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Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore

Act Like You Know (13 page)

BOOK: Act Like You Know
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I tried to walk around him to the left, but he blocked my way. When I tried to push him back, he used his strength to keep still. I had just been coming into my own understanding that it was okay to be alone and not really lean on or depend on anyone. My mom was gone, but I had a part of her with me. She was helping me build my own self up. To cast all that aside and need a guy or have one as a crutch wasn't cool. I needed to be secure with myself before I gave my heart away, but this dude wasn't taking no for an answer. I sighed, feeling bombarded.
14
GRIND
C
ody just stared at me with a serious look of disgust. He turned and headed back to his car. I guess getting me something to eat was out of the question, now that I had rejected him.
He drove me to my place in silence. I could tell he was really disappointed in me. I'm sure he didn't want me to say yes out of pity, but he was not a happy camper.
Trying as hard as I could not to get frustrated, I said, “Listen, if you want me not to be a part of the play, I completely understand. If that's your decision, you are not going to hurt my feelings.”
“It's not that easy,” he finally explained. “We have an understudy, but that person is in another role, and when you focus, she isn't as good as you. Besides, what I wanted us to have personally doesn't have anything to do with our professional relationship.”
“Well, I mean, you're not even saying anything to me. You knew I was hungry, and we're not even getting anything to eat. You're just mad, upset, driving all crazy. You can't separate the two. It's clear we can't be friends.”
“Can't I take it all in? Can't I deal with what you just told me? Truthfully, Alyx, you hurt me, and you want me to act like I haven't been hurt at all. Come on, girl, that's not even realistic. A brother can have feelings. I forgot all about getting you something to eat, actually, but look—you're at your apartment now. I'm sure there's something in there you can fix,” he said haphazardly, like my feelings didn't matter.
I didn't know how to respond to him after that. Anything I said would probably be the wrong thing. I wasn't trying to be insensitive; I certainly did care. However long it would take him to deal with this, I was going to have to be okay with the fact that our relationship was going to be drained.
Actually, I knew, deep down inside, truth be told, that I was just as mad at myself for not being able to embrace the thought of a relationship with him. What more could any girl want? He was intelligent, gorgeous, dependable, caring, motivated, and inspiring. I wasn't saying I'd ever seen a tear in his eye or anything, but he was sensitive. Without saying good-bye, I got out of the car, and he quickly drove away, almost without me even shutting the door.
Malloy was coming out of our house at the same time. “Dang, what's up with the two of you guys? Somebody didn't seem too happy.”
“Don't even ask,” I huffed. “Please tell me you're going to get something to eat.”
“Yeah, you want to roll?”
“Yes, I'm starving.”
My mom had thankfully taken care of business and left me a little money. The state of Texas would have to pay me her social security for the next two years. Just to be able to get a hamburger and fries was a blessing.
As I chomped on my sandwich, Malloy said, “So, what do we need to discuss here? I can clearly see you need to chat. You're looking all gloomy. Y'all broke it off.”
“I mean, we were never going together,” I said in frustration.
“Okay, okay, excuse me. Obviously you're upset. If you want to talk about it, I'm—”
“Well, I'm just saying,” I interrupted, “that I don't know what's wrong with me. I really, really, really like him. He wants to be my boyfriend, and I told him no.”
“Okay, that was really smart,” she said sarcastically.
“This isn't funny. Be serious, Malloy.”
“Girl, I know it's not funny. If you like him, why'd you tell him no?”
“I don't know. I thought it was because I needed time to appreciate me, but I think when I get down to it and I really look at what's going on, I don't want to depend on him. What if I add him to my world and then he leaves? How realistic is it that we'll end up together? Seriously, I can see myself falling hard, and then what will I be left with when he finally wakes up and realizes I'm the last person who deserves to be in his life? I just can't get pushed aside after having invested so much. So before we can possibly get to that point, subconsciously I guess I squashed it.”
Malloy looked at me like “Uh, that wasn't really smart,” and I just hung my head low in agreement. My girl stroked my back. There was nothing she could say to lift me up, but her being there to understand felt great.
 
It was Valentine's weekend, and I was alone. I talked to Ambrosia, and even she was going to the Sadie Hawkins dance at her school with a new guy who liked her now that she was holding herself in high esteem. It was funny how I could give tons of advice to my little mentee and my sorors, but I had absolutely no advice for myself. I already knew I couldn't just sit there and sulk all night. Malloy was in New York visiting Kade. Why she had been so kind and left me the keys to her car after I'd taken her through so much, and had no license, I couldn't even begin to understand. She was just a friend and a great sister. She had a lot, and she gave a lot. I didn't want to let her down, but I needed to clear my head, get out of our place, and do something. I was intending to be very careful.
I ended up driving ten miles out of our city to a college club that was jam-packed. I had started drinking when I was in high school because it had soothed me and made me forget worries and troubles. I knew I shouldn't drink after that accident I'd had, but I just couldn't stay away from the club. I was trying to find a way to enjoy myself. I needed to find a way to hang out with me. A girl who had isolated lots of women until I had joined a sorority, I'd never had a ton of friends. And because boys were intimidated sometimes to approach me, I was very much often alone. Hitting a bar was my way of reverting back to my old comfort zone for solace.
When I got inside, I was very surprised and excited. I didn't see anyone I knew. No Betas, no Western Smith familiar faces, just a bunch of locals in there trying to have a good time. But then, darnit, I heard a lot of commotion over in the corner, and someone screamed my name. If I could have hid in a back closet, I would have.
“You ain't twenty-one!” he yelled.
What fool is that?
I thought, hating that I was being called out.
Reluctantly I turned to face him and was shocked to see it was Ronnie—Loni's Ronnie. He put his hands all over my shirt and started feeling my chest. I slapped his hands and pushed him away. He lost his balance and fell to the floor. Seeing that he didn't have all his faculties, I then felt bad. I helped him up because I could clearly see he was drunk as a skunk.
“I got—I—I—I got curfew,” he stuttered. “Currrfew—few. Need help—help me hooomie.”
I wanted to say, “You knew you had curfew before you chugged down whatever has got your breath reeking, but you didn't care then. Why care now? And how did you get here in the first place?” But because the boy was barely cognizant, there was no sense being rational.
When fly music came on, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the dance floor. He was double my height and weight and therefore easily pulled me to him. The nut started doing crazy sexual movements with his hips. I took my knee and kicked him in the thigh.
“Step back. Where's Loni anyway?”
“Loni who?” He laughed and accidentally spit in my face, “Oh, it's curfew time. My boys just left me. They left with two girls to try to get them a little piece. How are they just going to leave me here?” His words dragged just like his walk.
“I don't know, but I got to leave. I'm sure they will remember and come back to get you.” I patted him on the back and wondered what in the world I had ever seen in him.
“No, no, take me with you. I got money for gas, for food, for drinks. Let's have a party.” He lifted a ton of tens from his sagging pants and threw them in the air before I could stop him. The greedy locals quickly grabbed the loot.
“You are crazy. Okay, I'll take you home,” I said when I realized he was alone. “You stay in the dorm, right?”
“Riiight, the dorm, athletes—that's me,” he said.
I couldn't believe I had to help him get out to the car. Then I had to help him up two flights of stairs, take the key out his pocket, and get his butt in bed. I wasn't taking off any of his clothes, and I didn't care if he'd made his curfew or not. I just wanted him to get home in one piece. And as soon as that mission was accomplished, I jetted almost as fast as a jet flying over my head in the sky.
 
Caught up with helping Ronnie out, I had never even had time to think about how Loni would react. I thought she would have been happy because I was making sure her beau was safe. However, the next day I answered a ringing phone, and suddenly Torian was going off on me.
“How dare you get with Loni's man? That's just so unsisterly. She's your girl, and you going to do her any kind of way. Why would you—”
“What are you talking about?” I finally cut her off. “I can't even believe you going to front on me like that when you don't even know any facts.”
“I know tons of facts. It's all around campus that you were with Ronnie last night.”
“Of course I was with Ronnie. His drunk behind wouldn't have gotten home if it weren't for me.”
“You were in his room. People saw his arm around you when you were going into his room, you coming out of there with your clothes all messed up. And he told a whole bunch of people he got it okay.”
“He said
what
?” I hollered, wanting to ring his neck right then and there.
“I didn't stutter—you heard me, Alyx. And what's so bad about all this is that we have pushed way past all this stuff from the beginning of the year. You knew she liked the boy from when I messed things up and I let him come see you at our place.”
“They were broken up then. Plus, I didn't even know they were an item.”
“Well, they're together now, and you still got with him. Let me just say that's really tacky. Where's the sisterhood in that?”
“
Well
,” I overemphasized, “where's the sisterhood in you at least giving me a chance to explain and allowing me to tell you that's not the way it went down? You just taking his word as foul? Heck, he was drunk. He doesn't remember what he was doing and where he even was last night.”
In a sweeter tone, Torian said, “So you saying you didn't get with him?”
“Duh, I can't even believe you going to ask me again like you didn't hear me the first time,” I said, ticked I was in the hot seat for no reason. “You know what? Where is Loni? Put her on the phone.”
“She's on campus. She called me from there. People are talking about it. She was crying and all upset. Our sorors who were on the yard when this went down are mad at you, too.”
“Well, heck, last time I checked, a person was innocent until proven guilty.”
“Point taken. Are you going to class?”
“Yeah, I'm headed there now. Tell me exactly where Ronnie and Loni are because I need to see his butt and set this straight.”
“Oh, girl, then I'm right with you. I'll meet you on the square in ten minutes.”
Walking faster to class than I ever had before, I got to the square in eight minutes. I didn't see Loni anywhere, but tall Ronnie sure stood out. He had a few people listening to him mack about this and that. I couldn't believe it. Brother was either that drunk and delusional or he was just that big of a liar. Either way, there was no way I was going to let him even remotely think he could spread rumors about me. I went over—didn't say a word—and just took my knee and jabbed him again in his thigh. Hard as I could this time.
“Ow!”
“Does that seem familiar?” I said to him. “You were drunk last night at a club about fifteen minutes from here. Your boys left you. I took your tail home, trying to help you out and make sure you made it. I didn't let you drive drunk, get in the wrong person's car, mess yourself up from being eligible to play, or who knows whatever else. I should have left your drunk behind at that place if you were going to tell the world all kinds of lies about me.
You
get with
this?
Boy, never. I used to think you were a man of integrity and intrigue, but I can see now you ain't nothing but a lame jerk.”
“I—I—I—I just thought that ... ,” he mumbled.
“I don't know what you thought, I don't know what you were trying to make up, but let the record show for everybody out here that nothing happened between us, last night, never. Nobody here has touched any of this.” I pointed at myself, angrier than a bee who's hive had been disturbed. “That's what's wrong with y'all brothers—when you got a good thing, you're so stupid, letting what's between your legs run you off a good thing. You got my girl Loni devastated out here telling lies, trying to beef up your rep on something that never even went down. If you recall, you woke up with your pants on because I didn't touch them, and I hope she wakes up and smells the coffee and never gives you the time of day. What happened to men being gentlemen and telling the truth about situations and not trying to mess up a lady's reputation? You've got a great girl, and you're trying to brag about getting with somebody else you didn't have?”
BOOK: Act Like You Know
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