After I Fall (21 page)

“Where are your parents?”

I could tell the question took him by surprise. The color drained from his face. He shook his head and blew out a breath.

“You told me your parents were dead and they’re not! Who does that?” I pulled in a heaving breath. “What kind of person lies about something like that? Especially when I told you about my dad?”

“The kind of person who
wishes
his parents were dead.” The moment he said it, I could tell he regretted it.

I just shook my head. I would give anything to have my dad back. I couldn’t imagine wishing something so horrible upon him, or anyone, but least of all my family. Mom and I didn’t see eye to eye most of the time and Phillip and I’d had our share of differences. But I’d never wish that on them.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I took that too far. But you don’t know my parents. What they’re like. They haven’t been a part of my life for years. Other than to step in and screw it all up.”

“What they’re like,” I repeated with a sharp laugh. “Of course I don’t know what they’re like. I didn’t even know they were alive.”

“I never said they were dead. You just assumed.”

“You never corrected me! You lied by omission! Lying by omission is still lying. At least it is to me.”

“I was trying to tell you when you were at the Zierdens.”

“Because you figured it would all come out? Because you knew you were going to get caught in a lie?”

“No. Because I knew I had let this go on for too long. I knew I messed up.”

“You sure did.”

I thought about all of the times I’d tried to talk to him about his parents, his family. He’d always shut down the conversation. Every single time I’d felt as though he were trying to shut me out.

“I get that you probably feel really betrayed right now.”

“Don’t patronize me,” I snapped.

“I’m not. I’m just…” He faded off.

“What?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say or what to do right now.”

“I don’t think there are enough words to just explain this away,” I said.

“I know that. I also think that you’re so mad right now—and with good reason—but you’re so mad I don’t think you’re going to listen to me anyway.”

I gritted my teeth, not wanting to admit that he was right. There was an old country song on the station my dad used to listen to. The lady belted out a tune about just wanting to be mad for a little while. I got what she was saying. I was livid. I needed to be mad right now. I needed to work through these feelings.

“Did you think you would just be able to get away with this?” I asked.

“No. I just didn’t know how…or when to tell you.”

“So you waited, and put it off, and waited some more. You thought it would be best to wait until
after
I fall for you? So that way, you could break my heart that much more.”

“No,” he said quietly. “No. That’s not it at all. You know, I’ve fallen for you too. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you every day. And then I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t want to lose you. And now I’m going to anyway, aren’t I?”

I ignored his question.

“Did you really attack someone at school? Break their nose? I mean, do I even
know
you? Do I know
anything
about you?”

“Who told you that?” His expression was pained. He scrubbed at his face. “You know what, I don’t care. What happened at my old school isn’t relevant to my life now. It sure as hell isn’t relevant to you and me.” He spoke softly. He took a tentative step toward me.

“You want to know how I found out? My mom hired a private investigator! I had to hear it from
her
. I should’ve heard it from you.” My voice cracked and my eyes were prickling with unshed tears. I hated crying. I certainly didn’t want to cry in front of Eric. Not now, not after all of this.

He shook his head. “You’re right. Give me a chance to explain.”

“I gave you all sorts of chances to explain! I told you about my dad because I thought you would understand. I thought you’d been through the same thing! Not once did you explain a damn thing!”

“I had my reasons,” he said quietly.

“You know what? I don’t want to hear them. I’ve heard enough excuses and lies from you.” I started walking backward toward the house.

He started to follow but I held up my hand, indicating he needed to stay put.

“Don’t follow me or I’ll ask Phillip to have the charges against you reinstated. In fact, I should probably do that anyway. I’m not so sure anymore that you’re innocent after all.”

I spun on my heel, ignoring his protests as I hurried to the sanctuary of my car.

I was proud of myself for finally getting into the habit of locking my door. It meant Mom couldn’t just barge in. Her knock gave me at least a few moments warning, a chance to mentally brace myself for facing her.

Only this time when I opened the door in response to the person knocking on the other side, it wasn’t Mom. It was Eric.

“We need to talk,” he said. He pushed past me while I was still too stunned to stop him.

I closed the door and turned to face him. I had cooled off some since yesterday. I’d lied when I told him I didn’t want to hear about his past. Last night, I’d nearly gone crazy wondering. At the same time, I was still furious that he’d lied to me by omission, if not outright.

He shifted from one foot to the other. His expression was pleading. I crossed my arms over my stomach the way I always did when I felt like I was going to fly apart.

“Look, Em, I am sorry. I cannot even tell you how sorry. I didn’t mean to lie. It all just got out of control. If I could take it back, I would. But I can’t. And I swear, the robbery? I didn’t do it. I don’t know how the pendant got in my car. I don’t. And I know how suspicious it sounds but I don’t know what else to say.”

I didn’t know what to say either.

“You are the
best
thing to
ever
happen to me. Please just try to forgive me. Please tell me that we can move on from here.”

When I realized he wasn’t going to elaborate from there, I finally spoke up. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to ever trust you again. To be honest? As far as the robbery, I don’t even know what to believe. I mean, I want to believe you, but why should I? Why wouldn’t you tell me about your parents? Why did you just let me believe they died?”

“Before I met you, I felt like my life was in a freefall. Finally, I landed here, in Roseville. For the first time in my life…I was actually looking forward to my life. I wasn’t planning on making friends here. I sure as hell wasn’t planning on falling in love with someone.” He shrugged, looking helpless. “I just wanted to forget about my past and all the baggage that went with it. I didn’t want to talk about it, or bring it up, to anyone. That was my plan. In fact, I thought I’d just keep my distance from everyone. I thought it would be easier that way. But then you came along…”

“And?”

“And I liked that you didn’t look at me the way the kids at my old school looked at me,” he said quietly.

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, when your mom gets drunk and plows into a family, and two of those kids end up dead…people look at you like you’re the monster. Yeah, I broke a guy’s nose. But he attacked me first. It was self-defense.”

I didn’t say anything. I just let his words sink in.

“I never meant to lie. It’s like when you let me think you were the nanny. It started out innocently.”

“And I corrected you!”

“After I already found out! But that doesn’t matter. I know it’s not even close to the same thing.” He blew out a breath and dragged his hand over his face. “I just need for you to understand I wanted to leave my old life behind. As far as I’m concerned, my parents are dead to me. I want nothing to do with them. Thanks to them, both of them, my life has been hell. Especially for the last few years. I just wanted a chance to start over, without anyone knowing all the dirty little secrets in my past. Is that so bad?”

Was it? I didn’t know.

“Try to put yourself in my place,” he pleaded. “I just met this amazing girl. I didn’t want to scare her off. I didn’t want her to see me differently because of something
I
didn’t even do. I just wanted a clean start.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay as in…we’re going to be okay?”

“No…I don’t know. I just meant, okay, I’ll try to put myself in your place. I’ll try to understand.”

“I know how much you loved your dad. And I know you love your mom, even if you do have issues. It’s clear she loves you too. I’d give anything to have that, issues and all. But my parents? Em, they’ve never been there for me. I’m not being melodramatic when I say they really could not care less about me.” He was quiet, letting his words once again sink in. “Your mom and Phillip love you. I would give anything to have that. I got tired of acknowledging parents that wished I didn’t exist.”

His voice was so full of emotion; there was no way my resolve couldn’t melt a little bit. He was right. Despite our problems, I never doubted that Mom, and even Phillip, loved me. Not really. I may have questioned their methods, but never their love.

“In some ways EmLynn, you
are
a spoiled little rich girl. I know you don’t want to see yourself that way, but you are. And you don’t even realize it. You don’t realize how amazing it is to have someone like Phillip who made sure you didn’t lose your car. Or someone like your mom who is begging to spend time with you. To take you shopping, and out to dinner, and on vacations. Maybe hiring a private investigator was a crappy thing to do, but you know she did it because she loves you. Do you have any idea how many kids don’t have that? How badly they want that and will probably never get it?”

“No,” I said quietly. “I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Well, you should,” he said gently. “I get that your life isn’t perfect. I do. I get that. But imagine having a life so crappy that you don’t even want to own it. Please don’t judge me for that.”

I crossed my arms over my stomach and blinked back tears.

“I decided early on that if anyone asked about my parents, I was going to be vague. I’d say they were gone. I figured people would assume the worst, but I also assumed that meant they’d let the subject drop. That’s what I really wanted. I never imagined I’d say it to the one girl who it would actually mean something to.”

“EmLynn?”

I fought back a groan when my mother opened up the door and stepped inside. I had no doubt she’d seen Eric walking up. This was Mom, showing her love for me the way she did it best: by butting in.

“Mom, really?”

She gave Eric a cool once over.

“I just wanted to know if you’d like to go shopping this afternoon. You could pick out a new dress for dinner with the Deverouxs tomorrow night. Of course Jace will be accompanying them. I heard from his mother that he’s very anxious to see you.”

She smiled at me, but I knew her comment was intended for Eric.

“Can we discuss this later?” I asked. I motioned toward the open door.

“I would prefer that you two end your discussion now,” she said.

“Mom
my
!” Natalie’s high pitched shriek split our conversation in half.

Natalie wasn’t one for melodrama. A scream of that magnitude only meant one thing. She was terrified. That realization had only taken a split second to come to. Mom had come to it as well, as we shared an instantaneous, confused look.

“
Mommy
!” Natalie shouted again.

The three of us took off running toward the pool. The pool house was on the backside with a paved walkway lining the length of the pool and a gate at the opposite end. Hedges skirted the edges of the wrought iron fence, lending more privacy. I was silently cursing those hedges because they were blocking our view.

Mom couldn’t move very fast in her strappy, heeled sandals. I wasn’t doing much better in my flip-flops. I stopped, wasting precious seconds as I kicked them off. In the instant it took me, Eric had already neared the pool. His long strides left us chasing after him.

“Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy
!” Natalie’s shrieks continued to punctuate the air.

“We’re coming!” I yelled.

“I only left them alone for a minute!” Mom cried. Her voice was clogged with tears. “They were in the house! They were in the
house
!” she repeated.

My mind was racing. Madison was only five, but she was a decent swimmer for her age. She could back float and she could doggy paddle. She’d been jumping in the deep end since before I’d come to live with them. For just a moment I couldn’t understand Natalie’s panic. If Madison had gone in the pool, she should be able to get herself back out again.

Unless she hit her head. My heart clenched as my mind grasped the only scenario that made sense.

Eric reached the wrought iron fence and quickly pulled the gate open. We reached the gate moments later, Mom squeezed in before me.

Natalie was standing on the edge of the deep end, sobbing hysterically. I saw a flash of red hair as our sister bobbed to the surface and then went under again. Nanoseconds that felt like days passed by as I realized this time, she wasn’t coming up again.

“
Madison
!” Mom shouted, her tone panicked and hysterical.

Eric raced to the far side of the pool, catapulting himself into the water. He landed close to where we’d seen Madison disappear.

I was only a step behind as Eric burst through the surface of the pool. He held my limp sister in his arms. He lugged her through the water. Mom and I met him at the edge. She reached for Madison pulling her onto the pebbled surface.

“Madison!
Madison
!” Mom and I said in unison. Mom pulled her tangled hair out of her face. I shoved at the sopping wet princess gown that was tangled around her legs. The cape was tangled around her arms and chest. The heavy, drenched velvet had clearly been weighing her down.

Her eyes were open…unfocused. A river of water spilled from the side of her mouth.

“Roll her over,” Eric commanded as he hoisted himself out of the pool. He reached for my little sister, turning her onto her side. His hand connected with her back, giving her a hard thump between the shoulder blades. What seemed like an endless amount of water spewed from her mouth. The deluge was followed by the most horrific coughing I’d ever heard.

The sound was beautiful. It meant that she was still breathing.

Natalie continued to sob hysterically. I glanced at her but didn’t dare leave Madison’s side.

“Are you alright?” Mom asked Madison.

She began to sob in response. The sound of the twins sobbing in unison was almost earsplitting. I knew they were both terrified, but okay.

I glanced over my shoulder. Eric reached for Natalie and she lunged at him. He picked her up. Her little legs wrapped around his waist and her arms looped in a stranglehold around his neck.

I couldn’t hear his words over the wailing of the twins. He was holding her tightly and his lips were moving, likely speaking calming words to her. He patted her back gently and swayed ever so slightly with her.

The entire nightmare had only lasted maybe a matter of minutes but it had felt like forever as each step played out in slow motion.

I turned my attention back to Madison. Mom was coaxing her into calming down. Her hysterics eventually faded into quiet gasps for air.

“I think she’s going to be okay,” Mom said. I was sure it was as much for her own benefit as it was for my mine and my sisters’.

“Did you hear your Mom?” Eric asked. Natalie’s crying had begun to fade as well. She looked over at us. Her face was red, streaked with tears. Her long, curly hair was hopelessly tangled, sticky with teardrops. Her bottom lip quivered as she scanned over the scene before her. Her arms loosened from their death grip on Eric’s neck but she didn’t let him go completely.

“It’s okay. You’re both fine,” he continued to sooth.

Mom stood then swooped down, scooping Madison up in her arms.

Madison’s tears had faded as well. Staccato sniffles still filled the air.

“I’m going to bring her inside so I can get her dried off and into some dry clothes,” she said.

I reached over and grasped Madison’s hand in mine. I gave it a squeeze. “You’re being really brave,” I told her.

“You should go with your mom,” Eric said to Natalie. “I got you all wet. You need to get into dry clothes too.” He squatted down. I realized then the pool water was still streaming off of him. She reluctantly unwound her stick thin legs so he could place her on her feet. Her arms slowly untangled from his neck. Her pale pink shirt and shorts were covered in darker splotches where her clothing had absorbed the pool water coming off of Eric.

She stood in front of him, seemingly hesitant to remove herself from the security she’d felt. He stood and took her hand, walking her over to Mom and me.

“Thank you,” Mom said. Her voice was strained. Her eyes shimmered with tears. “She’s so little. I don’t know what would’ve happened if she was in there a moment longer than she was.”

It hadn’t taken us very long to get to the pool, but in the moment it had felt like an eternity.

Her words sent Madison off into another crying fit.

I couldn’t blame her. I felt like crying too. The fear she felt was clearly evident on her face. She burrowed herself into Mom’s chest. Mom readjusted her, hefting her up, unused to the extra weight that the dress had absorbed.

“Do you have her?” Eric asked. “Do you want me to carry her inside for you?”

Mom turned to him with a grateful smile. “No. But thank you. I’ve got her.” She took a few steps away with Madison in her arms and Natalie clinging to the hem of her dress. She stopped briefly to look at Eric again. “Thank you. I feel like I can’t say it enough.”