A Woman's Heart (9 page)

"No, she wasn't. She was very definite."

"What explanation did she give?"

Jann hesitated. To repeat Claire's words seemed impossible somehow.

"Claire said no one really cared," she began reluctantly. "She said all her aunt and uncle were concerned about was money and power. She'd been living with them since she was ten..." Jann looked away from Peter again, tried to soften her words. "...since your parents died."

"I know where she'd been living."

"Then you should have known how unhappy she was."

Jann was right, Peter thought guiltily. He should have known.

"She had everything she needed," he went on slowly, thinking back to the list that had been recited to him, "a home, friends, and family." But he had been Claire's closest family. He should have been there when she needed him the most.

"She had a house," Jann countered. "That was all. There was no warmth there. Her so-called family didn't bother with her other than to see that she was fed and clothed. They simply wanted her to do what she was told and not make a fuss."

Peter closed his eyes, wishing he could as easily shut out Jann's barrage of words. His father had often told them they were never to make a fuss. Which was why when their mother neglected them, he had never spoken up. Perhaps if he had...

"Your aunt and uncle didn't care if she was happy," Jann went on hotly, "or make any effort to see that she was. They even dismissed her nanny. Said she was too old to be clinging to what was over."

"She was too old," Peter said dully. Although he'd tried to protect his sister from the worst of their mother's excesses, they'd both been thrust into maturity before their time. "She started boarding school that year."

"Yes, but don't you see? She didn't have anyone."

This woman who seemed able to look straight into his soul was staring into his eyes again as though searching for the truth.

"Not even you," she finished.

"I was there," Peter protested, but he hadn't been able to convince Claire of that. "She could have talked to me."

"She tried." Jann's eyes welled with tears. "She said you didn't care. That's what hurt her the most."

"I did care," Peter said fiercely. "But I was at school too. I came back from England at every break in that first year after our parents died. I told Claire that as soon as I finished at Cambridge, we could be together at Willow House just as she wanted."

"But that never happened! You never came for her."

Fury swept over him again as it had done so long ago. "I did come," he said tightly, "but she wasn't there. My aunt and uncle had already enrolled her in boarding school."

"So you left it at that?"

Jann's face mirrored her feelings, the pain evident in her eyes. And her lips trembled, as though she knew only too well what it was like to have no one.

"They said it was ridiculous to imagine I could take care of her myself," he explained bitterly. "And sitting there in their plush sitting room, with maids trotting to and fro, it did seem ridiculous. What did I know about taking care of a young girl?"

"Besides," he went on, hating the emotion rising in his chest, "they told me she was happy, that she'd just started school and if she were disrupted again, the consequences could be grave." He swallowed hard. "They seemed so certain." As positive about everything as he had been unsure.

Jann stretched her hand towards him, as though she guessed what he was feeling and was somehow sorry. He stiffened and leaned away.

"I didn't have to explain this to you," he said, standing. "It won't matter a damn in a court of law. But I did explain, so you'd know. Maybe now, you'll understand how wrong Claire was and stop this ridiculous clinging to Alexander."

"It's you who doesn't understand," Jann countered sharply, "about both Claire and Alex. Claire didn't trust you before, and I don't trust you now."

"I wrote to Claire from Cambridge, and she wrote back. She didn't say anything in her letters about being unhappy." Though he'd worried at the time she might be keeping her unhappiness hidden.

"She complained about the school food," he went on, trying to smile. "I told her about my business plans, how we could spend more time together once she finished school. But she didn't reply."

"She was probably afraid to get her hopes up."

"What are you afraid of, Jann?" he asked her softly, stunned that he'd asked the question. He couldn't afford to become embroiled in this woman's pains or dreams. If he had to fight her, he must remain aloof.

She straightened her shoulders, as though bracing herself to reply, all the while looking at him as though he were a shark, poised and ready to strike.

"Nothing," she replied, giving her hair a determined toss. "This isn't about me."

"That's exactly what this is about." He willed his heart to harden against her, not melt at her deceptive warmth. "You're like all the others."

"What others?"

"Claire was always spending her trust money on one lame duck or other, said they'd do well if they could only get on their feet." He scowled at Jann, forcing himself to remember those other times he now wanted to forget. "Those so-called friends used my sister."

She looked as though she'd been slapped, and again he stifled the impulse to reach for her and hold her close.

"Claire said you turned Alex's father over to the police," Jann said harshly, as though she didn't care how that made him feel.

"He was a drug dealer," Peter explained, "a user and a pusher. He would have taken everything Claire had; her money, trust and innocence... then he would have destroyed her."

"Claire said
you
did that."

"Alexander's father died before he even got to prison of a drug overdose." He stared hard at Jann, willing her to understand. "Is that what you would have wanted for Claire?"

"No," Jann whispered, and she shivered suddenly, as though Claire's sorrow was around her as much as around him. "But she died anyway, and you weren't there."

He tried not to reel from the blow she had dealt. "I would have been," he said, "if I'd known where she was. All I ever wanted was to keep her safe."

Jann bit her lip, as though uncertain as to what to say next. He tried not to care what she thought, not to say more just to convince her. It couldn't matter what she thought if he was going to get Claire's son.

"Claire didn't want you to come," Jann said at last, "because she didn't want you to find out about Alex."

"What?" Peter said, stunned by Jann's words.

"She said you wouldn't understand."

"Understand what?" That his sister had had a baby and needed all the help and love he could give her.

"That Alex wasn't some project needing funding you'd refused to provide in the past."

"I told you why I couldn't support her in the life that she was choosing!"

"Alex was her flesh and blood," Jann doggedly went on. "He was everything she had."

"And now you have him." Something he couldn't allow to continue. Jann seemed to care for his sister's baby, but she was a woman much like his mother. She lived an alternative lifestyle that would eventually leave no room for a child, no matter how much she declared she loved him.

"You saw your chance," he went on, "to get what Claire had." He pressed his lips together. "What did you say to convince her to give you her baby and her money?"

The minute he said the words, he wished he hadn't spoken. If he'd blown her up with air and stuck her with a pin, the effect would have been the same. She seemed to fight for breath as though the air around her had vanished.

"Claire did what she felt she had to do," she finally gasped out. "What you pushed her to do! I didn't even know she wanted me to have custody of Alex until the lawyer had been to the hospital and drawn up the papers. Claire begged me to agree." Jann jutted her chin forward. "She asked me to promise. And I did."

"Promises can be broken." As his mother's promises had been. His father's had too, only in a different way, with a different kind of hurt.

"Claire knew I always keep my promises." Jann passed her tongue over her lips. "And I intend to keep this one."

Chapter 6

Jann groaned as the towering pile of freshly folded baby clothes tipped and re-joined the mound on the floor. She picked up a tiny undershirt and smoothed it over her knee. Usually, she enjoyed folding Alex's things, found it soothing to inhale the delicate aroma of baby soap clinging to his clothes, but after everything she and Peter had said to each other the night before, she was in no mood to be soothed.

Perhaps he would be late this morning.

Perhaps he wouldn't come back at all. Jann sighed. There was little chance of that.

She dreaded seeing him as much as she dreaded the effect he had on her. How could she engage in this struggle for custody of Alex when every time Peter came near, her pulse revved up like the wind in a tropical storm?

"Here's the little lamb," Ruby cooed, emerging from the narrow passageway leading to Alex's cabin with the baby settled on her hip. "He's all changed and ready for action."

"I'll take him," Jann said, with a grateful smile at Ruby. She nudged the collapsed pile of clothes away with her foot and held out her arms.

"His cheeks are awfully red," she said, settling Alex onto her lap. She glanced swiftly at Ruby. "Do you think he has a fever?"

Her friend placed the palm of her hand on Alex's forehead. "Cool," she pronounced.

"Thank goodness you're a nurse," Jann said, sighing with relief. "I don't know what I'd do without you and John."

"You'd do just fine," Ruby said, chuckling. "It's us who would be miserable without you and this wee fellow. I knew when I retired I would miss my work, but meeting the two of you has helped more than you know." She gave Jann's shoulder a warm squeeze.

"That's not to say, though," Ruby added, "that I think you're right, bringing up this little one the way you are."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't get out enough, honey. You spend all your time working or taking care of Alex. It isn't healthy." Ruby's eyes looked worried. "Not for you or the baby."

"It's what I like best." Jann gently stroked Alex's cheek. He flung out one chubby fist in an attempt to capture her hand. "Besides, what you said isn't true. I see you and John, and... and..." Fruitlessly, she searched for the names of other friends she'd seen lately. "Mitch!" she exclaimed finally, casting a triumphant look in Ruby's direction.

"Mitch!" Ruby snorted. "You haven't seen him socially in a dog's age."

"Well if that's so, now's not the time to start. I'm not going out anywhere until Peter Strickland goes back where he belongs."

"Now there's a man to consider." A sly gleam appeared in Ruby's eyes. "He's tall, handsome and smart. You could do worse."

"He doesn't like me, and I don't like him." Heat scorched Jann's cheeks. She buried her face in Alex's chest so Ruby wouldn't see the damning color.

"You don't know him well enough to dislike him," Ruby protested.

"Claire knew him well enough and you know how she felt."

"Maybe Claire was wrong. When a person's young..."

"He wanted to control her."

"He seems the sort of man who'd just want his sister to be safe."

"He has you fooled!"

"Have you asked him about it?"

"Last night." Jann shuddered. "It's a long story."

"One that's got you rattled." Ruby looked at her shrewdly. "Maybe what he had to say made more sense than you want to admit?"

"No! I—"

"Maybe Jann didn't like what she heard."

The sound of Peter's voice seemed to come out of nowhere, as did the sharp lurch to her heart. Glancing toward the companionway, Jann saw he was already halfway down the stairs.

Ruby was right, she decided, standing, her arms tightening protectively around her baby. Peter's story had thrown her, and she couldn't afford to be thrown if she meant to keep Alex.