After I Fall (25 page)

“Yeah,” he said with a determined nod. “I think I am. I have no idea what I want to major in, but I have plenty of time to figure that out.”

“You need to apply soon, though. Do you have any colleges in mind?”

“I think maybe Roseville University. It’s just a state college but I think it would be good for me. Not too big, not too fancy. Wait. Where do you plan on going?”

“Whitmore. It’s about half an hour from here. Clara is going there. She gets reduced tuition because her parents both teach there. Also, I decided I don’t want to be too far from my family. I spent most of my life being apart from them. I haven’t decided if I’m going to commute or not. I might live in the dorms.” I shrugged. “Or I might stay here. If I do live in the dorms, I’ll probably be home every weekend. And for the summer. But you’re definitely sticking around?”

“I think I am. I never thought I’d say this but Lisa and Tim have really grown on me. I never knew what it was like to have a family. I mean, not really. My dad was in and out. My mom was around…but she wasn’t around. When I lived with my uncle, he worked nights so he slept days. I mean, yeah, we spent some time together.” He chuckled. “But it’s not exactly what I’d call quality time.”

“Were you two close?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess that depends on your definition of close. I already feel closer to the Zierdens than I ever felt to him. On the other hand, when Mom got herself into trouble he did step up when no one else did.”

His foot tapped against the grass. “I called him last night.”

It took me a moment to realize we were still talking about his uncle. “You did? How did that go?”

“Good, actually. I told him I was going to apply to college.” He smiled. “He told me he knew I had it in me. He said that was why he sent me away. In his words, he knew I just needed ‘someone to light a fire under my ass.’ Apparently, that person is you.”

“See, he was looking out for you,” I said.

“He asked how the Zierdens were treating me. I told him a little bit about them. How I couldn’t have gotten better foster parents if I’d been able to hand pick them. He was happy about that. So yeah, in his own way I guess he was looking out for me. He said he knew that if I stuck around in that trailer park with him, I’d probably spend the rest of my life there. Or somewhere just like it. He’s probably right. When you’re sorta stuck somewhere, it’s hard to imagine what else is out there.”

“But look at you now,” I said. “You’re gonna be a college boy. You’re going to get a degree, find a job you love. You’re going to live a great life.”

He laughed and his eyes sparkled with happiness. I realized in that moment he looked happier than I’d ever seen him. “Damn. I sure hope so.”

8 months later

Eric

My fingers curled around the handle of the antique picnic basket. Lisa had been insistent that I take it. I had watched as she packed it full of pasta salad, fruit and her famous s’mores bars. I had to agree with her, it was a nice touch to the boat ride EmLynn and I had planned.

It was only recently, the last few weeks, actually, that Tim had let me take the boat out on my own, with EmLynn. Today was a special occasion of sorts. I knew how much EmLynn loved to be out on the water. So I thought it was fitting.

My other hand was wrapped around EmLynn’s as we traipsed down the dock.

I was also painfully aware of the envelope. It felt as though it were burning a hole through my jeans, scorching me with its presence.

I carefully placed the picnic basket on the floor of the boat. Then I guided my girlfriend in. Next, I untied the boat from where it was moored.

Less than five minutes later we were bobbing along in the middle of the lake. This early in the year, the air was chilled. But the sky was a clear blue and no matter the time of year, the lake was relaxing.

EmLynn looked at me with her big, sparkly eyes. Her gorgeous lips were curled into a smile. Usually she was a chatterbox but I thought right now she might be as nervous as I was. She’d hardly said a word.

“Well? Are we going to do it or not?” she asked.

“Yeah. Let’s do it.”

I squirmed around in my seat. I reached around to my backside, the paper crinkled as my fingers grabbed onto it. With a tug I pulled it out of my pocket. EmLynn mirrored my action and suddenly we were both sitting there, in the middle of the lake, our future in our hands.

Literally.

My eyes were suddenly glued to the embossed logo on the upper, left hand side. Roseville State University. I felt EmLynn staring at me. I lifted my eyes to her smiling face. She waved her envelope at me. The motion blurred the writing but I knew what the corner of hers said. Whitmore College. It was an upscale private college only thirty minutes from Roseville.

“Okay,” EmLynn said as she wiggled around on her seat, like a cat getting comfy. “Let’s do this together.”

Her excitement amused me. I didn’t doubt for a second that she would get in.

Me on the other hand?

Yeah, that could be a problem.

I had gotten my letter late last week. Em had wanted me to open it right away. I told her I wanted to wait for her to get hers so we could open them together. That was true. But I was also being a coward. If I didn’t get in…well, they say ignorance is bliss. I wanted to be blissfully ignorant for a few more days.

But now Em had her letter too. I couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Here goes,” I said.

She tore her envelope open with so much zeal I was afraid she’d rip her letter in half. I peeled mine open more slowly. RSU was just a state college. But it was
college
.

“I got in!” she shrieked.

I glanced up, giving her a congratulatory smile. Then I returned my attention to my own letter. I was so nervous I could barely focus. The words blurred in front of me, making them hard to read. Like a five-year-old I used my pointer finger to point out my place on the page. I skimmed…

“I got in. Holy shit! I got in!”

“I knew it!” she jumped up from her seat. The boat rocked precariously but she kept her balance. She tottered over to me and dropped herself onto my lap.

I loved it when she did that. I slid my arms around her waist.

Seeing her beam at me, because she was proud of me? It was the best kind of high.

“This has been some year, huh?”

“It sure has been,” I agreed.

The start of school hadn’t been bad at all. It had helped that I’d met Mason over the summer. He made it a point to introduce me to people. I was kind of embarrassed that I’d taken him up on his offer to tutor me in a few classes. But hell, it looked like it paid off, so I’d get over it.

I had tried out for baseball. I’d made the team. I won’t lie. I was disappointed to find out that Jace is actually a pretty good player. I wasn’t able to knock him out of his spot. But the coach has been giving us equal playing time. That alone has been enough to make Jace pout like a baby.

I talk to my uncle a few times a week. The Zierdens invited him to Christmas and Thanksgiving. He didn’t show for Thanksgiving. I told him if he didn’t show for Christmas, I’d hold it against him forever.

He showed.

I went to visit my mom. Once. Once was enough. Maybe someday we’d work out our differences. Maybe someday she’d act like she gave a damn. But that someday hadn’t happened yet. I’d told her that living with the Zierdens wasn’t too bad. I thought it might make her happy to know that I was doing okay.

Nope.

She just looked pissed off that I had the nerve to get on with my life.

And I didn’t even dive into telling her how close I’d gotten to the Zierdens. I’d be turning eighteen in a month. The way The System works in our state meant that I could stay with them until I graduated. They’d still get a paycheck. They’d made it clear that they really didn’t care about that.

I knew they’d taken me in because they were good people.

It was as simple as that.

To drive that point home they’d both invited me to stay through the summer, until I got situated in a dorm in the fall.

Unlike me, they’d had no doubt that I’d get in.

I’d lived with my mom for sixteen years of my life.

This was the first year that I actually felt like I had a family of my own.

It was an amazing feeling. Even the Zierdens’ sons had treated me like I was just another brother. Crazy, but true. The three of them were home for every holiday and a lot of visits in between. I was slowly getting to know the three of them.

“We’re going to be okay, right?” For the first time EmLynn looked worried. She placed her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes dug into mine. “I mean, thirty minutes away, that’s not too bad, is it?”

I couldn’t believe that she actually needed that reassurance. But if she needed it, I was damn well going to give it to her.

“Thirty minutes is not bad at all,” I assured her. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I know. But when we talked about it before it was just a possibility.” She waved her letter in the air. “Now, it’s a reality.”

I grinned at her. “I like our reality.”

It was hard to believe that a little less than a year ago, I’d been sitting in a cemetery in a thunderstorm. I’d felt like my life was over. A part of me had even wished that it was. I thought getting by was good enough. I never realized that life had so much more to offer. You just had to look for it, open yourself up to it, and accept it.

This was my life now.

I was sitting on a boat. I’d never even been on one before this year.

On a lake. And it was gorgeous.

With the girl of my dreams on my lap.

She loved me, actually loved me. She understood me. She accepted me and believed in me.

And I loved her too, in a way I’d never known was possible.

I could see the Zierdens’ house in the distance. It looked like a painting from here. Inside was a family who had taught me what family was all about.

“I like our reality, too. Things are good,” she whispered. She leaned in and kissed the spot under my ear. The place that always made me lose my head a little.

“And this is just the beginning,” I assured her. “The beginning of forever.”

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After I Fall
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Included in the following pages is an excerpt from
Truths and Dares
.

Prologue

Two and a half years ago…

We had our own set of rules for Truth or Dare. That’s why we called it Truths
and
Dares. A round of truths for everyone, always followed by one round of dares. We had Alyssa to thank for that rule. The girl didn’t have a daring bone in her body. That’s why she always chose truth. Over and over and
over
again. Because she was the most honest person we knew, she didn’t have any truths worth telling.

Kind of took the fun right out of the game when you’re playing it with someone that has nothing to hide. Not that
any
of us ever divulged any important secrets. Not during the game, anyway.

My last night in Woodbury, I sat in the circle and waited. I was leaving for Florida in the morning. My parents had let my friends come over, a goodbye party of sorts. It was Gabby that suggested we play Truths and Dares. So there I sat, in the middle of our family room between Alyssa and Seth. I was so anxious I wouldn’t have been surprised if Seth had leaned over to ask why he could hear my heart thumping. It took several rounds into the game before it was Gabby’s turn to give me the dare.

And then, there it was: My turn.

I knew what was coming.

Gabby looked at me, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. “Harper, I dare you…No,” she corrected with a smirk, “I
double dare
you to kiss Seth.” She smiled hugely as my heart banged chaotically inside of my chest. “A real kiss, not just a little peck on the lips,” she clarified.

“Ooh! Ooh! Seth and Harper sitting in a tree—” Caitlin sang.

Gabby leaned over and smacked her on the head. “We are
not
in kindergarten!
Shut
up!”

I could feel the blood pooling into my cheeks and I realized I was forgetting to breathe.

“
What
?!” Logan hollered indignantly. “Why Seth? Why not me? Change it to me!”

“Can’t,” Gabby said smugly. “There’s no changing it once it’s said.”

“She’s gonna pass!” Caitlin predicted gleefully as she took in the look on my face. She knew I’d never kissed a boy before. Not really. Frank Brown in the backseat of the school bus in the fourth grade didn’t count anymore than Trina Ludeman behind the playground storage shed counted for Seth.

Alyssa let out an anxious breath of air and I glanced her way. She looked fearful as her gaze swung to Gabby. I was sure that she was worried if Gabby had her way, she’d be dared to kiss Logan next. I wanted to reassure her that wouldn’t happen. Not unless she asked for it. But I couldn’t.

Instead, I looked away, finally glancing at Seth. His eyes were wide with surprise, accentuated by his raised eyebrows. His lips were twitching at the corners but not enough to set his dimples free. After what felt like days of looking at each other he got to his feet and reached for my hand.

Logan jabbed Brent in the ribs as he held up his other hand for a high five. Brent glared at him in response. I pretended not to see.

“Are you both quitting?” Caitlin asked, clearly put out, not understanding what Seth was doing.

I was speechless.

He was not.

“We’re not doing it here,” he stated simply.

I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet, despite my quivering knees. He guided me through our spacious family room. Through the double doors that led to the hot tub room. And then through the sliding doors that led to the patio in the backyard.

I could hear Caitlin protesting, already accusing us of cheating. She grumbled that we were going outside—where no one could see—so we could only pretend to follow through. For a moment, disappointment spiraled through me. Until she said it, that possibility hadn’t crossed my mind.

With my hand still in his, Seth carefully led me through the dark back yard. Only a thin stream of light was filtering out from the windows of the sliding glass doors. I glanced up, not surprised to see Caitlin with her face pressed up to the glass.

It was dark. A starless night. The air was damp. The clouds above were heavy with rain that was waiting to fall. Seth led me by the hand to the darkest place under the old oak tree. The old tree house, where we’d spent countless hours, was above our heads. The fallen, dry leaves crinkled under our feet. I was insanely aware of the crinkling, of their damp scent, of the sound of crickets chirping nearby.

From here, we wouldn’t be visible from any of the windows. In fact, it was so dark that we almost weren’t visible to each other. I realized I was still chomping away on my cinnamon gum. I panicked. Not knowing what else to do, I swallowed it.

He let go of my hand and we stood facing each other. I could barely make out his outline in the night.

“You can pass,” he reminded me, as if I may have forgotten the rules.

“I know.”

“Do you want to?” he asked. “Do this, I mean?”

“Do you?”

“Harper, I asked you first,” he chastised. “Do you want to?”

I nodded before realizing he probably couldn’t see the motion.

“Yes,” I managed to say.

A moment later, “You’re sure?” He was so close this time. I could almost feel his lips against mine already.

“Yes,” I whispered. I was unable to move, every part of me frozen. This was Seth. Seth! In some ways it should have been comforting but in another way, he was my best friend and that made it terrifying as well.

His hands went to my cheeks, cupping my face.  He guided me forward ever so slightly in the darkness. Then his lips touched mine and I wasn’t frozen any more. My first real kiss was sweet and perfect, shared with someone who melted me with just one smile.

When he backed away I didn’t want it to be over. Feeling suddenly brave I reached out. Putting my hands around his waist, I pulled him back to me.

I would be leaving in the morning and at fifteen, moving halfway across the country was just as traumatizing as moving halfway around the world.

This was my last night with Seth, my childhood friend and neighbor, who had become my raging crush as of the last year or so.

I said the first thing that came to mind. “That didn’t count.”

Though I couldn’t make out his features, I could imagine how he looked. His head was cocked slightly to the side, eyebrows furrowed, possibly biting on his bottom lip for just a second. “What do you mean it didn’t count?”

I hesitated, almost losing my nerve. “It was
my
dare.
I
was supposed to kiss you. You kissed me. It didn’t count.”

He moved closer again and his hands slid around my waist this time. “So then what?”

I leaned into him, my hands sliding up until they were resting on his chest. “Then…this.”

The kiss lasted longer this time, only ending when the door opened and a very annoyed Caitlin shouted, “We’re waiting!”

“Coming!” I shouted back. The sliding door slammed shut again.

“Did that one count?” Seth wanted to know.

“Yes.” I realized he was still holding me to him.

“Good,” he said. “It’s my turn after Gabby’s. And I dare you to kiss me again.”