A Son of Carver (Carver High #2) (43 page)

“Shit,” I mutter because Santos is right. My head isn’t in any of my games. My head is in Chicago with Jessa. “I don’t know man, I think I might head back to Chi-town for a little while.”

“Aw, hell, Pax. It’s that girl isn’t it? The one you been sneaking out of rooms and callin’, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. She’s getting comfortable with some sheep that used to ride my tails. It’s messing with my head.”

“If you’re going back to that hole for a girl then you ain’t coming back,” he tells me, shaking his head.

“You know that’s not how shit’s gonna work out. There are no fairytale endings for me- not in that town. I just need to go see her, clear my head, set some shit straight. I’ll be back.”

“You’re sounding suspect, man. What’s the old man gonna do without you?”

“He just needs my bank. He’ll survive until I get back. He’s got you and Emilio and the rest of his vatos. He don’t need me to live.”

“You already made up your damn mind.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I guess I have. I can’t keep living in this headspace I’ve created. I don’t know why this situation is messing with me like it is, but I need to figure shit out and the only way to do that is to look in Jessa’s eyes. 

“You at least gonna try to redeem your ass in the bowl one last time before you leave the sun and head back to that gloom ‘n doom town?”

“You weren’t so smooth yourself, asshole,” I tell him, throwing down my board and preparing to pull out my trictionary on his ass.

“That’s my boy,” he yells, but I’m already in the bowl, feeling the concrete and watching the world slow down around me.

I can lose myself for minutes at a time on either of my boards, but it’s not enough. I’ve been telling myself that it’s just ‘cause she’s there – in Chicago. It’s just her mingled with my shitty memories that’s making me all territorial and psychotic. But, hell, I can’t get the girl out of my head. I can’t keep living like this. I need to know, one way or the other, what the hell is going on. Here, with my head clear for the few seconds my ride will take, I know that I don’t have a choice. I have to go back to that hell and see if part of me is still there.

I pop out on the deck and look over to Santos, pointing my finger to the street. Now that I’ve made my decision all I want to do is go. I want to see her now.

I head home to get my shit and break the news to Gabriel. He ain’t gonna be happy about this.

I find him on the front stoop where he’s already drinking with our neighbor. “Why you looking like you’re on some mission?” he asks me.

“I’m heading back to Chicago for a few days,” I tell him, heading inside to get my shit.

“What?” he asks, standing up and following me inside. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s just a couple of days, Gabriel. I got a situation I have to take care of.”

He shakes his head at me and lets out a long breath. “You watch your back in that place,” he tells me as I throw my shit that’s scattered around the living room into my duffle.

“I’ll lay low, Pops. You don’t gotta worry.” He knows that if word of my presence in that city makes it back to Rachel we’ll be living on stamps.

“I gotta bad feeling about this, niño. You’re finally home and I don’t want you anywhere near her.”

“I’m grown, Gabriel. There’s nothing she can do to me now.”

“She can cut your ass off and you know she’s one cold-blooded snake. She’s not gonna give you no second chances.”

“Maybe I want to be cut off, Pops. Maybe we don’t need to be taking that charity money, huh?”

“You suggesting I go get me a suit and try to hustle it in some office building? Maybe I’ll go make some sliders for a living, getting’ minimum wage. We’re living good, Pax. We’re getting by easy. If that tight ass bitch wants to pay your way, and mine too, I’ll take it. She owes both of us for keeping you away from me. You’re home now. You need to stay here.”

I shake my head. The money thing is starting to become an issue in my own head. I’m still under them. Still a dog. Can’t even go where I need to. Can’t buy nothing without feeling like a dirty whore. “It would just be nice if I could cleanse her out of my system completely.”

“Don’t get all high and mighty on me, niño. Take care of your situation and come home. We’re the ones taking advantage of them, don’t get it all warped.”

“We’re definitely taking something. Doesn’t feel like advantage,” I tell him, giving him a slap on the back and heading out the door.

Getting in my car and driving out of the city makes me feel nauseous. Knowing that I’m headed back to Chicago feels like some kind of sick joke. Of all the cities in the world, why’d she have to choose that one?

And why can’t I let it go?

Who gives a shit if she’s back in the game and considering finding a new fuck buddy? According to Violet, she’s got everyone in that small pocket of Chicago that I used to consider mine falling all over themselves. Shit shouldn’t bother me. Her life is there and my life is in Venice. That should be the end of it.

Before, in River Bluff and on campus, her options were guys like Dylan. Guys that she would always be too much for. Guys that would never be what she needs. But a guy like Elijah…. that shit’s just too close to home and I know what he’s capable of  -  he could maybe tame her and make her his. After the shit that I wadded through last time I was in that town I would think Elijah would know better, but he’s a snake. And he’s not the only guy there that is more than just some pussy pretty boy and I know I can’t keep her on a leash forever.  I shouldn’t have thrown her into my old life the way I did. I should have let her take care of herself and I shouldn’t have felt the need to keep tabs on the girl. But it’s too late now.

She’s under my skin and snaking around my brain and the star of every fantastic dream I have and I need to figure out how to let her in or let her go.

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