A Sexy SEAL Novella Anthology (23 page)

Glad for the reprieve, Cari watched blindly
as Gina maneuvered her way down the tight San Francisco
streets.

She had no idea what would happen next. She
couldn’t even let herself think about it. Because it didn’t matter
what she felt about him, or how much she wanted to believe they had
a future.

Because Jack had warned her.

He was leaving in three days. He was going
to be a SEAL. Cari didn’t know much about what SEALs did, so she’d
hit the Internet as soon as Jack left.

They were the elite.

The best of the best.

And Jack was good enough to be one of them.
That made her almost giddy with pride for him.

They were covert, their missions top secret
and often at the behest of the President himself.

And Jack would be living that dangerous life
to protect their country, with much of it in the dark. That
terrified her, for him and for herself. How did a woman live with
never knowing? Where he was, what he was doing, if he was even
alive.

Her head hitting the backrest with a thump,
Cari closed her eyes against the images.

Did relationships survive that kind of
pressure?

Moot question for her, she reminded herself
as she pressed her eyes tight against the burning tears.

They didn’t have a relationship.

Which only made it that much worse that she
was pretty sure that she was in love with him.

* * *

“Come again?”

Sprawled on the guy’s couch nursing a nasty
headache, Jack wished Rico would quit making him repeat himself.
Every time he said the words out loud, it felt like a knife to the
gut.

“Look, all I’m doing is taking a break to
think about things. Don’t make it into a big deal, okay.”

“You don’t want me making a big deal out of
the fact that you’re walking away from something you’ve worked your
ass off for? Dude, we’re talking about your dream of joining the
SEALs.” Rico scrubbed his hands over his face, then shook his head.
“Nope. It’s not making sense.”

“First, all I’d be doing is rescheduling my
report date for SQT so I have time to consider a few things.
Second, if I decide not to continue, I wouldn’t be walking away
from the dream.” Not completely. “Just postponing it.”

“If you DOR, there’s no guarantee you’ll
have a second shot,” Rico pointed out.

“Life never comes with guarantees.” Jack
pushed to his feet. But a lack of a guarantee was one thing.
Screwing himself over was another. And a Discharge on Request
wasn’t looked on favorably, especially not in his
circumstances.

“Dude, just think it through. BUD/S
requirements are steep enough. There are a hell of a lot of guys
lining up to try to get in.” Rico paused, then with a grimace that
told Jack he wasn’t going to like what was next, continued. “You’ll
have to wait, what? Two years? Not saying you’re gonna be old, man.
But it’s one thing going up against twenty-four year olds when
you’re twenty-six. But doing it at twenty-eight?”

Rico’s low whistle came with a pitying shake
of his head that made Jack want to thump him. All he could do,
though, was take another swig of beer and sigh. Because Jack had
been right. He didn’t like what Rico had had to say, even if it was
one-hundred-percent true.

“I’ve got feelings for Cari,” he admitted
quietly, dropping back to the couch. Rico’s wince amused him a
little, even as it validated the miserable tightness across his
neck at talking about this sort of thing. “I don’t know what the
feelings are, or where it’ll go with us. But I can’t just walk away
and not find out.”

“You can’t just throw everything away,
either,” Rico pointed out. But his words had an edge this time,
bringing them in somewhere between worried and puzzled.

Jack shrugged it off.

He was doing the right thing.

That’s why he’d come by, to hear Rico tell
him exactly that.

He couldn’t give one hundred percent if he
was leaving a piece of himself behind. And he couldn’t walk away.
Not from Cari. Not now that he’d had her. Not after what they’d
shared over the last few days.

Gut tight, he got up again to pace from one
end of Rico’s apartment to the other. Would he be able to return?
He’d never questioned his career before, never doubted the choices
that he’d made. He was good, damned good, at what he did. He’d
figured he’d get even better by joining the best.

Setting the beer he’d had one swig of on the
coffee table, he got to his feet.

“Where are you going?” Rico demanded when he
headed for the door.

“To see Cari.”

“Whoa, hold up.” Rico shot to his feet. “The
two of you just met. Keep that in mind or you’re gonna scare her
off.”

That made Jack pause, but only for a second.
He wasn’t going to say anything stupid. He just wanted to see her
again. Maybe whatever he was thinking he felt would be gone today.
It hadn’t been yesterday, but hey, Tuesdays were different.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he tossed over his
shoulder on his way out.

This sucked.

Scowling, Rico watched Jack leave, the sound
of the door echoing painfully in his wake. He gave it another few
seconds, then pulled out his cellphone.

He didn’t bother with a greeting.

“We’ve got a problem.”

“Honestly communicating your needs is key in
any relationship, but even more so when it involves sex.” Feeling
like a jerk, Cari made her smile as bright as she could. She was
such a hypocrite for telling these sweet old people to do things
she’d discovered she was afraid to do. “So your task for the next
week is to examine your conversations. Ask yourself if you’re being
as truthful as you can be.”

As she wound up the session, Cari had to
wonder. Did it still make her a hypocrite if she was perfectly
aware of the fact that she’d been lying her ass off for the last
week? At least she was lying to herself, not to Jack. That was
better. Wasn’t it? Or was it?

Jack had put off his departure for Southern
California, so they’d spent most of the last five days together,
and only part of that time had been spent having sex. The rest had
been spent talking. Sharing, discussing, comparing. There was an
intensity to their conversations that felt as if they were trying
to share their every thought with each other, and a familiarity
that made her feel as if that wasn’t even necessary. It was as if
they’d known each other forever, so the discussions were just a
reminder of what they already knew.

Cari had never felt as close to anyone,
ever.

Hence, the lie.

That everything was just fine, and she was
perfectly okay with the fact that it’d be ending tomorrow.

As she wrapped up the group session, she
noticed Gina in the back corner, looking as if she were trying to
be unobtrusive. Given that the woman had added purple to the pink
tips of her silver hair and teased it into a modified beehive, Cari
figured unobtrusive was a lost cause.

She said her goodbyes, helping Mrs. Patrillo
steer her mobility scooter through the chairs and handing Mr.
Martin his tape recorder. By the time she’d helped each of her
dozen clients to the door, Gina was pacing so fast her beehive was
in danger of falling.

“Hey Gina,” she said, joining her at the
back of the room. “Is everything okay?”

“Okay?” Her sober expression at odds with
her white go-go boots, the other woman frowned, then shrugged. “Not
really. Or maybe. I’m not sure.”

“Okaay,” dragging the word out, Cari stared
for a long moment. Shaking her head, she began folding chairs and
setting them in the corner. And she’d thought she was confused?

“Jack’s quitting the SEALs,” Gina blurted
out.

“He’s what?” Cari dropped the chair she’d
just folded, the metal clanging painfully on her booted foot. “No,
he just put off moving to Coronado for a few days. He’d planned to
spend some time there getting acquainted with the area but said he
could do that just fine after he was living there.”

“No. He’s thinking about dropping out of
training, of not being a SEAL at all.”

Cari gripped the chair so hard, she was
surprised the metal didn’t bend.

“You’re kidding, right?”

Her emotions were flying through her system
so fast, Cari could barely tell what they were. Thrill and fear
fought with joy. While excitement, love and misery were spinning in
the opposite direction.

“Why would he do that?” she asked faintly,
gathering the last two chairs and setting them with the others.
“Being a SEAL is his dream. He’s not going to walk away from
that.”

“But if he finishes training and becomes a
SEAL, he’ll be pretty much walking away from everything else,” Gina
pointed out. “I mean, it’s hard enough trying to make a
relationship work when one of you is in the service. But a
relationship with a SEAL? One who’s just starting out? That’s
intense.”

Cari opened her mouth but nothing came
out.

So she tried again.

“But we don’t have a relationship.” At
least, they weren’t supposed to. That’s what she’d taken Jack’s
warning to be that first night. And she’d accepted it, dammit. Yes,
she’d mourned and whined and cried in her head, but she’d called
that part of the process. Because in her heart, she’d accepted that
this was it. This little window was all she’d get with Jack, and
she’d agreed to that. Hell, she’d begged for it.

But now...

“Why would he do this?” she murmured

“Rico said Jack’s doing it because he,
well...” Gina bit her lip. “Because he has feelings for you.”

“Feelings?”

Now her head was spinning twice as fast. Or
maybe it was the room. She had to sit down. Since the chairs were
already folded, Cari settled for the floor.

“Cari? Aren’t you glad Jack has feelings for
you?” Gina ventured hesitantly.

“Like, what? Resentment?” She threw her
hands in the air. “Because if that’s not on his list of feelings
yet it will be soon after he throws away his career.”

“He’s doing it because he cares about you,”
Gina said pointedly, looking like Cari was deliberately missing the
point.

But she wasn’t.

She knew exactly what the point was.

That Jack might be falling in love with
her.

But if he did this, if he gave up his dream
career for her, that love would never have a chance.

“I need to talk to Jack.” Cari pushed to her
feet, smoothing her skirt as she looked at the clock.

“You have another coaching session in twenty
minutes,” Gina pointed out, her tone only a little frantic as Cari
gathered her purse and messenger bag.

“You take it.” Hurrying past, Cari tossed
the leather messenger bag toward Gina. “Show them that new display
of stained glass penises. Have them help you uncrate deliveries.
Call it an Enlightenment Session. I’ll pay you, I’ll refund
them.”

Something, she thought as she sprinted out
of the gallery. She had to do something.

Because she loved Jack too much to see him
throw his career away.

Jack sat in the corner booth of the quaint
coffee house he’d visited a handful of times when he’d drive up to
the wine country for in-person consults with his mentor. A few
years back, when Jack had started thinking seriously about the
SEALs, he’d contacted Professor Kendall. He wanted to talk to
someone who could give him insights into the reality of his dream.
The Professor had taught Jack in school and had been the closest
he’d known personally to someone who had family in the SEALs. But
the Professor had upped the game, calling in his son-in-law to
mentor Jack. For two years, Aiden had guided Jack, had listened and
advised. And now Jack was about to pay him back by walking
away.

Damn, he was one helluva guy.

As if echoing that sentiment, Aiden strode
through the doors. Tall and slender with an easy expression and an
intellectual air, the guy looked more like a teacher than a
SEAL.

Until he got close enough to see his
eyes.

“Jack, good to see you.” In jeans and a
t-shirt proclaiming him a fan of Wossomatta U, the other man’s
smile was as easy as his demeanor.

“Hi, Aiden,” Jack greeted, standing to shake
hands. “Thanks for meeting me, especially when you’re home on
leave. I appreciate it. You want coffee or anything?”

Proving that he came here a lot, Aiden
simply glanced over at the waitress, lifted one finger then pointed
it at the booth.

He didn’t wait for her nod of
acknowledgement, just slid into the seat and waited for Jack to do
the same.

“So what’s up? You didn’t drive all this way
for coffee.”

Leave it to Aiden to get right to the point.
Jack, however, wasn’t quite ready to join him there.

“It’s only an hour from San Francisco,” he
said with a shrug.

Aiden’s expression didn’t change. He didn’t
move. He didn’t even blink. Still, Jack actually saw the man come
to attention.

“I thought you’d planned to be in Coronado
by now. Didn’t you say something about acclimating before SQT?”

“Yeah.” Jack nodded, feeling like a ten year
old about to confess some horrible crime. “About that. I changed my
mind.”

“Is that so?” The tone was easy. Friendly,
even.

It made the hairs on the back of Jack’s neck
stand on end. All of the excuses, the clever buildup of an
explanation, everything, they simply disappeared from Jack’s mind.
Leaving only the bald, ugly truth.

“I think I’m dropping out,” Jack confessed,
his eyes on his cup. He waited for the explosion, finally looking
up when it didn’t come.

“You’re thinking of dropping out of SEAL
training? Or of leaving the military altogether?” At Jack’s
surprised look, Aiden shrugged. “Just want to clarify where you’re
at with it all. I mean, I know you like military life, but you went
through, what? Eight months or so trying to overcome your motion
sickness challenges. You resigned your Army commission, joined the
Navy and went through BUD/S. Did I get all that right?”