Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success: Discovering Your Gift and the Way to Life's Riches (14 page)

I've learned self-restraint by observing our president. I've never seen a man more noble or regal in the face of adversity. He could stop and address it all, but he doesn't. He just plods along with the job of being the president in the face of intense adversity. We can say the same thing about Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa.

The Reverend Billy Graham has a wonderful book titled
Nearing Home
. This man dedicated his life to teaching people righteousness and the Word of God. Yet there were still people who criticized him. Throughout history, you can see examples of people who have been attacked. But they just kept putting one foot above the next and continued to climb up to the next rung.

You don't have the time nor can you expend the energy to address opposition. They have no power over you, unless you give it to them. Martin Luther King Jr. said something that I will always remember. He said, “A man can't ride your back unless it's bent.” Don't bend over. Stay tall. Keep climbing.

There isn't a week that goes by that someone doesn't have something to say about Steve Harvey. I have no problem standing square in the middle of the public's opinion, because I decided years ago that I would never give anyone the power to define who I am. We live in a free country where people can say whatever they want about me, but at the end of the day,
I
choose—and I'll say that again—
I
choose how those words will affect me and my destiny. And I make the choice every day not to let anyone's negativity stop me from fully operating in my God-given gift.

People who are stuck in the muck and the mire of their misery will spew out their venom on others just to deflect from their own everyday struggles. Some days we can withstand the potshots better than others. The question becomes: How do you stay motivated and moving toward your goals in an environment filled with negativity?

On any given day, there is bound to be some kind of negative energy showing up in your life. Whether it's from a coworker, a random person on the street, or, regrettably, your spouse, if you're kicking and breathing, there's sure to be some negativity headed in your direction. Negativity can show up as any pessimistic, critical, or harmful energy that takes you off your path toward success. If you are not careful, not only will that negative energy take you off track, but it will in fact consume you. Before you know it, you'll have spent a whole day thinking, Well, was I really that bad? or, What did they mean by that? So how do we take back our power and stand up tall throughout our journey?

We have to learn to become skilled at deflecting negative energy and keeping our eyes focused on our vision. Look at Oprah. Her vision and ambition to create the OWN Network is a prime example of someone who succeeded despite her naysayers. Her critics were counting her out when she began OWN. You couldn't open a paper or read a blog without someone harping on the network's low ratings or saying, “Who does she think she is to start her own network?” or “She should have just gone on ahead and retired at
The Oprah Winfrey Show
.” It's a good thing that Oprah doesn't need anybody's validation to keep her vision moving forward. Oprah went on to do what Oprah does best: She exceeded everyone's expectations by making OWN profitable in less than three years with quality shows such as
Iyanla, Fix My Life
, and Tyler Perry's
The Haves and the Have Nots
. Oprah could easily have taken her billions and gone off to an island somewhere after
The Oprah Winfrey Show
. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't have been mad at her for doing so. But that woman's drive to win, succeed, and most important, to teach and share with others along the way is truly something to behold.

I remember my first few months hosting
The Steve Harvey Show
on television, when Oprah personally called me. After one of my episodes aired she said, “Steve, don't you let those people talk you out of being who you are. You gotta stay true to
you
.” The fact that the Queen of Daytime Television took a moment to call me and help me keep my vision focused and moving in the right direction means more to me than I can ever express.

Take a cue from Oprah's example. You are definitely going to have haters coming from the left, and haters coming from the right. Who are you going to be in the face of your critics? Will you fall under the weight of someone else's opinion? Or will you rise to the occasion and let your haters motivate you to even bigger success?

Here are the four kinds of haters you need to look out for:

It could be a beautiful day without a cloud in the sky, and the I Hate Everything Hater will find a reason to complain. Even when good things happen, they never seem to come out of their cloud of contempt. The scary thing about this kind of haters is that they are often angry about something that happened so long ago, they can barely remember the details. The whole world has moved on, but they are stuck in a moment and don't know how to escape. This type of energy can be the worst because it is all-consuming and persistent.

You also have to remember that the energy coming from the I Hate Everything Haters is seldom about you. They don't want to be stuck in their misery any more than you do. But because they can't see their way out, they will lash out at the person closest to them. So if you happen to be in their path, brush their negativity off and get on with your life.

Stop
giving them a place to store their negativity and they will stop sending it to you. Do you realize how much negative energy we allow people to send to us? Have you ever known someone who tries to find ways to argue with you? They know your buttons, they push them every time, and like clockwork you respond. Don't sit around and take abuse, but rather move and force them to take their negativity somewhere else. I realize that with family and even spouses this can be challenging. But in some relationships we are unfortunately forced to choose between someone else's peace or our own. Don't you dare let their energy destroy your success.

The Drag You Down Hater is someone who hates you because they wish they could be you. But instead of doing the things you do to get where you are, they would rather drag you down with them by stealing
your
energy, dreams, and success. The world has done a great job of producing this kind of haters because we have reduced positive messages about people's gifts and increased messages that make people feel entitled to things that are not for them.

Social media has given this enemy a brand-new tool of power. There used to be a time when your haters were just stuck in your physical world. Now on Facebook you can have an enemy in the Midwest who just hates you because you're living a life that they want. While that may seem ridiculous, it speaks to how pervasive this kind of negative energy is. It can come from anyone who is secretly admiring your life but doesn't know how to celebrate you.

In the fall of 2005 I started a new radio contract in New York with syndicated radio in just four markets. People all around me who I thought should have supported me were talking behind my back and saying that I was making a huge mistake. I can't tell you how many folks were laughing at me. But I was determined that I was going to build a radio empire that would fuel the next level of my career. I worked hard, stayed focused, and before I knew it,
The Steve Harvey Morning Show
had expanded into seventy-two markets.

Situational Haters are hypocrites who will use you for their own benefit. They are like piranhas in the water, waiting to take you down at any moment. They will compete with you to take advantage of a new opportunity. They will lie and spread misinformation about your character and your performance. These enemies are smart, but the best way to cut them off is to keep your master plans and your ambitions private. If they don't have any information, then they don't have any power over you.

The Self-Hate Hater is often one of the toughest to defeat because it is the one staring right back at you in the mirror every day. There are times when the negativity that comes from the world is nothing compared to the negative energy we deposit into our own lives. Low self-esteem, doubt, shame, and pessimism have killed more dreams and blocked more success journeys than any outside enemy.

When
you
are your own worst enemy, you have to bring your own light. When you imprison yourself in your own fears, you have to find the keys to set yourself free. In order to get beyond your fears, you have to remember your worth and your value. You have to get up every morning and affirm that talent that God has put inside you. You cannot let your fears, doubts, and insecurities stop you from taking hold of your destiny.

You can navigate the negativity of any of these enemies even if you have never been strong against them before. Become the positive energy that will be a light not just for yourself, but for those around you. Your gift and your vision are relying on it.

G
aining life's riches is about more than just earning a paycheck. Being truly wealthy means that you are investing quality time in your marriage or long-term relationship, devoting your time and energy to your children, making your home your sanctuary, and staying on top of your health.

For me, the lights of my world are my wife, Marjorie, our seven children, and working at something I truly love to do. But even beyond those blessings, success is also about truly being in the moment when I am with my family and having the energy and right frame of mind to continue doing the work that I love. Striking the right balance between my family, my career, my home life, and, yes, myself, only happens when I create a place to ensure that each area of my life receives quality attention. Here's how you can begin to truly enjoy and savor the treasures that come along with your gift.

There was a time in my career when I truly felt like I was successful. I had the career, the money, the cars, and the clothes. I had finally risen to a level in my comedy career where I could go wherever and buy whatever I wanted. But if I was really honest with myself, I knew I wasn't very happy. I worked hard, and I was proud of my success, but I wasn't always the nicest person to be around. When you don't have all your chips stacked properly, you might get good at hiding the truth from the public, your friends, and even your family. But at the end of the day, you know when your world isn't quite right. I was a successful professional, yet I was missing out on life's true riches. I had an off-the-hook brand with a less-than-stellar biography. I knew I had to create a life system that brought balance to how I looked at all aspects of my world and would prepare me to receive
all
of life's riches instead of just financial riches.

Is your world currently off balance? If so, you're not alone. The demands of today's society almost force you to work a hundred hours per week to become a partner or put in 120 hours just to make it as an entrepreneur. And if you have children, your schedule becomes even more hectic, with homework and after-school programs and weekend activities. Then you have to consider time for exercising, eating right, connecting with your house of worship, and having meaningful time just for you.

I don't believe that a true life balance is about time equity. There will be times when you have to put in more hours at work because your child's tuition depends on the extra income, or when you must put in more time at home because your spouse needs the support. It becomes imperative to find flexible ways to check in with your family when your schedule becomes more demanding, or to negotiate alternative work options with your employer, such as working remotely or working at off-peak hours so that you can be there for your family and still pay the bills. And we all have to find ways to bring our physical well-being closer to the top of our priorities because without our health, we simply cannot function. So, are you ready to create a Success Balance that works for your life?

This is a simple formula that I have taken on in my life, and I want you to find ways to add this into your life, too. Here it is:

HOME + HEALTH + FINANCES = SUCCESS

The beauty of this formula is that as long as you are adding effort to each component every week, you will always maintain a successful balance. There's one catch: Under no circumstances can your priorities for your home, health, or finances ever receive less than 5 percent of your attention each week. Let's dive into each area and explore options for you to invest your time in ways that maximize your gift and position you to receive all life's riches.

The word “home” takes on a different meaning for everyone. Your “home” could be the immediate family who lives under your roof, or your “home” could be your close circle of friends who are just like brothers and sisters to you. But whoever gets to reap the benefits of your success, you have to make sure that you are investing the appropriate time and energy into the people who are most important to you. Why? The answer is obvious—by the ways they enrich your life.

We all have our Greatest Hits of Excuses for not spending enough time at home. Here are some of them:

“Baby, you know I'm working these longs hours so that I can make money for
you
!”

“I'm sorry, son, Daddy was just too exhausted to make it to your softball game today.”

“I know I promised you that we would catch up for the last two weeks, but this project is
killing me
!”