After the Sunset (21 page)

“Like I could stop him!” Rayland pointed at me. “He don’t listen to nobody about nothin’. He’s just as pigheaded as you and Rand and Glenn and—”

“Just like a Holloway,” May said as she stepped out onto the porch.

All eyes were on her, except Glenn who had fallen asleep, as she walked over to me, put a hand through my hair, and passed me my phone.

“Rayland, walk with me.”

He got up fast and followed her off the porch and back down toward the large corral. We all watched them, walking side by side, Rayland having crooked his arm for May, and she holding on. I hoped they could find the closure they both needed.

“Hey.”

I turned as Rand rejoined the group, taking a seat in the chair beside me, his feet beside mine on the table.

“I had a nice talk with her.”

His mother, of course. “Good.”

“I spoke to Charlotte on your phone as well.”

I nodded. “You look beat.”

“I think we all need a drink.”

“I was saying that earlier.”

He sighed deeply. “So you know, I am not giving those grazing rights in King to Rayland.”

“But you said you’d think about it.”

“Yeah, well, I thought about it, and it’s no. After what he did to try and get them.” Rand made a noise in the back of his throat. “And he told me that it was all him. When Glenn came up here, he was actually plannin’ on going to Zach’s ranch with me, just like I thought. That whole mess with us was just us, me and him, bein’ our regular asshole selves to each other.”

Beside me, Glenn started to snore softly.

“So he’s a dick, but I knew that.” Rand almost smiled. “But Rayland is the one who tried to take my land from me, not Glenn.”

“He told me he didn’t know when I got to the rodeo. I’m not sure if I really believed him since he can be kind of a jerk.”

“Because you were thinkin’ he was a dick, he made sure to be one.”

I nodded. “All you guys do that same thing.”

“Yeah, I know it.”

“But, Rand, with the grazing rights, you could give them to Rayland. You don’t need to graze your cattle there.”

“I might,” he told me, “depending on how the Red continues to grow, but that ain’t the point. He’s still treatin’ you like you ain’t nothin’, Stef, and after what you did and the men… I have a choice now that I wasn’t gonna have because he decided to go behind my back and stab me. Where’s the family in that?”

“I agree,” Tyler chimed in, and I looked over at him. “You don’t steal from a man and then want a seat at his table.”

“Rayland is Rand’s father.”

“James was his father, and that’s why he didn’t turn out like Glenn or Zach.”

“Screw you, old man,” Zach snapped at him.

“You hide what you want.” He pointed at Glenn. “You did what you never wanted to do in the first place.” He then turned to Zach. “And you’re the same. Both of you made choices because you’re afraid of your father.”

“And if James were alive, you think Rand would have a man living in his house?”

“Oh, yes,” Rand broke into the conversation. “Because I told him.”

“What?” I gasped.

His electric blue eyes met mine. “We talked a lot about things, and when I started courting Jenny, told him I was gonna someday marry her, he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. When I asked him why not, why marrying Jenny was no good, he said that maybe I should think about asking you to come live with me on the ranch instead, Stef.”

I couldn’t even breathe.

He sighed deeply. “And I did my best to deny it, and he smiled like he did and said okay. He knew I wasn’t ready.”

Leaning forward, I reached for him.

“He told me,” Rand said and swallowed, sitting up to take my hand in both of his, “that whatever happened, that if I decided on you, Stef, that it was fine with him. He thought the world of you because Charlotte loved you so.”

I cleared my throat. “How did he know about you and me? I didn’t even know!”

“I suspect since I talked about you all the time that he knew.”

“What did you say?”

“It wasn’t nice.”

“I’m not thinking it was.” I smiled at him.

“I complained about you quite a bit, called you every word I could think of. Like I said, it wasn’t good.”

“And now people call you all those words.”

“Which don’t bother me half as much as I thought it would. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still have trouble thinking of myself as gay. I mean I am gay, but I don’t feel no different than I have all my life.”

“Because it doesn’t change who you are, Rand, just who you sleep with.”

“You’re still an asshole, gay or straight,” Zach assured him.

“Nobody’s talkin’ to you,” Rand groused at him.

“Fine,” he grumbled.

Rand looked back at me, and tugged me forward so he could kiss my forehead. “My father knew that if I ever pulled my head outta my ass, that it was gonna be you, Stef, so yeah, you bein’ here on the Red—I wish my father was alive to see you living on his ranch.”

I closed my eyes, clenched my jaw tight, and fought not to make a sound as I let his words find a place inside me forever.

“And that’s the difference between my father,” Rand breathed as I opened my eyes. “And yours,” he told Zach. “So are you fine bein’ here with me and Stef, or not?”

“I’m fine,” Zach grumbled. “I ain’t got no problem with you and him long as I don’t have to watch.”

“Like I’d let you,” Rand snapped at him, turning back to me, squinting.

“What’s wrong?”

“You need to lie down. You look exhausted.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” he told me. “Get up.”

I rose and he put an arm around my waist as I slid mine around his shoulders.

“I’m gonna put Stef in bed, make him some lunch, and I’ll be back down to feed all the rest of ya.”

“Take your time,” Tyler told him, smiling. “You did real good with the rodeo, Stef. I’m real proud.”

“I still want to talk to you about your kids, Tyler.”

“Both those kids is older than you, Stef.”

“What does that have to do with anything? I’m going to invite them out here to the Red.”

“And for you, on Rand’s invite, they might come,” he confessed.

“Good.” I gave him a grin.

He shook his head and settled back into his chair.

Inside the house, I told Rand that he needed to talk to Glenn and Zach.

“I know,” he said as he bent, put an arm under my legs, and lifted me into his arms.

“I’m not an invalid.”

“Just shut up and let me carry you in my own house if I want to.”

As he mounted the stairs, I leaned my head into his.

“Better.”

“Did you tell Rayland that you weren’t giving him the grazing rights?”

“Yes.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said that if he were me, he wouldn’t give them to me either.”

“And?”

“And I dunno, Stef. We’ll have to see where we go from here. We ain’t never gonna be a father and son since I already had one, but maybe we can get to be somethin’ better than we are now.”

“You’re gonna let Zach stay, right?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And what about Glenn?”

“I will help Glenn with the restaurant and whatever else he needs to a point.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means I ain’t lookin’ to let him have you.”

I scoffed, leaning to kiss behind the man’s ear.

He put me down, there in the hall, and when he was certain I was balanced, he bent and hugged me. I was pressed tight to him and wrapped up so that his face was in my hair and he was breathing me in.

“I love you so much,” he whispered fiercely, squeezing tighter.

He really did. “I love you back, Rand.”

We stood there, tangled together, each of us content until he lifted me up and carried me the rest of the way to our bedroom. I was put down, and pillows were shoved under my leg, propping me up, making me comfortable.

“Here.” I patted the space beside me. “Lie down a minute.”

He shook his head. “I got lots to do.”

But I knew that Mac Chapman had everything under control. Rand’s foreman had been pleased to see me like he never was when I got home, clapping me on the shoulder that morning at breakfast, telling me that all cowboys got thrown from horses at least once or twice in their lives.

“Just for a second, Rand, please.”

He pulled off his boots and put his hat down on the nightstand and crawled up on the bed beside me. His head went to my heart and an arm curled around me. I stroked the thick black hair as I talked to him.

“Your mother and you, you guys must have talked while you were inside, huh?”

He grunted.

“Is she okay?”

Nod.

“Good, I’m glad. I want her to forgive herself for not telling you.”

“I told her I was sorry, and she said she was too.”

“I knew you two would be okay. I just didn’t know about you and Rayland.”

He pressed his big muscular body against me tighter, lifting so his face was tucked into the side of my neck. “Rayland doesn’t get me and you. When he does, the day he does, he can be more.”

And that made sense.

“I think the idea of you helping Tyler with his kids is real nice.”

“We’ll both try, Rand, all right?”

“Okay.” He yawned. “You looked real nice at the bachelor auction, Stef. Did I tell you?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Never again though. You don’t go nowhere without me.”

“I won’t.”

He yawned again, nuzzling, and when he sighed the last time, I knew he was falling asleep. Big strong scary man, and he was wrapped around me, clutching tight even when he drifted off.

Bella came to check on me minutes later, coming in the room, jumping up on the end of the king-sized bed, and waiting for my word.

“It’s fine, this once,” I told her.

She lay down, head on her paws, and pushed her muzzle into the arch of my foot. I could feel her warm breath through my sock.

When her head popped up, I looked toward the door. May was there seconds later.

“Oh, there he is.”

“He’s kinda beat,” I told Rand’s mother.

She smiled gently. “He’s kind of in love, is what he is.”

“Me too,” I told her as she walked over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, picked it up, and carried it over beside the bed.

“I can’t believe he kept this old thing.”

“He loves it—that was your chair, wasn’t it? He sits in it usually when he’s planning something, when he has to think.”

She chuckled. “I used to do the same thing.”

We were silent for a few minutes, each thinking, I was sure, about Rand.

“So you talked to Rayland?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And nothing’s changed, but Rand knows and that lightens things between us.”

“James was an amazing man.”

“Yes, he was and I see so much of him in Rand.”

“He really loved his father,” I said, kissing my cowboy’s forehead.

“Well, it went both ways. I mean they never said such things to each other, but they both knew.”

“I like being able to say it and hear it.”

“Oh, Stef, I love that Rand is the kind of man who isn’t afraid to speak his heart. He never did with Jenny and I was worried that he never would, before you.”

“He tells me and shows me.”

“I know.” She nodded and I saw her eyes fill. “And I’m so happy that he can.”

She reached for my hand, and I took it.

“If you hadn’t gone to the rodeo, Stef, none of this would’ve happened. It’s wonderful that you did that, for all of us, not just Rand.”

“Well I don’t know if Rayland will ever accept me, and I don’t know if he and Rand will ever be friends, but at least the air is clear between them.”

“And Rayland sees the life that Rand’s made for himself, his ranch, his men, and his life with you.”

“Rayland hates me.”

“He doesn’t. He just doesn’t understand how Rand can love you the same as he loved his wife or….”

“You.” I squeezed her hand before I let it go.

“Yes.”

“He might never understand, and that’s okay. He just needs to accept it if he’s ever really going to be a part of Rand’s life.”

“Well, he wants that badly. What man in his right mind would not want to claim Rand Holloway as his own?”

“Nobody.”

She smiled at me.

“He’s your son, too, ya know? James didn’t raise him alone.”

Quick nod from her. “I know.”

I saw her scrutinizing me. “What?”

“You seem more settled to me, like you took off your parachute.”

“What?”

She chuckled. “Stefan Joss, I know that you came into this relationship with Rand ready to bail out if things got rough, pretty sure that they would. You were making sure you had a good enough job so you had an exit strategy ready to go at a moment’s notice.”

“Oh God,” I groaned.

Her laughter got louder. “But since you took that new job at the college, I feel like you’ve sort of thrown caution to the wind. You’re committed to being here now, with him, and to staying. It feels like you’re staying.”

“I am.”

“I’m so glad. I’ve never seen my son this happy, and because of that, he’s not angry with me or Rayland. He’s better at accepting faults and forgiving. Not that everything’s perfect, but Rand’s in a good place in his life, and I love seeing him like this.”

“He and Rayland need to fix things between them.”

“That’s up to them, but we’re not talking about that anymore. I’m talking about you, Stefan Joss. You have changed things in Rand’s life, given him the home he always wanted, and now you have to realize, yes, everyone makes their own joy, but having you here adds to Rand’s. You’re the only one who can make him this happy. He’s building his life around you.”

I nodded because I knew that, and my throat had closed up hearing it out loud. Things you thought in your head always carried more weight when spoken.

“If you weren’t here, Stef, the fallout from all this, from Rayland and I keeping secrets, would have been horrible. Rand has a number of good qualities, but before you were here, forgiveness, acceptance, these were not among them. You changed everything.”

“I hope for the best.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She smiled warmly, rising to kiss my cheek. “Of course for the best.”