After Forever Ends (70 page)

“That’s because he was cheating off of Sandra Ashby,” Alexander said knowingly, “She always let him. Or he’d nick Silvia’s notes. But he was clever about flashing hand signals, yeah?”

“He’d tap his ear for the question number, then one finger for A, two fingers for B…”

“You boys were lucky you weren’t expelled!” I told them.

They both looked at me like I was mad.

“What I remember most is his laugh,” Lucy said through tears, “Remember how when you’d get him going he’d make no sound at all?”

“Or he’d sit there slapping his knees hissing like a snake,” I added. “Remember how he’d always blame his farts on someone else? He took no responsibility ever in all the years I knew him!”

Alexander smiled, “God, Merlyn! Yeah, he farted a lot and it was always someone else according to him. He was always good for a laugh. Where to begin with what I remember about him? He was a wonderful singer. What a clown!”

“He was a right decent kid,” Oliver said seriously, “And a good man. That’s what I remember most. His goodness and his decency.”

“I can’t talk about what I remember most about Merlyn,” Alexander sniggered. “I promised him I never would.”

Oliver laughed out loud, “Oh, right! Yeah, I promised him, too!”

“I don’t think I want to know,” I said.

“No, believe us, you don’t!” The twins spoke at the same time and laughed even harder.

Oliver knelt and laid the hat into the hole we’d dug in the earth. He stood and we were all silent, staring at it.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” I whispered.

“Should we sing the Bennington song?” Lucy asked after a moment.

“No,” Alex looked thoughtful, “But I do think we should sing. Merlyn loved to sing.”

“No one could do Cats quite like Merlyn.” I said.

“Real, live cats couldn’t do Cats like Merlyn,” Oliver muttered, then added, “Real, live cats on fire couldn’t do Cats quite like Merlyn.”

“The hair on the back on my neck is still standing,” Alex admitted.

“My ears still ache,” Lucy sniffed, but she grinned. “Maybe we should sing Tom Jones?”

“Nah, Doesn’t seem right.” Alexander mumbled.

“What was his favourite song? His all-time favourite?”

“Moving forward using all my breath,” Oliver began to sing ‘I Melt With You’, “Making love to you was never second best…”

Alex joined him, “I saw the world thrashing all around your face, never knowing it was always mesh and lace…”

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you, Merlyn Pierce!” I joined them in the chorus. “You see the difference and it’s getting better all the time!”

“There’s nothing you and I won’t do, Merlyn Pierce!” Lucy joined our voices. “I’ll stop the world and melt with you!”

And then we were all singing the famous Modern English song loudly, if slightly off key.

“Dream of better lives the kind that never hate, dropped in a state of imaginary grace,” We joined hands, “Making a pilgrimage to save this human race, what I’m comprehending is a race that’s long gone bye…I’ll stop the world and melt with you, Merlyn Pierce! You see the difference and it’s getting better all the time! There’s nothing you and I won’t do, Merlyn Pierce! I’ll stop the world and melt with you!”

We did the “mmmm mmmm mmmms” as we covered the hat with earth. Alexander patted it flat when the hole was filled.

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you, Merlyn Pierce! You see the difference and it’s getting better all the time! There’s nothing you and I won’t do, Merlyn Pierce! I’ll stop the world and melt with you!”

We stopped singing and stood again in silence. The sun had set and the moon was rising. It was nearly full, obscured by the tops of the trees.

“Good bye, Merlyn, Boyo.” Alexander was watching the sky as well, “I miss you. Go to that big old moon and eat cheese. Lots of cheese. It can’t hurt you now. Don’t have to worry about cholesterol or your heart. Or your weight. Mangez des frommages, Mate! Maybe you’ll stumble upon Elvis there and you can show him how to sing.”

“Yeah,” Oliver grinned, “May your heaven be filled with cheese and stages and spotlights and people who can appreciate your particular brand of original vocal styling.”

“Go find Lance and wait for us, Merlyn,” I said softly, “When we all get together again we can sit around and laugh like we used to. We’ll go on day trips and haunt the halls of Bennington!”

“Please be well again,” Lucy, always the sensitive one, wiped her eyes, “Just be healthy and strong again, wherever you are.”

Burying Merlyn’s hat seemed to heal my husband and his brother to a certain extent. I would see Oliver from time to time go out to the spot and stand for a moment. He’d speak to the winds and I knew he was sending Merlyn a message.

It was still hard for them not knowing what had happened, but after a time the pain faded into sweet memories of a treasured friend. We never did find out how Merlyn crossed the veil, but I don’t suppose in the end it really mattered how he passed.

He did, as we all do.

In our time.

I found as I grew older day by day two things. The first was that I had to wait patiently for the young to settle down and the second was that there was nothing I could do about it if they didn’t. I wanted to see all the children in the traditional situation…good marriages, good jobs, a couple of kids of their own, nice houses and all the trimmings of the perfect life. Carolena had managed all of those things and Nigel seemed to be stable and satisfied. The others were a different story.

Natalie had met a man in Paris the year she arrived. He was an art curator and she immediately felt an attraction. It was a rough start, as they both were horribly shy, but eventually they found their way to each other. They spent eight long years locked in an affair before she came home to Wales with her bags shipping right behind her.

She phoned us from the airport and asked if she could stay with Oliver and me at the wood.

“Well, of course, Nattie!”

“Oh, thank you! Could you ring my parents and have them come out tonight?” She asked.

“Why don’t you ring them, Muffin?”

“Oh, I have to get my rental car and I want to get there right away. Do you mind asking for me?”

“No, I’ll do it. You get here as fast and as safely as you can, OK?”

“I will! I’ll see you soon, Auntie Sil! Love you! Cheers!”

“Love you, too, Natalie! Cheers!”

I had a feeling right then that something was up, but I was so excited that Nattie would be back in Wales that I didn’t ask any questions. I knew she’d tell me the whole story later anyway.

We had a nice supper and afterward we sat in the front room so we could talk comfortably.

“So what are you going to do now that you’re back?” Oliver asked.

“Find a job!” She smiled, “As soon as I can! Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll have my own place in a couple of weeks.”

“No rush,” We told her. “You know you’re always welcome.”

“Why don’t you stay with us until you find a job?” Lucy asked, “Welshpool is closer to civilization. You’ll save a mint in petrol.”

“Oh, I’ll find a job,” She replied, “I might have to move, but I’m hoping to stay close.”

“Well, it’s excellent to have you back, Nattie,” Alexander was usually the one to lay it on the table, “But I’m wondering what’s made you leave your life to come all the way back here.”

“I just wasn’t happy,” Her face went deep red. She looked at me like she needed to be rescued. “Things weren’t going to get better.”

I knew instinctively that Natalie was pregnant.

“Why would that be, Nattie Muffin?” Oliver’s eyes were sparkling.

“Well…Uncle Oliver and Auntie Sil…and Mum and Dad, I…” Her big blue eyes moved from one of us to the next, “I’ve made some major decisions concerning my life and my relationship. And, well,” She took a deep breath, “I’ve come home for a lot of reasons, but one mainly. Please no one shout. I’m going to have a baby. I’m sixteen weeks along.”

Alexander’s expression didn’t change. He just sat in his chair.

“Nattie!” Lucy exclaimed, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t plan it, it just happened. I wanted to make sure of what I was going to do before I told you. Like I said, I had some major decisions to make about my life.” I suddenly noticed that she was showing under her oversized jumper. We must have all been blind not to see it.

“And him?” Alexander had that thing that some Daddies have when it comes to their little girls. When I say that ‘thing’, I mean a deep, animalistic instinct to protect them and rip the throat out of anyone who has threatened or harmed their daughters. If Alexander had been a wolf the hair on the back of his neck would have been standing on end and his teeth would have been bared, “Why isn’t he here with you?”

Natalie went pale.

“Did he send you packing?” Oliver was doing his best to keep his voice under control. He had the same instinct as his brother. Even after all the years had passed since Natalie had lived under our roof, the line between her being our niece and our daughter was still sometimes blurred.

“Not exactly,” Natalie replied meekly.

Lucy moved to her side and slipped an arm around her. It was a protective measure that I was inclined to do myself.

“What do you mean not exactly?” Alexander demanded. He really didn’t need her to answer him. I could tell by the look of him he had already figured what she would say. He had that same expression on his face that Edmond had got just before he began screaming his head off, “Why isn’t he here with you sharing the good news?”

“She doesn’t need you to be angry,” I snapped, “She needs you to be her dad.”

Alexander took a deep breath, stretched his arms over his head and stuck his hands in his hair. He was making an obvious effort to remain calm. “I’m not angry with her. Why would I be angry with her?” He looked at me with such force that if I had not already been sitting I would have straight away. He stared at me before he turned back to his daughter, “Nattie, please just tell me what sent you home. I need to understand so I can help you.” He still sounded like he was ready to open a can with his teeth.

“He didn’t want to get married.”

“You don’t have to be married to have a baby,” Alexander was pressing for an answer.

“He didn’t want the baby, either. He tried to…” She couldn’t say it.

“Tried to what, Muffin?” Oliver prodded.

“He told me to have an abortion,” She said it quickly like she had filth in her mouth. “He even made me an appointment. And when I refused to go to it, he left me.”

Alexander’s face twisted. “Son of a fucking bitch,” I swear his lips did not move when he said it. “I knew it!”

“She did the right thing,” Lucy rubbed Natalie’s shoulder, “Coming home straight away where she’s got people who love her. She did the right thing, Alex.”

“She did.” I agreed. I could see the rage swelling in Alexander. Someone had wronged his baby daughter and he had every intention of avenging that, “Calm down, Alexander!” I knew that look, that hateful twist of the lips that he and Oliver both got on their faces just before they did something really rash and awful. “You’re not going to do your daughter one bit of good acting on your impulses.”

But it was as if Natalie didn’t hear a word we’d said. She began to sob, “I’m sorry, Daddy! I never wanted to disappoint you! I’m so sorry!”

“Disappoint me?” Alexander sounded eerily like Edmond. It was strange how he could be so like his father sometimes. Oliver could never quite climb to that same level of rigidity. He always fell short and went soft when it came to the children, but Alexander could turn purple as eggplant and shout until people scattered in all directions. “You came home, Natalie. How could that disappoint me?” He could have taken a less hostile tone, but I think we all acknowledged his effort. “I’m not disappointed in you! I’m bloody disappointed in that piece of…”

“She doesn’t need to hear that either!” Lucy interrupted.

Alexander clenched his teeth and looked over at his brother.

Oliver said nothing. He sat in his chair stone faced and locked eyes with his twin brother. He flicked a glance at Nattie and returned his stare to Alex. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“Natalie, you are my daughter,” Alexander moved to his child. He knelt before her and took her face in his hands, “I love you more than my own life, Muffin. I really, truly am not angry with you. I am not at all disappointed in you. I love you and I love your baby. And whatever it takes, we will see you through this. Yeah?”

Natalie fell into her daddy’s arms, “I love you, too, Daddy. I just want you to be happy and excited for me! I want this baby! I really do! I’ve wanted a baby for a long time!”

“I am happy for you.” He didn’t sound incredibly sincere.

“Your dad’s in shock,” Oliver explained, trying to cover for his brother’s apparent lack of enthusiasm, “Give him a minute. Alex, come in the kitchen with me. Let the women talk about woman things.”

The two of them disappeared into the kitchen and exchanged words in harsh whispers while Lucy and I tended to Nattie. We got her calmed down enough to find that she was actually was pleased about her pregnancy, she was just a little shocked in the beginning and now was very afraid of the unknown. She needed us to do for her what we had always done for her. That was to try our best to understand, to protect her, and to love her without condition. Those were all things I had no doubt we’d be able to live up to. And the baby…well, that little muffin was just a bonus.

When the twins tried to walk out the front door by themselves, however, Lucy had the good sense to break up the dangerous duo.

“Oh no, you two! Don’t even think it!” She ran to the door and grabbed her husband by the sleeve, “If you think you’ll be slipping off, planning a trip to France you’ve got news coming to you!”

“Lucy’s telling the truth!” I called from my spot at Natalie’s side on the couch, “The two of you sharing ideas on how to make what’s wrong right is the exact opposite of what Nattie needs!”

“Let go of me!” Alex irritably yanked his arm away from his wife.

“Nattie needs her family now,” Lucy puffed up to Alexander. She didn’t stand even to his shoulder, but she gave the impression that if he didn’t listen she’d crush him with one hand, “She needs her father and her uncle here and not rotting in prison for killing the man she was foolish enough to love! We’ve all done that and you did it once, too, Alex! We’ve all loved a fool and been made a fool of for it! You had children on your own, too, if you remember, when your wife walked away from the three of you! How much better would it have been if Silvia had killed Melissa and been off in jail? And I know she wanted to, she told me so! No, Nattie’s got a lot to get through and I’ll not have the two of you adding more pain to her plate!”