Accepted Fate (37 page)

"To my house." My eyes go wide. He did not say anything about going to his house. I'm not ready to meet his parents yet.

"Breyson, I don't know. Can we go somewhere else?" I begin twirling my hair nervously as he turns down various roads within the subdivision.

Taking my hand, he kisses the back lightly. "Relax. My parents are on call at the hospital this weekend. I doubt my brothers will be home and my sister always stays at a friend's when my parents work over night on the weekend. Why don't you want to meet my parents?" He now looks worried.

I relax considerably at the information that his parents won't be there. I'm not used to this whole dating thing. It still freaks me out a little. I need baby steps. He has to understand that. I would never push him to meet my parents if he wasn't ready. Shrugging my shoulders, I'm not sure what to say. I don't want him to be offended. "I will at some point. I just need to go one step at a time right now. Meeting your parents is a big deal."

He drops my hand and stares ahead at the road in thought. I feel like he's mad at me, though I don't know why. It's not that I said I would never meet them, just not right now. I don't understand why this is a big deal. "Are you mad at me?"

Pulling into a driveway, he shuts off the engine and exhales. "Come here baby." I make my way over the center console, straddling his lap. Running his fingers through my loose curls, he pulls me down to kiss my forehead, followed by my nose, and then stops on my lips. "I could never be mad at you for wanting to take it slow. Going in no regrets, yeah?"

His voice is so soft spoken. If I once had a heart of steel you would never know it, because it's completely turned to mush. I still haven't decided I like all these feelings constantly being thrown at me. It has me on an emotional overload. "I'm just overwhelmed with everything. You have to remember; I've never dated anyone, let alone felt this way about someone. I've never had to worry about making someone else happy. This is all new to me. All I'm asking for is patience."

"I get it baby. It's new for me too. I've never wanted another girl to meet my family so I haven't brought them around. Something is just different about you. I always want more and that's completely new territory for me. We'll work through it together okay?" I nod and a surge hits me. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him in a way I have never wanted to kiss him before. I can't explain it. My chest feels like it's being weighed down with a cement block. I feel like I'm at the onset of a panic attack without the panic.

On impulse, I grab the back of his head and pull him to me. Clenching his lips in mine, I slip my tongue in the open space. It's like something else has taken over my body. I can't get enough. I crave his taste, the feel of his hands on my body, and the passion I can feel when we connect. It's a hunger that can't be satiated, a thirst that can't be quenched. He returns at full force and everything feels like it is on fire from the heat radiating off my skin from my internal core.

I begin to rock slightly as I feel the bulge beneath me harden. He grabs my waist, pressing me against it harder. He runs his hands up the back of my shirt. As fast as things get heated, it comes to a screeching halt and he pulls away from me. His chest heaves up and down and he closes his eyes. "Dammit! We've got to stop. I can't control myself around you and I'm trying really hard. You make me so hard, I could explode. I want to bury myself deep inside you, but I want to do this right. You're not some quick lay Kinzleigh. I want it to mean something. I want you to feel different than the girls I used to waste time with."

"I do feel different Breyson. Stop putting me on a pedestal. I want this just as much as you do. I'm telling you it's okay."

He shakes his head. "I won't budge on this Kinzleigh. I'm not going to fuck you. I want to do something I've never done before. I don't want just your body, but mind, body, heart and soul. I want all of you. I want to make love to you, but you're not ready for that yet. When you are, I'll allow myself to have you again." He kisses me softly and opens the door of the truck.

"To think you call me stubborn is absurd." He sets me on my feet and I begin aligning my now twisted skirt. I should have brought a change of clothes.

"I'm not stubborn; I just know what I want. I've had a lot of time away from you to think. I've experienced having you and then losing you and I will avoid a repeat at all costs. You deserve the best and you're going to get the best. The way to ensure you get it is to make myself wait. I need to go without sex. I want you to experience with me what I get to experience with you, knowing you've never given yourself to anyone else. Naturally, I can't give you
that
but I can give you the next best thing." He kisses me on the cheek. "Let's go get a blanket and go out by the lake."

He spreads out the large blanket across the grass and sits, motioning for me to sit beside him. The sky is clear with nothing but the moonlight and stars shining brightly. He lays back and turns on his side, propping his weight of his upper body on his elbow, resting his head in his palm. With the other hand he pats the blanket for me to lay back as well. Without hesitation I do as he asks, mirroring his position. "You really do look beautiful." He kisses me softly, not giving me a chance to respond and lays flat, pulling me in his arm. "I'm really glad things worked out the way they did."

Laying my head on his shoulder, I drape my arm across his stomach in complete satisfaction. I could lay like this all night. "Me too." I close my eyes. "You smell really good. What kind of cologne do you wear?" Definitely a smell I'll never forget for as long as I live.

"Polo black by Ralph Lauren."
Mental note: buy a bottle for pillow snuggling
. My dreams are already consumed with him, might as well be my senses as well.

He begins lightly rubbing his fingertips up and down my arm, causing goosebumps to rise. I could go to sleep like this and sleep all night. I've never been one interested in sleeping outside, but I think if I was in his arms I could sleep anywhere. He makes me feel so protected. "Breyson."

I close my eyes with him looking up at the dark sky. "Yeah?"

"What does your tattoo mean? I mean, why did you pick that one?" Everything goes completely silent and he stops rubbing my arm. Maybe I overstepped my boundary. He may not want me to know. I'm about to tell him to forget I asked when he starts rubbing my arm again.

"As you know Ryland is my cousin right?" He pauses and I nod against his shoulder so he knows I'm listening. "Well he had an older brother Beau that was four years older than us. Even with the age difference, we were all close until he went off to college. He was dating this girl named Macie he met on campus at orientation. He was completely in love with her. I guess you could compare it to one of those
love at first sight
kind of deals. He even came home over Christmas going on and on about how she was the one he was going to marry."

He clears his throat and I can tell it really bothers him to talk about it, but I know personally that when someone is actually talking about something that is difficult, to listen because it probably won't happen again. I just lay there, waiting for him to continue.

"We all thought he was crazy, but that's how Beau was. He was full throttle, balls to the walls, all the time. He made a decision and that was how it was. He didn't care what anyone thought. One night we got a call from my Aunt Susan, hysterical on the phone that he was in a car accident. We all rushed to the hospital but he had too much internal bleeding. He died shortly after the ambulance brought him in. One of the guys from his fraternity said that he saw her at a restaurant with another guy and when he called to tell Beau, he went ballistic and ran out of the house party drunk before anyone could stop him. He came around a curve in his mustang going too fast and wrapped the car around a tree. Macie didn't even come to the funeral. The girl was practically family; claiming she loved him and didn't even show up when she was the cause of his death. That seems pretty heartless to me. It just seems if that is what love does to people, I didn't want any part of it. I vowed right then I would never let someone break me. Never would I allow myself to care about someone that much. I was fourteen then and I never have, until I met you."

He turns on his side and pulls me as close to him as possible. I continue looking at the sky.
I will not cry, I will not cry
I chant before a tear falls free and then another. I hate how emotional I've become. I feel like a stupid little girl.

He grabs my waist and rolls me over to look at him. I close my eyes, trying to control the tears. If I look at him, I won't be able to hold myself together. "Look at me." Keeping my eyes closed, I shake my head. "Kinzleigh." His voice is stern as he says my name.

Opening my eyes, I can't hold it in anymore. The dam broke and the tears fall freely. I'm crying for the pain he's been through because I know how it feels. I am crying at the way he's scared to let someone in because of watching someone else get hurt, knowing I feel the same way and I cry because we're so undeniably perfect for each other it has to be wrong.

"I was wrong Kinzleigh. Everyone is breakable. I see that now. The best thing we can hope for is that we find someone that won't break us. I didn't know that until I had to leave you." Please stop. I can't take anymore. I don't want him to be right even though I know deep down he is.

"My turn to ask a question while we're playing truth." He swipes away my tears. "What is special about the heart anklet that you never take off your ankle?" Stunned, I look at him. No one has ever asked that before. It's always been my little secret. Something I cherish and keep to myself. I don't know if I want to give away everything about myself, but something won't let me keep anything from him.

"My grandmother gave it to me on my thirteenth birthday. She told me I was at the age I would start becoming a woman and my heart was ripening, eventually to be picked by someone special. She told me I would always hold my heart until I was ready to let it go. That I wouldn't be able to control it, but I would know when it was time. This was to symbolize that I always have it in my possession until then. I haven't taken if off since the day I put it on."

Without warning he moves over me, pressing his lips to mine. "One day, it's going to be mine. I'm going to make it mine. If you don't believe anything else I say Kinzleigh Baker, believe that. We may be only seventeen, but I've never been surer of anything in my entire life. We can fight it or we can embrace it, but it's meant to be. My heart is meant to beat for you and yours for me. There's a reason we met and there's a reason you're here with me."

"How do you know? What if all this is just a fling? This is moving so fast. I can't risk letting go and getting hurt. What if I let myself go for you and I get left behind? I've been left behind by someone I loved more than anything in this world. I've had my heart shattered and it won't survive going through that again. That's why I'm so worried about Konnor. I can't keep from loving my family; just pray hard not to lose them. I won't give up my dreams for anyone, including you."

"I would never ask you to do that. All I'm asking is for you to trust me and don't hold back." This has become my reality. Staring into the eyes of the most beautiful boy I've ever seen, asking me to trust him. A million different thoughts are running through my head. Some things Grams has said, some Presley or Konnor even, and last but not least Adalynn.

My mind tells me to protect my heart, but my heart says to let it lead. My soul already knows the heart has won. One of these days, I may look back and be forever lost in a dark realm of heartache and pain, but at least I'll know that for a little while I got to experience the light; to love and to be loved. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'd rather fall with him and wake up at the bottom alone, than to have never experienced him at all. "I trust you, now shut up and kiss me."

CHAPTER 17

Breyson

Today is Kinzleigh's birthday and I've spent days thinking about what I want to do. It's Saturday, October 5th and if we didn't already have enough in common, our birthdays are only three days apart. I usually help my grandfather out on his ranch most Saturdays and summers for extra money, even though my parents pay for everything, but I haven't helped any since school started. All of my time is spent for football or with Kinzleigh and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Life is pretty damn perfect right now. I walk into the kitchen to fix a bowl of cereal and Braxton is already sitting at the bar. "Sup? You coming today or what? You need to break in that sweet, little Miss California princess. It's time she knows what the country kids do for fun." His hair is sticking up all over the place and he's sitting in his pajama pants.

Taking a seat on the stool next to him, I grab a bowl and pour it full of cereal, followed by the milk. "Shut up. She'll get there. Besides, I like her just the way she is. I'm going to pick her up before we load the four wheelers on the trucks. I think she's with Adalynn right now shopping for a homecoming court dress and outfit for the dance. She said Adalynn was buying her cowgirl boots. Today is her birthday and I'm not sure what to get her yet. I'm kind of out of my element with buying stuff for girls because I've never done it before. What do you get a girl that has everything?"

He turns and his lips curve upwards. "You know they say diamonds are a girl's best friend. Hope you've been saving that paycheck from working at Pop's because you're going to need it." He's fully grinning now.

Placing my hands on the back of my head, I stretch over the back of the stool. "I don't know, she's not like most girls. Knowing her, she'll probably get offended. She is completely opposite of what you think she is going to be, looking at her. I've made that mistake once already."

His brow rises into his forehead, "Dude are you kidding? The girl lived close to Los Angeles and Hollywood all her life in a rich family and then came to the south amongst the rednecks. Get her some bling. Show her southern boys are better than California boys."