Absolute Surrender (49 page)

Hugh drank, then placed the cup on a side table before his tension broke it. It was desperately delicate, and when Lady Trumbull had handed it to him, the pride had shown through her eyes. He was terrified of breaking that cup. To see her disappointment when she returned to shards of china would have certainly shattered his already ruffled composure. He leaned forward on his knees, and his head fell forward into his hands. He knew he was lost.

“Do you love her?” Perry asked.

“Ye—I…it
’
s so much more complicated than that,” Hugh said.

“What
’
s your plan?” Perry asked simply.

“Plan?” Hugh looked up at him. “What plan? I
’
ve effectively declared war with the Duke of Castleberry. I may as well have done so with your brother, for all the power that man wields. If I thought I
’
d be ruined by being with them…I expect to be dead within a fortnight. I have no need of plans,” Hugh said as Perry studied him. Perry was so disarming, just his gaze felt like a fillet knife peeling back layers of his skin.

“Well, if you
’
re resigned to such a fate, so be it. But I believe Amelia expects quite a bit more of you,” Perry said quietly.

Perry stared at him, waiting for his reaction and response, and Hugh knew he was being tested. Hugh was exhausted. What was it with all these peers pushing his buttons to see how he would dance? It was a constant test of his dedication, courage.

Courage
.

Well, he was a coward, so there was no courage here. Hugh turned away. “I should not have come here. I—”

“Ah, I see,” Perry said.

“What?” Hugh said a bit too loud and much too short. “What is it you see?”

“Well, that you merely came here to wallow. You didn
’
t, in fact, come here for aid or solutions. But, Hugh, you should know by now if you
’
re simply looking to wallow you needn
’
t take up my time. You merely needed to pay someone to pretend to listen to you. A whore, for example, or a bartender. Unfortunately, you found me, and as I was actually
listening
to you, I now require something from you in return,” Perry said easily.

Hugh shook his head. Perry was correct, but was it possible? Did Hugh think there was a way to repair what he
’
d done? No…not possible. He’d broken with Amelia in the worst possible way, and not just that, but he
’
d effectively broken with Charles as well. In fact, at this moment, Hugh believed what he
’
d done to Charles to be much more grievous than anything he
’
d done to Amelia. Hugh said, “I…
I don’
t…I can
’t…I just can’
t begin to fathom…”

“Exactly,
you
can
’
t, which is what brought you here,” Perry said. “The fact is, when you
’
re in the middle of the tempest, you can
’
t easily see the cause, or the solution.”

“Do you…do you have difficulty with the
ton
?” Hugh asked, nearly
sotto voce.
He knew he didn
’
t need to explain himself. Perry had married a milkmaid from Kelso. A viscount from one of the oldest and most esteemed families in the United Kingdom had married a milkmaid.

Perry shook his head. “The problem, as I see it, is you
’
re actually concerned with what the
ton
thinks. That
’
s something you need to rectify immediately. Once they discover you
’
ve little care for what they think…well, they
’
ll move on to someone who does care. It makes the entire situation much more entertaining when the victim cares.

“I would think you
’
d learned to play this game already. I brook no arguments. I give no quarter. We
’
ve an understanding, the matrons of the
ton
and I: They leave my family alone, and we leave them well enough alone. Nobody needs an enemy in the Duke of Roxleigh, to be sure. As for the gentlemen…well, not a single one of them need Roxleigh as an enemy in the House. That makes it all very simple.”

“You make it all sound so easy when we will be labeled as sodomites!” Hugh yelled.

“Are you? Sodomites, I mean. I
’
d assumed that it was only Amelia that you—”

“Yes, it is. Jackson and I do not…we don
’
t even care for each other. So you see it isn
’
t that simple.”

“Isn
’
t it?” Perry asked. “I much prefer simple to complicated. You seem to enjoy making everything much
more
complicated than it need be.” Perry held up a hand and ticked off his fingers. “Protect the women, stand for something, work. What more do you need in life? Amelia was given to you to protect. What are you doing at the moment to ensure that protection?” Perry asked.

“
I have given her over to Castleberry,
” Hugh replied.

“Not good enough. That protection was given you by her father.
Her father
! Did he give you leave to pass it off on another man? Did Amelia?” Perry asked.

“No…but he made it clear when he accepted Castleberry
’
s suit that—”

“I see…No, I don
’
t.
Do you love her?
” Perry enunciated each word as he leaned toward Hugh.

“Yes.” It was so unquestioned in Hugh
’
s mind that the answer was nearly a knee-jerk reaction.

“For fuck
’
s sake! Getting you to admit that was as difficult as getting my brother to realize the same. If you love her, then what the bloody hell are you waiting for?”

“
I don’
t know. I thought—”

“You
’
re thinking too damned much, Hugh. If you love her, nothing else matters.”

Hugh watched Perry for a moment as he let the words sink in, then his head fell to his hands. “What am I doing? What have I done?” He looked up to his friend. “Thank you.”

Perry flicked his fingers as if to send him on his way, and Hugh couldn
’
t help but grin. “Thank you,” he repeated, then turned and left.

Charles threw his hat and coat toward his butler as he stormed through the grand entrance of his town home. “Bloody fucking hell!” He
’
d been in London for only a few days, and he
’
d already had enough of society. And Hugh—
goddamned bastard—
where the hell was he?

“
Your Grace.
”

Hugh was never home when Charles went to his town house. At least, that
’
s what he
’
d been told. He certainly hadn
’
t forced his way into the man
’
s home. He
’
d promised Amelia.

“
Your Grace.
”

Charles never should have made that promise. Tracking down Hugh had been impossible. He supposed a rat that wanted to hide was about as difficult to find as…as…well, a rat that wanted to hide.

“
Your Grace.
”

Charles stormed through the entry toward his study, his mind flaring on Hugh. Charles missed Amelia with a soul-deep, gut-wrenching power. Yes, he
’
d seen her, but it hadn
’
t been her. She
’
d changed. She was different. He wanted to return to the Keep. Charles didn
’
t want to be here chasing down a man who had no wish to be found, but Charles needed him. Amelia needed him. This was a right damned turn. Charles wanted to break things.

He threw open the door of his study, but the crash wasn
’
t satisfying enough. He turned to grab the door and slam it against the wall a second time, but stopped when he considered that even should the wood splinter and crack, he wouldn
’
t find enough satisfaction in it.

“
Your Grace!
”

Charles finally realized his butler had been attempting to get his attention this whole time. He stopped in the doorway, disbelief washing over him.

“Your Grace, you have a guest,” the butler said quietly, a bit out of breath from chasing him through the entry.

But Charles was busy assessing the scene before him. The guest stood and turned. Charles took two steps toward him.

“That will be all,” Charles said to the butler.

Charles waited to hear his butler
’
s footsteps recede, then he took the door he
’
d failed to damage and swung it shut as hard as he could, his eyes never leaving the man before him.

“Hugh.”

“My lady, are you sure
’
tis all right if I leave?” Louisa asked quietly. She was concerned with leaving Amelia alone, considering the way she was behaving lately. Amelia seemed so very lost.

“Go, Louisa. I
’
m simply packing things, so you go see your beau. I
’
ll be fine here, working on this.”

Louisa ruffled a bit at the mention of her beau. She wasn
’
t truly sure how Amelia would react when she discovered the truth of it, but she knew the deception to be necessary at the moment. This secret of hers could be her lady
’
s salvation. As well, it could be Louisa’s swift end—quite literally. It terrified Louisa, but she had to take this chance for Amelia after all she had done for Louisa.

Amelia seemed happy to stay at the town house, collecting her things and readying them for their own journey to her new London residence, and Louisa was glad they were here in London so she could track down Endsleigh. She had to figure out what he was doing. He had to know that Amelia was not well, and Louisa knew he couldn
’
t abandon Amelia, though
by all indications that
’
s exactly what he
’
d done.

Louisa considered going to Castleberry as well, but they weren
’
t familiar enough, as she was a lowly servant. She simply could find no situation in which that would be considered acceptable. She stopped as suddenly as the thought had occurred to her, almost tripping over the sway of her own skirts. There was one situation in which a lowly servant could pay a visit to a duke. Now she needed only to determine whether to see Ender first or go straight to the source.

This was a right bosh of a mess. The fault lay squarely on Ender
’
s shoulders for it as well, from how it sounded. Ender must be so desperately hurt, but the only way to fix this…well, she wasn
’t sure
any
of her efforts could fix this if the duke was set to destroy Ender, and that
’
s exactly what she figured he was planning to do, no matter what Amelia said.

What a mess.
Louisa straightened her back, determined to do what she must. She stopped again. She was leaving the house under the pretense of visiting her beloved and wouldn
’
t her acquiescence be required for this idea to work? Perhaps she should go there first. But Louisa could never go there. That would have been entirely too dangerous for both of them.

Louisa
’
s head spun. So many factors. She
’
d no idea where to start. Louisa drew a deep breath and headed outside and down the walk. Since one of the destinations was walking distance from where she was, she decided to let fate have it, and that
’
s where she headed.

When the door to the study slammed open, it sounded as though a freight train had crashed into the room—and perhaps it had. Hugh could very nearly see steam rising from Charles’s head, the anger roiling from him like a tangible force, so palpable the very air grew heavy around him, weighted his shoulders, attempted to push Hugh to his knees.

Amelia is not here to protect you,
he thought.

Hugh fought his own body
’
s response to kneel, though he did want to fall to his knees now. He wanted to beg, he wanted to plead, he wanted to explain, but Hugh knew that whatever happened next was entirely up to the angry duke who stood at the entry and stared at him as though he
’
d just found the one thing he
’
d been looking for…only to ensure that
thing
would never be heard from again.

“You.” Charles’s voice was deep, rough, broken, and quite honestly the most terrifying thing Hugh had ever heard. Hugh wasn
’
t entirely sure what Charles had said, be it his name or the simple word, but Hugh could not respond, frozen in place as he was.

The door slammed shut behind Charles, and the sound was twice that of when he
’
d slammed it open. Hugh realized then, as his brain caught up with the last few moments, that Charles hadn
’
t known Hugh was in here until after he
’
d entered. So he
’
d been angry before he’d arrived—and wasn
’
t that the damned luckiest timing ever?

Charles stalked toward him, and Hugh straightened, as you did when a predator approached, in an attempt to make yourself seem bigger than you were, prepare for battle, puff up your wings, attempt bravery in countenance if not mind.

Don
’
t move, don
’
t move,
he told his feet.
Stand your ground.

Hugh wasn
’
t sure whether he dared speak, then Charles stopped, just out of range of touch, but not out of range should he lunge at Hugh to, say, rip his throat out.

Hugh finally found his voice. “
Charles, I
—”

“I
’
ve never given you leave to call me that.”

“
Your Grace
…”
Is that my voice?
Hugh cleared his throat.

“We were more
familiar
than that, now, weren
’
t we?” Charles said with a sickening smile. The words stalked from him as he
’
d stalked Hugh moments ago.

God help me, I don
’
t know where to go from here,
Hugh thought.

“Jackson, I beg you—”

“Don
’
t beg. It
’
s unbecoming a gentleman, even one of your station.”

Dear God, Charles was good at the cut.
“Please, please let me—”

“I said,
no begging
.”

“I
’
m not—”

“Are you now attempting to make excuses?
I
am not interested in those, either,”
Charles said.

“Jackson.” Hugh cleared his throat again.

“I
’
m waiting,” Charles said so very patiently it chilled Hugh straight through. Charles had waylaid every attempt he
’
d made to grovel, so Hugh wasn
’
t sure where to go from here, but he stood his ground. Somehow, Hugh stood his ground.

Truth, simple truth,
Hugh thought.
Then let the rest come as it may.

He took a strengthening breath. “I was…am frightened.” Seriously, this voice couldn
’
t be his. He sounded weak, inept, lost to his own ears. “I accept everything you
’
ve to give me. I deserve it…and more.”