[Alaskan Quest 02] - Under the Northern Lights (20 page)

Chase gave the tiniest shake of his head. ‘‘No.’’

‘‘Look, I’m just trying to make this better for you. Contrary to what you believe, I don’t want to see you in pain.’’

‘‘Lot of pain.’’

‘‘I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain,’’ Jayce replied. ‘‘This tea should help.’’

‘‘No.’’

Jayce felt a sense of frustration but put the tea aside. ‘‘Have it your way. You always have.’’

Chase tried again to smile. ‘‘Never had . . . it . . . my way.’’

Jayce sat back and shook his head. ‘‘I don’t know how you figure that. You’ve done nothing but run our family for years. You know it’s true. Now that you’re finally incapacitated, you have no choice but to listen to me. And since the weather has turned foul on us, we have nothing better to do than talk.’’

‘‘You were . . . the perfect . . . one.’’

‘‘No, I wasn’t perfect.’’ Jayce toyed with the sinew that attached his mittens to the parka. ‘‘I didn’t have time to be perfect. I was too busy trying to clean up after you. You were always causing me trouble, and I really resented it. I guess now that I have turned to God for my answers, I should ask your forgiveness for the hatred I felt toward you all these years.’’

‘‘God . . . doesn’t . . . care.’’

Jayce looked at the wounded man. ‘‘He does care. He cares more about you than you’ve ever cared for yourself. You were always taking chances with your life—with the lives of those around you. You’ve lived a reckless existence, and now you’ve no one to blame but yourself for this mess you’re in.’’

‘‘Can blame . . . you.’’

Jayce laughed and shrugged. ‘‘Sure. Go ahead and blame me if it makes you feel better. I doubt it will, however. Why you ever believed that made things better is beyond me. You’ve blamed me all of your life for one misery or another. And you know what’s sad? In most cases I was your defender.’’

Chase’s eyes seemed to widen a bit. ‘‘Didn’t . . . ask you . . . to be.’’

‘‘I know that.’’

‘‘Hated . . . you . . . doing it.’’ Chase grimaced and closed his eyes against the pain. Jayce leaned forward, and Chase immediately opened his eyes again. ‘‘Don’t . . . touch . . . me.’’

‘‘Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll die if I don’t help you.’’

‘‘I’ll die . . . anyway. You’ll . . . see . . . to it.’’ He was panting the words, yet they came out stronger than the others.

Jayce said nothing for a moment. What could he say? He knew

Chase was implying that Jayce would see him hanged. And if the rest of the family ever found out the part Jayce had played in this strange little play, there would be no living with any of them. Not that he would anyway. It was one of the reasons Jayce had chosen to hide out in Alaska. His siblings had no desire to follow him here. Only Chase had braved the elements.

‘‘When did you first come to Alaska?’’ Jayce found himself asking.

‘‘When you came.’’ The words came out all run together.

Jayce cocked his head to one side. ‘‘That was a long time ago. You mean when I first came here after Mother died?’’

‘‘Yes.’’

‘‘But how did you follow me? I didn’t even know where I was going.’’

‘‘You . . . weren’t trying . . . to hide.’’

‘‘That’s true enough. Still, why would you do it?’’

Chase tried to lick his lips, but the effort, coupled with talking, seemed too much. Jayce, without waiting for Chase’s approval, took one of the clean strips and dipped it in the tea he’d made. Coming back to Chase, he put it to his brother’s lips and dampened them.

Chase made no protest, so Jayce took the opportunity to do it again. That seemed to be enough and Chase raised his left hand ever so slightly as if to wave off his brother’s efforts.

Jayce presumed the conversation would end. Chase was in no shape to continue, and it would probably be best if they both got some sleep. ‘‘We’ll need to get out of here at daybreak. Better rest for now.’’ He started to clean up the area.

‘‘Had to leave . . . you were leaving.’’

Jayce turned at Chase’s comment. ‘‘I don’t understand.’’

‘‘If I stayed . . . they would know . . . who I was.’’

Jayce thought a moment, then realization dawned. ‘‘You mean if you stayed with everyone knowing I had gone, and continued to pull your pranks and commit crimes, there would be no doubt that you were the culprit. Is that it?’’

‘‘Yes.’’

Jayce shook his head. ‘‘So even then you were planning a life of crime?’’

‘‘It . . . suited me.’’

‘‘But why? You were wealthy. You had a good inheritance from our father. All of us did. I never understood the way you each squandered what you had instead of investing it or buying something useful like a home.’’

‘‘You . . . were . . . the perfect son.’’ His eyes narrowed, and Jayce clearly saw the hatred there. ‘‘Turned . . . Mother against me.’’

‘‘But I wasn’t trying to be perfect, and it had never been my intention to turn Mother or anyone else against you. You did that all on your own.’’ Jayce felt his ire grow. ‘‘I was merely trying to do the right thing. Our mother was alone and needed protection from all of you. You robbed her blind. She loved you and you took everything she had.’’

‘‘I . . . never . . . did.’’

‘‘I know you did. She gave you her inheritance. She gave money to each of you after you went through your own fortunes. She ended up so deeply in debt that she had to sell the house in order to make things right with her creditors. Don’t tell me you didn’t do that. Don’t lie to me—not now.’’

‘‘I . . . would have . . . helped her.’’

‘‘It doesn’t matter now what you would have done. It’s in the past.’’ Jayce took a deep breath to ease his anger. There was no sense in getting mad at a dying man.

‘‘You’ll . . . soon have . . . your way . . . your revenge.’’

Jayce looked at his brother and shook his head. ‘‘I never wanted revenge. That’s never been what this was about. I wanted to keep you from hurting people. You’d already killed, and then in Nome you killed again. I couldn’t let that go on for the sake of those innocent people. But it’s never been about revenge.’’

‘‘It . . . will be.’’ Chase gasped for air and seemed to fight against some imaginary grip as he clutched his chest as best he could.

Jayce feared Chase might die any moment. ‘‘You need to make your peace with God. You cannot die without making things right.’’

‘‘No.’’ Chase moved his head from side to side, the movement ever so slight.

‘‘Chase, God wants to forgive you your sins. The Bible says that He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for those sins so that you could have everlasting life. He can wipe away the blood and thievery. You can die a forgiven man with a clean slate.’’

‘‘And . . . you?’’

‘‘I don’t understand. What about me?’’

‘‘You . . . forgive . . . me?’’

Jayce thought about it for a moment. He had wrestled with such thoughts while on Chase’s trail. Could he forgive his brother for stealing his life . . . ruining his reputation . . . kidnapping his wife? It would take a supreme effort on his part, but Jayce knew he had to try.

‘‘I want to forgive you, Chase. I won’t lie to you and say it’s easy. You’ve given me nothing but a life of misery and heartache. You’ve grieved me at every turn. We could have been close. . . . I really resent that we couldn’t have that. You might have been my most trusted confidant, but you chose instead to put a wall between us. You destroyed what might have been. What I hoped could one day be salvaged, you destroyed by your deception and lawless acts.’’

Jayce rubbed his bearded chin and held his hand against his mouth for a moment. When he pulled it away, he gave a heavy sigh. ‘‘I want to forgive you, because it’s the right thing in God’s eyes. God will forgive you if you ask, and I must as well.’’

Chase gave a strange laugh. ‘‘You won’t . . . forgive.’’

Jayce narrowed his eyes. ‘‘Why would you say that? You know nothing of who I am, Chase. Through God’s power, I can do all things. The Bible says so. And since I believe that to be true, I have to believe that with God’s help, I can forgive you.’’

Chase shook his head. This time the movement was more pronounced. ‘‘I . . . had . . . Leah.’’ Jayce saw him watch for a reaction. Even in the midst of his pain and suffering, even though he was dying, Chase was commanding the moment. ‘‘I . . . forced her.’’

Jayce couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. To hear his brother’s declaration—his admission of guilt—was surprising and devastating. Jayce had suspected this bitter truth, but to hear his brother’s confession made him want to strangle the remaining life from him. He thought of his wife and how she must have suffered.
No wonder she didn’t want me to touch her. No wonder she was changed.

Jayce took his time and spoke in a measured fashion. ‘‘I knew you had hurt her. I could see in her eyes that she had been deeply wounded. I suspected . . . that you . . .’’ His words trailed off. He wanted to cry for Leah but knew he had to be strong. He was determined that Chase not have the upper hand in this matter.

‘‘You . . . can’t . . . forgive.’’ Chase paused and fought for air.

‘‘God . . . can’t forgive.’’

God, help me,
Jayce prayed. He wanted to hate Chase. He wanted to let the hatred fester up inside and give him the strength to deal with the matter man-to-man. In that moment it seemed like retribution was the only thing that would get Jayce through the pain. Yet even as he thought this, he knew that it wasn’t the right answer. God wanted Jayce to rely on Him. Though the trial was worse than any he had ever known, God would be the one to see him through—not anger or revenge.

Jayce looked at his brother and found his eyes closed. He thought for a moment that Chase had succumbed to the pain and lost consciousness, but then it became obvious that this wasn’t the case.

Jayce leaned over and touched his hand to Chase’s chest. There was no movement. Jayce quickly felt for a pulse. There was none. He sat back in stunned silence.

Chase was dead. He was dead and Jayce had not forgiven him . . . nor had Chase turned to God. A dark cloud settled over Jayce. He wanted to believe that Chase’s death signaled the end of misery for him and Leah, but he knew it wasn’t true. Chase had come between them in the only way possible. Jayce could hardly bear the moment.

‘‘I’ve failed. I’ve failed Chase. I’ve failed Leah. And I’ve failed God.’’

The anguish rose up inside him like the rushing winds outside. With a scream born of pain more intense than a human being should have to endure, Jayce clawed blindly at the tent flaps and staggered from the tent into the dark Arctic cold.

Chapter Eighteen

L
eah resented the time Jacob spent with Helaina. Watching them now as Jacob helped Helaina to warm herself by the morning fire, Leah knew she would have to figure some way to separate them. Jacob already cared much too deeply for this woman, and Leah knew that Helaina would only hurt him.

She’s a selfish woman who would never stay in Alaska for him,
Leah reasoned.
I cannot let Jacob fall in love with her. It will be no different than
the pain I suffered with Jayce when he didn’t return my love
.

Leah tried to imagine how such a rejection would alter Jacob’s sweet nature. He possessed such a strong faith in God that no doubt he would turn to the Lord, but Leah also felt confident that he would sequester himself away from everyone, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him that way.

She gathered her things and started repacking John’s sled. He’d gone on ahead of them to hunt. Leah prayed he’d be successful, as her traps had proven less and less fruitful as they’d drawn near the Kotzebue Sound.

‘‘You’re sure quiet this morning,’’ Jacob said, coming to help her take down the tent.

‘‘Well, you aren’t.’’ Leah regretted that her voice held such a snide tone.

‘‘What’s that supposed to mean?’’

Leah stopped and looked across the short distance to where Helaina sat. Leah lowered her voice. ‘‘She’s nothing but trouble, Jacob.’’

‘‘Let me be the judge of that.’’ He pulled up the tent stakes using the end of a small pick.

‘‘But I’m afraid you won’t be a very good judge this time.’’

‘‘You know me to be a cautious man when it comes to dealing with people,’’ Jacob countered. ‘‘You should trust me to be the same this time.’’

‘‘But your heart may not listen to your head.’’

Jacob laughed. ‘‘What makes you think that all my decisions and choices are made with my head?’’

‘‘I suppose that I don’t, but this is one of those times when I think it will be dangerous for you if you let your heart rule. She’s not for you.’’

‘‘I think I’m old enough to decide these matters for myself. I didn’t come to you and tell you that Jayce wasn’t right for you. And I think I would have been well within my rights to do so. After all, I knew the pain he’d caused you all those years and how much it had altered your life.’’

‘‘This is totally different.’’

‘‘Is it really?’’ He pulled out the remaining stake and looked up at her. ‘‘I don’t think it is.’’

Leah walked a short distance from the camp and motioned to her brother. Jacob finally got up and followed her. He shoved his hands into his pockets and waited for Leah to speak.

‘‘Helaina has done nothing but lie to you and me. She’s caused us so much trouble. You cannot let yourself fall for her schemes. You were the one who warned me about her in the first place. Go back in time to those first minutes you met her in Nome. You know that she’s going to cause you nothing but trouble. If she plays on your emotions, it will only be to benefit herself and capture Chase Kincaid.’’

‘‘You think so lowly of me? A woman can’t fall in love and be kind to me because of that love?’’ Jacob sounded genuinely hurt.

Leah shook her head. ‘‘You know that’s not what I think. You are a wonderful man with a big heart and a loving nature. I don’t want to see you used for any reason, but especially not for her games. Helaina Beecham is another story. She’s manipulative and self-centered. She’s here for just one reason, and I don’t trust her.’’

‘‘But you don’t have to. This is really up to me.’’

‘‘Look,’’ Leah gazed back over her shoulder as Helaina began to cough. ‘‘She’s sick. Let’s leave her at the next village. Someone there can help her. They can treat the sickness, and when spring comes, they can get her out on the mail ship.’’