After the Before (17 page)

His chocolate eyes are melting my insides like lava. I can see it in his eyes
that he feels the same way, but refuses to speak the words. In his life, he hasn’t reached that point of acceptance, the point that I, myself, hadn’t found until he returned to my life. It’s hard to trust anyone, to let them beat your game. The game only works when you shut everyone out, and push everyone away. It was easy for me, except with Grandma and Dad, now Alex has infiltrated my shell of resistance. A more proper word would be shattered. He’s shattered my walls. I have not felt this free since Jace was alive and my dad was healthy and whole.

When his lips trace mine, pulling every emotion I’ve ever tried to hide to the surface, I realize I’m scared.

“What is it?” He asks, sensing my distress.

“What if something happens to you? I couldn’t handle losing you too.”

“Nothing will happen to me. I will always come back to you.” He kisses me again, but this time, with more urgency, as if he may lose me too, at any moment. I guess that’s how real life works. You can lose anyone at any time… we know that more than most.

I kiss him with the same aggressive desire. We take turns flipping each other over, kissing, and tracing our fingers over
each other’s bare skin. Every time he touches me, I’m on a cloud, without a care in the world. After touching and teasing for a while, we lay back, holding one another, tethering ourselves together as if we’ll float away.

“Are you hu
ngry?” Alex asks. At the mention of food, my tummy grumbles, and we both laugh. “I guess that answers my question.”

“I have to go back to my room and grab some clothes.” I toss the covers aside and climb out of bed. An extremely unfeasible thing to accomplish when I am so warm and comfortable against Alex’s body.

“I can get them.” He moves to stand.

“No. It’s all right. I can do it.” I turn to go
, but he slides his fingers down my arm and to my wrist gently to stop me.

“Ja
s. The clothes I gave you don’t cover your…” He trails off, unable to finish.

I know what he’s trying to say
, he just can’t bring himself to say the words aloud, each syllable physically painful.

I turn to glance in the mirror. “Oh! Your right.” The armholes hang down, showing off most of the bruises on my ribs, not to mention the curve of my breasts. For once, I fe
el good about someone seeing my body, even if it does possess imperfections. I enjoy him looking at me. I only wish these hideous marks all over my body would disappear so he can see me, and not these marks.

“Stay here, okay.” He slides his hand into mine, tangling
our fingers for a moment before letting go. “I’ll grab all your stuff. Is it all in bags?”

“No. I put some stuff in the dresser, but my bags are right next to it. You can just shove everything into them.” I reach down for my wet shorts and pull out my card key. “I’m surprised I still have this.” I hand it to him and he laughs.

“Me too.” He kisses me briefly after dressing and walks to the door. He turns around to look at me before he leaves, like he wants to say something. “I’ll be right back.”

That wasn’t it.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Alex

Last night, sleeping with Jasmine in my arms was the best night of my life. My heart slams against my chest when I kiss her, touch her
… but I have to face reality, this is only temporary. I can protect her, but it has to end there. My mother had warned me to stay away from her, that her mother was capable of anything, and she was right. I did that to Jasmine. I pushed her to see me, to talk to me. I need to keep her safe from her mother, and from my gang. If my rivals hear about her, how important she is to me, they will use her as bait, torture her for information, even though she knows nothing about my gang, and they wouldn’t care. The only way I can protect her from these people at all times, is to stay away from her. If I stay away, no one would bother her; she could live a good life.

But I’m being selfish. I want her to stay, I want to be around her, and I definitely couldn’t watch her date someone else.
Mierda!
I couldn’t be around when she touched another guy, because there’s no telling what I’d do.

Shaking my head,
I try to loosen up these crazy ideas of killing people if they touched Jasmine out of my mind. “Get a hold of yourself, Alex.”

I hesitate at the door. Do I knock? Fuck no, I don’t knock
! Gang bangers don’t knock. Everything I do is trouble. I insert the key and walk right in. By the sounds of it, no one hears me. Noises I’d much rather not hear are coming from the two forms on the bed. I can make out Molly because she’s riding whoever is underneath her. The guy is way too into it, moaning and groaning more than any man should.

When I walk into the room and cough, drawing their attention to me, I finally see the person underneath her
, and it’s Andrew.

My eyes blaze, I’m so mad. “You.” I growl. I walk straight to the bed and throw Molly a little too hard off it to get to Andrew.

He’s scrambling up the headboard, trying to get away from me. His eyes are wild, like a deer caught in headlights. His package instantly deflates, not that it’s anything to brag about to begin with… sad, really.

“What did I do to you,
man?” His arms are out in front of him, protecting his face, knowing my fist is about to make a connection.

My voice is level, but deadly. “Not me
, pendejo… Jasmine. Ring any bells?”

Andrew’s eyes go wide, remembering the previous night’s events. “I didn’t…
I mean…” Words evade him. “I was only playing with her.”

His words command my fist to punch his face, twice, in rapid succession, bloodying his nose. I hear a high pitch
ed yelp behind me and remember that Molly is still in the room. I glance between them, and see that they deserve each other; a perfect match.

“You!” I point to Andrew, who is covering his face, trying unsuccessfully to stop the blood from hitting the bedding. “Stay the fuck away from Jasmine. You better not even look in her direction. If I hear that you do, this will
be horseplay compared to what I will do to you next time.” I turn to look at Molly. “And you.” She flinches when I point to her, covering herself with a sheet. “You didn’t see any of this. Do you understand?” She’s nodding, visibly scared of me and what I might do. “Jasmine will not be staying here the rest of her visit. You are not permitted to stay with me the rest of your visit.” I tell Andrew. “It seems you two will make excellent roommates. Make sure no one finds out about this either. Do you understand?” I repeat. This time they both nod like bobble heads. “Good.” I say and then turn to begin packing Jasmine’s things.

“Here.” Andrew hands me a bikini top. I look at it
, and then at him. “It’s Jasmines; she left it behind last night. She just bought it, so I wanted to make sure she got it back.”

I take it from him without a word and finish packing her stuff. I look around the room, making sure I grabbed everything
of Jasmine’s when Molly stands up. She’s put a robe on, thank fuck. She may be good looking on the outside, but she’s a total haughty bitch, and I feel repulsed at the glimpse I caught of her earlier.

“Her toiletries are in the bathroom. They’re the ones on the left.”

I nod and grab Jasmine’s stuff from the bathroom. Her toothbrush, comb, and brush, shampoo and conditioner all lined up in total Jasmine style. This stuff’s personal, as if I’m catching a glance of who she is intimately. The feeling warms my insides. Soon these intimate things will be in my bathroom, next to my things.

Collecting myself before exiting the bathroom, I turn to them one more time. They have both taken up residency on the edge of the bed. “Remember what I said. I would hate for
anything to happen to either of you.” I shrug. It would actually make my day if something happen to Andrew. Molly, well, she was already doing enough damage to herself.

They both nod, wordlessly.

I leave the room; they seemed to have received the message.

When I reenter my room, I hear the shower and water running off Jasmines body. My body instantly responds, trying to lead me to the slightly ajar door
; I’m sure it’s an invitation. Less than one week is all I have with her. I can’t go in there because I know there’s a good chance I will take her virginity in the shower. As much as she might want it, or thinks she wants it, I know I have to leave her when we return home. It’s the only real way to keep her safe; to distance myself from her. My heart aches and constricts at the thought of pushing her away, and not being with her.

I’m still standing motionless in front of the bathroom door when the water shuts off and the curtain slides open. My instinct is to move
– avoid detection – but I like the sound of her toweling off. The thought of her naked body only a room away, a room that is not even properly sealed, does wild things to my body.

“Alex?” Her voice calls to me
.

“Yeah.”

“Did you get my stuff?” I can still hear her drying off.

“Yeah.” I’m full of cool things to say.

“Are you alright?” She opens the door, holding the towel so it drapes down the front of her body, covering most of her breasts and other sweet places, but doing nothing for the sides of her hips, thighs, and legs that are hanging out on either side.

I’m smiling at her like a drunken fool, unaware when her eyes go wide in worry.

“Alex! What happened to your hand?” She rushes forward, barely remembering to hold onto her towel.

Damn.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me.” God, I’m an idiot. I’m still in la la land after taking in her luscious figure. She holds my mangled hand up so I can see it. “Oh, that’s what happens when you punch people in the face. Your hand gets messed up.” My eyes are traveling the length of her several times, not caring about my busted up hand.

“That was last night. I don’t remember
seeing it looking like this this morning, and there’s fresh blood, too. What happened?”

I can tell by the look on her face that if I try to get
out of telling her, I’m in trouble. The thought makes me laugh. Picturing a gang banger like me, getting in trouble from a tiny female like Jasmine, plasters a smile on my lips. “I ran into Andrew… In
your
room.”

“What! Was he waiting for me?” She’s fiery. I can tell she wouldn’t mind kicking his ass again.

“No. At least, I don’t think so.” I smile. “He was fucking Molly.” Her face falls flat. She looks upset. “What’s wrong? I thought it would be nice for you not to have to worry about him anymore.”

“It is nice. It’s just…
I wish that he had actually liked me, instead of only wanting to get into my pants.”

“He’s not worth your time Ja
s; you’re too good for him. He and Molly are perfect for each other.” She points her sad smile at me and nods. Seeing her worry about Andrew’s feelings drives me crazy. “Besides, you have me.” ‘
Until we leave Hawaii.’
I finish silently.

Her eyes grow even sadder. I don’t understand why. “Do I?” She asks. “Do I really have you, Alex?”

She’s sees right through me. She knows I’m planning to end this when we leave here. Damn, she’s good. How would I explain to her that it’s the only way to keep her safe from her mother… from me? I can’t bring myself to admit to her what I have planned.

“Are those my clothes?” she changes the subject. We both play the same game, we know where this is heading
, whether we want it to or not.

“Si.
” Handing her the bag I filled with her things, she walks back into the bathroom, closing the door; rescinding the invitation that she offered earlier.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jasmine

My heart constricts at Alex’s silence, confirming my suspicions
. He has no intentions of this being a permanent thing. I take my clothes and dress in the bathroom, giving me time to realign my emotions.

After dressing, I do my makeup and comb my hair
; trying to string out the last minutes I have in here. I know I have to face him again sometime, I mean, I am locked in his damn bathroom. I want him, and I know he wants me just as badly. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. He may not love me, but I know that he cares about me, or at least I hope he does. He’s right though, I realize. This could never work out between us when we return home. Margret would never allow it, and for whatever reason, Alex is still working on his issues. He can’t quite drop his guard enough to let me in, not the way I need him to. A compromise is what we need, I realize, as I open the door and step out.

While I’ve been in the bathroom changing, Alex did his own changing next to the bed. He turns to face me
, hearing me exit. A smile finds my lips easily, along with the flush in my cheeks. He’s wearing a pair of dark khaki shorts, and a solid black, short-sleeved shirt. His hair looks like he climbed out of bed minutes ago.

“Hi.” I say shyly, like this is our first
tango.

Relief flashes in his eyes. “Hey.” He replies and begins to walk toward me slowly. “Are we
alright?” I can tell he wants everything to be fine.

I meet his eyes and nod. “Yeah.”

He pulls me to him when he finally reaches me. I can sense that he wants to say something, but I’m scared of what he’ll say, and ruin the new plan that I formed moments ago, so I speak first.

“I know when we get home things will be different.” I begin, his body tenses and stops moving completely. “Margret would freak and who knows what she’d do. And you, I’m not sure what you’re working through, but it’s obvious you are not ready for…
whatever this could be.” A lump rises in my throat. I feel like I’m breaking up with him, when we have yet to even have a date. “It’s different here though.” I meet his eyes again. “No one knows us, and the people we do know, we can hide from… we can be together here, until we go back home.” I watch him process what I’m offering. “I’m not ready to let you go.”

His eyes rest on mine solidly for the first time since I started talking. The desire, the lust, and
yes, even some kind of love, I see it all there, and it’s enough to answer my question. He doesn’t want to give me up, either.

He wraps his arms loosely around me, a confused look on his face. He’s unsure of what to say, shaking his head slowly. “Jasmine…I…”

I put my hand over his mouth, “Shh. Let’s just enjoy it. No wasting time, starting now.” My last words are a whisper as I move my lips to his.

His response is immediate
. One hand pulls on my lower back, bringing our hips together, while the other tangles in my hair. His lips are desperate; as if this is the last time he’ll ever kiss me.

Reaching down, I undo his belt, preparing to take this all the way, when Alex stills my hands, looking at me with a flushed face. “Jasmine, no
. I will not take that from you.” It must have taken a lot for him to say those words, because every other part of his body is telling me yes, he does want to take that from me, badly. “We can do anything else, everything else, just not that.”

I search his eyes. There’s so much emotion in them and I know mine are reflecting the same desires. “Alright.” I pull him back to me, my heart breaking as I tuck my head under his chin. “Why does it feel like we’re breaking up and never going to see each other again?”

He squeezes me tighter, careful of my ribs. “In a way I guess we are… breaking up, I mean.” His voice is a whisper, as if saying the words loud will make them real. “Right now though, I have you here, in my arms… and I don’t plan on wasting it.” He steps into me, backing me up against the wall of our room, careful of my back, and presses his lips to mine. A kiss that means a thousand words, a thousand gestures, and I melt into him. My body goes limp, only being held up by Alex’s strong arms. I breathe him in, remembering, storing every scent. I trace my hands along every angle of his body, putting them to memory.

I moan between our lips and he smiles in response. “See what you do to me.” I tell him.

His smile is sad. “Let’s go get lunch.”