A Tattered Love (27 page)

Finally, Dustin had nailed three more and won me a big brown bear. He actually ended up buying more darts to achieve that goal, but that was ok. Abby and I walked out of there with some cute prizes.

I wasn’t going to let his mom damper my mood for the rest of the night. We headed to the Mustang got in and took off for some dinner. We found a nice diner and stopped in to eat. This night was coming to an end, and it had been one hell of a good night.

** CHAPTER 18 **

Dustin

I was nervous as all hell about court. This is the start of a better life. It just had to be. Unfortunately, Riley had a job interview today and couldn’t go with me to fight this. I was really hoping that Sabrina didn’t bring Molly to court because she would be so confused, and it wasn’t appropriate for her to be there. This was between her mother and me. I wanted to keep it that way. If she even dared to try to bring our kid into this, I would be pissed. My nerves were shot, and I felt like hurling.

“All right, Dustin, now whatever happens you need to keep your cool in front of the judge. He needs to know your character, especially for Molly’s sake. Everything will be all right. The best thing that can happen is that court would be adjourned. We actually want to postpone this to get as much information as possible from today and use it against her the next time. It’s going to be a lengthy process.” She sighed and put on a bright smile to try to lighten my mood.

“I just miss Molly, that’s all. I really want to see her more.”

“Well, this is my job to get your rights with her. Just hang in there.” Carrie Brazelle said.

I took a deep breath and entered the courtroom with Carrie. We sat down on a bench and waited our turn. The judge didn’t seem to be in such a happy mood today, which made me even more nervous. Once our case was called up, Carrie represented me, and Sabrina and her lawyer were opposite of me. Sabrina’s lawyer stated her case, and then looked toward us. He, without question, adjourned the case, and told Sabrina’s lawyer to get something better than that before they step back in his courtroom. The judge didn’t even give Carrie a chance to speak. He immediately was turned off by what they said that he didn’t even want to deal with it. Carrie turned to me and smiled.

“This is good news, Dustin. Very good news. The judge isn’t happy with Sabrina. We have to have a strong argument for next time. We’ll be in touch.”

I tried to be happy about what was supposed to be good news to me. It wasn’t working really well, and I think she could tell. I headed out of the courthouse and ignored Sabrina the whole time. I wanted to get the hell out of there, so I didn’t have to speak anything to her, or I’d end up saying something I’d regret. Right now, that can’t happen because she could hold anything against me.

As soon as I got to the car, I dialed Riley and left her a voicemail letting her know how court went. I had to get to work. Missing these days at work was hurting me more than helping. They understood my custody battle, but they also needed their employee doing their job.

Trevor and I we’re supposed to do a guys night tonight, and well, frankly, I needed it. I needed a few brews and to just let loose. I decided to invite Evan, too. Work dragged, and I had so much to do that I wasn’t going to get out until pretty late. They were training me on a new position as manager, and I would have a lot more responsibilities than just service. I needed the extra cash with this job title. Riley and I have talked about moving in together, but at the same time, we have to wait until this custody shit was figured out.

Riley

It was seven in the morning. I had been in the bathroom puking. I had missed my period. I was pregnant. I was sitting on the toilet seat looking at the five positive tests staring back at me. It was real. I had just made a call to the free clinic and made an appointment in two hours. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to get off the toilet. Was I excited? Was I sad? I didn’t even know what my feelings were right now. It was crazy to think that there was a living thing inside me. My mind was on overload, and I was panicking, frantically, trying to figure out what I should do. After sitting there for a good hour pondering my thoughts, and rubbing my stomach preparing myself for what was about to happen to my body, my life, my feelings, my job, my future, Dustin—the list goes on so far that I felt as if I might be sick again. I never thought the feelings that I had at the fair, and then later that week, would be because I’m pregnant! I had been on the pill! How could this happen to me?

I got off the seat and dragged myself into my bedroom and got dressed. I put on some yoga pants and a loose t-shirt, and I pulled my long nagging hair in a ponytail. I wanted nothing more than to be comfortable. I headed into the kitchen and munched on a piece of toast. I didn’t have much of an appetite but knew I needed to get some food in me. I gathered my purse, my car keys, and I took Coop out to do his thing. Now, I was off to the clinic. I didn’t even want to tell anybody, I was so scared. Plus, weren’t you supposed to wait three months before you tell people? I knew one person who would be ecstatic—Gram.

I waited patiently for the nurse to call my name. After I finally got cramped into the small room they call an
examine room
, I tried to keep calm and relax, but the sweat beading off my forehead would call my bluff. I was getting fidgety, and the amount of time I was now waiting in this stupid room just made the situation worse. If only doctors actually saw you at your actual appointment time. I couldn’t say I had ever been to a doctor where I haven’t had to wait an hour before being seen! It’s ridiculous. I could tell I was getting moody, and that meant they had better hurry the hell up!

Finally, and I mean finally, the damn doctor came in.

He verified that I was indeed pregnant. After a long piss in a cup and a blood test, it was official. The sweat that had been pouring off my head then was now a freaking waterfall!

Now that I knew for sure, I needed to start mentally preparing myself for this huge step in my life. Time to find a doctor and get these appointments rolling. I definitely needed to buy a book on this stuff to tell me what I needed to be doing. Once I reached my car, I slid my hand over my belly and smiled. I just had to keep smiling. It was all I could do to be positive. I was going to have a baby, and that was good news. I looked up at the sky outside, and just smiled because I knew my Mom was looking down on me, and Mark, too. What a crazy butterfly feeling. I also wondered how Dustin would feel about all this.

I made my way over to the local pharmacy and parked in a spot closest to the door. I walked in and walked up and down the aisles looking for the prenatal vitamins. Once I found them, I stood there checking every brand trying to decide which one was best. Who would have thought this would be such a hard choice. After I picked one out, I noticed they had a little baby clothing section, and I reached my hand out to touch these little tiny things they called
onesies
. Reality started setting in when I realized my baby would fit in these outfits in just a matter of months. Well, I was six weeks pregnant, so I have more than a few months to go. Just as I was having a blast looking at, and going through all their baby stuff, vile was coming up in my throat. I guess this was called morning sickness.  I ran to the bathroom and locked the stall behind me as I hurled into the toilet. This wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I just want to go home and sleep.

I cleaned myself up at the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I’m going to be a mommy. The stall next to where I had been opened up and my worst nightmare appeared right before me.

“So, this is what is going to happen. You are going to keep your mouth shut. You are not going to tell Dustin, and you are going to leave town, immediately,” Mrs. Boyd hissed. The look on her face frightened me. She stared at me with an evil grin on her face. “If you don’t, I’ll make damn sure that baby isn’t born,” she threatened angrily. “Just remember, you’re the criminal, so it won’t be hard to do.”

Tears started to well up in my eyes. I stormed out of the store faster than I can blink an eye. Was she stalking me? How did she know? Was it that obvious? I wasn’t even showing yet! I couldn’t let her hurt me, or take my baby away from me. My thoughts were racing in a million different directions. I got in my car and peeled off toward my apartment. After almost making it to my apartment, I decided instead to go to the beach. I needed to clear my head, and that was the place that was going to ease my mind, I hoped. I was so terrified. His mother was such a powerful woman that she would make damn sure she made my life miserable if I stayed here.

I kicked my flip-flops off and started walking on the beach. Feeling the sand between my toes, and the wind in my hair already relaxed me a bit. I sat down a little ways from the pier where Dustin and I had created one of our first memories together. I rearranged my thoughts in my head, but the only thing that kept circling around was that I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay here. Not anymore, I just couldn’t. She knew, and she won’t ever let me live with it. I thought about Dustin, and how he was in a custody battle for his own child, and he didn’t need the stress of me being pregnant. Plus, I’m sure it won’t look good in court if I end up pregnant. I thought about Molly, and since I didn’t really know Molly that well, I was afraid she would be confused about how she has a  sibling on the way. Would court even let me be around her? Why should I cause Dustin all this trouble? Nothing is for certain yet on his court case, so maybe this is for the best. Oh my heart was breaking.
Please Mark, Mom, somebody up there, lead me in the right direction.

I thought about Abby and Evan, and how much I’d miss them. They were my lifesavers when I arrived here. I’d hate to leave them too, but I just couldn’t confront them. They’d make me stay, and I knew I couldn’t do that. Not after what this bitch had just drilled into my head. I’ll never be able to get the image out of my mind. The words she spoke could never be taken back.

I have the money from my moms’ life insurance. I could move back home and live with Gram. She would help me, and I could help her since she’s getting up in age. I could find a local job, and bring in some money if she’d be willing to watch my baby. What would I do here? I wouldn’t be able to work, and take care of a baby. So many thoughts roaming through my mind that I was on overload. Tears just start to trickle down my face from the overwhelming feeling of moving home to Delaware. It would be hard, but I knew it was what I had to do. I would miss Dustin so much. He just couldn’t know. I’d never forgive myself if it leaked out to him, and something happened to my baby. I had to do what was best for this baby, and protect it—and myself. I just couldn’t see that I had a choice.

I reached in for the pad of paper I always carry around with me in my purse. I’m a journal junkie, and I needed to write Dustin a letter. I couldn’t face him or he would get it out of me. He would force me to tell him what was going on, and I just couldn’t.

I wrote a short note. I could have gone on for about thirty pages, but I knew I needed to keep it brief. I cried at every sentence I wrote. This was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to tell someone. The letter read:

Dustin,

I’m so sorry I’m writing this to you, but it’s just how it has to be. I never thought that love could feel like this. You filled my world with just one kiss, the kiss that changed my life forever.  I just can’t prolong this any longer. I can’t see you anymore. Things are just too complicated, and I don’t want to hurt you. I know I’m trouble when it comes to your custody battle. I want you and Molly to be happy. If that means leaving you for that to happen, I will, and I am. Don’t tell me no, don’t chase after me, just let me go. I know that we love one another and love overcomes all, but in this situation, it just complicates it. I’ve wanted nothing more than to gain a family that can love me. I know that you can, and I know Molly would, but I just don’t fit in very well in your family. I hope you can understand and forgive me at a later time as I know this letter will make you angry and sad right now. Just please accept it. It’s the truth, and I need to do this for myself. I wish you nothing but happiness and love. You deserve it, Dustin. You’re an amazing guy, and any woman would be lucky to have you and Molly in their life. Keep an eye on Abby for me, I’m leaving town. I know she’ll be just as hurt knowing I’m gone. I just want you to know that I care about you. It’s why I’m doing this. For your own good, you know? Believe me when I say it’s not easy for me to do this. It’s just something I have to do.

Love,

Riley

I got back in my car and headed home. I wanted to make sure I was discreet, and nobody saw me. I didn’t want to deal with the painful goodbyes or the explanation I’d have to give. Especially with Abby, because she knew how I was, and she would know that was bothering me, or if was leaving out details. I just wanted to avoid it. Just thinking about what his Mom said to me at the fair, and then in the bathroom. She really must have it out for me, and I really should take her threats seriously.

I ran from the car upstairs to my apartment. I was pretty out of breath by the time I unlocked the door as I was panicking someone may see me. Once I got in, I took Cooper in my arms and just hugged him. I was so happy that I had Cooper, at least. A dog will love you no matter what you are going through, or what you looked like; he loved you for being his owner. They didn’t judge you. They just loved you. That was their only job, and they sure knew how to win your heart over.