After Forever Ends (31 page)

He was shaking with fury. My God, he looked just like Alexander right before he was ready to do something terrible. For a second I was actually afraid he might hurt me, but he didn‘t. He just stood there momentarily with a snarl on his face, and then yelled, “Fine! You have them! I’ve got two legs!”

I watched him spin around. He kicked the wall on the way out the door. Wood splintered. I could hear his heavy booted footsteps stomp across the floor of the front room and then the door slammed shut with such force that the entire house shook.

Everything fell silent. I sat on the bed stupidly, clutching those keys so tightly that they cut into my palm, and listened hard for any sound. There was nothing. After what was probably fifteen minutes, I felt brave enough and I crept out into the kitchen. I peeked out the window to see if Oliver was in the garden. He was not. I stepped out on to the porch and looked. No sign. I closed my eyes and listened. I heard nothing but the whispers of the winds and I knew my husband had gone away on foot.

I waited for him like an idiot, sitting in the front room on the sofa, jerking at every little sound, but he never returned. I felt so alone and so confused. I didn't understand his anger toward me. He'd never shamed me like that or been so awful. Things had been so hard for us. What if I'd betrayed him somehow? What if I'd really hurt him? What is he didn't love me anymore?

What if he’d broken his promise to never leave me alone? What if he wasn’t coming back? Where would I go? What would I do? Who would I be without Oliver?

The question was paralysing. Strong, confident Silvia reverted back to the insecure little girl who had been dropped off at boarding school by her father at seven years old. I felt like I was dying inside. I sat and wept, not even bothering to light the stove for light or heat.

“Oh, Alfie,“ I told the little owl later through my tears when he came to call, “Oliver’s not here,” Alfie scooted to the side and tilted his head in response, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I made him angry and he left.” The owl let his weight spread across his feet and settled down as if to rest. He blinked, still staring at me.

Many hours later he fluttered off and I put myself to bed. I lie there awake and worried, trying to cry myself to sleep. My head ached and my face was numb. Finally, I heard the front door open. More than one person entered, but they were so quiet I thought that they might be holding their breath

“She’s asleep, Xan,” Oliver finally whispered. “It’s very late, isn’t it?”

“About one AM, but who cares? Go wake her up, Oliver. Fix what you did.”

“I’m going to. Thanks for the talk and the ride.”

“I’m glad you phoned. It’s good to spend time with you, Brawd. Tell Sil I love her.”

“I will. Night, Brother.”

“Night.” Alex said and the door clicked closed.

Oliver walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. He smelled like ale and cigarette smoke and I knew he’d been at the pub all night with Alex. He undressed quietly and crawled into bed. He didn‘t touch me right away. Instead, he lay flat on his back, stiff as a board. “Silvia,” He finally whispered, “I know you’re awake.”

“I am.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.”

He drew close behind me, resting his arm over mine, and took my hand. He caressed the back of it with his thumb, “Don’t be sorry. I’m the one who needs to be. It’s all right, Love. I understand why you asked your dad. You were right to do it. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did. I know you did it so we’d be OK. I know you did it because you care.”

“I don’t want you to have to work all the time!” I sobbed, “I never see you anymore!“

“Shush, Love. I know. I hate it, too. I know how you spend the money. I don’t know why I said that. It wasn‘t even true,” He buried his face into my neck. “Shush...”

“I wasn’t complaining about the cupboard space! I didn‘t mean it like that at all!” I turned my face to his, “I know you work hard to make this place more modern so it‘s easier to manage! I‘m sorry I don‘t chop any wood! I‘m not strong enough to swing the axe…”

“Shush, Silvia. Please don’t cry,” He wiped my cheek with his finger, “I hate it when you cry. I don’t mind chopping the wood. I actually enjoy doing it. It’s not something you should be doing anyway and I don’t expect you to,” He sighed, leaning his forehead against mine, “I’m not always good at explaining myself, yeah? Sometimes I just expect you to know how I’m thinking without me saying it. The thing is that I’m building this house because I want you to have everything you need. I want this place to be our little paradise, made especially for you and me. Custom built-like,” He paused, carefully considering his words, “When you said you didn‘t have proper space, I went stupid and took it as you telling me I’d failed you when I tried so hard to make it just right. I’m a man, Silvia. I want to fix it right for my wife.”

“I appreciate everything you do!”

“I know. I know,” He caressed my face with his fingertips, letting them linger on my bottom lip, “I realised something I hadn’t until tonight. I told Alex. I’m tired, Sweetie. I’ve never been burned out before, but I‘m fried. All I do is work. I am so sick of my job. I hate it. I am so sick of school. I want to be done with it. I’m so tired of being poor. Sometimes I find it hard to keep an eye on the goal and remember all of this is temporary. I get the next part of my trust fund in two years. We took a lot on too soon and I think it’s caught up to me. I just want to sleep one night and know I don‘t have to wake up at all the next day and then just have that same day when I don‘t have anything I have to do. I’m so tired.”

`“Me, too,” I sniffed at a tear that was running sideways down my face. “We both need a break, yeah?”

`“But that’s it. I don’t want a break, because I’m doing all of this for us. What I need is you, Sil,” He cupped my head in his large hands and looked into my eyes, “I need to know I can come home and you’ll be happy to see me. I miss you. I’m so busy anymore I’ve neglected you and you’ve gone away on me again. You're off inside your head where I can't reach you. I need you to come back. I can‘t do this without you.”

I rolled into my husband and curled against him, “I never left! I just forgot, that’s all! I forgot that it’s just you and me and nothing else matters! I’m sorry if I made you feel alone! I don’t feel well…I haven’t lately at all...”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I’m nauseous and my gut is tender. I was dizzy all day. I‘m so tired and I got my blob.”

“Oh, Sweetie,” He pulled me close, “Come here. Let me hold you.”

Oliver was asleep in about ten seconds. He got up two hours later at three in the morning to go to work I felt guilty because I knew he was tired still and I actually had the entire day off. Oliver kissed me tenderly before he left, “I love you, Just Silvia. Don’t be hurt or ticked off today. Be just fine.”

“I love you, too, and I won‘t, Sweetie. I‘ll be fine. I promise.” I walked him to his car and waved as he drove away. I knew he wasn't angry with me anymore, but the uneasiness of the argument still lingered inside me.

That had been almost eleven hours earlier. I knew that at that very minute that I sat talking to my tree that Oliver was just getting out of work and was on his way down to Cardiff for class. He’d be home after that. I stood up and lightly kissed my tree’s hard bark, then lovingly rubbed it with the palm of my hand, “Right then, enough of me jabbering on,” I told it, “The rain is coming. I have a house to tidy, a supper to make and a man to meet at the door. Good day to you, My Friend!” I gave a sort of silly salute and began to walk away.

I was halfway to the house when a terrible pain split me from my lower left side all the way up to my chest. I dropped my books and stumbled forward, wrapping my arms around my body as if I were giving myself a hug. I felt my knees sink into the earth and I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t breathe. I had never felt pain like that, not ever.

It would be at least four hours for Oliver to come home. My mind was somehow clear and thinking. I could feel the wind picking up and wrapping itself around me. I looked down and saw splotches of blood on my thighs, little dots as if they had been set with pinpoints. And suddenly it was as if a bag of blood had splattered all over me. I watched streaks of it run sideways down my legs and into the grass. The pain intensified again and I pitched forward on to my face into the dirt. I still wanted to scream, but the whole world was becoming a very deep, terrifying blue before my eyes.

It was…so…beautiful…and so…wretched…

I knew I had dirt in my mouth, but I couldn’t spit it out. Again I felt the winds wrap around me and a few drops of rain hit my shoulders. I knew I had to do something to help myself, but I was paralysed with pain. I was staring at the tree to which I had been speaking. I saw Alfie was high above me, perched on a crooked branch. He turned his head and peered down. “Help me!” I whispered as well as I could, “Alfie, please…” He ruffled his feathers and swooped down, gliding toward the pond.

I closed my eyes.

There was a pause that seemed like forever. Then a quiet pop.

“She’s in a bad way,” I heard the whisper of a woman. The voice was almost sultry.

“Yes, I’d say she is.” A man with an odd accent replied in a hush. “Is she dying? Do you think she’s dying?”

“As humans come and go I’d say I don’t know. I don’t see Death yet, do you?” She paused, “But I smell human blood.”

“It’s feeding the ground, yes. See it? I smell it, too.”

“We should help her then,” The woman spoke determinedly. There was another pause, “I don’t know how to assist this myself. I’ve not magic that can take or save a life. She needs…what do they call them? A dicker.”

“A doctor.”

“Yes, a doctor. Where is the Boy from the Olive Tree?”

Another pause. “I can get to the lad in time, Folia, but he’s too far to aid the Silver Miss! He‘s going the wrong way!”

“Then get the Doppelganger!”

“Aye, I should have thought of him! Forgive me! He is not far. I will bring the Doppelganger as soon as I can! Will you stay with the Silver Miss? She looks so unwell.”

“I will do what I can, But go, Copse! Go now!”

I heard another pop, louder this time, the sound you would hear when someone pulls the cork out of a bottle of champagne. I felt my body roll. I was on my back.

I remember their conversation as clear as the day I heard it. I couldn’t see them, mind you, I was staring at a cobalt blue sky, but I heard every word they said. Their voices were tiny, but strong, and strangely distant, yet seemed so very near.

“Ohhhhh,” Said the woman, “Now, Young Silver Miss,” She came close to me. I could feel her warmth against my cheek, “I know little of humans, but I do know now what is happening to you,” I swear I could hear a baby crying, “And I know if what is happening to your boon was happening to mine, I would not want to be witness to it. I regret, I regret! I cannot help your boon, Young Silver Miss. Here upon us comes Death…”

“No!” I tried to scream, “No!”

“Death has no ears and no eyes, but he is not here for you…it’s your boon. Her life spilled out on to the grass with your blood…”

“No! Not my muffin! I never knew! I never knew I had one! I didn’t have a chance to love her! No! Death, you may not have my child! No! Go back to where you came and leave my baby alone!”

“It is too late,” The Lady said gently, “In a second he’ll take her away, but take peace because his arms are gentle. You fight so hard for a boon you never knew was. Oh, so sad. So sad is the mother who cannot protect her own child from Death. There is only one thing I can do for you, Silver Miss. I know your name and I will speak for you words of power. All I can do…”

“No!” I knew my baby had gone. I could breathe again, but the pain was terrible. I could feel the blood run down from between my legs, soaking the seat of my knickers. Rain splashed against my face. I screamed at Death, “No! Bring her back! She’s mine! You bring my baby back! I need to love her!”

I heard The Lady’s voice again, resolute:

“By the power of three,

I call upon the winds that touch the trees!

Peace be with the child who left before her,

Let sleep conquer the mother’s horror

This thing I ask, this spell is cast!

And so mote it be!”

I heard a loud clap and I fell into complete blackness.

I was floating. Not flying, because I was on my back, but floating. It was very warm where I was, but I could not see anything around me. I could hear murmurs, whispers. I could feel people touching me gently. I knew that Oliver was there, floating with me, up above my head. I could feel his hands on either side of my temples. His fingertips caressed my cheeks.

“No, no,” He said, “She’s a strong one… she’s a rock…”

“I feel awful…” It was Alex, “If only I’d thought of going there sooner…if I’d known…thought she was dead…so much blood…”

“Feel awful?” Oliver sounded almost angry, “Not you, I should…told me she wasn’t feeling well…said her belly hurt…that she was dizzy…” His words were hanging in the air and then disappearing, not at all like full sentences. I struggled to open my eyes, “…you saved her…so much stress…I yelled at her…was very cruel…she didn’t deserve…just haven’t been there like I should be…left her all alone last night…gone all day…she could have been there for hours… promised her…I swore… never leave her alone…must have been in so much pain…I wasn’t there…and now…just lying there…”

“You have to work…finish school…owe her a future…a life, Oliver…”

Suddenly their voices were very clear.

“A life, Alexander? A life! She is my life! She’s everything to me! Without her it just doesn’t matter! Nothing works without her! She’s all I’ve ever known! She’s the only woman I’ll ever love!”

“She’s gonna be fine, Oliver! Look at her! Sleeping like she’s got a spell cast upon her! She’s been through the worst!”

“She’s still got to wake up! Oh, God in Heaven, Alex, what would I do if I lost her?”

“You didn’t lose her! Pull it together! She’s alive and the doctor says she’ll be just fine!”