After Tuesday (23 page)

“No.” I sigh. “I didn’t cheat on him. I would never do that. I would break up with him if I wanted to see someone else. Cheating isn’t my thing.”

“Sorry. I know you wouldn’t do something like that. Do you think maybe he wanted to see someone else?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug my shoulders.
I’m a total wimp.
I don’t want to tell her the truth. “Maybe.”

“Don’t you think you would have noticed if he was interested in someone else? I can’t see how that’s possible. Unless…maybe he wants to get back together with Frankie? I don’t think that’s it though. I’m pretty sure that whole thing with her hooking up with some guy over the summer sealed the deal of them being over for good. Did you know she actually hooked up
with that guy while she was still with Brent?”

“No, I didn’t know that,” I say, acting a little shocked even though this isn’t news to me.

“So, it can’t be Frankie. Who else? I haven’t seen him show any interest in anyone besides you. Are you sure you didn’t cheat on him?”

“Lexi!” I mock yell. “C’mon, I’m pretty sure I would remember being with another guy.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. Did he say anything?”

“Not really.”
Well, that’s not a total lie.

“Did something happen? Something must have happened. He had to give some reason. Unless…wait. Was he an ass? Did you break up with him?”

I can see she isn’t going to let this go. She is genuinely interested. Looking at her—her concern, her open thoughtfulness, and her adamant loyalty—I realize I should trust her. She’s a good friend. I can’t deny that carrying this burden solely upon myself is hard. Maybe sharing it with someone else might ease the pain.

I can barely breathe. “Yeah.”

With acceptance and expectation, her eyes look at me, willing me to tell her what I’ve been holding inside for so long.

“Yeah, what? I’m so confused right now,” she says.

I take a deep breath. “Something happened. It’s my family…well, my dad, really.”

“What? Do they not want you dating or something?”

I can’t help but sputter at the ridiculousness of her question. That thought is so left field of the truth.

“No, that’s not it at all.” I decide to go all in and tell her everything. “Brent and I went out last Friday, and as he was driving me home, I got a call to pick up my dad. Brent offered to pick him up with me, but I refused. The thing is…well…”
This is it. Time to say it out loud.
“My dad’s an addict, like a real addict. He goes to meetings and all that. I didn’t want Brent to come with me because I had to get my dad from a bar, a bar he goes to often. I’ve been there so many times for similar reasons, that the bartender knows me. I’m kind of a regular there.”

“You go to bars?”

I tell her my dad is an addict, and that’s what she focuses on? What is it with everyone and bars?

“No! Not at all. I pick up my dad from bars. That’s why I go. I’m not going to them myself. There’s a
big
difference.” I play with the ends of my hair a little while Lexi stares at me wide-eyed. “Anyhow, after our date, Brent took me home, and I forgot my jacket in his car. He came back to drop it off, and on his way home, he saw me go into the bar. I guess he felt the need to follow me in, and from there, things got kind of ugly.

“My dad was really wasted. He could barely walk, which wasn’t that unusual, but earlier that night, he had cut open his hand. Brent saw us, and…I don’t know what he was thinking. I still can’t believe he was there. The whole thing’s messed up. It’s all so weird.”

Lexi nods her head, listening intently. I shift my weight a little and continue to tell her what happened.

“Anyway, when we were leaving, my dad fell…well, stumbled, I guess. He took Brent down with him. You’ve seen Brent’s face.” I feel so guilty right now, but press on hoping she doesn’t get too mad at me. “I don’t know what he told you, but that’s my dad’s fault. My dad didn’t hit him or anything like that. It was an accident. I guess when they fell, Brent’s face hit a table or something. I didn’t see it happen.”

“Shit, Ruby,” Lexi says, breathing out slowly.

“I know. Anyhow, Brent walked out of there with a mutilated face. I don’t know what he thinks. We didn’t really talk about it. It just ended. He said he wasn’t sure who I was. I can’t say I blame him though. And, yeah, my dad’s an addict. He’s a falling-over, messed-up addict. The whole thing is fucked up, and it’s all my fault.”

Lexi looks at me with more kindness than I have ever seen from anyone. She leans forward, holding me in a comforting embrace.

“I’m so sorry, Ruby,” she says, gripping me tighter.

I feel hot tears stream down my face. “It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’ll live.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone? About your dad? It’s not your fault, you know.”

“Tell who? This is not something I really want anyone to know about. It’s complicated.”

She leans back to look into my face. “What about the cops?”

“What for? It’s not like he beats me or neglects me. Trust me, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing they can do. He’s still my dad. He’s got a problem. He’s not really hurting me, and there’s no way I’m going into the system. I’d rather deal with this than some stranger. At least I know what I’m getting, living with him.”

“But what he’s doing is wrong.”

“Not really. Maybe. I don’t know. It just sucks.”

“That’s an understatement,” she says, raising her brows in exaggeration.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I only have senior year, and then I’m out of here. We’re all out of here, right?”

“Right. But what about Brent? He doesn’t know?”

“Know what? About my dad? I’m pretty sure he figured out something. Like I said, I don’t blame him for wanting to keep his distance. I don’t think I’d want to be involved with someone who had so much shit going on. I don’t want to deal with it. Why would he when he doesn’t have to? I bet that’s what he’s thinking.”

“I doubt that. That doesn’t seem like him. If you guys talked, I’m sure you could work it out. Maybe he’s just in shock?”

“Or maybe he was pissed. Maybe he realized he didn’t want to waste his time with the girl who has a loser dad. Maybe he doesn’t want to risk getting a black-and-blue face every time he came over for dinner.”

“Ruby! He doesn’t think that!” Lexi yells back.

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right. I don’t. Just give Brent some time to cool off. I bet you guys can work it out.”

“Maybe there isn’t anything to work out.” I shrug. “I talked to him a little last period though.”

“Well, there you go. That’s a start. Don’t lose hope. I can’t imagine him blowing you off so easily. I don’t think you realize how much he was into you. Just give it some time, okay?”

“We’ll see. I’m trying not to think about it too much. I really don’t know what I can do.”

“Maybe nothing for now. Just let it settle a bit.”

“I don’t know, but thanks. Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime. Are you all right to go to class?” she asks, resting a hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine,” I say, wiping my hand across my mouth.

After I clean up my face, we leave the restroom and head to class. We’re obviously late, but it’s worth it. After unloading a little, I feel so much better, realizing I have someone to talk to about this. Even if Lexi doesn’t fully understand what it’s like, she’s willing to listen and not pass judgment. At least, she didn’t just now.

I face the rest of the day in a kind of blur. Between each period, I look for Brent in the hallways, but I only see him once. Apparently, I like to torture myself.

I keep waiting to hear some rumblings about my dad or about the status of Brent and me, but I don’t overhear anything. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted, and I can’t wait to go home, which is weird because I generally avoid the place. I just want to go to my room, put in my earbuds, do my homework, and hope the rest of the day is over soon. I’m just waiting for tomorrow.

***

When I get to my house, no one is there. There’s no note, no car, and no sign of my dad anywhere. I go next door to see if Jas knows where he is, but Jas is gone, too. I guess maybe we’re all back to our old ways, living separate lives under the same roof.

Just to waste time, Dragon and I go for a walk to the lake. The lake is such a constant in my life. It always brings peace to my mind, but for some odd reason, it isn’t giving me any answers today. It’s just a hole filled with water. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe it’ll have answers for me some other time.

***

Later at night, I crawl into bed with Dragon at my side. The house is still empty. Closing my eyes, I look forward to tomorrow because I’m counting on time to heal my pain. Every tomorrow means more time has passed, so I’ll have less heartache to deal with.

I’m almost asleep when I hear the back door open. I listen as unsteady feet head to my dad’s room. I know that sound. It’s almost as familiar to me as breathing. Even if my dad managed to make it to a meeting today, he certainly isn’t returning from one now.
It looks like we’re back to the way things were.

Chapter Twenty-Two

My dad and I haven’t spoke much since our talk on Sunday. There hasn’t been much of an opportunity. Although I’ve made it a point to be home after school all week, he hasn’t been around. We need to talk about what happened. I’ve even planned to offer to attend another meeting with him.

On Wednesday night, my reality sets back in. He isn’t sober when he walks through the back door.

“Hi, Dad,” I say cautiously.

He stumbles a little before he catches himself on the counter. I notice the distinct smell of liquor and pot as he shuffles by me. Stopping at the sink, he stares out the back window for what seems like an eternity.

“I’m going to bed,” I tell him.

He doesn’t even acknowledge me. Without another word, I gather my things and head to my room.

***

About ten minutes later, I hear the back door open and close before a car starts.

While my dad’s gone, I check in with his sponsor, Peter. At one of our family meetings, he gave me his card and said I could call anytime. This seems like a good time.

“Well, I can tell you that he has been attending meetings all week,” Peter says over the phone.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. I just saw him last night.”

“All right. Thanks,” I say defeated.

“You know, there’s a teen meeting next week. Maybe you should come.” He encourages.

“I’ll think about it. Thanks again,” I state appreciatively.

“Call anytime. No problem.”

After we hang up, I crawl into bed and fall asleep before my dad comes back home.

***

To my surprise, my dad’s here in the morning when I wake up, but he doesn’t talk to me.

Why can’t anyone get through to him?
The meetings aren’t even helping my dad. It’s just so disappointing and frustrating.

When our relationship is like this, I know my place with my dad. We’ve been living it for the past two years. He’ll approach me when he’s ready. If not…well, I’ll just carry on as always.

It sucks though. When he seemed to be getting better, I had hope. I opened myself up to the possibility of starting over again. I knew it was dangerous to open up in the first place, but I wanted it so badly. I still do, but now, I know it’s best to just let it go. I need to face reality once again and love him from afar. That’s all I can do. His fight is beyond me. It hurts me that I can’t help him, but it’s his reality and mine.

***

Thank God for Lexi. Throughout this week, I’ve really appreciated that I found someone I could lean on and trust. Despite all that she knows about my family, she has been here for me. She hasn’t been turned off by my home life like I feared people would be. She has called daily to ask how I’m doing and has even met me in the parking lot before school all week, mostly to say hi. She hasn’t asked a lot of questions, but for me, it hasn’t been about the questions or conversation. It’s just nice to know she is there.

***

Before I head out to school Friday morning, I check in on my dad to see he’s still sleeping.

The school parking lot is starting to fill up. As I pull into an open spot, I see Lexi’s car is parked five spaces over. When I get out of my car, she approaches me and starts walking beside me.

“Hey,” Lexi says somewhat groggily. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah?” I stop and turn to look at her.

“I’ve been waiting all week to hear people talk about what happened.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “You know, what really happened.”

“And?” I ask.

“And I haven’t heard anything. I think you’re in the clear. I didn’t think Brent would say anything anyhow.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think he would either, but you never know. Thanks for checking in about it.”

She nods her blonde head. “So, how are things? With your dad?” she inquires.

I shift my weight a little feeling uncomfortable with the loaded question.

“Not good. I haven’t seen him much, and I think he’s…well, using again.” Even though talking about this goes against what I’ve been telling myself to do for years, I must admit that it’s nice to share this burden a little with someone else.

“Shit,” Lexi says, shaking her head.

“I know. I talked to his sponsor, and my dad has been going to meetings. So, I guess he’s trying.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll get by. I’m used to this.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“You know, I could talk to my parents. Maybe you could stay with us for a while,” she offers.

“Please don’t tell them,” I plead.

“All right, but if you change your mind.”

“I know. You’ve got my back.”        

We continue walking to the school entryway, so we’re not late.

Lexi leans in toward me. “How’s English?”

I know what she’s really asking. She wants to know how things are with Brent, but she’s trying not to make it too obvious.