Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (40 page)

Put my hand in my pocket, grabbed my backup plan. “Candy?”

Nitin sneered. “Those are defused.”

“Yeah, I figured when I didn’t blow up. But thanks for confirming they were Plastiques—and yours.” I showed them to Crissell. “Took these off Nitin when I discovered his tattoo. I think you’ll find they match up to the same explosives that blew up the Crazy Bear and the bathhouse. Possibly the spaceport as well.”

Crissell barked some orders. The officers around Nitin grabbed him. He fought, pretty well, but they were all Herion-born and really he didn’t have a chance. One of them confiscated the Plastiques. He tried to take the card, but I declined. Figured Tanner would want it back.

“Outland, what happened to our two officers, Captain Almondinger and Major Lionside?” Crissell didn’t sound like he was asking out of concern or curiosity. He sounded like he was asking a leading question.

I took a longer look at him. “Captain Percy Almondinger died in service to Herion Military. He’d identified Nitin’s plan and tried to stop him single-handedly. We got to him just in time, but sadly lost him in the sewer pipe. Not the way he wanted to go, but he died a hero, so the rest of us could survive and save the galaxy from this scourge.”

Crissell nodded solemnly. “I’ll ensure he receives a hero’s plaque, Outland. And Major Lionside?”

“Major Lionside also discovered Nitin’s plan and worked to thwart it. Due to circumstances, he was forced to flee the planet in order to effect the capture of the miscreants.” I missed the Governor at times like this—I was running out of official pompous wording. I also wasn’t sure what Lionside actually wanted me to say. “So, to be clear, your cousin isn’t a traitor in any way, shape or form.”

“Why do you assume he’s my cousin?” Crissell was trying to keep a straight face.

“I recognize the sense of humor.”

“Geoffrey, stop being coy.” Lionside said over the com, sounding
amused but annoyed.

Crissell grinned. “Just wanted to hear his story. I’m shocked it matches yours, Bryant.”

“I told you, he’s a spy for the Royal Family. They identified the threat and sent in a team to help us.”

“A team of pirates,” Crissell said with a laugh.

“You set a thief to catch a thief, Geoffrey.” Lionside sighed. “Standard procedure does dictate that Captain Outland be detained for questioning.”

“True.” Crissell didn’t bark orders, but I was being eyed by whatever military weren’t dealing with Nitin.

Charmaine leaned closer. “Now what?” she asked under her breath.

“Good behavior should get you out in about ten years.”

“No, seriously. How are we all getting out of this?” Was she kidding?

I looked at her. Nope, she really was serious. “Um, Charmaine?”

“Yes?”

“There is no ‘we’ that is ‘us’. There is you and your family of wannabes, and there is me and my stellar crew of space pirates. The two don’t really mix.”

She gaped at me. “This is your plan? You’re double-crossing me?”

“I’d have had to have been on your side to begin with to be double-crossing you.”

She lunged at me. However, I’d already seen Nitin do it and was prepared. I grabbed her wrists before she could get me. “You’re a worse weasel than my brother!”

“I prefer to think of myself as a sly alley cat who manages to land on his feet. You’re a cute girl, doll, but I’m more interested in a girl who isn’t all hung up on her family genealogy. You’re a little too ‘the blood of my forefathers’ for me.”

“I’ll get out and hunt you down and kill you. We all will.”

“See, that’s the thing, babe. Some can get out of Herion HQ without issue. And some can’t. I’m just betting you and your massive clan are going to fall into the can’t column. But, you know, if
you do get out before we’re ancient old people, feel free to come after me. It’ll keep things interesting.”

“Catch me if you can sort of thing?” Nitin snarled.

“More like try to catch me if you can and then look all stunned when I blow your head off sort of thing, Nitin.”

“You’re being taken in for questioning, too,” Charmaine said.

“Was that part of your plan?”

“Nope.” On cue the ship rocked and alarms went off. “This is.”

“E
xplosion in the docking bay!” This wasn’t Crissell shouting, but someone else, presumably someone closer to the action. “All personnel, immediate evacuation!”

I shoved Charmaine at the nearest Herion goons, who grabbed her and were thusly occupied.

I’d already judged the drop as a long one, but I’d jumped worse before. You don’t sleep with half the women in the galaxy and not learn how to safely jump out of a high window, after all. And I had all my clothes on, which made it easier.

Leaped the railing and did a rolling dive. Happily, several Herion military were kind enough to break my fall. Rolled off them and ran for the escape pods. Dodged the laser fire—there was too much chaos to have to worry too much about being hit.

Fired the escape pods, all but one. It took a little time, but not too much. I’d kept one of the Plastiques with me. As some of the goons advanced on me I tossed it up. “Plastique in the hold!”

Everyone froze.

I stepped into the last escape pod and gave everyone a salute. “To all of the fine military personnel of the fine planet of Herion, and to the entire cast of the De Chance Family Players, let me say just
one thing. Goodbye and good luck.”

Slammed the door of the pod as the laser fire came towards me. The pod blasted free. I breathed a sigh of relief. There had always been the possibility that the gods of irony would have ensured that it malfunctioned.

As I sailed away, I watched the
Endeavor
. The Governor had set up the damage well. I took it as a given that he’d rigged the two French Tickler ships to blow. But it appeared he’d also set up some other explosions in the lower levels. The old coot could move when he had to. I knew he’d used the matter-shifter to escape before the explosions went off—the Governor truly planned to live forever.

Counted escape ships. No fighters made it, which was good. I didn’t want any of them coming after me, since escape pods weren’t set up for much, and evasive maneuvers were well beyond their capacity. If I’d marked them correctly coming in, the last evacuation ship left the
Endeavor
just before she broke apart. The Governor had really done his job well. Had to admit he probably hadn’t lied about his ability to infiltrate the original Lucky Pierre’s operation—the old man was, point of fact, the gold standard. I just never planned to tell him that.

Noted something mildly disturbing. My escape pod wasn’t heading towards Trennile 7. It made sense—we’d been much closer to Trennile Main when we’d been “captured.” Hadn’t given it any thought until now. But if the atmosphere around Trennile Main was rigged unless you were allowed in, the chances of them allowing me in were slim to none. If they weren’t monitoring, I was an unknown piece of space debris, and if they were monitoring, well, the chances of one or all of them in Trennile Mission Control being de Chance relatives or sympathizers were astronomical.

Found myself wishing I’d kept the matter-shifter. Or agreed to a comlink. Or had taken a fighter instead of an escape pod. Not only did I not want to die, but I didn’t want to die this way, and I really didn’t want to die before ever doing the space mambo with Slinkie. Sure, after, maybe I could die a happy man. But not before.

The air shimmered and I was no longer alone in the escape pod. “Nap, you’re a worse birdbrain than I thought. Hold onto me.”

“Never a problem. Great to see you, Slink. What kept you?”

She rolled her eyes, put the matter-shifter against her forehead and we moved. Far less nauseating to shift while holding Slinkie. Perhaps she did it better. Or having her breasts shoved up against me created enough distraction. Certainly was more distracting than holding the Governor had been.

Exited in the cockpit of the
Sixty-Nine
. Audrey was in the copilot’s seat, and I could hear the others on the com, discussing things like what we were having for dinner and should we try to fill the order for magma or not. Nice to see my crew focused on the mundane when their leader was at risk of instant death.

Noticed something else. We were spaceborne. “Um, aren’t we sort of out of hiding? As in, able to be followed out of hiding?”

“No, Captain,” Audrey said cheerfully, presumably because she wanted to. “The Governor downloaded the schematics and programs from the pirate armada. Hulky and I spent some of the time waiting for you to enact your plan upgrading our systems. We now have the same cloaking technology as the de Chance armada did.”

“But anyone with an Ultrasight can see us.”

“Actually, the Hulkinator model had a jamming capability. Faulty and inconsistent, but that was when it was being powered by a lesser power source.” The Governor wandered in. “However, since it’s now running on the
Sixty-Nine
’s power, it can perform at the levels originally conceived and designed.”

“You never told me your lifelong ambition was to be an autofloater designer or marry a tank. Talk to Randolph, I think he can fix you up.”

He gave me a dirty look. “You might want to let go of Miss Slinkie and start flying, Alexander.”

“And then again I might not.”

“Nap, just get us the egg out of here.” Slinkie gave me the hairy eyeball. “Just what were you doing with an Aviatus secret service card?”

“Borrowed it from a friend.”

“Can I have it back?” Tanner asked as he shoved into the cockpit.

Decided I’d better sit. Pulled Slinkie into my lap. Then gave Tanner his card back. “Thanks, that came in very handy.”

“You’re good at thinking on your feet. I figured you’d find a use for it, somewhere along the way.” He grinned at me. “One of the many reasons I like working with you.”

“You sticking around?” Tried not to sound like I wanted him to say yes.

“No one else can cook, and my target’s here. Have to stick around and guard Princess Seraphime. So, yeah, I think I’ll stay on. If you want.” He was clearly trying not to sound like he desperately wanted me to say yes.

“Like to have my friends with me, Tanner, so, yeah.”

The kid looked about ready to cry, but he pulled it together.

“Thanks, Nap.”

“You two are nauseating,” Slinkie muttered. But neither one of us got a glare.

“What about me, Outland?” Lionside had joined us. Waited for Randolph to appear so that everyone would be crammed into the smallest space in the entire ship that didn’t have a showerhead installed.

“Up to you, Lionside.” Hated to admit it, but it was true. If he wanted to stay, I was happy to keep him around. Wondered what was wrong with me. Assumed it was the glow of still being alive. “By the way, thanks for assisting with your cousin. At least, I assume you were talking to him on a private channel.”

He laughed. “Of course. He’ll turn in my resignation papers for me. After all of this, I’m not sure I could go back to Herion Military and not want to knock a lot of heads together. Nitin never should have been allowed to get where he did.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to go back and ensure it doesn’t happen again? Blood of kings and all.”

“Same blood’s in Geoffrey. If things are dire, he’ll find a way to reach me. Besides, you need someone who knows the military
channels, Outland. Saying you’re a spy doesn’t work all the time.”

“Usually I just blow the place up and run, but the Governor’s slipping in his dotage.”

“I’ll show you slipping,” the Governor muttered.

“I’ve seen you slip, Governor. Not a pretty sight.”

“Nap, where do you want us to head?” Yep, Randolph had joined us. I wondered if the crowding bothered Audrey or if she’d already put the acceptance of it into her programming.

“Much as I hate to say it, we have to go to Aviatus.”

Slinkie stiffened in my lap. “I am not going home!”

“Yes, you are, Miss Slinkie. Not to stay. But we need to confirm that your family is alive and well, stop Peter Chance, and ensure the robotic ‘you’ is defused.” The Governor looked at me. “I found no trace of the robotic on the
Endeavor
.”

“I scanned all ships, Captain,” Audrey added. “No robotic signatures other than ship’s computers. Hulky confirmed.” She was sounding very warm and fuzzy when talking about Hulky.

I checked Randolph’s expression. He was glowering. Well, it could have been worse—Audrey could have formed a crush on Tanner or Lionside or, all gods forbid, the Governor. Put Hulky and Randolph together and maybe you had Audrey’s perfect man. I ripped my mind away from this train of thought—Audrey or Randolph actually managing to effect this combination was too close to the realm of possibility for comfort.

“But,” I said before Slinkie could start arguing, “we’re not going to Aviatus right now. Right now we’re going to go get some much needed and well earned rest and relaxation.”

“Where’re we going?” Tanner asked. “We shouldn’t wait too long to go to Aviatus. I want to advise the king that Slinkie’s alive and well, but I think we need to confirm all’s well there first, and soon.”

“We have a legitimate order of magma to fill, too,” the Governor said. “Just because young Tanner initiated the order, that doesn’t mean we can go back on the Butcher. Besides, we’ll be paid by the Ipsita company, and may I remind you we can use the money?”

“Herion Military will be coming after us,” Lionside added. “The sooner we can get the agreement from Aviatus that you were working in their interests the better. I can only hold Geoffrey off so long.”

“And we need to recharge the ship,” Randolph said. “Adding on all the new upgrades used a lot of power and most of my parts and supplies.”

“Where do you want us to set course for, Captain?” Audrey asked. At least she was still listening to me.