Absolute Beginners (Absolute #1) (27 page)

“I missed you,” I moaned before kissing her jaw. “God, I missed you so much, Julia!”

She didn’t say anything, but I knew that she wanted this as much as I did. She was moving her hips with mine, and whimpered when I sucked on the soft skin on the side of her neck.

“Stephen,” she whispered. I finally lifted my head to look at her.

“Please say that you forgive me,” I panted. “Please, Julia.”

“I forgive you,” she whispered.

Thank you, God
.

I kissed her again but this time it was slower, softer, and I released her hands, which she tangled in my hair. I wrapped one arm underneath her and held the back of her head with my other hand so she could lie more comfortably, and held her tightly while our kiss continued. I was in heaven. She was perfect in my arms, despite the fact that we were on the hood of my car in the middle of a parking lot. I never wanted this feeling to end.

I love her
.

Through my love- and lust-filled haze I heard voices close by and reluctantly pulled my mouth away from hers.

“Someone’s coming,” I whispered.

“If we’d had a few more minutes it might have been us.”

I dropped my head and chuckled against her skin before helping her off the hood of the car. We drove in silence just listening to the radio and I wished that some of my bravery from the parking lot had lingered so I would have the courage to reach over and hold her hand. I pulled up at her apartment, unsure of what I should say or do. Would she invite me upstairs? Would she kiss me good night and send me on my way? Would she simply thank me for the ride and leave without a second glance in my direction? She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over to give me a quick kiss.

“Thank you for taking me home,” she whispered, turning to open the door.

I can’t let her go like this
.

“Julia,” I said, holding her hand gently.

“I’m tired,” she said with a sigh, looking back at me. “I’m sorry. I can’t invite you up. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

I could see that she was telling the truth. When I looked closely I could see the dark circles under her eyes, although she had attempted to cover them with makeup. I traced them lightly with my fingertip.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured.

“Thank you. It’s just…I have a lot on my mind.”

I wanted to tell her that we could just sleep if she invited me up. I didn’t even care about sex right now. I would gladly hold her in my arms and stroke her hair all night while she slept, but offering to do that might be too much for her. It was definitely the sort of thing that a boyfriend would do for a girlfriend, and something told me Julia wasn’t ready for that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I offered, but as I had expected, she simply shook her head and gave me a watery smile.

“Will I see you again?” I managed to get out.

“You’ll see me in class on Tuesday.”

“Outside of class,” I pressed. “I want to…”

Take away the pain I see in your eyes, kiss you, hug you, talk and laugh with you, make love to you, cook for you. I want to watch you sleep and brush your hair and feed you strawberries. I want all of it, Julia
.

“…I want to keep seeing you privately,” I said, cowardly hiding my true feelings but also acting out of self-preservation. Julia would run in the opposite direction if she knew, and that would not bode well for me.

“Maybe we can talk after class?” she suggested.

“You’re not saying no, then?”

She shook her head. “I…I have a lot going on,” she said quietly. “But we can talk more on Tuesday, OK?”

I nodded. She hadn’t agreed to restart our arrangement, but she wasn’t rejecting the idea either. When she leaned over and kissed me again, I cupped her face in my hands.

“Good night,” I whispered against her lips before she pulled away.

“Good night, Stephen,” she said softly as she exited the car.

Upon reaching her door, she turned and smiled at me before going inside. It made my stomach feel fluttery. I watched as the lights in her apartment went on and I knew that she was safely inside.

“Sweet dreams,” I whispered.

I knew that all my dreams, asleep and awake, revolved around her now, and I also knew that this was not going to change. The realization was both terrifying and exciting, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I could never go back to safe and predictable again after having met Julia. Matt was right. She had resuscitated me, made me feel alive, and, most important, made me experience what it was like to be in love. Now I only hoped that I might be able to do the same for her.

The snippet of “Sexual Healing” woke me the following morning.

Not now!

I had been having the most wonderful dream about Julia. We were outside in a field or a meadow somewhere making love. Not sleeping together, having sex, or any of the other terms. No, we were making love, and it was beautiful. I had told her how much I loved her and she had touched my face and smiled before saying that she loved me too.

My phone rang again and I stumbled out of bed and into the living room to answer it. Why I never learned to put it on my nightstand before bed was beyond me.

“Hey, bro,” Matt said cheerfully when I picked it up. “Come meet me and Shawn for brunch.” My stomach rumbled the second he mentioned food.

“The usual place?”

“Yup. You can bring Julia if you want,” he offered.

I could feel my lips turn into a pout at the reminder that Julia and I hadn’t spent the night together.

“She’s not here,” I said simply, not wanting to get into it over the phone.

“Oh,” my brother said. “I’m sorry, Stephen.”

“Thanks. When should we meet?”

“Is half an hour enough to get ready?”

“That’s fine. See you then.” I launched myself back into bed and buried my face in my pillow.

I wish she was here
.

I let my mind drift back to the kisses that we had shared on the hood of my car last night. The first one had been so wild and unrestrained. Well, Julia was pretty much restrained by my hands, but that was another matter entirely. I loved her passion and lust when she moaned and rubbed herself against me. Although the next kiss had been different, it was just as good, if not even better. It had been soft and tender but still passionate, and I had embraced her through the whole thing. Even though Julia hadn’t agreed to start seeing me again I still saw last night’s outing as successful. She had forgiven me, kissed me, and made plans to talk to me again on Tuesday after class.

I showered quickly, dressed, and headed downtown to the café where Matt and I always met for lunch. He and Shawn were seated at a table outside when I arrived and I was surprised to see them alone. I had thought that maybe Sophia and Megan would be with them, since I suspected that they had spent the night with them after leaving the club. That was certainly my brother’s MO, and the way that Sophia and Shawn had been all over each other made me sure that they would go home together. Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean they would also spend the morning together, as I had learned from my visits to Julia’s apartment. I always left before morning.

“What happened last night?” Shawn all but yelled the second I was within hearing range. “Matt said that you left with Julia.”

“You didn’t notice?” I asked dryly, although I couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I, uh, I guess I got a little distracted,” Shawn said, grinning.

“I’ll say!” Matt boomed and grabbed his shoulder. “You should have seen him and the tiny chick, Stephen. I thought they were gonna to fuck on the bar!”

“Her name is Sophia,” Shawn said sternly. “And she’s not just a chick. She’s…amazing.”

“What about you and Megan?” I asked. “You seemed to be getting along.”

“They went home together,” Shawn revealed.

Typical
.

“It wasn’t like that,” Matt muttered. “She didn’t want to stay at her place while Shawn and Sophia were getting it on.”

“Sure it wasn’t,” Shawn said. “I bet you were a perfect gentleman.” My brother looked down, shifting in his seat.

“What happened?” I asked him.

“I, uh, I’d rather not talk about it.”

OK, that’s definitely a first! He usually loves to brag about his conquests. Unless…there was no conquest?

“So you two didn’t…” I trailed off.

“We just…cuddled,” he mumbled.

“What?” I spluttered. “You…
cuddled
?” I never thought that I would hear those words coming out of my brother’s mouth.

“It was nice,” he said defensively.

Shawn was staring at Matt with his mouth hanging open. “Wow,” he finally said, shaking his head. “Matt’s a cuddler. Who would’ve guessed? Anyway, what happened with you and Julia?”

He looked expectantly at me but before I could answer the waiter appeared. We placed our orders and the second he was gone again Shawn repeated his question.

“I just drove her home.”

“That’s all?” my brother asked, looking very disappointed. “We went through all that with the clothes and the spa, and nothing happened?”

“Well, we kissed,” I admitted.

“Ooh, that’s good, right?” Shawn asked. I nodded.

“When I told her that I wanted to see her again she said that we should talk after class on Tuesday.”

Matt winced as if he were in pain.

“She wants to talk? Sorry, buddy.”

“What’s so bad about that?” I asked. I’d thought that it was great that Julia and I were talking and not just engaging in sexual activities.

“It’s never really a good thing when a woman tells you that she wants to talk. It’s almost always about something bad.”

That can’t be right. Can it?

“But she didn’t say no, either,” I protested. “And she kissed me. How can it be bad that she wants to talk to me?”

“What did she say, exactly?” Shawn asked. I thought for a few seconds before answering.

“She said that she has a lot going on and she hasn’t been sleeping well. She looked really tired…and kind of sad. Well, really sad, actually.”

I remembered the dark circles that makeup couldn’t conceal completely and the look in her eyes. She was going through something, and I had no idea what it was. Talking would be a good thing if it meant getting to know her better so that I might be able to help her with whatever was troubling her. It made my chest hurt to think of her in pain. Rubbing my hand over my heart, I sighed.

“What do you think is wrong?” Matt asked gently, and I was surprised to see concern in his eyes.

“I don’t have a clue,” I admitted. “I hardly know her, but I want to know more. That’s why I have to believe that talking on Tuesday will be a good thing.” I paused for a moment. “I…I want her to love me.”

Shawn gave me a sympathetic smile.

“Um, how do I make that happen?” I asked, looking at the two of them.

“Stephen, you can’t
make
her fall in love with you,” Shawn said. “These things just happen.”

Damn it. Not the answer I was hoping for
.

“That’s bull,” my brother piped up. “You can totally get her to fall for you!”

“Really? How?”

“Easy.” Matt grinned. “You just need to have lots and lots of sex with her.”

Oh, I like that plan. My brother is a genius! Wait, what am I saying? Matt? A genius? I think not
.

My brother was nodding knowingly, looking pleased with himself. Shawn, on the other hand, looked puzzled.

“What do you mean?” I asked, scratching my neck. “How would that make her love me?”

“There’s like this hormone that gets released when you’re fucking,” he said matter-of-factly. “It makes you fall in love.”

“Pardon me?” I asked. “A love hormone? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Exactly!” he said, tapping his nose. “It’s supposed to keep the woman from cheating and urge the man to provide for the offspring.”

“Where did you hear that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “TV?”

The only things Matt reads are liquor labels and articles in
Playboy.

“Uh-huh,” he confirmed. “The Discovery Channel.”

“And you actually believe that?” I asked.

“Why do you think I only fuck a woman a few times before moving on?” he asked.

“Because you’re a big ol’ manwhore,” Shawn said dryly. I couldn’t stop myself from snickering.

“I am not. I’m just making sure that I don’t get any clingy, lovesick women on my hands.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Shawn chuckled, turning his attention to me. “Love isn’t all about hormones, Stephen. It’s about soul mates and destiny. You meet the right person and you just know it. Like it was always meant to be. Your perfect counterpart who was designed specifically for you.”

He stared dreamily into space while Matt rolled his eyes. I looked at my two companions and wondered how on earth they were friends when they were so fundamentally different. I didn’t believe Matt’s theory completely, though it did make a lot of sense from a biological standpoint. But I couldn’t believe that love was just hormones. There had to be more than that to it.

But Shawn’s take on things was a little too naïve and rosy for my logical mind and I couldn’t quite get behind that theory, either. I hadn’t loved Julia the first time I saw her. I had found her to be highly annoying and disruptive, and only after getting to know her better, biblically and otherwise, had I realized that I loved her.

It looked like I was on my own with this one. I just had to follow my own instincts and do what I believed was best.

“I’m sending her some flowers,” I announced. “I want her to be happy and let her know that I’m thinking of her. Girls like flowers, right?” Both of them nodded and I breathed out in relief. Maybe I really could figure this out.

“You should get her red roses,” Matt said. “You can’t go wrong with a classic.”

“No,” Shawn objected. “You should find out what her zodiac sign is and give her the flowers that match hers.”

My head was spinning. Once again my friends were in disagreement.

Just follow your instincts
.

“No,” I said. “I’ll send her something that I think she will like. Something that reminds me of her.”