to be angry with Rhett for what he did other than for the principle of it. Laying a hand on a woman is wrong. I know this - everyone knows this. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It does.

“I suppose.” I nibbled my lower lip as I tried to swallow the build up of emotion in my throat. Thinking of Rhett was hard. I’d loved him so much. In him, I’d found the ability to believe that there was more in store for me from this life than pain.

I’d been so terribly wrong.

...I leaned back on the bed, Rhett’s bed, in his cousin’s house. I’d been in this room so many times before, but never like this. Never with Rhett nearly naked and me panting beneath him. This was different from all the other times I’d slept over at his house. I’d been with him for a year. I was sixteen now, old enough to do this - or that’s what everyone said, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t terrified. Jana said it hurt the first time, but she also said that sex felt good. I had to believe her. Everything I let Rhett do to me felt good. Every time he touched me, it was amazing.

I wanted this.
I want this, I want this, I want this.

“Fuck, you’re hot.” Rhett growled as he lowered himself onto the bed between my legs and my heart raced painfully. It was uncomfortable.

When I’d agreed to spend the night here, I hadn’t thought this was how it would turn out. I’d spent so many nights here, and Rhett had never pushed for this. But we’d been seeing each other for almost a year and I knew he was growing impatient. I knew he wanted sex and I didn’t want to lose him.

Lifting my hands, I traced the lines of his chest with my fingertips. He was a beautiful man, and he was only eighteen...

“Kami?” The deep sound of Kyle’s voice brought me back to the here and now. Shaking my head of thoughts of Rhett, I focused my eyes on Kyle who was gazing at me with confusion. “Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere.” I turned my back to him, feeling shaken at the memory of my first time. It had started out so sweet and turned out so frightening - kind of like my entire relationship with Rhett.

“I take it black.” Kyle said from behind me and I jumped. “Sorry.”

“I didn’t know you were so close.” I waved away his apology, handing him the mug. “Black coffee.” I scrunched my nose. “Isn’t it a little bitter?”

“Coffee’s coffee. So long as I’m getting a hit of caffeine, I’m good.” I watched him raise his mug to his lips and couldn’t help but notice, for what felt like the billionth time, how handsome he was.

Kyle was the complete opposite of Rhett - and I liked that. Banishing the thought, I asked. “Why didn’t you come get me when you went for my car? I could have helped you.”

He shrugged. “I asked Collin to help me. I figured you might be sore.”

He figured right, but I wasn’t about to admit that. “Collin’s another of your brothers, yes?”

“Yeah, he’s the second youngest. A couple years younger than me.”

“How old are you?” I blushed at the question. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

Kyle chuckled. “I’m twenty-seven. Logan and I are pretty close in age.”

“And Collin is twenty-five?” I asked.

Kyle nodded. “Yeah. Then there’s Luke. He’s twenty-three.”

“Luke’s the baby of the family, right?” Damn, four boys - kudos to Gracie!

“He is, but don’t let him hear you calling him that.” Kyle shook his head, thumbing his chin. “He’d loose his mind.”

“Luke’s the one who works in the stables, isn’t he?”

“Sure is.” Kyle’s eyes were pinned on me. “Were you thinking of working in the stables over mountain climbing?”

The tone of his question had me wanting to assure him that there was nothing more I wanted to do than mountain climbing. I wondered, what was it about me that Kyle found so interesting? Since last night in the truck, the man had practically been around me as much as he could, asking all kinds of questions. Some were loaded and some weren’t.

This one, however, was definitely a loaded gun.

I felt my lips curl in an easy grin as I answered. “No, I wanted to mountain climb.” I gave a small shrug. “But I would really like to learn how to ride. I’ve always loved horses, you know?” He nodded and I continued. “They’re just so majestic.”

“If you want,” he took in a deep breath and I sensed he was nervous. “I can teach you.”

I raised a brow. “You ride as well?”

“My brothers and I know how to do everything on the ranch, but we specialize in one thing.” He took another sip of his coffee, “Well, accept Logan. Logan likes it all and teaches everything, but he’s even more antisocial than I am.”

Curling my hands around my mug, I laughed. “You really don’t seem all that antisocial to me.”

His eyes glittered. “You bring that out in me, Kami.” He sighed. “Believe me, I’m not mean, but I’m not very friendly.”

Settling back in the chair across the table from him, I tucked my feet beneath me. “I think you see yourself differently than the world sees you.”

“Don’t we all?”

“I suppose.” I shrugged. “I want to invent myself into someone I would be proud of.”

“You aren’t already proud of yourself?” His voice was thick with curiosity.

“No.” I brought my coffee to my lips. I was trying to buy myself time to come up with an honest, well-worded answer to his question. “I guess I just thought I would have more than I do.”

That wasn’t worded well at all.

“How do you mean?”

“This just isn’t where I saw myself at twenty-two.”

“Where did you see yourself?”

“I know I’m young, but I’ve always wanted a family.” I blushed. “I never really had one myself and I really thought that I’d be married with kids by now. Rhett and I were together for so long, I thought,” Shaking my head, I rubbed my brow. “You know what I thought.”