A Woman Lost (14 page)

“Just glorious,” she answered, but her voice and aura told me all was not well.

It was the first time I had seen Maddie visibly upset. “Oh no, did the woman do more than masturbate this time?”

“What?” Maddie took a sip of wine. “Oh that.” She smiled for the first time. “No, the appointment went well. There were no masturbating mishaps.”

I stared at her for a few moments while she took a seat at the bar next to me. “So are you going to tell me what’s bugging you?”

She waved dismissively. “Oh, I just got off the phone with your charming brother. He can be such an ass sometimes.” She laughed.

I squirmed in my chair. I was treading uncharted water. How could I push my brother’s fiancée to tell me the juicy details about their relationship? Words started to form in my throat, but I pushed them back down and then forced my own silence with a gulp of ginger ale.

“Easy there, tiger. Are you riding your bike home tonight?” She winked at me.

I was relieved to see the old Maddie, which bolstered my courage to ask what Peter had done.

“He stopped showing up early for dates for one thing. Oh, where should I begin?” Her voice trailed off.

Her demeanor told me I wasn’t going to get the information I craved, so I dropped the matter.

“Shall we get a table? I’m starving.” I patted my belly and then immediately felt ashamed. Ever since I started treatment for my illness, I could not get rid of my belly. I missed my flat stomach, even if it was an indication my thyroid was trying to kill me.

“Of course you are.”

Again, I could not tell if she was cross with me because I reminded her of Peter, or if she was just in a bad mood. I examined her face‌—‌not a trace of malice. In fact, she seemed somewhat concerned, which confused me.

The hostess seated us in a secluded corner in the back of the restaurant. Of all the first dates I’d had at Coopersmith’s, I’d never had such a romantic set-up. It was even snowing outside. A candle flickered on the table, and the lights were dimmed. Why did I get
that
set-up on
that
night? It was like the hook-up gods were reveling in the fact that I could never have her. Or could I?

Neither of us looked at the menu, both ordering our usual favorites. The only difference was that Maddie ordered a bottle of wine instead of a glass.

When the waitress left, I asked, “Does the bottle of wine mean you’ll be sleeping on my couch?”

“What? Do you mean you wouldn’t let me sleep in your bed?” she said, and I thought her voice even sounded sultry.

It took everything I had not to blush like a beet. “Of course you can sleep in my bed. I’m sure you and Sarah will be quite cozy.”

“I have no doubt.” Maddie laughed. “She seems like a cuddler. But sorry to disappoint, I’m checked into a hotel around the corner.”

“Oh … that’s nice. Do you get to write it off as a business expense?”

“I could, but Peter is paying for this place. He’s hardly ever home, so why should I be.” She looked out the window and then she straightened up in her chair and set the wineglass down. “Besides, I have an appointment in town first thing in the morning.”

“With the people you met with today?”

“Nope. I’m meeting a potential client.”

“Another one in Fort Collins? That’s great.” I was so excited for her that I wanted to order champagne, and I didn’t even like the crap.

Our meals arrived. I picked up my fork and wiped it with my napkin before plunging it into my mashed potatoes. I had a feeling she wanted to talk about Peter, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject. It wasn’t like there was a
Dummies Guide to Stealing Your Brother’s Fiancée
. Not knowing what to do, I started to shovel bangers and mash into my mouth.

Maddie looked at me with an odd expression as she sipped her wine and picked at her food.

I was having a horrible time reading her mind.

Then she finally looked right at me. “Can I ask you a question?”

I gave her my most confident smile and said, “Of course.” Inside, I was bracing for the worst.

“How come you still haven’t told your family about your illness?”

It was not the question I had been expecting. I started to laugh, which felt like the wrong response. “Um … well, at first, when I found out, the thought never occurred to me. After I had time to let it sink in, I didn’t want to bother with it.”

“You didn’t want to bother with it … what in the fuck does that mean?” It was clear the wine was going straight to her head.

“Ah … I’m not sure what I meant. I didn’t feel like telling them. I knew it wouldn’t change a thing.” I paused and then said, “I was already dealing with the illness. I didn’t want to deal with them not caring.”

She nodded and gazed out the window. The snow was really coming down now. Most of the other customers were packing up and heading home.

“It really bothers you that I haven’t told them. That’s the second time you’ve asked me. Do you want me to tell them?”

She smiled at me. “Oh no. Unless you want to. I’m just baffled by your family, Lizzie. I’m so close with my parents and aunts and uncles, and you guys are all strangers.” She laughed. “Then there are all of those secrets all of you keep.”

I smiled at her. I wondered what secrets Peter kept. I knew hers.

She started to speak, but then stopped abruptly. A strange expression crossed her face. “Would you ever cheat on Sarah?”

I froze. My hand hung in the air, my fork overloaded with mashed potato, which dripped onto the table. Flustered, I set the fork down.

“Ah … I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting
that
question.” Why did I say that?

She reddened. “Oh, of course … I wasn’t insinuating you were … I know you love Sarah.”

Fuck!

There was my opportunity, and I blew it.
I fucking blew it!

Someone opened the front door and a frigid breeze blew out the candle on our table.

“Y-yeah, of course I love Sarah,” I stuttered.

Shut up, Lizzie. Shut up!
I felt my face turn crimson, and I wanted to throw ice water on my face to temper the burn. I had never felt so awkward and utterly ridiculous. Foolishly, I asked, “Do you want any dessert?”

Maddie’s face brightened. “You know, Lizzie, I just might. Screw looking good for Peter.” She perked up in her chair and seemed content once again, and then she changed the subject to a concert she was planning on seeing over the weekend. I appreciated the diversion. While she prattled on, I took off my blazer, unbuttoned my shirtsleeves, and rolled them up.

When we left the restaurant, I didn’t bother putting my jacket on. I was impervious to the cold.

Chapter Eighteen

All of the pressure from my dissertation, buying a home, and my brother’s wedding was starting to get to me. I had been in a horrible mood for days.

“It’s not so easy you know!” I laid into Ethan when he asked me if I had told Sarah I didn’t want to buy a house.

“Really? Then why have you been riding my ass for years?” Ethan looked frustrated as hell.

I turned away, rubbing my eyes.

He continued. “We have a mortgage, financial accounts, cars, loans, the cat … ” Ethan counted their commitments on his fingers before trailing off.

“And I fart in my sleep.”

His hand dropped swiftly from the air and into his lap, like a bird shot out of the sky. “What?”

“What?” I shook my head. Had I said that aloud?

“You just said that you fart in your sleep.”

“Oh yeah, that.” It had just popped out. I never meant to say it.

“You fart in your sleep?”

“I guess so. I’m asleep. But Sarah told me I do.”

“That’s why you’re staying with Sarah, because you fart in your sleep?”

“She loves me. How could I stay the night with someone else? I wouldn’t be able to sleep for fear of farting. And you know I already have problems sleeping.”

“Are you fucking serious?” He slammed his cup down on the table.

“What are you so angry about?”

“You want to ruin this girl’s life because you fart in your sleep?”

“What do you mean ruin her life?” I raised an eyebrow.

“You can’t stay with someone you don’t love for such a stupid reason.”

“Why do you stay with your wife? Because you are too lazy to figure out the financial issues or to decide who gets the cat?”

“Because we’ve been best friends since elementary school. We respect each other, which is the basis for a good relationship.”

“I respect her.”

“Really … ? Then why don’t you start acting like it?” he hissed.

I wanted to get up and leave, but I had already acted like a child earlier. Besides, two of my students were in the back of the coffee shop. Our conversation was already heated. I didn’t want to draw even more unwanted attention.

We both sat silently, sipping our drinks.

After several minutes, I broke the silence. “So tell me really, why do you and your wife stay together?”

“Because we love to hate each other … I don’t know how to explain it, Lizzie. We are used to each other, and we respect each other. We both love to fight. But in the end, we still respect each other. Are you even friends with Sarah?”

“But what about the sex part?” I asked, avoiding his question.

“We’ve worked that part out.” He looked uncomfortable in his own skin.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to go into particulars, since it really isn’t your business.” He flashed his southern-boy smile. “But we both know I don’t like sex. We’ve come to some agreement.”

“Are you all right with the deal?”

“It’s not the most ideal situation, but we are both living with it. That’s where you are wrong. Sarah deserves to have some say in the decisions made about your relationship. Stop keeping her in the dark. She’s not a mushroom.”

“What?” I crinkled my face.

“A mushroom. You keep it in the dark and feed it shit. Stop treating her like that.”

I sighed. “She’s going to hate me.” And I didn’t want to hurt her. She was the last person I wanted to disappoint.

“Yes. She’ll hate you at first. But, over time, she will appreciate your honesty. If you keep stringing her along, she’ll resent you even more. That won’t be good. She’ll be mean to you, but most importantly, it will tear her up inside. Resentful women are not happy people, and once they reach a certain stage, they never get over the bitterness. Don’t be the cause of that.”

“I’m not good at this honesty thing.”

“No shit? Really?” He chuckled and shook his head. “No one is, Lizzie. But it’s part of being an adult. It’s time to grow up.”

The next day, there was a package in my mailbox at work. I didn’t see a return address. Undeterred, I took it to my office and opened it.

Inside, I found a plaster statue of a mouse under a large mushroom. I looked in the box for a note, but there wasn’t one. None was needed.

I set the mushroom on my desk and stared at it for several minutes.

* * *

A few days after my dinner with Maddie, guilt was still eating at me. I had been avoiding Sarah and working late almost every night, including nights I didn’t have to be on campus. By Thursday, I sat in my office wondering what to do. I decided to shut down my computer at a decent time and head home before Sarah was due to arrive at the apartment. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been there to greet her after her long workday.

On the way home, I stopped at a florist and picked up a beautiful bouquet. I didn’t feel like going out to dinner, so I decided to order food from her favorite Chinese restaurant. Fortunately, it arrived before Sarah.

I busied myself with setting the table, getting the drinks ready, lighting candles, and putting the flowers in a vase‌—‌things to make me feel better about myself. If Haley were trying to steal her away, well I wasn’t going to let that happen. I would not lose to Haley.

Sarah entered the apartment as I entertained the last thought.

“Hello?” she called out, obviously surprised to find anyone home.

“In the kitchen,” I shouted back. I poured a glass of wine and handed it to her as she walked in.

“Oh, my God.” She looked at all of the food and then over at the table. “You got me flowers … you even lit the candles.” She looked flabbergasted.

At first, I smiled. Then I saw Haley standing right behind her. Goddammit. I tried not to flinch. Casually, I grabbed another wineglass and poured some for Haley.

“Someone’s feeling pretty guilty.”

“Shut up, Haley! Lizzie … ” Sarah’s voice trailed off and her eyes glistened. “This is perfect,” she continued. “Haley and I were just talking about ordering in.”

“Good thing I ordered enough for an army.” I smiled my best fake smile and indicated all of the food.

Sarah looked radiant as the two of us carried the takeout to the table.

Haley couldn’t contain herself. “So, what is it? An anniversary or something?”

I took a deep breath. “No, I just thought it would be nice to have a quiet dinner with my girlfriend. I’ve been working too much, and I’ve missed our time together.”

Haley either didn’t take the hint or chose to ignore it completely. She sat down and began heaping fried rice onto her plate.

Sarah grabbed some silverware while I took a seat across from Haley. I knew I should have gone for the silverware, but I was seething over Haley’s behavior. She was quickly ruining my happy feeling.

The three of us ate in silence for a few minutes. Sarah and I ate with chopsticks, while Haley-the-Barbarian used a knife and fork.

“Where did you get the food from? It’s really good.” Haley broke the ice, mumbling through her mouthful of sesame chicken.

I directed my answer to my girlfriend. “I ordered from that cute little place you introduced me to,” I told Sarah. “You mentioned it was your favorite Chinese place.”

She smiled.
It really doesn’t take much effort to impress her
, I thought to myself.
So why don’t I do it more often?
I made a mental note to pick up a card to send to her at work. After all, I couldn’t mail it to her home, since she was never there. And I didn’t want to mail it here. No, definitely not here. That would have given her the wrong idea.